my sister is not going to graduate highschool and its driving me insane/depressed..

[lightthecandle]

I'm sorry for the countless threads on my behalf.

but I just need help. I've wasted the past 2 weeks when I should be studying for my finals that are coming up. I just can't get over the fact that she might not graduate . i just want to punch her in the face and make things better. Its making me depressed beyond belief

[Angela]

It's her business. What are you doing over there in her business? Why are you depressed about her life? It's her life. Love does not exist where there is no freedom. And it certainly doesn't exist where there is a desire for face punching.

Go study, and stop distracting yourself with other people's stuff.

[sheffy4]

I agree with Angela.
Plus, even if your sister does not graduate, it is not the end of the world.
Put things in perspective. What if she got into a serious car accident and was in the hospital? I doubt you would still be mad at her for something like school. The thing with school is, you can always come back to it. ALWAYS. So even if she doesn't graduate now, she can always get her diploma later.
And I am seriously concerned that you keep repeating your desire to punch her in the face. How are these thoughts helping you, or helping her? I can practically see you twitching with anger. I know what it is like to be that angry, because I have been there a lot. However, I also know that it is not helpful for anybody, so when I find myself getting that angry, I make an effort to diffuse it and let it go. It doesn't always leave right away, but even letting a little bit go at a time helps a lot.

[7 Secrets of Manifesting]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I just want to punch her in the face and make things better. Its making me depressed beyond belief

First of all, you have to understand that you ARE NOT responsible for HER actions.

Second, don't let it depress you. There's a saying, "Don't carry the world on your shoulders." Its good advice, follow it.

Third, if it really bothers you that much. Tell your sister you care. Then tell her that SHE is responsible for HER actions. And if she doesn't graduate, then its her fault.

[lightthecandle]

the thing is though i feel like I messed HER up. I was never the supportive sister, or the cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. Rather I was demeaning towards her, direct the world's anger on her, and call her a whole slew of bad words..I feel like this has affected her,and that is the reason for her downfall...because of me..because I was never there for her...because I wasn't someone she would be able to look up to, trust, or seek advice from.

[garentee]

I can see how this would make you feel like that. My $.02... You do the best you can with what you have at your disposal when you are growing up. Your sister is responsible for her actions and reactions much the same way we all are. This does not make it any easier to watch or be a part of. to be cliche if I might.. you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink it. You can try to help your sister out of love but ultimately it is up to her to get her act in gear. I wish you good luck in this. keep us posted.G

[This2ShallPass]

I wen through almost the same thing with my younger sister over the past few years. The only thing that was diferent was that I was the supportive, cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. That made me feel even worse because I felt like I had somehow failed as an older sibling. However, just this January I was able to convince her to get her GED instead of finishing school and she was able to do so at 16 years old. She's now working and doing fine and she is now finished with school two years ahead of her peers. She feels confidant and happy with her life and has stopped acting out, staying out late, running away, etc. That may be an option of your sister as well!

[Brutha]

Be someone your sister can look up to and put all your energies into your finals.

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I've wasted the past 2 weeks when I should be studying for my finals that are coming up. I just can't get over the fact that she might not graduate .

Why are you making this your problem? It's not your problem; it's hers.

If she doesn't graduate, it's not the end of the world. She can go to summer school, or if she's not yet willing to do that she can always take a GED course later. Lots of people have gone down the same path she's on, and many of them manage to get their act together once they've had time to grow up a little.

i just want to punch her in the face and make things better.

Oh, right--like that's going to make anything better. And I know you don't mean it literally, but that you're putting this level of anger and negativity into the situation isn't going to help either of you.

Its making me depressed beyond belief

No, it's not.

That's not to say I don't believe you are depressed--obviously you are, and obviously you're in a lot of pain. I'm not a shrink, but given your persistently negative, self-defeating, drama-laden posts I have little doubt you are suffering from clinical depression.

If you're seeing a therapist for it, you really need to bring this stuff up with them. If you're not getting professional help, by all means get it. But blaming your sister's actions for your depression doesn't cut it.

I was never the supportive sister, or the cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. Rather I was demeaning towards her, direct the world's anger on her, and call her a whole slew of bad words..

And yet here you are, blaming her for driving you "insane" and making you depressed. How is that not demeaning toward her?

Okay, maybe you weren't as good a sister as you could have been before--I understand; I was angry when I was young, and thus was pretty crappy to my own younger sister. But you can decide to start being a better sister now. You can decide to be supportive now--and that doesn't mean being a doormat, or approvng of everything she does; it just means loving her and being there to help when she's finally ready to make a change.

