How do you block people's words from affecting you?

[sonicpunk32]

Becaue, I've noticed over the years how sensitive I am to what people say, and do, and think about me and how insecure I am. In this thread I am not looking for ways of changing my personality to make me grow or mature as a solution to this. I just find it inconvenient most of the time to be in a place or situation which you cannot escape from, and you have no choice but to sit there and listen to what is going on around you and what is being said.

For example, when I was 12, I was always being forced by my mom to go to church and I had to sit there and listen to stuff I did not believe in and listen to the pastor's emotionally manipulative words, you know, the usual church sermons. Sitting there, I was a victim to the words being spoken, feeling the feelings they'd evoke, the thoughts that would be provoked would just completely override any of my own thoughts, and I'd find it much harder to think. If the pastor would start talking in a low soft voice about how pornography is dangerous and can consume you into addiction and adultery and how "there are people in the crowd tonight facing problems with pornography, perhaps it is even YOU" and then suddenly use a high authoritative voice to instill guilt "you have sinned against thy father, ask for forgiveness, you have commited adultery in the eyes of god," I would just get so swept in that. It would just generate thoughts and feelings inside me that I just DID NOT ASK FOR and I'd just lose my sense of self in that process. Uncomfortable feelings, like guilt, shame, insecurities, and other stuff that just pisses me off, all at the mercy of someone's mouth over my ears.

It's very inconvenient, so I'm looking for a way that I could detach myself from this information/emotional overload at will, so that I can retain my dignity and control my perceptions without having other people's words ruin my state of mind by just opening their mouths. Is that possible?

[Plato]

Don't detach yourself at all. Don't try to ignore it either. The answer to your question is actually a paradigm shift. You must learn to find the source of your happiness within you and stop seeking it in the outside world. If you can't be happy right NOW, then you're not there yet. When you know that you can be happy all the time and don't NEED other people, you won't care what they say.

Oh another point is that when you reach this state you won't be affected by peoples' compliments either.

[sonicpunk32]

That sounds like it will take 20 years to do. But I think you missed the direction of my problem. I'm talking about oversensitivity and sensory overload.

[Plato]

You can be happy now if you choose. And you won't be sensitive to anything, you'll just be aware of what is, and you'll respond to it, rather than reacting to it.

p.s. I did say it was a paradigm shift

[sonicpunk32]

I'm sorry, what does happiness have to do with sensory overload?

[Plato]

You won't become "overloaded". Unless you have some kind of physical disorder.

p.s. do you know what paradigm shift means?

[wellbeing]

For me, I worked with a number of different tools to do this. But first I had to realise that it was my brain and I had to be the one in charge of my brain at times like you described. Someone had described to me my mind as a bus; was the driver driving the bus or the bus driving the driver? Once I "got" that point, it was an easy step to deciding that I didn't want other people drivinng my "bus" either.
Then it was a matter of me learning in which situations did I tend to alow other people to "drive my bus" (i.e., overload my mind). It sounds ike you already have a good bead on that already; good for you!
For me, different tricks worked in different situations and at different times, so you may want to experiment with some:
--Daydream/think of something else that does have meaning for you: this was great for me in situations like church which you described. I may have had to go but no one could tell if I was paying any attention.
--Imagine yourself inside a large cocoon with a mirrored exterior. For me, I was safe inside, protected, and the words or other stuff were reflected off the mirror away into the far reaches of the universe or deep in the ocean or something where they couldn't bother anyone else.
--Or my favorite mantra, from The Wizard of Oz, said by Glinda the Good to the Wicked Witch of the West: "(lilting laughter) Oo-oo-oo-oo...Rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone before someone drops a house on you." Works in so many situations.
I hope some (or all) of these wll be helpful to you and, as you learn how you control your experience, you'll get to that state that the other responder was describing. I think it's nice that there are many different ways to get to same place.
Have fun with this!

[Fullcrum]

The above advice won't take 20 years. You start living it as soon as you realize that it makes more sense than your previous way of being. That's when it clicks into your reality.

