Cry

[placebo]

When i was a young boy i was told that big boys don't cry. And i didn't cry for years. Would that be different if they didn't tell me so? Why do we cry?

I believe that it is physical reaction of our body to emotions, but it is fantastic thing if you think better about it. It helps us to throw negative emotions out,we feel big relief after dropping tears,but it is so weird to see someone crying. When did you cried last time? Do you do it often?

[belugagirl]

Placebo, what an interesting question! Come to think of it, I wonder why men tend to cry less: is it because they are socialized not to (taught to see crying as childish or effeminate), or is there something about the hormonal makeup of men that doesn't trigger the crying response quite like estrogen does for women?

I suppose, as with most things, it's both? I can tell you that estrogen plays a role in the crying thing. But I also think that boys are trained, as you were, to hold it back. For both sexes it may be uncomfortable to cry in front of others, so we all try to hold it in at some point, especially when we Feel like crying over something that we don't intellectually Think is worth crying over.

I actually gave up on this holding it back thing a couple years ago. There were times when I would try to fight the urge to cry, but that didn't seem very purposeful. I'd just get a sore throat and a twitchy chin and then cry anyway. So now I'm growing comfortable with feeling what I feel and expressing it the way my body wants to. My husband knows very well now that when I cry it doesn't mean I'm falling apart. (He never cries, and so I think for several years he interpreted my crying as if it were His crying. He actually thought that I was pretty mentally fragile for a while because he knew what it would take to make him cry and he would assume that I must be in such a state when I would cry.) Now, finally, after numerous explanations of how the crying thing is with me, he knows it doesn't mean I'm in agony. It doesn't mean I'm miserable. It just means that for whatever reason, my brain is telling the eyes to water in response to whatever it's perceiving. The cry response is hard-wired into me for some reason, for sadness, hurt, stress, frustration . . . And it feels pretty good sometimes to have a good cry, so I just go with the flow, so to speak.

So I do think it's healthy to cry if one feels the impulse to do so. If one doesn't feel the need or have the urge, I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with that. I think Hubby, for example, genuinely just isn't a crier. I've only seen him cry or come close to crying, maybe, 3-4 times in the nine years we've been together. But he's not holding back, I don't think. I just think he has other mechanisms for dealing with sadness and stress. Like collecting hugs from yours truly!

[Gerto]

Interesting question indeed!

I sometimes wish I could cry. It sometimes seems like I just can't. For example, a few years ago someone I deeply loved told me she didn't love me and to leave her alone. I just had one *snif* and that was it. I felt extremely bad and regulary considered suicide for 3 full years after that, but I couldn't cry even once.

Still, when my dog that I had since I was 6 years old died a few months ago ( ) and I watched him die, I did cry though. At least, that means I can still cry on some occasions . I think it certainly has a lot to do with the social conditioning that men don't cry.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I can't hold back on crying myself. Would love to, but have had the need to rush from the room and seek sanctuary in the toilets before! My eyes leak easily. I suppose it's not a bad thing. Just socially inconvenient sometimes. I had the dog situation myself too, cried buckets!

The men in my life had never cired much. I think it is a bit sad that men are taught not to cry. I'm betting on socialisation is the main thing. Us girls are allowed to, almost expected to cry easily, whereas guys still aren't.

joy to you
Hazel

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by belugagirl

Like collecting hugs from yours truly!

I like this! Hugs are miraculous. Hugs are lovely. Hugs can be so self-healing too..I like to be hugged too. Sometimes a big bear one, sometimes a quick one, while at times (meaning high stress), a long, tight and comforting one is more than words can say ...

Hugs!

[Dating Specialist]

Well, on the main topic of crying.

I guess the main culprit is the social conditioning of a man since young. In Chinese, there's a saying that goes "Man sheds blood and not tears"

Men are taught to behave like a man, to be manly. Tears are the privilege of a woman, as akin to "Women are made from water".

There is something about a man who sheds tears easily, sometimes more than a woman! I guess this type of man just understands that shedding tears doesn't make him less manly, as a man's strength comes from his inner self and not so much as external display, which is the general yardstick for public recognition.