Stop wallowing in guilt over what you didn't do, and start thinking about what you can do to change the situation as it exists right now. If it's really bad, it's not going to be fixed overnight; you may go for a long time before seeing a change. But instead of focusing on everything that's so horrible in her life, and how she's making your life so horrible, start looking for what you love about her and act from that. Stop blaming her behavior for your feelings. Stop blaming yourself for her behavior--she's made her own choices.

[TAS]

I kind of have the same situation with my little bro...
he is entering his final year of high school in the fall, but is still taking some grade 10 classes.
He and I both know that he does tend to slack off a bit with school by not attending class or doing his school work. he's even told me that he doesn't like school...I dont blame him high school is dreadful! lol

but yeah I always joke with him that people who don't graduate high school are not cool!!
He has told me he does plan on graduating high school, and i am happy that he has that plan to

[Lazarus]

my sis been through the same thing, but she got pregnant so, i don't know what to say which situation is worse but trust me, you can't control her life and concentrate on your own.

when all your tests are done and over, don't toss her aside, rather say how you feel but let her know that she is still your sister and if there's anything, you are willing to help (imo)

but ESPECIALLY, don't see her as a failure. a failure is someone who's given up on life and will not do anything to change it. (once again imo)

[Remiel]

I haven't read all the posts other than the original one so I appologize if this has already been said. Why is your self worth tied up in what she does or doesn't do? Why does it affect YOU when SHE doesn't graduate? I understand there is a time aspect to it yet that time cannot be retrieved. So make the best of the situation and realize that you cannot change your sister. She will have to do that herself. Make the best of your remaining time and don't beat yourself up.

[Kaspian]

I didn't graduate from high school, and I turned out ok! In fact, not only did I get into college easily (took the GED and did well on the ACT), I got academic and music scholarships.

I have five brothers and a sister. So far, only three of them have graduated from high school. The three that haven't are doing just as well financially and educationally as those that did. Graduating from high school matters way less than society would lead you to believe.

[votoshka]

You can't beat yourself up about not being a good older sister. Really, I doubt I was a great older sister... I probably led my younger sister astray quite a lot!

But, you know, the choices she makes are HERS alone... and you can't influence that at all really!

The fact is there are heaps of parents whose kids have gone off the rails and who wonder what they've done wrong! As parents they really did have the responsibility to raise their kids right, and most of them did the best they could, but still their kids went their own way. And you, as a sister, can't take on the role of a parent!

The fact is, there is only so much you can influence a person's decisions.

Also, I think there are heaps of kids who do go off the rails a bit when they're young, but give them a couple of years and they're right back on track. Usually it's because they've figured out the lessons they need to learn for themselves. Hard as it may be to accept, most people need to learn their own lessons in life, even though those with prior experience in similar situations would like to believe that they can lead people away from the poor decisions they made themselves, they can't do it.

Well, I think I rambled on a bit there so hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say

[veranadine]

Lightthecandle,

First of all, punching her in the face may make you feel better for a moment or two, but all it would do is perpetuate the behavior toward her that you claim to feel bad about, it does nothing to help her situation.

Second of all, it is really and truly not about the piece of paper (ie. diploma) at all. It is about your need to be in control and her own personal issues that have altered the course of her path.

Strength of personality plus willingness to grow and learn from our life experiences is what makes success in this world.

I grew up with an alcoholic parent and I dropped out of high school in my senior year, even though I had all A & B's and a near perfect score on my SATs.

I now have a Bachelors and a Masters degree from two major universities, I have traveled the world, own my own business, am a published writer and now live in Europe.

My degrees have nothing to do with my work and to this day I consider college a fun waste of time and money, and I consider myself to be a very happy and successful person today.

Ease up, apologize for not being there for her and try to be supportive from now on, you never know where her path can take her.

Blessings,

[ilovetoday]

I have had a very similar problem recently but i have also been in your little sisters position in a way as well. I know she might be young, and I agree that everyone should attempt to graduate, but it is not for everyone. There are many highly successful people that never made it into senior high. The main thing in life is that she is taking a step towards who she wants to be, and not who someone else wants her to be.

[Lillias]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I'm sorry for the countless threads on my behalf.

but I just need help. I've wasted the past 2 weeks when I should be studying for my finals that are coming up. I just can't get over the fact that she might not graduate . i just want to punch her in the face and make things better. Its making me depressed beyond belief

I hope you don't want to punch ME in the face! I didn't graduate either. I got my GED . I entered the workforce like everyone else. Now I am planning a way to start my own business. High school is not the most important thing in the world.
Anyways, I have a brother and a sister. Both of them are substance abusers. I care about them both and I don't want to see them destroy themselves. However I do know that there is nothing I can do about their problems. They must work on that themselves. The only thing that I can control is what I do in my life. You would do good to focus on your own issues. You may care about your sister but you must allow her to make her own mistakes.