[sonicpunk32]

I've tried the daydreaming and having other thoughts in my head of things I like. But my mind isnt strong enough, I mean, the images arent powerful enough. After 2 minutes of flooding my head with the best thoughts I can think of, I suddenly find my mind unable to pay attention to them as the sensory input into my head is too strong. The sounds eventually catch my thoughts again. The only time I've been able to day dream is if I was extremely fatigued and yawning every 5 minutes. Otherwise, getting to that relaxed alpha state of mind with that kind of noise outside my head is impossible.

It's been suggested to me that perhaps my third eye isnt channeling enough energy as it should be getting and that I should work on clearing the negative energy around me. Therefore giving me a weak mind.

[The Cloud]

As long as you try to block out other people's words, you are reinforcing the state of mind that they can affect you. The more you try not to listen to them, the more time you'll find yourself thinking about them in the effort not to.

The point is not to avoid allowing the words to affect you, but evaluating the words for validity and accepting them when they are right, even if the source is one that you normally disagree with. You'll eventually find that it becomes rather funny what other people think when they start spouting what you know to be BS. The point is not to ignore them, but to have enough faith in yourself to know that you'll take from them what is good and let everything else slide past.

Otherwise you get so caught up in being right that you don't dare listen to others because you're so worried that they might influence you to believe something wrongly. This prevents you from learning from new perspectives and ideas which may have a grain of truth in an otherwise unsound argument. If you can stop being afraid of being wrong, then you can learn how to better be right.

[sonicpunk32]

I still want that option to be able to block at will. Wow, this thread is going in the complete opposite direction than I intended. My problem isnt related to people. Perhaps I shouldnt have used the words "people." It affects me even when I go out to places where there is too much information to process, I have to think about my walking, remember the current thought I had in my head, figure out what other people are saying, process what to do next, all while all these sounds, smells, and sensations are flooding my head and I cant concentrate anymore. Driving a car is a nightmare for me cause of this.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Sensory Integration Dysfunction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There are therapy options you could try. I've seen them work in kids with autism spectrum disorders (they often have sensory overload issues as one symptom of autism). Specifically I've seen Auditory Integration Therapy used with good results.

[Louise Gilbert]

Hello - a few brief thoughts..

Practice being in the present moment, where the mind is still, where the body cannot hold onto things coming from the physical environment, you are energy, allow this to flow through you, you are a channel, you are a vessel - in this state, seemingly meaningful (even when unwanted) thoughts or emotions have no where other than through, not to.

Five minutes a day sitting and experiencing (not thinking) the breath, in and out, will be highly beneficial for you. In times of senses overload, remember that you are a channel of energy, focus on your breath.

On a mental level, become an observer to everything around you. Learn to detatch yourself from events, seeing them for what they are but noting that they are not you, and cannot threaten you.

I recommend A Course In Miracles if you are interested in taking up a spiritual course that will free you from the limitations of this world, and to remind yourself that you are love, and love cannot be threatened.

[Louise Gilbert]

Hi Sonic, a quick thought that you might benefit from some grounding exercises in order to bring your sensitivity to a balance that will help you to function a bit better in the real world. Grounding meditations where you connect yourself with the earth would be great but on a more practical level, eating root foods, running your wrists under water, smelling a strong aroma, breathe slow and deep..

I wonder where this gift of sensitivity could take you...?

[vapourmile]

Cool post sonic. You're identifying a huge problem that affects most people. Including the people here dishing out advice like it doesn't apply to them. The tiresome "I know something you don't know" crowd. The boring "I'm in such a happy place" merchants who never say anything useful.

Basically, you're in a cool place, the place you're in is "I'm deluded, but I know I'm deluded", that sounds bad but it immediately puts you ahead of the pack, because there are a whole load of people, many of them congregate around tedious New Agey subjects and places of such things, who are actually so stupid they think they aren't deluded.

Meditate. "Learn to find the source of your happiness within you"? woah, I bet that helped! :P I've been meditating for about eighteen years. It's a gradual process, and I can't say I'm any less deluded than I was before I started in general, but then again, not in general, I can sit down and clear my head of most of the nonsense in about three minutes flat.

Search for something that smells like it comes from as close to the source as possible: A reputable member of a reputable discipline. Use your own judgement for what that means in practice. If it looks like it might be crappy New Age preaching, it is.

[elisabeth]

Hi Sonic and all,

I have used the daydreaming one with good effects, but there are limits to how far it will work, and sometimes it's not practical.

I have two other thoughts of somewhat more indirect things that might help.

1) Honor the fact that being in situations that exhaust you or expose you to sensory overload are in fact draining you of energy and make sure that you give yourself enough space and alone-time (or whatever else replenishes your energy) to compensate. If you're an introvert (and I get the feeling that you are from your posts), you will need quite a bit of alone time to feel your best, and that's something that this culture doesn't exactly encourage, which can make getting it hard sometimes. So it'll take some effort to stand up for yourself and make it happen for you anyway. But it will be worth it.

2) Try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). In the situation, when you think about situations, etc. About doing it in the situation -- it helps to practice in privacy, but there are more subtle ways to do it that can be done almost anywhere. PM me if you'd like a copy of a report I wrote on how to do it if you like.

Hope this is useful.

[Acting Like Godot]

SonicPunk:

I can understand that when you're 12 years old, your parents may haul you off to church and you have to be there, whether you like it or not.

Presumably you're a lot older than 12 years old now. So I would like to ask - what kind of situations / places do you actually find yourself in nowadays, which you find impossible to "escape" from, and in which you must remain, so that you can suffer sensory overload?

[Acting Like Godot]

In my opinion ....

Originally Posted by vapourmile

Basically, you're in a cool place, the place you're in is "I'm deluded, but I know I'm deluded", that sounds bad but it immediately puts you ahead of the pack

... that was a rather misconceived comment. It suggests that SonicPunk is in some kind of competitive situation, where it is necessary for him to assess whether he is behind, with or ahead, of some kind of "pack".

Actually, SonicPunk, you only have your problem to solve, and you already know what your problem is. The problems of other people in the "pack", (whatever those problems are and however far or not far they've gone in tackling those problems)

are irrelevant.

[vapourmile]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

In my opinion ....



... that was a rather misconceived comment. It suggests that SonicPunk is in some kind of competitive situation, where it is necessary for him to assess whether he is behind, with or ahead, of some kind of "pack".

Actually, SonicPunk, you only have your problem to solve, and you already know what your problem is. The problems of other people in the "pack", (whatever those problems are and however far or not far they've gone in tackling those problems)

are irrelevant.

No it doesn't. It suggests I have made a value judgement on his awareness of his situation. What it suggests is that it's likely to help to start a meditation practice. i.e, exactly what I said.

It is a matter of fact that there are people who are deluded and people who are not. Obviously the latter are in the landslide minority. Whether you think that makes a life a race, or you don't care, is entirely your own issue. Sonic obviously cares.

[Parthon]

You have a lot of issues with other people vapourmile, perhaps you know something that you don't know?

For Sonic: The only way you can fully prevent yourself from being directly influenced by other people is in three ways.

1) Grounding. This involves soul searching and self discovery so you know what's true to you so when life gets turbulent you have some core inside that stops you from being blown about by circumstances. Only those people that know who they are can withstand all of the influences life sends.

2) Awareness. This involves matching up your view of reality with reality itself. You become more aware by testing your views of the world against the world itself. You not only need to test the view that come up, you need to find more view of your own to test, ones hidden from your everyday life. When you are aware you can see behind what people are saying, and know whether it is true for you or not. When what someone says isn't true, it's easy to discard when needed.

