Emotional Healing Is Like Playing With Fire

[axelg]

As a meditator and reiki healer I'm definitely for emotional healing. Liberation from anxiety and depression doesn't come easily, but when it does, it's truly life-changing. Even a small shift (improvement) can have a very positive effect on one's life. Now, where does the fire come into the picture? I'm not talking about the heat or fire element, but about the potential risks involved in facing one's unpleasant emotions. Normally, we do whatever we can to avoid our unpleasant emotions - this is our nature. Facing the unpleasant emotions triggers deeply-rooted fears which at first can be totally overwhelming, however, with time and practice you will gradually grow used to it.

My main point is that emotional healing requires a certain degree of guidance from someone with the right experience. Anyhow, who would let a 3-year old play with fire?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by axelg

My main point is that emotional healing requires a certain degree of guidance from someone with the right experience. Anyhow, who would let a 3-year old play with fire?

To me, this sounds very controlling (why does it remind me of the Bush administration? ). I wouldn't tell a person who is dealing with depression or anxiety, or any other emotional challenge (okay, maybe not schizophrenia) that they're not qualified to face their unpleasant emotions on their own, without the "guidance from someone with the right experience." I wouldn't want to add more anxiety or depression to someone who doesn't have the resources or desire to employ an outside source to "help" them feel better on purpose.

Having a guide or helper is a great thing, but it is not necessary. The universe provides us with tools to contain or enflame our own fire, as we see fit. We are not 3 year olds (except for those of who are three years old. ).

[Angela]

I gotta say that I have a slight personal irritation about this subect because of being diagnosed with depression late last year and being put the ringer of several anti-depressants and therapy which all made me feel much, much worse and cost me lots of money.

When I'd finally had it up to here in early February, I stopped all the drugs and therapy, committed myself to smart food, water, and exercise choices, and felt great within days. My program was my own, and breaking free of my professional "guides" was one of the smartest things I ever did.

And it did bug me that the professionals were so very adamant and in-my-face about how I "needed" treatment -- they were very fear-based about their approach to me, warning of the "risks" of taking care of myself, without their help.

[Eric Revelin]

There are times when you shouldn't go alone, I won't debate that. However, this applies to people who are so far gone that they can barely maintain enough sanity to think about what's going on inside them much less express it. There are also people who are so timid that they won't be able to look within themselves for very long much less accumulate worthwhile insights.

The kind of guidance that's best is two-fold. First, the approach has to be suited to the patient. Some people respond better to someone who will raise their voice whereas others will find comfort in gentle, whispery words. Which approach is better depends on the emotion that needs to be evoked. If someone needs to re-discover their fire, a loud person who's blunt when stating the truth will be more beneficial than a quiet, mild-mannered person.

The second aspect, and the most important, is that this can't be a controlling or abusive partnership. A good teacher will let his student lean on his shoulder, he will hold his student's hand, but he will strive for the day when the student no longer needs him. As confidence builds, as wounds heal, the teacher will encourage his pupil to stand on his own, to walk without anyone to guide his steps. A good teacher doesn't impart a list of facts and how-to methods, a good teacher initiates a line of questioning that causes the student to figure things out on his own. This shows step-by-step how the healing is done and gives the student insight into how to heal himself of his wounds by his own methods. Any guru that doesn't show you how to develop your instincts doesn't want you well, he wants to hook you so you'll buy his next book.

I've had very intense emotional issues to deal with, maddening conditions that would have resulted in drugs and therapy for the rest of my life had I sought help. My critical reasoning skills weren't developed as a child; I was easily deceived by every ad for a "fix yourself overnight!" product and things of the like. I was also extremely timid and I didn't know when to say no, even when I was fully aware I was being manipulated. The people around me were too unaware of their inner workings to provide me insight into mine, I refused to be drugged, and I became so distrustful of self-proclaimed gurus I wouldn't have listened if I'd found a legit one.

This is for the better, I think, since I believe one of the main reasons I exist is to learn how to awaken and free myself under these circumstances. My path is a hard one and I wouldn't recommend it for everybody, but no matter what road somebody walks it is essential they tap into their own inner-guidance and learn how to deal with themselves when no one is there to provide feedback. If they don't, they'll be sheep in pristine condition that will soon find themselves back in the slaughterhouse.

I would like to add that it's not only the extreme cases that can benefit from the kind of guidance I mentioned, but it's only the extreme cases wherein it is absolutely necessary.

[Jamie]

Ancient Chinese proverb; man who skilled with hammer, sees all problems to be like a nail.

Wise uncle B, he say, expert is someone who knows more and more, about less and less.

I'm also rather sceptical of Reiki (the attunement and organisational aspects). I have experience with tradition Chinese Health Arts, utilizing ones own intrinsic energy, and cosmic energy. Such energy is natural and freely available to all people, you don't need to have some kind of qualification or pass a test or join any organisation, to access this.

Now, of course, the right training within the right organisation may well help you to develop, of course, but at the same time, any organisation claiming to have sole ownership on such things, I would give a wide birth to. It's kinda like saying, you need to go to church, to access <god>. Sorry, but that's a load of c**p, and I kinda get the feeling that Reiki is along those same lines.

Is it?

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

To me, this sounds very controlling (why does it remind me of the Bush administration? ). I wouldn't tell a person who is dealing with depression or anxiety, or any other emotional challenge (okay, maybe not schizophrenia) that they're not qualified to face their unpleasant emotions on their own, without the "guidance from someone with the right experience." I wouldn't want to add more anxiety or depression to someone who doesn't have the resources or desire to employ an outside source to "help" them feel better on purpose.

Having a guide or helper is a great thing, but it is not necessary. The universe provides us with tools to contain or enflame our own fire, as we see fit. We are not 3 year olds (except for those of who are three years old. ).

I am huge advocate of healthy foods, exercise and water, too. I think the experts should insist that their clients are doing those three things before they prescribe pills.

[awakentransform]

I agree with Eric that a true healer or helper assists a person in tapping into their own inner resources and developing them. True outside assistance should empower you, not create fear or distrust in yourself. One of my favorite things about being a hypnotherapist is facilitating people in accessing their own higher wisdom. People are so amazed to find that they really do have all the answers within.

Jamie, I am a Reiki practitioner. I totally agree with you that everyone has this universal healing energy. I also know that some people practice Reiki as you describe, in the old school patriarchal organizational way. Yet many, such as my teachers and myself, do not practice it this way. People have varying degrees of openness to universal energy. For those who need help, I am there. But by no means do I claim to have "the" path to universal energy. It's just like everyone has access to the Divine, but some need guidance to remember.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by axelg

Facing the unpleasant emotions triggers deeply-rooted fears which at first can be totally overwhelming, however, with time and practice you will gradually grow used to it.

My main point is that emotional healing requires a certain degree of guidance from someone with the right experience.

Actually, I totally agree. I didn't read the above statement as pro-therapy or pro-drugs.

As someone who has gone through the suicide of a loved one, I absolutely leaned on my group meetings, my therapist, my suicide survivor messageboards.

Actually, this messageboard is also guidance.

Sexually abused people should NOT go through their memories alone. Nor should people who survive any sort of trauma. I would highly suggest they go to a well-qualified therapist/counselor.

[Chado2423]

Rediscovering the self, has been a long jouney for me. And slowly I am getting by better, by the grace of God. Unfortunately my progress is longer than I wish for, however feeling better has come into fruition. Angela, I totally hear you about quitting your therapy. If it isn't working for you, then it isn't working. Angela I commend you for not allowing yourself to be a medical guini-pig and taking your life into your own consideration. I've also utilized resources from church, friends, and a free support group. I've also been thinking about ceasing therapy... because, A: I need to be looking for a job. B: I am understanding reality more without the assistance of any outside source. C: Therapy causes me to be more depressed, because it accrues bills I cannot pay. Bill on top of bill. IMHO The best form of therapy is when we can rediscover our true selves, anyway. And the only person that can do that for you, is you. So I say Kudos. I'm still on the journey to breaking free from depression, but I have faith that God will help me turn things around.

