I don't have any friends...

[lightthecandle]

I feel like its too late to make a close knit of friends.
I envy others who have such a big, close group of friends. why can't i have that. sorry for whining

[m18pak]

I don't have any friends either.

[Angela]

You both have us.

[m18pak]

Lol, that's sweet, Angela.

I've never been too worried about my lack of a social circle. I just can't relate to the people that I meet because I have nothing in common with them.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by m18pak

I just can't relate to the people that I meet because I have nothing in common with them.

Is that really true? that you can't relate, and you have nothing in common?

[m18pak]

I guess I'm too preoccupied with myself and my own problems to take an interest in others.

The thing is that I'm well satisfied with my current level of social interaction. I go to work and I get along well with my coworkers. I live with others and I get along fine with them. It's enough for me, I guess. When I was a kid plenty of people actively disliked me and the rest were indifferent towards me, so I don't really care if I don't have any friends, so long as I don't have any enemies.

[Angela]

That's fine. But what about your inner truth of *can't* and *nothing in common"?

Lightthecandle: who says you have to have a big, close group of friends? Do you have one close friend?

[Rockchick26]

I have the same problem. Ever since i was in grade school,i have PRAYED for a big circle of friends. But all through grade school and high school,all i could manage was finding fake friends who picked on me,quit talking to me eventually,or who ended up stealing things from me,wrecking my car,and physically abusing me,sort of. After high school i had a male best friend who had literally like 20 good friends,and i felt like such a loser compared to that,but at least i got to hang out with all of his friends,but still none of them ever called me to hang out with me,i was just known as "Dan's friend". I guess some of us are just meant to only have a few friends in our lives. I sit around wishing i had a group of friends to hang out with but i'm lucky if i have one person call me to do something once a month. Like right now,it's Friday night,9:30,no one online to talk to cuz my online friends (who live in other states) are out doing things with their friends. Sure i could go out alone and try to make something happen but i've done that before and i come home feeling worse,like everyone is out there in their friend filled world and i'm not invited. Whoa i didnt mean to go on so long about this,i tend to ramble But i'm in the same boat.

[lightthecandle]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's fine. But what about your inner truth of *can't* and *nothing in common"?

Lightthecandle: who says you have to have a big, close group of friends? Do you have one close friend?

i do have a close friend but she's 1000 miles away...ineed someone closeby

[makessense]

Too late? What has Steve Pavlina been teaching you in his articles? It's NEVER too late. Stop making excuses for yourself, "I'm not social enough, I haven't made friends all my life ... " and start living a life you want. Get yourself to places you know you can relate. Do you like video games? Do you like sports? Then go to those places and make a few friends if you want to find people with commonalities. When you have NOTHING in common, that's when you can learn the most actually. Take these things as opportunities instead of hindrances. Those differences are where my friends usually come from. Of course, you have to have an open mind to stay friends with them. Better yet, at times, an accepting mind. Anyways, when you envy people all your life, you feel like you have nothing important to give, but... you do. Find out what you're good at and stick with it. Develop new hobbies. Anything to get the ball rolling. Don't let others bring you down because that'll only make you feel worse. Stop being selfish. Selfish in a sense of not showing who you really are because you're afraid. Selfish in a sense where you are comparing your life to another's... their lives are different from yours. Why would you want to live somebody else's life when you can make your own? Show your true self. You're good people, you know that, yes yes, but do others?

[Ak47]

Originally Posted by makessense

Too late? What has Steve Pavlina been teaching you in his articles? It's NEVER too late. Stop making excuses for yourself, "I'm not social enough, I haven't made friends all my life ... " and start living a life you want.

^^ i completely agree. I know a woman who was never college educated, but when she became older... went and got her PsyD (essentially a phd in psychology) because she always wanted one. After she recieved it i asked her, "what are you going to do now that you have your PsyD?"