3) Filtering. Everyone has some kind of filtering, whether they know it or not. The key is that you search for and rip down your own filters, and then create ones that strengthen and support your life. The ones hidden from your view that you created in the past aren't consciously created, so they aren't the best filters you could be using. When you find out what you really believe and create filters to support that, it changes everything. It also stops you from being influenced in a negative way as you filter everything through what is important to you.

The first two I would work on are "I can't do anything about this." and "Other things in the world are always affecting me." I would ground myself in "I am the creator of my life." then use awareness to see where I am the driving force behind events and Filtering to discard those messages of worthlessness.

All in all, it's your core that determines how you really act in circumstances. Changing yourself and your actions permanently is a deep and thorough process that is not easy. No quick fix solution will work, but I know for sure that with effort you can break free of any constraints you feel in your life. Then question isn't "Can I?" but "Am I willing to?"

[The Cloud]

Haha, I'm sorry I didn't thoroughly read all your posts before posting myself. Bringing up the preacher and the feelings his words invoke was perhaps the wrong way to go about getting help for a case that seems to be more physical in origin. I don't know much about sensory overload, but apparently it is one of the primary attributes of autistic people. They are unable to filter incoming sensory input, so they become overloaded. This causes them to withdraw into a fantasy world, or to become extremely focused on a single repetitive movement or a single sense in order to limit how much incoming data they have to deal with. I believe that it is treatable with drugs, but you'd have to consult an expert on that.

[thoughtfull]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

It would just generate thoughts and feelings inside me that I just DID NOT ASK FOR and I'd just lose my sense of self in that process. Uncomfortable feelings, like guilt, shame, insecurities, and other stuff that just pisses me off, all at the mercy of someone's mouth over my ears.

It's very inconvenient, so I'm looking for a way that I could detach myself from this information/emotional overload at will, so that I can retain my dignity and control my perceptions without having other people's words ruin my state of mind by just opening their mouths. Is that possible?

I was wondering if you might be an empath , what you experienced might belong to someone near by . You might search "book of storms" by Jad Alexander , it might give you some insight .

[Liara Covert]

It helps to realize that how you feel is a choice. Form the moment you realize you control what you think and feel, you will no longer feel like a victim

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

I have to think about my walking, remember the current thought I had in my head, figure out what other people are saying, process what to do next, all while all these sounds, smells, and sensations are flooding my head and I cant concentrate anymore. Driving a car is a nightmare for me cause of this.

Okay,

Here's the thing: You don't have to be thinking all the time. Most of us have a compulsive habit of following every line of thought that pops into our heads. This is not necessary, and leads to the kind of overload you are talking about.

Your mind is constantly throwing thoughts at you, like a crazy person on a loudspeaker. Some are useful, most are not. Thoughts tend to be repetitive and judgmental and the vast majority do nothing to serve you. The gap between thoughts is pure attention, and that space is where peace and clarity reside. Actions become graceful and deliberate, and when thoughts do arise, they are clear and contained.

The mind is a tool. It doesn't have to be used all the time, but it wants to be. It's always looking for some dilemma to engage in, some mental stance to take, some judgment to make. You have to be aware of its tendency to want to find something to think about! It's quite immature in that sense.

There are many books and resources that can teach you what is happening in your mind and how to deal with it. The best author on this topic that I am aware of is Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now and A New Earth both address this issue directly and clearly. I highly recommend them. Ignore this suggestion at your own peril!

[Revolution]

A wise person once said: words cannot affect you unless there is a part (even a small) part which believes them to be true.

For instance if someone were to come up to a really beautiful person and say "you are disgusting and gross" the beauty would probably not take it to heart. But the same words to someone with major image-issues would likely cause major upset.

Another thing is there is wisdom in EVERYTHING - in a sense. For example if you hear someone crapping on - and you KNOW that they are terribly misguided you can see not only humour but your own wisdom. In other words if you read rubbish - you are getting in touch with you inner wisdom by recognizing it as such. Or if you read something that resonates with you then you are again getting in touch with your inner truth.

[sonicpunk32]

All of your responses are great, but I dont think most of them apply to my situation. I think I have a deeper problem than that.

