Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

AnonyMouse · 05-02-2008, 11:37 PM

Summary: I assume most people are annoyed by me/dislike me, and become paralyzed from initiating social interaction.

I have this problem, which seems unable to go away. In many social situations, I make excuses for not talking to people based on the assumption that they will be annoyed/dislike me. It killed all the beginnings of friendships I had in my first term of university, after a week where the problem did not really show up (probably because it was frosh week and somebody else was orchestrating the events). Since then my social life has remained low key, but looking back over the past while, and now in direct observation of my thinking, it has been the same problem. Even if i know the person i want to talk to will not be annoyed, i seem to come up with an excuse of somebody else who will be, and remain paralyzed.

sheffy4 · 05-03-2008, 05:24 AM

Ok, so you already know that most people are not going to be annoyed by you, but you still have that feeling that little doubt that is holding you back immensely.
Maybe instead of trying to logically talk yourself out of thinking that way ("of course they won't be annoyed by me. I should just go talk to them. I'm being paranoid"), you might try focusing on being ok even if somebody is annoyed by you.

Ak47 · 05-03-2008, 06:52 AM

social anxiety me thinks. though, i am not a doctor.

Woohoo · 05-03-2008, 02:01 PM

Try Installing Empowering Beliefs

Your subconscious mind is probably filled up with negative assumptions. While you have those thoughts/assumptions/beliefs in your head your subconscious mind will act according to those beliefs to make them true.

You have to recondition yourself to assume positive, empowering things.

Also you might want to go out regularly to meet people. At first you could just practice smiling at strangers, asking them what the time is, etc.

Good Luck with it.

JohnnyJimJams · 05-03-2008, 03:50 PM

Hey,

I know how you feel, and it sucks.

From your brief description I think you may have anxiety (with a social bent) at its best.

Although I am a work in progress, my advice is to:

1) Really decide what you want from every social interaction. (what are you chasing?)

2) Improve your current thoughts for better feelings... ie Cognative Behaviour Therapy.....

I recommend checking out MoodGYM: Welcome its recently helped me get through a tough time.

If you need to chat with a like minded soul I'd be glad to offer some advice or understanding. email me voltage_123 at yahoo.com.

My brother and I are both susceptible to anxiety but its great to chat with him about the reality of a (perceived) screw up, cause I don't need to explain why I think it sucks, he just gets it.... then he calls me a loopy f*cker.

It really is funny in a world of constant fear, and it helps a lots.

Seriously, send me a mail, and we'll chat.... if not my heart is with you and best of luck.

John

Self Exploration · 10-13-2011, 02:25 AM

Moodgym is in fact a great tool.

One way or the other one has to express their anger.
There is also clarifylife.
In fact there is a comparison here

Moodgym| Help Depression|Anxiety|Online Therapy

Bottom line, the journey is long, no matter what you do.
And it has to be sustained.
So before any work is done, you have to get clear on the fact that you want to break out of your rut. That you want to succeed.

You need that motivation to start at least.

05-02-2008, 11:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
AnonyMouse Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3	Help, Serious mental issue, destroying social life Summary: I assume most people are annoyed by me/dislike me, and become paralyzed from initiating social interaction. I have this problem, which seems unable to go away. In many social situations, I make excuses for not talking to people based on the assumption that they will be annoyed/dislike me. It killed all the beginnings of friendships I had in my first term of university, after a week where the problem did not really show up (probably because it was frosh week and somebody else was orchestrating the events). Since then my social life has remained low key, but looking back over the past while, and now in direct observation of my thinking, it has been the same problem. Even if i know the person i want to talk to will not be annoyed, i seem to come up with an excuse of somebody else who will be, and remain paralyzed.

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05-03-2008, 05:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
sheffy4 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 337	Ok, so you already know that most people are not going to be annoyed by you, but you still have that feeling that little doubt that is holding you back immensely. Maybe instead of trying to logically talk yourself out of thinking that way ("of course they won't be annoyed by me. I should just go talk to them. I'm being paranoid"), you might try focusing on being ok even if somebody is annoyed by you.

05-03-2008, 06:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ak47 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 142	social anxiety me thinks. though, i am not a doctor.

05-03-2008, 02:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
Woohoo Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 37	Try Installing Empowering Beliefs Your subconscious mind is probably filled up with negative assumptions. While you have those thoughts/assumptions/beliefs in your head your subconscious mind will act according to those beliefs to make them true. You have to recondition yourself to assume positive, empowering things. Also you might want to go out regularly to meet people. At first you could just practice smiling at strangers, asking them what the time is, etc. Good Luck with it.

05-03-2008, 03:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
JohnnyJimJams Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 79	Hey, I know how you feel, and it sucks. From your brief description I think you may have anxiety (with a social bent) at its best. Although I am a work in progress, my advice is to: 1) Really decide what you want from every social interaction. (what are you chasing?) 2) Improve your current thoughts for better feelings... ie Cognative Behaviour Therapy..... I recommend checking out MoodGYM: Welcome its recently helped me get through a tough time. If you need to chat with a like minded soul I'd be glad to offer some advice or understanding. email me voltage_123 at yahoo.com. My brother and I are both susceptible to anxiety but its great to chat with him about the reality of a (perceived) screw up, cause I don't need to explain why I think it sucks, he just gets it.... then he calls me a loopy f*cker. It really is funny in a world of constant fear, and it helps a lots. Seriously, send me a mail, and we'll chat.... if not my heart is with you and best of luck. John

10-13-2011, 02:25 AM	#6 (permalink)
Self Exploration Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 31	Moodgym is in fact a great tool. One way or the other one has to express their anger. There is also clarifylife. In fact there is a comparison here Moodgym\| Help Depression\|Anxiety\|Online Therapy Bottom line, the journey is long, no matter what you do. And it has to be sustained. So before any work is done, you have to get clear on the fact that you want to break out of your rut. That you want to succeed. You need that motivation to start at least.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums