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04-13-2008, 08:05 PM
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 Thinking to much I believe I think too much. I believe that part of my problem is anylyzing everything to the point in which the topic dies. Why must I worry myself with every intention, and the motive behind the intentnion, and the motive behind the motive? Why must I take so much time questioning God with no answers, and myself also with no answers, and others with answers that are too superficial to truly help me? Why must I plague my soul in this way. Why must I be vexed and consumed in clouds of guilt, remorse, misery, dispair and depression? How long does it take for the "time heals all wounds" to really occur in reality. Why must I think so deeply. I'd rather not think at all than to live this way. Tired of questioning. Tired of thinking. Tired of it all. Why won't my mind shut off, so I can relax.      |
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04-13-2008, 09:15 PM
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| Oh.... I can relate. Or at least, I used to. For a couple YEARS, I was like this. Every day felt like an eternity to me because my mind would never shut up. I was constantly obsessing over something or another with the feeling that if I just kept trying in my head, the answers would come to me. Even when I stopped believing I was actually making progress by over thinking everything, I didn't know how to stop. Well, I figured it out. The reason I was stuck in this ANALYSIS PARALYSIS was because I felt like I was in limbo in my life. There were a lot of things about my current life situation that did NOT define me and I felt like I was a prisoner to them. I beat myself up about it inside of my head because if I felt that way about my life, I must deserve it. It was the anxiety from being out of touch with myself and my true desires that drove me to incessantly think. I wasn't taking the actions I needed to take in real life and I was in denial of what those actions were and the fact that I needed to take them. Being in denial of that, I felt very lost. Feeling so lost, I felt like I had to figure it all out. So I obsessively ruminated over the most mundane things. I emotionally tortured myself with philosophical musings about my life and my existence. It never did much for me at the time except make me feel even more trapped. On the positive side of things though, now that I'm out of that hole and courageously learning and deciding what I truly want to do with myself, I've found that all those years I spent inside of my head have helped me hone my mental equipment. It didn't seem so at the time at all, but now that I'm free of those previous obligations to over think everything, I can now use those resources to write in a way I never thought I could. I can hold some amazing conversations! And as a side effect to the over thinking at the time - I was a hardcore seeker. That led me to read and read and read all kinds of personal development and spiritual material. It was kind of useless at the time, in a self help junkie kind of a way. But now that I've grown past that phase, I'm amazed at all of the stored up wisdom and practical information I have available to me in my head!!! You should check out Eckart Tolle's work. "The Power of Now" has your name on it. Seriously. It can help. It may take a while but Tolle's work has had more impact on that seemingly hopeless state than anything else for me. I think a lot of other people would agree with me on that too. Good luck, fellow traveler. |
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04-13-2008, 09:26 PM
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Last edited by Chado2423 : 04-13-2008 at 09:32 PM. |
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04-13-2008, 09:47 PM
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| Well, the reason I recommended Tolle's work is because it's one of the few books that really reads like a book. If you meditate on what is being said in his work, it can allow you to disassociate from that "you" that you are now. The human ego is a funny thing. Left unattended, it's default behavior is to turn this beautiful and peaceful world into a competition where you must hyper vigilantly defend yourself by figuring everything out and identifying problems. It's a never ending quest of dysfunctional madness, wouldn't you agree? Ideally, you should have no problems. You have a roof over your head and equal opportunities as other people in countries where internet use is the norm. Yet, even with all of our basic security and safety, the human mind creates obstacle after obstacle. If you read the book a long time ago, I'd still recommend that you give it another try. You could try meditation. That has helped a LOT of people in your shoes. Personally, my mental situation was so out of control that I couldn't calm down enough to quiet my mind. My solution was to identify what bothered me the most in my mind and to actually DO something about them. When you're stuck in the trap of over thinking all the time, you can start feeling powerless to change anything and all of your efforts can seem cursed with bad luck. But once you actually start focusing on changing your situation, although it seems pointless and hopeless at first, you start gaining more and more strength and perspective. It's a hard road. It can be a hard hole to climb out of. There IS a way though. You sound very defeated about your situation. Just a question.... what are some of the issues that plague you in your mind? How do you feel about your life situation? I ask because for some people, the answer really is to just work on your mind with meditation and relaxation. And for others, the answer is to identify WHY your mind is so restless and unsatisfied. Then you can identify the cause and change it! |
