Low self-worth

[martin]

I think a lot of my problems, be it relationships or sticking to a goal, stem from a lack of self-worth.

How could I increase my self-worth?

[The Cloud]

By not letting me tell you how much you're worth.

[shnu]

Originally Posted by martin

I think a lot of my problems, be it relationships or sticking to a goal, stem from a lack of self-worth.

How could I increase my self-worth?

I'm guessing by "lack of self-worth", you mean that you feel that you are worthless.

Two complementary exercises might be useful, both based on the idea that you control your view of yourself through how you characterise yourself in your inner monologue.

So the first exercise is to try and get a handle on how you are characterising yourself. Make 10 minutes free, and take a piece of paper, and write at the top "Why I am useless", and brainstorm as many different self-recriminations as you can, as quickly as you can, avoiding lengthy descriptions in favour of pithy attacks on yourself. At the end, tell yourself "It is all wrong what I have written, but I want to find some warning words." Glance quickly over your list and look for words that are characteristic of your self-recriminations, that keep on occurring over and over. Try to remember these warning words, as a signal to be aware of your mental state.

The second exercise you can do whenever you notice you are being hard on yourself. When you say "I am so useless, because I did this or failed to do that", stop yourself and rephrase, "I did this thing that I now regret, but I can learn from this failure." Change characterisations of yourself as useless because of mistakes into characteristions of learning and choice in the future.

Remember, just as they say about finance, past history is not a guide to future performance. The key is to be aware of your own power to change.

Steve's podcast on Solving Frustrating Problems might be helpful, and might complement the exercises I outlined.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by martin

I think a lot of my problems, be it relationships or sticking to a goal, stem from a lack of self-worth.

How could I increase my self-worth?

By not deriving your sense of 'self-worth' from anything external, or from comparing one thing with another.

Look within..

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by martin

How could I increase my self-worth?

Hi Martin,

It will take time, effort and consistent application. I've posted this in other threads but here's the article I wrote on the subject: How To Build Self-Confidence.

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by martin

I think a lot of my problems, be it relationships or sticking to a goal, stem from a lack of self-worth.

How could I increase my self-worth?

Find something about yourself, within, that you love, and cultivate it.

[martin]

Thanks everyone.

[evelynlim]

Hello Martin, you are quite right to realise that many problems stem from a lack of self worth to begin with. A lack of self worth is tantamount to not having enough love for yourself. Hence you need to ask yourself why this is the case.

Very often, issues of low self worth start from a traumatic childhood or one that have left you starving for love. Lack of positive affirmations about yourself from young, can create many problems in adulthood. Seeking understanding and letting go of the negative emotions that you have about yourself is the key to resolving them and moving forward.

A technique that you may like to investigate is EFT found on this site by Gary Craig EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else . I've got good results from using this method of releasing negative emotions, thoughts and fears.

Hope the above helps,
Evelyn

[igeronimo]

Originally Posted by shnu

I'm guessing by "lack of self-worth", you mean that you feel that you are worthless.

Two complementary exercises might be useful, both based on the idea that you control your view of yourself through how you characterise yourself in your inner monologue.

So the first exercise is to try and get a handle on how you are characterising yourself. Make 10 minutes free, and take a piece of paper, and write at the top "Why I am useless", and brainstorm as many different self-recriminations as you can, as quickly as you can, avoiding lengthy descriptions in favour of pithy attacks on yourself. At the end, tell yourself "It is all wrong what I have written, but I want to find some warning words." Glance quickly over your list and look for words that are characteristic of your self-recriminations, that keep on occurring over and over. Try to remember these warning words, as a signal to be aware of your mental state.

The second exercise you can do whenever you notice you are being hard on yourself. When you say "I am so useless, because I did this or failed to do that", stop yourself and rephrase, "I did this thing that I now regret, but I can learn from this failure." Change characterisations of yourself as useless because of mistakes into characteristions of learning and choice in the future.

Remember, just as they say about finance, past history is not a guide to future performance. The key is to be aware of your own power to change.

Steve's podcast on Solving Frustrating Problems might be helpful, and might complement the exercises I outlined.

Your post was great. I'm having an event and was researching quotes and methods that others use so that I can provide some substantial techniques for the women of this event as a take-away and this is right in line with what I currently do at my smaller seminars but I like some of your wording. Thanks for sharing this so openly. To often we tear our own self-worth down. Time to start shifting that.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by martin

I think a lot of my problems, be it relationships or sticking to a goal, stem from a lack of self-worth.

How could I increase my self-worth?

Low self worth means you have an ego (a false belief of self) that is negative...you don't like it. Logically, you want an ego that you like, providing with high self esteem.

The real task is to outgrow the need for an ego, to be able to just be yourself.

The real question is why you can't be yourself, not how to like yourself more. To be able to like yourself isn't a goal that you can go after directly. It's a byproduct of being yourself first, to knowing self.