Sarcasm and emotions

[garentee]

I have a question that has been burning for a few days. A good friend of mine and I have been talking about emotional issues for a few years now, but recently crossed over into the realm of being emotional with one another. Mind you our relationship is a phone relationship, as she lives over a thousand miles from me.She is in the process of divorce and I understand exactly how raw some of those nerves are.At any rate I have a pretty wild sarcastic streak from time to time and she called me out on that the other day. I fully appreciate when people call me on my ****.. I think that most people do not do it often enough. The question is how damaging is sarcasm and how is it used unconsciously (which is how she perceives my use)?

[Parthon]

It can be quite damaging to a relationship, especially used in the wrong way. Anything that's cutting against the person you are talking to is a direct diminishing of closeness, it's only one step down from an all out attack. Even sarcasm directed at someone else has a price, people lose trust in you as they don't feel you will honour them when they aren't there if you aren't honouring someone else. Lastly, sarcasm also stops people getting closer to you. It's a cutting remark that makes them back off, even if just a little, but then the opportunity to get closer to each other is gone.

As for unconsious use, I would say it's a defense mechanism, either to protect you from the sensitivity of a situation or to reflect potential hurt. All defense mechanisms are unconsious, and the only way to break them down is to notice when they activate, and just pay attention to situations where you use sarcasm the most. They will be situations and areas in your life where you might need to grow, break down some old walls or even face some pain from the past.

I'm guilty of being really sarcastic in the past, but I've noticed recently that I've almost stopped completely. It's only when I'm feeling a little down or a little sensitive that it comes back. It wasn't through practice or focussing on my sarcasm, but just being a more open and honest person. I've also managed to separate witty remarks from sarcasm, which means I can have the same humour in my conversation, just without the venomous sting that comes with biting sarcasm.

does this shed some light on it?

[garentee]

Thanks Parthon,
That definitely is the answer I was looking for.. It really does make sense. I am really focused on improving relationships and making myself more available and when my friend pointed out my emotional poison, it set the wheels in motion. I am determined to make a big change in this behavior.

[Jonathan Mead]

Garentee, I completely agree with Parthon. It's important to be honest and a little sarcasm doesn't hurt. Actually, sometimes it helps to lighten things up. I think it's just the time and place and whether or not you're treading in a really sensitive area. Sometimes even when it's not super-sensitive, there's just a line when too much is too much.

I hate to see sarcasm done away with completely though. We all need a little humor in our lives. =)

[garentee]

I was at a meeting last night and there was an ornery woman there who really pushed my buttons pretty hard. I was a bit hot under the collar, but I held it together... and she snapped at me in a majorly sarcastic manner... and before I knew it I told her that this was no place for sarcasm.....I am still amazed and very happy to know that I now know that sarcasm is a very unnecessary tool and defense. So I am grateful for that exchange which illustrates my growth. Thanks G