my sister hates me...

[lightthecandle]

I act so nice/sweet/happy with most of my friends/ distant family/acquaintances and everyone else in this world
but the one person in the WORLD that I can't get along with is my younger 18yr old sister..i constantly curse and yell at her (even though everything thinks I'm a sweet/innocent person). she gets me so mad..she's failing 2 classes in highschool so far, and for that I just want to punch her in the face.


maybe its because I'm jealous of her looks? she's supersuper pretty, and i'm just average (or ugly actually). why does she get the looks and I don't?

i just want her to honestly be happy, and get goood grades, is that so much to ask for???

anyway, I don't know why I put her through so much hell..I feel like I'm emotionally abusing her..and I can't stop...I feel like a monster when I'm around her

[carenkh]

My experience is that if someone else is pushing my buttons, and for some reason, I have strong feelings about what they're choosing to do... it's not about them. Usually, they are reflecting something inside myself that I haven't yet accepted.

I'm not sure of the path you'll take to get there, but I *know*, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that total acceptance - of your sister, her choices, and yourself - is the key.

What's keeping you from accepting her as she is?

[The Cloud]

By failing school, she is invalidating your belief in the importance of grades. Thus, you become very angry because she is basically hacking away at your beliefs.

[LoraleighV]

It's all about you, sweetie.

I think it was that "or ugly actually" comment that gave it away.

And then there's the "I act so nice/sweet/happy with most of my friends/ distant family/acquaintances and everyone else in this world" comment.

You hate yourself for being so "ugly" and you "act." Hmmmm, I think carenkh has it right. It starts with acceptance of self - YOURself. The rest will come.

[MasterD]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I act so nice/sweet/happy with most of my friends/ distant family/acquaintances and everyone else in this world
but the one person in the WORLD that I can't get along with is my younger 18yr old sister..i constantly curse and yell at her (even though everything thinks I'm a sweet/innocent person). she gets me so mad..she's failing 2 classes in highschool so far, and for that I just want to punch her in the face.


maybe its because I'm jealous of her looks? she's supersuper pretty, and i'm just average (or ugly actually). why does she get the looks and I don't?

i just want her to honestly be happy, and get goood grades, is that so much to ask for???

anyway, I don't know why I put her through so much hell..I feel like I'm emotionally abusing her..and I can't stop...I feel like a monster when I'm around her

In my opinion you are pushing your own model of the world onto her which you shouldn't. Let her live her own life and help her where necessary, but on her terms. But; why should you get mad because she fails a year? That's her problem; not yours. Live your own life.

Are you in some way afraid that people will like her more because of her better looks and therefore there is not enough left for you? You are focusing on the wrong things; it is probably very hard in the beginning to practise, but you really should be focusing on what you want to create in your own life. You might even want to move out for a while, because now you are confronted with the anchored feelings every day. Jealousy comes from a scarcity mentality; start building your own life and find your strengths and the jealousy will go away.

Good luck!

[lightthecandle]

I dunno, I still think she's an idiot for all the things she's done and hasn't done


but its my fault too I'm an emotional mess and I direct all my distresses to her, along with my anger which probably stems from the face that I seriously just hate myself

[Shorebird]

What do you actually want from us? Our suggestions? On which of the following?

1. How to stop yourself yelling at your sister and making her life miserable?
2. Or how to stop thinking that she is an idiot?
3. Or how to mind your own business?
4. Or how to feel good about yourself?
5. Or about what you should do?

Which one is it? If its something else, let us know.

You think she is an idiot. Fine. Just continue to believe this. If in the future she does something which can change your belief, think over this when the time comes. So, for the time being, relax, think that she is a stupid and let her live her life on her own. Keep everything else for the future.

She is 18 years old. Importance of good grades are usually clear to people at this age. If she is not serious about this, maybe she is just not interested in getting good grades. The reason can be anything: maybe is is interested in something else and does not consider studies to be her cup of tea. Or it could be you who constantly remind her of her hopelessness in studies and push her more towards negativity.

Beauty is not all about looks. Its actually the inner beauty that makes a person look and feel good. You should have your own motive in life, your own passion and you should spend your life in nurturing your passions. Give your helping hand to your sister only when she needs it. How can a person with a free and open mind with a respect for self and others appear ugly? You definitely are not ugly. Its all in your mind. Just think you are beautiful...try neurolinguistic programming at Steve's blog. It will help for sure.