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04-13-2008, 10:22 PM
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04-13-2008, 10:32 PM
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| Chad: I agree wholeheartedly. Getting yourself out of the anxious thinking will help you tremendously. One author that I found very helpful was Paul McKenna. He provides some really practical, easy exercises to help you stop beating yourself up with your thinking. . . and unlike many out there who promise easy results, with his protocals, you get easy results. Getting the two sides of the brain in synch helps tremendously as well. Trauma reactions can cause you to relive memories in a way that they are not like other people's memories; they are in color, in 3d and with sound, as if you are experiencing them again, not just remembering them. If flashbacks are a problem, tapping your right knee, left knee, right knee, left knee; for two minutes -- an EMDR technique, will help you integrate those memories so they aren't stuck in the reptile brain. As easy as that sounds; one of my friends used that technique to completely cure her traumas. She used them for her everyday life; as harsh or angry reactive people could set off a traumatic response for her. The knee tapping has cured her of the response. She recently went to NYC for a conference, and some of her previous triggers were escalators and crowds; she was amazed to find that in addition to curing her everyday issues, the knee tapping had completely eliminated her over-the-top traumatic reactions to these situations as well. If you need something to do in the now, tap your knees. . . tap until you are so sick of tapping that you never want to tap again. And then tap some more. You don't have to tap hard, lightly does the trick just fine. Others don't need to know you are tapping as a trauma protocal, you can just act like it is a nervous habbit. As little a thing as it is, it has the potential to change things for you in a huge way. In our local veterans hospital, this was the therapy that finally got a bunch of vietnam vets out of trauma; trauma they had been experiencing for decades. There are other methods of EMDR; there is the eye movement (hard to do by yourself, but you can do it), there is the tapping right shoulder and then left shoulder like you do your knees. There are CDs out there with biaural sounds that were developed just for treatment of trauma. The thing is the two sides of the brain in such cases are not in synch. Until they are, your healing responses may not be available. Also, meditation is probably out of the question. I like easy and inexpensive. Try these two: The one is pretty much free -- all you have to do is do it. My friend really had no money to spend on therapy, treatment, any of that. She works, and had to stay completely functional. The knee tapping allowed her to do that. The last piece of input I'm going to share, is perhaps the hardest. You must be willing to give up your sense of betrayal and grief, and find yourself again. What you have been through has left Chad in a anziety and grief loop; and Chad has not been free to live a life. Chad is stuck; stuck in memories of love and grief. . . You must commit to Chad, to finding your love for yourself, for being the love you feel you lost. Only you can resurrect your life. And right now you probably have no idea what that even means. So ask the Great White Spirit (native american name) for help. And make a commitment to help yourself, as best you can in each moment, to find your life. You need to raise yourself, as you would a child. Set goals and expectations; for example, you can't work right now. Well, is that where you want to be 5, 10, or 20 years from now? Or can you ever see yourself enjoying working, living, being an active and productive member of the world? If you can't feel it, at least try to make a commitment on some level to find that Chad and help him make it through this jungle of pain. There can be a fabulous life for you on the other side; but you must find that life, and make that life for yourself. In my experience, time does not heal this kind of wound. I am guessing that you keep opening it up again and again in your memory. How can it heal? IMHO you must make your peace with this for it to heal. . . are you willing to do that? Even if you don't kinow how, if you make that commitment, I believe you will find your way. Or you can do what many have done; hangout with these painful memories, crucify yourself again and again in your own mind, continue on with this self-abusive tantrum, while withdrawing, withdrawing, until there is nothing left of Chad. Please try not to do that. I believe you deserve more. All the best to you, Belle  Last edited by bellemeadows : 04-13-2008 at 11:34 PM. |
