Is it possible to stop being attracted to people?

[jsot]

For me, being attracted to the opposite sex causes more harm than good, as it is just one more thing that I can't obtain (and not from a lack of will-power, but from overly strict parents.) It's not a pleasant experience to see girls that I like everyday but at the same time being unable to even date them. My parents won't budge on this so the only way to improve my situation is to stop liking girls all together. Is it possible to just turn the attraction off or is it something I'll have to live with? Thanks.

[Sanity Panda]

I wouldn't think so.
But enough delusional self talking might do the trick or just general acceptance.

[PianoManGidley]

Originally Posted by jsot

For me, being attracted to the opposite sex causes more harm than good, as it is just one more thing that I can't obtain (and not from a lack of will-power, but from overly strict parents.) It's not a pleasant experience to see girls that I like everyday but at the same time being unable to even date them. My parents won't budge on this so the only way to improve my situation is to stop liking girls all together. Is it possible to just turn the attraction off or is it something I'll have to live with? Thanks.

If you're at least 13 years old, IMO, you should be allowed to start dating. Your parents are paranoid douches if they won't let you.

[Spartan]

Yes it's possible, there are drugs available that can lower your sex-drive, then if they don't work there's alway castration.

How old are you anyway? If you're 18 then it's none of your parents business what you do. If you're under 18 then you should be concentrating on school work - naughty boy.

[jsot]

Originally Posted by Spartan

If you're under 18 then you should be concentrating on school work - naughty boy.

Which is why I want to stop liking girls, it serves no purpose and is just plain distracting.

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by jsot

For me, being attracted to the opposite sex causes more harm than good, as it is just one more thing that I can't obtain (and not from a lack of will-power, but from overly strict parents.) It's not a pleasant experience to see girls that I like everyday but at the same time being unable to even date them. My parents won't budge on this so the only way to improve my situation is to stop liking girls all together. Is it possible to just turn the attraction off or is it something I'll have to live with? Thanks.

You don't need to "go out" to date a girl.

Find some way to date her that does not rely on involving a third party.

Talk to her at lunch. It only takes a few seconds to spark attraction, and a few minutes to act on it.

Your parents do not control you even if they think they do.

Turning attraction off is not healthy. Just find a way to channel it differently.

If you're staring at a brick wall, turn your head.

[Omkazn]

Hi Jost,

I read your post and i felt i needed to say something.

Your post states you want to stop being attracted to girls.

I have two questions, one are you a man? two are you heterosexual? if both answers are yeses, then wishing to stop being attracted to girls is an impossible goal and you should give up.

Based on the previous two assumptions, your problem i am guessing is not that your parents stops you or that you don't like girls, but your own self-beliefs about women and your parental control thats making you wish you could stop liking girls.

There is no reason you "can't" date girls. No one stops you, feelings and fears stops you. Thats all there is to it.

You need to examine what your afraid of, therein lies your problem and your solution

[PianoManGidley]

Originally Posted by Omkazn

I have two questions, one are you a man? two are you heterosexual? if both answers are yeses, then wishing to stop being attracted to girls is an impossible goal and you should give up.

Do you mean to imply that it's impossible to quit being heterosexual but not impossible to quit being homosexual, bisexual, or asexual?

[Dave Kaminski]

Originally Posted by PianoManGidley

Do you mean to imply that it's impossible to quit being heterosexual but not impossible to quit being homosexual, bisexual, or asexual?

Just to temporarily clear the matter - I don't think that's what he's saying, no. I cannot speak for him, but that's kind of thread jacking...

Let's focus on jsot's question.

I don't think you've given us enough information, jsot, to accurately diagnose the situation. You're the only one with complete knowledge of the situation, so it's best to take these suggestions with a grain of salt.

Try to reflect on all the options individually for some time! It's clearly important to you if you're asking us for help.

[Omkazn]

Yes dave is absolutely correct,

Nothing in his post indicated to me he was questioning his sexual orientation but rather that he wanted to not be attracted to women as a means to having less distractions in life.

But he also stated that it isn't that he isn't attracted to women, but it is because "from overly strict parents". he is not able go out with the girls he likes, because his "parents won't budge" on not letting him date. Though this part is not entirely clear and would help if Jsot could elaborate clearly on it.

YL

[Ree]

It would help if we know your age. Imho younger teens should be allowed to socialize in groups, such as the pizza parlor, the arcade, a skating rink, movies, etc. Does your school hold dances regularly? That's where I first began to talk to the opposite sex, eventually moving on to holding hands and a quick kiss

Being in groups takes the pressure off and allows young and inexperienced teens to gain a little experience and self-confidence before being thrust into the one-on-one dating situation. If you're in that category, a very young teen, you might try to negotiate with your parents on the group socializing aspect.

If all else fails, don't worry! This will pass and soon enough you'll be able to date. Don't give up being attracted to girls yet. Work that energy off in other ways, like weight lifting or working out. That will come in handy when you do start dating

[jsot]

Originally Posted by Omkazn

Though this part is not entirely clear and would help if Jsot could elaborate clearly on it.

