Suffering

[Nani]

Hi!

I consider myself a fairly happy person, but lately I've been feeling a bit down. When I think about my day and all the things I can and want to do, I feel great, but then what follows after is the thought that not everyone has these opportunities. There are people that are starving and can only focus on survival, or are depressed and feel miserable. My point is, there are a lot of people out there that are suffering and when I think that right at this moment, someone out there is suffering, that alone makes me feel really, really sad. It's not that I don't think I deserve happiness or anything, I just feel really terrible that there is always someone out there that's unhappy. Some can't even do anything about it, or don't realize they can.

This didn't use to bother me and I'm not sure why it does now, but it does. Contributing and helping others won't stop me from feeling this way because I can't help every single person in the world. What I'm looking for is a new outlook, a way of looking at this that's positive and won't make me feel down. How do you cope with the fact that there are unhappy people out there?

[jonarmis]

Sometimes, feelings of unhappiness and depression can really be disturbing. But truth be told that it we who chose to feel certain emotions. If we continue in an unhappy state and do nothing about it. It will stay that way. So, you must learn how to fight back, control your emotions and never ever let emotions control you.

If you want some 'happy' hormones (whenever you feel like you have none left ), bask under the sun, go out with friends, have a long chat with a loved one, exercise,read a happy book, indulge your appetite or travel. There are lots of activities that are guaranteed worthwhile and helpful at obviating negative feelings.

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by Nani

Hi!

I consider myself a fairly happy person, but lately I've been feeling a bit down. When I think about my day and all the things I can and want to do, I feel great, but then what follows after is the thought that not everyone has these opportunities. There are people that are starving and can only focus on survival, or are depressed and feel miserable. My point is, there are a lot of people out there that are suffering and when I think that right at this moment, someone out there is suffering, that alone makes me feel really, really sad.

There is a fundamental misunderstanding here. It is not the suffering of others that makes you sad, but your thoughts about the suffering of others which makes you sad.

If you learn to act only from where you are, in the moment, there is no suffering to be perceived except what exists in your head. When you picture victims of famine or war, those are only thoughts. Dismiss them as the obsessive mental distractions they are, and return your attention to what is actually happening around you, in whatever room or environment you are in.

What can you do for the people in that moment, right now where you are? Your co-workers, friends, strangers, whoever is around you... How can you serve them? How can you spread happiness to them? A smile, a gift, an offer of help, an absence of judgment... these are true contributions.

This is the kind of work that eases suffering everywhere. Compassion is highly contagious, and every time you interact directly with another person in the spirit of compassion, you inspire that in them, and they in turn will help people.

Thinking about suffering is a self-defeating habit that accomplishes nothing. You are contributing to suffering by lamenting its existence. Recognize those thoughts as mere thoughts, and drop them. They only help to perpetuate suffering.

Contributing and helping others won't stop me from feeling this way because I can't help every single person in the world.

This sounds counterintuitive, but you have to accept the world the way it is before you can really do anything. Otherwise you are stuck in mental wishes and fantasies about a perfect world. Understand deeply that you are simply not able to prevent everyone's suffering, and you don't need to. Suffering is something we all must experience, and perhaps it isn't such a horrible thing.

Acknowledging your sadness as a useless product of your own thought is the only thing that will stop it.

Act only from where you are, right now. That's all you ever have to do. And it's all you ever can do.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Nani

Hi!

I consider myself a fairly happy person, but lately I've been feeling a bit down. When I think about my day and all the things I can and want to do, I feel great, but then what follows after is the thought that not everyone has these opportunities. There are people that are starving and can only focus on survival, or are depressed and feel miserable. My point is, there are a lot of people out there that are suffering and when I think that right at this moment, someone out there is suffering, that alone makes me feel really, really sad. It's not that I don't think I deserve happiness or anything, I just feel really terrible that there is always someone out there that's unhappy. Some can't even do anything about it, or don't realize they can.

This didn't use to bother me and I'm not sure why it does now, but it does. Contributing and helping others won't stop me from feeling this way because I can't help every single person in the world. What I'm looking for is a new outlook, a way of looking at this that's positive and won't make me feel down. How do you cope with the fact that there are unhappy people out there?

How do you cope with that there are really happy people out there?

But, it sounds like part of awakening to have this kind of empathy for the world. I've had it in the past where I just could feel the world as one big suffering lot. The thing to do is to feel it as much as you can to be done with this feeling for yourself. You have chosen to feel this and you are doing it for a reason. One reason can be to feel it so others don't have to. It's a Buddhist idea. Pema Chodron

"I'll feel this feeling I've chosen to a full extent so that others don't have to."

[DayInTheLife]

How do you cope with that there are really happy people out there?

Great point, wolfgang

[The Cloud]

Attach your happiness to something you can control rather than something you can't.

[Enrim]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

"I'll feel this feeling I've chosen to a full extent so that others don't have to."

Oh wow. I've heard things like feel everything 100% and then let go, but I've never heard the "so that others won't have to" bit. And for some weird strange reason it just makes so much sense! I don't even know why.

[Nani]

Thank you for replying!
I felt a lot better just reading your posts.
I've decided that I won't think of suffering as something horrible, but good in its own way. It helps people come together and we gain new understandings when we suffer. With that, I was able to acknowledge that suffering exists, and it just is. These past few days I've been concentrating on the present moment only, thinking about what I can do right now, and it feels great not being at the mercy of my negative thoughts.

Of course, I still need more practice as I find myself thinking about suffering sometimes but I know how to redirect it, so I think I'm heading in the right direction now. I'm going to focus more on my life now.

Thanks a bunch!

[Pisces1984]

There are little things that can be done to help with these feelings. I have felt that way since I was a small child. I know that I have felt it to an excessive degree by feeling bad for bugs, stuffed animals, bad people finally getting what they "deserve", etc. I know that I am a little bit off my rocker, but I can offer a few suggestions and maybe one will work for you or at least spark your imagination and help you find your own answer. The easiest is just trying to always smile and be polite. Brighten up a cashiers day by treating her/him with the respect they don't usually get. You seem like you probably do this already. Another thing that helped me personally was becoming a vegetarian. Yes, I do feel bad for fish and chicken, too. I have been a vegetarian since I was in 8th grade (1998). Also, I've adopted animals that were either strays or about to be put to sleep at animal control. I have a dog and 3 cats that used to fend for themselves on the street as babies, and now they are spoiled rotten. I know that they have a sense of appreciation for that. If you can't have animals because of time or because you rent an apartment, I have also sponsored a child before. I'm going to sign up again, I just had financial problems for a while. You have to research the companies.
There are websites that will tell you what percentage of your donation goes to the child and also how much the president and CEO make. (This is great information to have. You want to help the poor, not the rich.) People make fun of me for doing this, but it was great to get letters and drawings from a child. I can't think of any other ideas right now. Hopefully you will think of some while reading this. Compassion is the first step, and you have that already.

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by Nani

Thank you for replying!
I felt a lot better just reading your posts.
I've decided that I won't think of suffering as something horrible, but good in its own way. It helps people come together and we gain new understandings when we suffer. With that, I was able to acknowledge that suffering exists, and it just is. These past few days I've been concentrating on the present moment only, thinking about what I can do right now, and it feels great not being at the mercy of my negative thoughts.

Great!

Suffering does bring people together. It is something every single person can understand, and therefore it is something we all share.