my sister is not going to graduate highschool and its driving me insane/depressed..

[lightthecandle]

I'm sorry for the countless threads on my behalf.

but I just need help. I've wasted the past 2 weeks when I should be studying for my finals that are coming up. I just can't get over the fact that she might not graduate . i just want to punch her in the face and make things better. Its making me depressed beyond belief

[Angela]

It's her business. What are you doing over there in her business? Why are you depressed about her life? It's her life. Love does not exist where there is no freedom. And it certainly doesn't exist where there is a desire for face punching.

Go study, and stop distracting yourself with other people's stuff.

[sheffy4]

I agree with Angela.
Plus, even if your sister does not graduate, it is not the end of the world.
Put things in perspective. What if she got into a serious car accident and was in the hospital? I doubt you would still be mad at her for something like school. The thing with school is, you can always come back to it. ALWAYS. So even if she doesn't graduate now, she can always get her diploma later.
And I am seriously concerned that you keep repeating your desire to punch her in the face. How are these thoughts helping you, or helping her? I can practically see you twitching with anger. I know what it is like to be that angry, because I have been there a lot. However, I also know that it is not helpful for anybody, so when I find myself getting that angry, I make an effort to diffuse it and let it go. It doesn't always leave right away, but even letting a little bit go at a time helps a lot.

[7 Secrets of Manifesting]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I just want to punch her in the face and make things better. Its making me depressed beyond belief

First of all, you have to understand that you ARE NOT responsible for HER actions.

Second, don't let it depress you. There's a saying, "Don't carry the world on your shoulders." Its good advice, follow it.

Third, if it really bothers you that much. Tell your sister you care. Then tell her that SHE is responsible for HER actions. And if she doesn't graduate, then its her fault.

[lightthecandle]

the thing is though i feel like I messed HER up. I was never the supportive sister, or the cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. Rather I was demeaning towards her, direct the world's anger on her, and call her a whole slew of bad words..I feel like this has affected her,and that is the reason for her downfall...because of me..because I was never there for her...because I wasn't someone she would be able to look up to, trust, or seek advice from.

[garentee]

I can see how this would make you feel like that. My $.02... You do the best you can with what you have at your disposal when you are growing up. Your sister is responsible for her actions and reactions much the same way we all are. This does not make it any easier to watch or be a part of. to be cliche if I might.. you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink it. You can try to help your sister out of love but ultimately it is up to her to get her act in gear. I wish you good luck in this. keep us posted.G

[This2ShallPass]

I wen through almost the same thing with my younger sister over the past few years. The only thing that was diferent was that I was the supportive, cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. That made me feel even worse because I felt like I had somehow failed as an older sibling. However, just this January I was able to convince her to get her GED instead of finishing school and she was able to do so at 16 years old. She's now working and doing fine and she is now finished with school two years ahead of her peers. She feels confidant and happy with her life and has stopped acting out, staying out late, running away, etc. That may be an option of your sister as well!

[Brutha]

Be someone your sister can look up to and put all your energies into your finals.

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I've wasted the past 2 weeks when I should be studying for my finals that are coming up. I just can't get over the fact that she might not graduate .

Why are you making this your problem? It's not your problem; it's hers.

If she doesn't graduate, it's not the end of the world. She can go to summer school, or if she's not yet willing to do that she can always take a GED course later. Lots of people have gone down the same path she's on, and many of them manage to get their act together once they've had time to grow up a little.

i just want to punch her in the face and make things better.

Oh, right--like that's going to make anything better. And I know you don't mean it literally, but that you're putting this level of anger and negativity into the situation isn't going to help either of you.

Its making me depressed beyond belief

No, it's not.

That's not to say I don't believe you are depressed--obviously you are, and obviously you're in a lot of pain. I'm not a shrink, but given your persistently negative, self-defeating, drama-laden posts I have little doubt you are suffering from clinical depression.

If you're seeing a therapist for it, you really need to bring this stuff up with them. If you're not getting professional help, by all means get it. But blaming your sister's actions for your depression doesn't cut it.

I was never the supportive sister, or the cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. Rather I was demeaning towards her, direct the world's anger on her, and call her a whole slew of bad words..

And yet here you are, blaming her for driving you "insane" and making you depressed. How is that not demeaning toward her?

Okay, maybe you weren't as good a sister as you could have been before--I understand; I was angry when I was young, and thus was pretty crappy to my own younger sister. But you can decide to start being a better sister now. You can decide to be supportive now--and that doesn't mean being a doormat, or approvng of everything she does; it just means loving her and being there to help when she's finally ready to make a change.

Stop wallowing in guilt over what you didn't do, and start thinking about what you can do to change the situation as it exists right now. If it's really bad, it's not going to be fixed overnight; you may go for a long time before seeing a change. But instead of focusing on everything that's so horrible in her life, and how she's making your life so horrible, start looking for what you love about her and act from that. Stop blaming her behavior for your feelings. Stop blaming yourself for her behavior--she's made her own choices.