The bottom line is that my parents will not allow me to date until I'm 16. I suppose that since I am already 15 this isn't so bad, but I've already had to watch everyone around me dating each other since I was 11 and by now it's starting to get unbearable. Unfortunately the town I live in has no quality public transportation and almost no sidewalks so when it comes to getting anywhere I'm dependent on my parents. Furthermore, I'm afraid that when I actually am 16 my pickings as far as girls go will be slim because by now almost everyone my age has some dating experience while I have none. Even if that doesn't actually mean anything people may still look down on me for that. So I figure that the Buddhist approach applies here.
And to whoever mentioned it, I am definitely straight.

[Brutha]

Even if that doesn't actually mean anything people may still look down on me for that.

Do you look down on yourself for it?

[eblight]

In the year or months before you turn sixteen get to be friends with a wide variety of girls at your school so that you can learn to be at ease with them without the pressure to be dating them. See how fortunate you are that you can choose your thoughts. You could see yourself as taking your time and waiting rather than being restricted. When you can date you could also see yourself as being discerning for waiting that length of time rather than "being looked down on." Do activities that you enjoy that channel your creative energy. You'll be a much more interesting person to girls if you have a full life and lots of interests. Use this time in building a strong foundation to be a desirable and attractive date.

[jsot]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Do you look down on yourself for it?

Sometimes, but I try not to let it bother me.

[Dave Kaminski]

Originally Posted by jsot

The bottom line is that my parents will not allow me to date until I'm 16. I suppose that since I am already 15 this isn't so bad, but I've already had to watch everyone around me dating each other since I was 11 and by now it's starting to get unbearable. Unfortunately the town I live in has no quality public transportation and almost no sidewalks so when it comes to getting anywhere I'm dependent on my parents. Furthermore, I'm afraid that when I actually am 16 my pickings as far as girls go will be slim because by now almost everyone my age has some dating experience while I have none. Even if that doesn't actually mean anything people may still look down on me for that. So I figure that the Buddhist approach applies here.
And to whoever mentioned it, I am definitely straight.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, man, so long as you don't exemplify it. As someone who was in your position four years ago, (I couldn't date until then, either, and am 20 now) people at your age are so preoccupied with themselves that they will not notice your inability to date so long as you don't express it yourself by bitching about it or stating it as the reason you turn a girl down.

This could easily be used to your advantage. Imagine the exclusivity the girls would see in you since you hadn't dated any other girls. Make it look like you're the picky one, and exude confidence so that when you hit sixteen and the parents allow it, and you declare to the market that you're open for dating, the girls will be all over ya!

Honestly... most people around you at your age are clueless. You're clearly smart if you're looking for advice, because it means you realize you don't have all the right answers. Keep searching, you're DEFINITELY on the right track bud!

[Omkazn]

I think I may know why this stresses you out and has caused these feelings in you.

I am going to assume that your parents told you your not allowed date until your sixteen and then gave you an explanation that did not satisfy you. To you, their explanation was either too weak, unjustified or seemingly like an excuse to exercise their authority over you. I bet when they told you this, your expression and thoughts were probably along the lines of, "what, are you kidding? Are you seriously not letting me date for reason X?" But, because of your dependence on your mom and dad for everything, its hard to fight and win.

To you, you've been probably attracted to girls for a long time and you simply want to act on it like your fellow peers, but because of these rules levied on you by your parents, you might feel as though something is wrong with you, and that you of all your peers need special restrictions.

I know this feeling because I've also had rules levied on me that didn't make sense, while my peers around me did things with impunity and i always asked my parents if i could, and everytime they'd say no and i asked for an explanation, it would sound like a cheap answer, a cop out if you will. I'd always feel as if I wasn't smart enough or good enough to handle the real truth, which as i've come to find out this day, is my parent's own fears and insecurities.

I have a feeling you are very much in the same boat.

If i am wrong in any of these assumptions please point them out to me, as i am simply going by instinct and intuition here.

[Fullcrum]

Just socialize with all the girls in your school.

Please don't stop being attracted to girls. Trying to stop being attracted...haha, that's funny. Engage your desires, it's only 1 more year. Just socialize with them in school, then when 16 rolls around, just start dating. It's easy. You won't be left behind your friends, that's a ludicris assumption. Just keep socializing in school and be a fun and uplifting person to be around. I'm 16, by the way, and no, you won't be behind your friends.

[Dima]

I think that much of life is about resisting the urge to act on instinct.
Things like jealousy, revenge, envy, greed and fear are very much a part of the human condition.

Attraction however.. well that's a great thing. As long as you're respectful and get to know these girls on a personal level, you really cant go wrong.

It's good that you respect your parents enough to do this. But personally, I suggest you go read Steve's latest article how to be a man and really decide what it is you want for YOURSELF.

You're smart enough to be on these forums, So you're obviously smart enough to do fine in school and have a girlfriend at the same time.

Cheers,
Dima