Is anyone here familiar with the third eye? Autism, in my opinion, is a case where a person's third eye has too much energy for them to control, thereby overpowering their consciousness. A normal person's third eye, has enough energy that the person can control with some application of their will. It can be turned on, for day dreaming, for visualizing, or for intense thought or concentration. In my opinion, besides having psychic visions and all that, the basic function of the third eye is to provide energy to the mind and power to the will. This energy allows our mind to have thoughts, and to access the non-physical planes where our imagination comes from and is experienced in. The amount of this energy determins how the mind can function.

Now in my case, the energy coming into my mind is very weak. Remember, autistics and people with ADHD have too much of this energy to handle. Am I making any sense? I only have auditory thoughts, my visual thoughts are weak, in fact, I dont have any. My short term memory for thoughts is very short, so doing things like solving a simple math problem takes a significantly longer time than normal. When I talk, I can only hold one or two concepts in my head, so visualizing multiple concepts and merging them together, is nearly impossible. My visual-spatial processing sucks, I sometimes wonder how I can still drive a car, cause there's been so many close calls due to my inability to multitask multiple visual cues, like say keeping an eye on the car in front of me while at the same time minding all 3 sides of the car, while attempting to change lanes while calculating the speed of the car approaching in that lane.

In the past eight years I have tried everything to improve my mind, nothing has changed. Meditation, hypnosis, positive affirmations, concentration exercises. My mind is still under powered. The third eye, in my opinon, allows a person's consciousness to escape and override the physical sensory input that connects us to the physical world. I... am not so much able to do that, so when faced with incredible amounts of input from the outside world, my access to my internal world becomes limited to nearly impossible. I dont know what is preventing my third eye's energy from flowing, but if I could fix that, my problems would be over.

I wouldnt say it's a brain disorder, just an energetic disorder, I think my brain is just fine. I believe our thoughts and dreams dont come from the brain, but they come from the universe, through our third eye.

[DayInTheLife]

If you have concluded that you are somehow disabled, then you will be disabled in exactly that way, and you'll have to deal with that. This is the power of thought; it can redefine reality. It can disable or even kill you.

If your abilities of focus still seem to be underpowered, I suspect you have not explored meditation enough to understand what it can do for you and your mind.

People always say "Oh I tried meditation, it doesn't work for me." They cannot set aside the thought of where they want to be long enough to be able to understand where they are or what they are doing.

Every conclusion you've come to, every opinion you have about your dilemma, every statement you've made in your post, is only a thought. Thoughts are poor substitutes for reality. To cultivate the space between them is to be able know the difference.

[sonicpunk32]

I never concluded that I'm disabled. You just dont know what I'm talking about. And I have explored meditation well enough. It has nothing to do with focus.

[Angela]

Sonicpunk, I'm not sure if it's possible to avoid being affected by what is said by others, because we all affect each other all the time (how can we help it? We're all in this together.) But you can control how you're affected -- by controlling what you make it mean.

You are sensitive and easily overloaded emotionally. Unless you have a neural or psychological condition that leaves you physically helpless to outside stimuli, you can reach a pretty good state of control by deliberately thinking thoughts that control what you make outside stimuli mean.

So for instance the minister's words that leave you feeling guilty and ashamed... if you were to deliberately think thoughts that his truth is his own truth, and not The Truth, you'll create for yourself an opening out of the oppression of other people's opinions.

You can trust your own inner truth, Sonicpunk. It's not always easy, I know. But it's worth cultivating, because your inner truth (or expanded self -- I love that term!) will support you in living a life you love.

[sonicpunk32]

normally, i can do what you're describing Angela, but it's not what i'm going for. you can only battle people's thoughts in your head for so long. after ten minutes, my mind gets tired of actively negating the words, and i'm left there at the whim of the pastor's words. what i want is to cut off the input of their words from entering my head in the first place. i lack that ability most people have to escape into another world with my imagination.