[placebo]

When i was 8 years old me and my brother went to grandma's and grandpa's village during the summer. I remember that it was incredible month till one moment. One morning grandma wasn't there, ambulance car came and picked her up. She had a stroke. Few days after she died.

When father told us that, everyone was crying. Except my father and me. Even then i knew that it's not weird cause father isn't crying, but i was so angry because i wasn't crying.
I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. I loved grandma much, but simply couldn't cry. Not a single tear was dropped while everyone else in my family was crying.
Fews hours passed, they were aware what happened and there were no tears in their eyes anymore. But my tears started to flow, i was crying for hours, couldn't stop. So many mixed up feelings in my head had to be manifested.

It was the first time that i've realized how weird crying really is. I wasn't suppressing it, it just didn't appear when everyone expected. I think it is impossible to suppress cry, eventually it will appear. So it is much more healthier to cry when we feel need. If we allow it after we won't know the right reason and probably think and feel unstable.

[Alvin]

I was blessed to hear this line from a movie when I was a child:

"A brave man is not afraid to cry."

[DanielSmith]

That you don't cry for years doesn't mean you can't cry anymore.
tears is also a part of a man's life.
sometimes it is beautiful memories in your life

[Ali]

Hi

I think Crying is good if you really have to do it. It is a great relief, I don't mean to be a cry baby however if you are touched by something strong you might need to react to it in some certain way. If you are touched spiritually, emotionally or intellectually (which every way you want to put it in) some people get effected by the moment and they cry. I say don't hold back and go for it.

Thanks

Ali

[ashwin]

My personal view is that some women AND men are more likely to cry in highly emotional situations, whereas others might not be moved or might not show tears easily. So I am not sure that there are any underlying physiological differences between men & women when it comes to crying.

However, culture definitely plays a role in the perceived freedom to cry for a man or a woman. Whether you channelise your frustration through tears or aggressive acts depends a lot on the signals you get from the enviornment. Similarly, when we are deeply moved our responses vary as per our conditioning.

On the whole, crying is a good thing as it can provide a cathartic experience that cannot be experienced any other way. I agree with Alvin - "a brave man is not afraid to cry".

[Isis Kali]

Crying releases whatever your feeling, whether it be joy or sorrow. I think that we cry when we realize that we can't change or "handle" whatever is around us, so, by crying, we can at least let that energy out in a tangible form that is felt with your whole being.

We do, however, channel things in different ways. I stifle things. Some people bypass sadness and go right to angry. I suppose it's different strokes for different folks!

[Matthew Shea]

I disagree that men don't cry primarly due to social conditioning. I know I'm generalizing as we all are here, but I believe that there are physiological differences between the sexes that cause certain events to be perceived and dealt with differently by men and women in addition to the different social conditioning. Personally, I rarely feel the urge to cry. When I do, it's rarely because of negative emotions. True beauty is more often my trigger. When I'm feeling angry, hurt or sad my first reaction is to get to the cause of it or take it out in a different way.

I do agree that crying is a response to something that overwhelms you, however. That seems to make the most sense and would explain some of the differences between men and women.

[postulation]
I think that men, as a rule, tend to more easily pick events apart and dismiss those parts that can't be easily and logically reconciled with what they've learned. Women, however, tend to try to take in the whole picture, even that which doesn't make sense immediately, and therefore can be more easily overwhelmed.

A case-in-point is the way my wife and I react to dramatic TV programs. We can be watching the same show for the same length of time and when something sad happens she, having been taking in as much of everything that has been happening as she can for the entire time she's been watching, will burst into tears. I, however, having been picking and choosing the parts I pay attention to and mainly trying to follow the basic ideas and plotlines, dismiss the emotional aspects of the scene being presented and don't feel even the slightest sadness. I will feel empathy for the characters, but the logical part of my brain, the one that knows full well that the story is fiction, overwhelms any emotional response.

Something to further this postulation of mine (and I know this is un-PC, but I hope it will be received in the spirit of promoting further discussion rather than as something offensive) is that women tend to be more emotional at certain times when hormones tend to have certain effects on the body while men tend to be immune from such effects.
[/postulation]