Any idea what her reply was? She said, "absolutely nothing!" She wanted the degree, and that's all that mattered to her. It wasn't a means to any end except within itself! Very interesting indeed. I think the same kind of things can be said about friendship. If you want it, no matter at what age, etc... go out there and get it! I can be done, but you do have to try .

I don't personally have very many friends. I was very popular in high school, but through some life changing events and a move... my ties to old friends were cut. I suffered lonliness for about two years..., and i mean lonliness. No interaction but with my family, internet, and school/work! It changed my views a lot. I think it has made me less reliant on people now, and also i understand myself much, much better. I realized though, that the only problem i had with making friends was myself. I didn't have any severe flaws that prevented me from making friends except the fact that i constantly convinced myself that i could not do it.

So, the first step is realizing you can do it. Next is learning how to start up and maintain good conversations, which also is not so difficult. Once you overcome those two steps, it's simply a matter of finding friendly people who have similar interests to you!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i do have a close friend but she's 1000 miles away...ineed someone closeby

Having one close friend, even if she's miles away, is a grand treasure. I think you tend to focus on what you don't have to the point where you can't see what you do have, and if you've been reading these forums at all you know that you get more of what you focus on.

When you're bewailing your lack of friends, that would be a great time to think about how grateful you are for that friend you do have, and maybe even call her up and express your appreciation for having her in your life. Attracting the things you want, lightthecandle, has everything to do with noticing and appreciating and allowing.

For instance, when you post here, you seem to never notice that you've got this big circle of friends who are pulling for you. We may not be as "close" to you as you'd like, but can you see that what you express here has very little noticing, appreciating, and allowing? I think that is because you are caught up in your old pain, but really, everybody is in the same boat.

If you want to have what you want, BE it. Be the source of what you want, lightthecandle. Breathe life into life, don't suck it out.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i do have a close friend but she's 1000 miles away...ineed someone closeby

I know how hard that is,my 2 closest friends are both about 1000 miles away too,and one doesnt have a phone,and they both work opposite hours as me. So i can never talk to them,i just have to email them and wait for them to write back. That doesnt feel like friendship,when what you want is social interaction with people on a regular basis. I can feel very lonely even when talking to them online. Or anyone online. so i know what you mean,it is a completely different thing to have a real life friend as opposed to an online/phone friend.

[monicadennis]

Hi!

It is very bad idea!

We should make friends who help you in any way......

Thanks....

[Erebos]

Is it because you might lack some social skills to make strong friendships, or is it because you don't want to make good friends?

[windovervocalcords]

I'm interested to know what the opening poster wants? Do you intend to manifest some friends?

[Marth]

Add me YIM: edited

[esmas]

To be honest. Having 1 - 3 really REALLY strong relationships is a lot better then having 12 good friends. I have a lot of good friends. Only once and for a short peroid of time did i really share a strong friendship with a mate. Usually in big groups its all about whos the coolest, getting **** faced and scoring girls. Not that im complaining.

[z1freeride]

lightthecandle-

What needs will your friends fulfill? Your need for acceptance? Your need to be loved? Your need for approval?

These needs are hard to fulfill. Sometimes even having friends won't fulfill all of them. I think the source of the problem is the presence of these needs. They're hard to fulfill because only a 3rd party can do that. One is essentially placing their emotional well-being in the hands of another person by holding onto these needs.

I love this article and this one in regards to this issue.

[LMVector]

I completely understand. I moved last year from Scotland where I belonged to a big group of close friends, and in my new home on the other side of the continent (Spain) I haven't made any real friends at all. On top of that I've lost many of the ones I used to have in Scotland.

I came to the conclusion that I haven't made friends here because on some level I don't want to. If I were desperate to make friends, I know I would meet the right people and it would just happen.

So, I'm going to ask those of you who say they can't make friends, do you really want to make friends? What are the disadvantages of friends that could be stopping you subconsciously?