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04-14-2008, 12:53 AM
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| Have you ever been tested for OCD? I have a friend who has this,and your post said some of the same exact lines that she has said. She can't stop thinking. Sometimes she cant even talk to me,she just has to go off by herself and just lay there and think. Or go for a walk and think. She cries all the time. Not saying people without OCD dont think too much,but it could be a mental imbalance thing. I have problems with this too,even when i try to meditate,i cant stop thinking,and i just give up. But i agree with what Blueberry said up there,that it is a symptom of anxiety of not being who you want to be (not sure if i worded that right,but i hope you know what i mean). If you are living your life 100% true to yourself,what you were meant to do and be,you should not have obsessive thoughts about everything. Good luck to you! |
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04-14-2008, 07:14 AM
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| Chado2423, you have to just start doing things again. Take baby steps and do as much as you're comfortable with, but do something so that you're not left at the mercy of your thoughts. Clean the house or something, or even just clean your table if cleaning the house feels like too much work. Look, there is no thought, no idea, no concept, no answer that will save you. You have to do what you feel you cannot do, which is to start doing things again. Please don't think I don't understand what you're going through, because I know full well what it's like to be in that place where the whole world seems cold and grey and the fact that you're alive causes you sorrow. Your mind won't shut off. The only thing that you can do now is to do things, just do little things, but do things. Do something. Whatever you do don't leave yourself alone with your thoughts right now. Once you're doing things again you'll see things more clearly. Do household chores, go for a walk, draw pictures, whatever. Just do something that requires effort. When you're in that state of mind nothing anybody says will help all that much anyway; the important thing is to keep doing things, to keep going. I know living hurts right now, but you have to be brave and face it and not let it beat you. Look for any sort of work lying in front of you and do it. If you can't find any work to do find work that somebody else needs done and do it, such as volunteer work, maybe. Please understand I'm not trying to tell you to harden up and just keep going on with life. What I'm saying to you is that you have to keep going, you have to affirm to yourself through your actions that you will not give up. Now is the moment that you need to believe and know that you will make it through this and that life will be good again. Do not worry about trying to switch your mind off, and do not try to fight the demons in your head either. All you need to do is to ignore them and refuse to listen to them.
__________________ We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are. |
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04-14-2008, 10:07 AM
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| Dear Chado2423, I relate to your situation. Like you, I have read loads of self-help books, actively tried positive thinking etc. and I haven't seen the changes I wish manifest yet. It does get to the point where you want action and real, tangible changes insted of reading another book or listening to another tape and patiently waiting. I too want practical advice - ie. do a then b then you'll get to you desired c. Unfortunately it's not that easy (well for me anyway) - all I can say is just do stuff, anything that will help you be away from your thoughts and trouble for a while. What do you enjoy to do? Do that more and it'll help a little. Quote:
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04-15-2008, 11:04 AM
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I also wonder - after so many years of clinging to this feeling - you may have built an identity around it. Being "depressed" and "victim of being dumped" are strong identities. To let them go is scary for the ego - if you're not depressed and not a victim of being dumped...then who are you? Oprah is doing a webinar with Eckart Tolle. They are totally free, and it's great hearing Eckhart clarify his ideas. I suggest you watch especially chapter 5 and 6. This is not self-help. It's a total perspective shift. |
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04-15-2008, 11:22 AM
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| Why would you want to think if life is a game and you can be having fun right now?
