how to stop being a worrier?

[ultimate]

... and become a more positive person?

i am a worryer it seems and want to change it

[Ninja]

I'm sure many people said it to you already (whether you wanted their advice or not ), but don't think about it. People said that to me too and my response was usually: "but I can't stop thinking about it!", and I wasn't lying. It's just how we crazy humans work: you tell someone to not look down and gues what they do next...

So, the only way to think about something else, is to make youself. Find an activity that is so engaging that it completely distracts you. It might not last, but if you stopped worrying for 15 minutes, that's still 15 happy, carefree minutes that can never be taken from you again. And if you can do 15 minutes, surely you can do 20? 30? An hour?

Worrying isn't like a switch that you can turn on and off at will. It might take months or even years to take back control of your thoughts, but if you are persistent, you will succeed. You might have a relapse every now and then, but the trend in your thoughts will be positive.

Keep at it! It can be done!

[The Cloud]

Then don't worry about it

But really, ask yourself what is so frightening about the future that it is worth sacrificing your present to it. Really ask yourself. Why are you afraid?

[awakentransform]

Dale Carnegie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" is pretty good. You can probably get it from the library too.

[Vee]

Hi awakentransform,

It may not be easy (it isn't for me) but practice makes perfect as they say.

I worry much less than I used to - these are techniques I use and may help you -

1) Read Tolle - it's about staying present and if you are present you don't worry cos you're not looking back or forwards - u are here NOW. This isn't easy at all for me - I don't even know if I've achieved true presence yet, and if i have it's only a couple of seconds if that unless I am really busy, drinking alcohol etc.. But just being aware of not being present is good to get you away from those thoughts.

2) Think about the totality of life. This ia a big thing for me - for example last week I went to a museum and held a stone used to chop meat 15,000 years ago (I think). It really humbled me to think of this - that i was holding something so old and ancient from a fellow human being. I look at the vastness of space and sea and realise how trivial my life is. Think in 100 years time will the fact that you walked around all day with you skirt in your pants really matter? I am not saying that you or I isn't important - we are so precious - but all these exterior things that happen to us are really nothing in the whole sum of it.

3) This is a quote I like - "if no one's dead we're ok".

4) Think about something you really worried about in the past which you don't even care about now. Wasn't it silly and pointless? Can't it be the same for things that seem so important to concern yourself about now?

Hope this helps. As I said it isn't easy. Sometimes I worry all week, or get upset. Some weeks I am so carefree - it won't be instant but if you consciously try with whatever works for you, you'll start to see differences

[jonarmis]

Think of worry this way:

99% of what you worry about never actually happens!

I hope that makes you feel better.

[hkalchemy]

Mark Twain said (something like) 'My life has been a series of disasters and terrible events, most of which never happened.'

If you touch a hot stove, you automatically pull away from it.
If you don't want to carry something anymore, you drop it.
If you are thirsty, you just drink some water.

If you don't want your worry any more, just drop it. It really is that simple.

[Andrei]

In a lot of traditions there are ways described to stop your thinking. It is hard. You need a lot of practice to make it really work. But the effects are often helping. Of course you need to find a balance, you need to think in a certain way. But to overcome the worry part, it can help just to practice really stopping your thinking. It automatically helps you to let go of worries, to see other ways. And one of the most important side notes for me is to not search for reasons why to do it and to only search for techniques on how to do it at moments you don't practice it.

It can seem impossible but actually it is, as long as you take time to practice.

Andrei

[quarksoup]

Umm, my two cents (and my first post):

I'm a worrier too. I'm hypersensitive to people's responses; I'm constantly reenacting past situations in my mind, or calculating the future. Repeating what Vee said earlier, I've found focusing on being here-now helpful.

Seeking higher awareness instead of better solutions is quite useful. I either realize there was no problem in the first place, or I come up with a novel solution resulting from understanding the problem better through a sort of detached perspective.

Meditation (the focus-on-breath one) helps me get to the tranquil state where I'm here-now and far more aware.

[SunnKali]

I don't know where this quote is from -- it came from a daily calendar I had years and years ago called Words for Wisdom. It's one of the few things I have posted on my refrigerator.

-----If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.

.

[elisabeth]

I too have a strong tendency to worry. But I've been working on it, especially since I became acutely aware of how it can affect my life.

I.e., with the law of attraction, which says that what we worry about, we may manifest.

Bill Burns (psychic and spiritual advisor) said something to that effect too -- and continued saying that maybe it's not exactly the thing we worried about, but, and here I quote verbatim: "believe me, it will be adequate."

That taught me! Not that it was/is easy to give up the worrywart habit. But it's so worth it. Here are a few things that have helped me:

1. Write! Seriously. The stuff in your head loses its power once it's let outside. Once you write down everything you worry about, its grip on you weakens significantly.

2. Instead of worrying, ask yourself: What DO I want? I use this technique very deliberately, and very often.

3. Sometimes distraction can work wonders. Watch a funny movie, or one that you get a kick out of for whatever reason that works for you. Or, if you enjoy that, read something engrossing and enjoyable.

4. Pray. Seriously. I've been going through some really challenging times, and occasional;y I've found myself practically having a panic attack (pounding heart, hands shaky, cold sweats, etc. and yes, conjuring up worst case scenarios.).

I have a prayer list on my bedside table (a list of people from my church to pray for, sorted by what they want prayer for (health, prosperity, peace of mind, etc.). It helps me get out of my stuff. If it hasn't by the time I'm done with the list, I do it again. Never fails.

I also call 1800-NOW-PRAY, which is the Unity Prayer line and the people on the other side will pray with you in a way that is wonderfully reassuring and uplifting.

Before I discovered both of the above, I used to pray the rosary (in fact, I recently started doing that again occasionally -- it still works).

Actually, when I first started this after many years of having been a very lapsed catholic, I didn't even remember the proper prayers and I had to do some research. But it's like a meditation and by the time you're done you may or may not even remember what it was you were so worried about (for a little while anyway).

And yes, like Vee said, I too sometimes think back to things that used to stress me out in the past and that turned out okay. Especially if they didn't SEEM to work out okay at first -- I remind myself how they ended up being exactly the right thing after all (especially with hindsight ;-) And I remind myself that I can't know what the best outcome is, etc.,

And yes, doing these things is hard, and I can't say I always remember to do them either).

Good luck!

[Freelancer]

Above are some great suggestions, read them carefully.

- refocus your attention to the present, the sensations you are feeling and what you are doing right now. As was said before read Tolle if you want to know more. If you can't do this yet, refocus on something positive and uplifting. If you are worrying about something, try and see the positive side of it. If you can't focus on something else. You know worrying about what might happen is pointless so you don't have to worry that you might miss something.
- changing is easy. Whats difficult is staying where you are now. It will require energy and repeated effort to get where you want to go, staying where you are will cost you even more making change then becomes easy.
- Laugh at the situation your worrying about, laugh at yourself for worrying about it. Learn to enjoy the sillyness of worry. Make it your prime target for bringing a smile to your day.
- don't implement all these changes that where suggested in this thread at once. Pick the one that you feel best about and run with that for a while, see if it makes a difference. If it doesn't, dont worry about it and move to the next one. You don't have to worry about exhausting all of these idea's, I can think of more exersizes if you need them.

[lostandloster]

Worrying is wasted energy. The only thing we can do in this life is show up, take some action. When we do, we do our best, keep our motives clean and then leave the outcome up to the Universe, our HP or God - whichever works for you. The outcome is something generally we have no control over. We do what we can have some control over and we let it go

lostandloster@gmail.com