[Revolution]

Society tells you all these "shoulds" - like you should have a "social network/outlet" or you "should" have a girlfriend/boyfriend. What if that is not true? You know, one of my pet hates is the old "your so bogged down in all your selfish issues - you "need" to get out more or "bounce" your ideas off with others.

HAHAH. Oh, its just so pathetic. I once knew someone with all the friends in the world. She was the perfect picture of "normal". Allways on the phone/inviting friends over or watching some crap TV show - only because of its popularity of course. Yet she was one of the most ANNOYING, INSINCERE, BOSSY, SHORT-TEMPERED, BORING AND SHALLOW individuals I have EVER come across. How many people in the world are there like that? Alot I tell you. Too many! Any how insecure - God, she would have teared her hair out if left in solitary confinement for as much as 5 MINUTES!!! Ah, its quite funny isn't it?

On the other hand being lonely can have HUGE advantages.
Define yourself.
Always keep a watch for false information.
See not only the black and white but also the shades of grey in between.

The point is - it is wiser to go into any relationship with an eye not so much for getting but giving. You can only get someting buy acquiring it yourself.

[Ak47]

^^in reply to a glance at the above post...

humans are naturally a social being, it's how we survive. this is coming from someone who is more or less a hermit, though.

[LMVector]

In reply to Revolution..

I agree that being alone has it's advantages, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that having friends is enjoyable and can give your like a little more meaning. And I'm talking about proper meaningful relationships, not lets go out and drink or come round and lets watch a crappy show together, like you were suggesting with this girl. She probably just needed those relationships for attention, and thats not what we're talking about..right?

[sel206]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I feel like its too late to make a close knit of friends.
I envy others who have such a big, close group of friends. why can't i have that. sorry for whining

Aww come on! WHen you feel like this, that means you need to work on yourself. Develop some "social skills". We all have them naturally, but due to extrenal factors we lose them.

I was in the same position as you a few months ago, until i made a desicion i have to do something about this, and delete negative thoughts. First what i did, was went on amazon and bought a couple of books "How to talk to anyone" and others with high reviews. This helped me at least take 1 step.

Second i started to think positively and behaved as if i already had friends. (Come to think of it, i was using the law of attraction!)

Showing a positive vibration, makes people flok to you. Look at yourself for example. Do you get attracted to people who are negative all the time or positive? EVen if negative stuff has happened to you, by talking about it, your making yourself feel worse, so why not laugh about funny things.

Yes it will be a little uncomfortable to start with, but that shows your going in the right direction.

I havent got many friends but im anyone i do meet suddenly wants to meet me more often. But lately have been so busy with online business that i cannot even meet people.

I was going to say good luck, but you really dont need it. Just be positive, and take steps towards making friends ie:

- Maybe read a few books on communication/social skills
- Go join Clubs that interest you (some sports? or chess club?)
- Join a short course seminar (lot of friends potential since you can pick any course your interested in)

Hope this helps

Sel

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Revolution

\
HAHAH. Oh, its just so pathetic. I once knew someone with all the friends in the world. She was the perfect picture of "normal". Allways on the phone/inviting friends over or watching some crap TV show - only because of its popularity of course. Yet she was one of the most ANNOYING, INSINCERE, BOSSY, SHORT-TEMPERED, BORING AND SHALLOW individuals I have EVER come across. How many people in the world are there like that? Alot I tell you. Too many! Any how insecure - God, she would have teared her hair out if left in solitary confinement for as much as 5 MINUTES!!! Ah, its quite funny isn't it?

I find it odd that so many popular people are like this. If they say you have to be a good friend and a good person in order to attract friends,how can situations like with this girl even happen? The only reason i can come up with is that maybe her friends only like hanging out with her because she makes them feel like a better person compared to her? Beats me. I wouldn't stay friends with someone like her no matter how desperate i got!

[windovervocalcords]

Your opening post reflects a number of things. You don't have a close knit circle of friends, (and you would like one?) and you feel envious when you see others who have what you want.