__________________ Don't think...Act |
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04-15-2008, 12:55 PM
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| Chad -- do you want to die? If that is your goal, nothing will help you find a new life. Is that your goal? You can hang out in having an urge to die as long as you want; even kill yourself by abusing yourself physically, mentally and emotionally, or take the ultimate step and kill yourself outright. Many people do that very thing in one variation or another. Is that what you want for yourself? If so, just let all the people trying to help you know, and we'll quit. No one can come between you and this desire, this compulsion. No one, that is, but you. As long as you entertain this desire as your fondest wish, that will be the wish by which you guide your life. If you want more or something different than wanting to die for yourself, you are going to need to make that decision. No one can make it for you. But why would you? If you toy along with this desire long enough, things can only get worse in your life; and you can prove that your lost love ruined everything for you. You get to be right. You get to prove that once she was gone, all you wanted was to die; and step by step you honored that desire. You show yourself to be very loyal to her, and right in that there was nothing else for you. This is a classic I'll hold my breathe until things change tantrum. I'll show the world, I'll make sure nothing anyone offers me helps, and I'll show my loyalty to my lost one by never living again; by dying. It is also the classic revenge on her -- she left you, so you had to die. It all seems to cruel and unkind, very very different from love frankly. Do you want her to feel guilty about your relationship, to feel like it was a tragic thing? Is that really what you want? Many people have shared things you can do in the 'now' to help yourself. But how can you do them if your first and foremost loyalty is to your death urge. There is no one 'out there' who can change Chad's mind for Chad but you. No one. That is called 'free will'. So my suggestion is consider where your loyalties lie. If your loyalty is to your death urge; that is your LOA, and that is what you will experience more of. And you can use it to prove your loyalty and take revenge on your ex, all at the same time. Personally, I think there have been enough Romeo and Juliet deaths in the world. And I very much hope you will choose differently. The answer to the Q, how do you live if you just want to die? is, you don't. If that is all you want, that is what you get. So if you don't want to die (the little deaths of killing your spirit, hurting your body, or the big deaths of killing yourself outright) you need to find another focus for your desire. I really hope you choose differently. If you do, if you even make one baby step in that direction, you will find support everywhere -- I predict. Blessings from Belle, Last edited by bellemeadows : 04-16-2008 at 02:51 AM. |
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04-15-2008, 01:14 PM
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| Its emotionally exhausting Its emotionally exhausting to be depressed. I just I wish a knew a way out. I don't know where I begin and where the depression ends. I so don't feel like myself anymore. Even after 3 years of this vicious cycle, my mother doesn't believe that I am depressed so much. Last edited by Chado2423 : 04-15-2008 at 01:50 PM. |
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04-15-2008, 02:27 PM
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Chad, can you turn your head away from yourself for one moment to think about what she is saying??? |
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04-15-2008, 02:42 PM
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Don't you know that 95% of what we worry about never actually happen in real life? So, relax, slow down and do not worry much. Worrying will not bring you any good. Try to divert your attention to worthwhile activities or get a hobby, that way you will do away with idle time and thinking too much. Best, JA  |
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04-15-2008, 03:50 PM
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| A hobby? A job would be nice... I just can't take the depression anymore. It has consumed me. I go to therapy! I take anit-depressants. But nothing has changed. I still feel depressed. I just want to be done with it! Last edited by Chado2423 : 04-15-2008 at 03:55 PM. |
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04-15-2008, 03:56 PM
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A nice consequence of that is the option of not being depressed. Its not something 'outside myself' thats controlling you. Its you depressing yourself out through your actions and thoughts. If you are constantly thinking 'I can't take this anymore' 'I want this to leave' 'I want to fight the present moment' 'please let this end' then this will just create more depression inside of you. A example of actions could be eating junk food, sitting infront of the tv/pc all day, no exersize, dehydration (drink water) and/or no constructive action. Snap yourself out of it dude, its just a minor depression. Not the end of the world as we know it... On a side note. Stop seeking pity from us. We can give you advice but we can't take you by the hand and bring you back to your mommy.
__________________ Don't think...Act |
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04-15-2008, 05:59 PM
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04-15-2008, 07:17 PM
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