Therapy is only good if it works... if it isn't working you can either learn some lessons yourself, or find another therapist or group that will help you with learning those lessons. (I personally, having experienced clinical depression, commend Angela for taking her own life into her own consideration and starting to take responsibility for things that were depressing her. BTW, in some people counseling can be a source of depression... I know from experience. I'm not saying therapy isn't good for some people... but other people have to find another path to regain the sense of identity that they lost through their depression.

In my life... I have noticed that some therapist are more concerned with their pocket-book, than they are with actually being genuine and helping a person.

[Angela]

Listen, I'm not saying that therapy or guidance is bad -- I think it's great! What I take issue with is the main point of the OP:

My main point is that emotional healing requires a certain degree of guidance from someone with the right experience.

(emphasis mine)

I recognize that professional guidance is very helpful for many people. However, it's not a requirement.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by axelg

As a meditator and reiki healer I'm definitely for emotional healing. Liberation from anxiety and depression doesn't come easily, but when it does, it's truly life-changing. Even a small shift (improvement) can have a very positive effect on one's life. Now, where does the fire come into the picture? I'm not talking about the heat or fire element, but about the potential risks involved in facing one's unpleasant emotions. Normally, we do whatever we can to avoid our unpleasant emotions - this is our nature. Facing the unpleasant emotions triggers deeply-rooted fears which at first can be totally overwhelming, however, with time and practice you will gradually grow used to it.

My main point is that emotional healing requires a certain degree of guidance from someone with the right experience. Anyhow, who would let a 3-year old play with fire?

I think the main point could be that when someone starts healing, it also unravels the suppressed whatevers that needs healing. That emotional healing is about bringing up your "stuff" and looking at it as part of you, for whatever reasons. Well, not for whatever reasons, but for reasons that doesn't blame anyone, even yourself. That shadow self stuff again.

Avoiding the unpleasant emotions is exactly what makes the emotions unpleasant.

[bellemeadows]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

I think the main point could be that when someone starts healing, it also unravels the suppressed whatevers that needs healing. That emotional healing is about bringing up your "stuff" and looking at it as part of you, for whatever reasons. Well, not for whatever reasons, but for reasons that doesn't blame anyone, even yourself. That shadow self stuff again.

Avoiding the unpleasant emotions is exactly what makes the emotions unpleasant.

Wow Wolfgang, I do sooo agree. To be at peace with one's emotions, that is the zen way. We all have emotions, some we label pleasant, and others unpleasant. It seems to me that on my path, the thing that I now do differently is sit with those emotions, and let them be in my body. This is different from resisting, or making them right or wrong in my thoughts about them.

Emotions are, yet they are only emotions. We are more than our emotions, and so they do not define our totality, except when we resist them or make ourselves wrong for having them.

To me, the most important therapy lesson to be learned is that our thoughts are only thoughts; although they may seem momentarily true or false, in the end they are only thoughts. Our emotions are only emotions, also.

On the journey to the soul, I have found that I am more than my thoughts and emotions --- much more. And while therapists can point the way, that is all they can do. Gurus can point the way. Family and friends can point the way. But we have to take the steps. For me, the heart has been my most critical compass -- that is what makes whatever I do work for me, following my heart.

For me, the heart trumps family, therapists, and gurus. I would never put my path in someone else's hands entirely. Any teacher is here to help point the way, but I would never give my choice away to any of them.

Blessings from Belle,

[Chado2423]

[QUOTE=Angela;182934]Listen, I'm not saying that therapy or guidance is bad -- I think it's great! [QUOTE]

I suppose it depends on where the guide is leading you.

[rrandolph]

I agree that a healer or teacher is a powerful benefit. I have overcome some HUGE blocks through two healers that I know. I've also overcome some very big ones myself. I think when the time comes for a teacher/healer, you will have the opportunity to join them. Though a healer can onlyheal you as much as you are open or willing to be healed. So in this respect all healing is self healing.