Welcome to the human condition. This is exactly what we have. We want to be happy and yet we don't know how to go about it. Right now, it sounds as though you think that if you had a close knit circle of friends you would be happy. Is that true? Is a close knit circle of friends necessary for happiness? I'm not sure it is. I'm certain there are people right now with friends who aren't happy. In fact, we hear daily about celebrities who outwardly appear to have it all, who have scads of admirers and popularity, who appear surrounded by friends and yet, they are subject to unhappiness; marital discord, scandal, drug abuse, mental illness.

Maybe what you are trying to say is that you feel lonely. That is such a basic human emotion. We all feel that at times. Even those of us with best friends may feel alienated and lonely.

Two things come to mind', is it possible for you to be unconditionally friendly with your present state of mind? Allowing it some breathing room? You are not alone. Others feel the same way that you do, and they may be less fortunate than you are. Right now you are able with the miracle of the internet to reach out to others.

At the very least, you can see that you have friends here. People who are concerned and caring enough to offer you suggestions and to offer friendship.

This is a great forum--personal development is what it's about. We all have our challenges. Thank you for daring to share yours. May all benefit.

wind

[Freelancer]

Alright thats cool, its your choice not to have friends.

I made a similar choice during my teen years. At the time I didn't think like this, looking back though its so true. You see, the few friends I had where pretty much my bullies as well (talk about abusive relationships lol). The problem was, it all came from my own ****ed up self image. I didn't think to highly of myself and so nobody else did.

Then I thought, **** it I'm not taking this **** anymore and basically disconnected from them. Got some new friends who where in a similar boat. Dragged my ass out of it. Finished school, got into a new one. Never created a new social circle, didn't think I was worth it at the time. Didn't think I had anything to give.

Now, time to rock it in a new school next year. I'm going to freakin' tear that town to pieces. Why? Made the decision to do it. Time to be social and be a force of nature.

I'm off to a sick party right now, the main purpose being throwing beer around (a bunch of farmers can have crazy parties, if you ever want to party for realllzzz visit us Dutchies in Twente and I'll hook ya up ).

Before I'd be **** scared to go, I'd tell myself 'ah these ain't my type of parties' but in reality I was shitting myself. Now I'm looking forward to it, mentality change 180 degree's turned around.

If this post doesn't make sense, don't worry about it I'm high on techno. ltrz

[Apple Eye]

I don't really have any friends either, but I'm a bit of a hermit naturally so I don't mind too much.

It think it's true what some other posters have said - if you make an effort and open yourself to friendship it will happen. I think joining an activity you enjoy and meeting with like-minded individuals is good advice.

Also, I noticed sometimes people are more open and receptive to others when they don't have too many expectations about an event or social situation, and don't try to force a friendship into being. If you relax and try to be authentic, it will be easier to foster meaningful, positive friendships.

Hope that helps. If advice from a socially inept person can be helpful.

[celestar332]

Hey guys,

Friends? God have I had a hard time with this one. I have had that big "circle" of friends in my life, but the funny thing is it wasn't always satisfying. You can get lost in a big group, become the small voice among larger voices and lose all sense of your true self.

Over time I have lost friends, gained friends and only a small handful have stuck with me through all the good and bad times. I thank god for that, for I am a bit of a emotionally needy person, so the constant friend thing has always been my little overwhelming need. But the truth is, friends will come and go and If you all have ever heard their are levels to this types of friends. Some being "karmic" friends, others being the truer "soul mate" friends and then the highest level-Twinsouls. You can have many twin souls but only one Twin flame and that is the soul that is at the same frequency as you on a soul level. I believe strongly in this idea, and I found through all my lonely times and desperate feelings, that this one true friend is always with you if you look for it, if you are open to it. So if you feel alone and without any friends to help guide you...then look within, because you are your own true best friend and inside you is where you can find this twin flame-just resting beneath your own heart.

-J

[Chado2423]

^^ the only problem is that this can often be easier said than done...^^