How do you block people's words from affecting you?

[sonicpunk32]

Becaue, I've noticed over the years how sensitive I am to what people say, and do, and think about me and how insecure I am. In this thread I am not looking for ways of changing my personality to make me grow or mature as a solution to this. I just find it inconvenient most of the time to be in a place or situation which you cannot escape from, and you have no choice but to sit there and listen to what is going on around you and what is being said.

For example, when I was 12, I was always being forced by my mom to go to church and I had to sit there and listen to stuff I did not believe in and listen to the pastor's emotionally manipulative words, you know, the usual church sermons. Sitting there, I was a victim to the words being spoken, feeling the feelings they'd evoke, the thoughts that would be provoked would just completely override any of my own thoughts, and I'd find it much harder to think. If the pastor would start talking in a low soft voice about how pornography is dangerous and can consume you into addiction and adultery and how "there are people in the crowd tonight facing problems with pornography, perhaps it is even YOU" and then suddenly use a high authoritative voice to instill guilt "you have sinned against thy father, ask for forgiveness, you have commited adultery in the eyes of god," I would just get so swept in that. It would just generate thoughts and feelings inside me that I just DID NOT ASK FOR and I'd just lose my sense of self in that process. Uncomfortable feelings, like guilt, shame, insecurities, and other stuff that just pisses me off, all at the mercy of someone's mouth over my ears.

It's very inconvenient, so I'm looking for a way that I could detach myself from this information/emotional overload at will, so that I can retain my dignity and control my perceptions without having other people's words ruin my state of mind by just opening their mouths. Is that possible?

[Plato]

Don't detach yourself at all. Don't try to ignore it either. The answer to your question is actually a paradigm shift. You must learn to find the source of your happiness within you and stop seeking it in the outside world. If you can't be happy right NOW, then you're not there yet. When you know that you can be happy all the time and don't NEED other people, you won't care what they say.

Oh another point is that when you reach this state you won't be affected by peoples' compliments either.

[sonicpunk32]

That sounds like it will take 20 years to do. But I think you missed the direction of my problem. I'm talking about oversensitivity and sensory overload.

[Plato]

You can be happy now if you choose. And you won't be sensitive to anything, you'll just be aware of what is, and you'll respond to it, rather than reacting to it.

p.s. I did say it was a paradigm shift

[sonicpunk32]

I'm sorry, what does happiness have to do with sensory overload?

[Plato]

You won't become "overloaded". Unless you have some kind of physical disorder.

p.s. do you know what paradigm shift means?

[wellbeing]

For me, I worked with a number of different tools to do this. But first I had to realise that it was my brain and I had to be the one in charge of my brain at times like you described. Someone had described to me my mind as a bus; was the driver driving the bus or the bus driving the driver? Once I "got" that point, it was an easy step to deciding that I didn't want other people drivinng my "bus" either.
Then it was a matter of me learning in which situations did I tend to alow other people to "drive my bus" (i.e., overload my mind). It sounds ike you already have a good bead on that already; good for you!
For me, different tricks worked in different situations and at different times, so you may want to experiment with some:
--Daydream/think of something else that does have meaning for you: this was great for me in situations like church which you described. I may have had to go but no one could tell if I was paying any attention.
--Imagine yourself inside a large cocoon with a mirrored exterior. For me, I was safe inside, protected, and the words or other stuff were reflected off the mirror away into the far reaches of the universe or deep in the ocean or something where they couldn't bother anyone else.
--Or my favorite mantra, from The Wizard of Oz, said by Glinda the Good to the Wicked Witch of the West: "(lilting laughter) Oo-oo-oo-oo...Rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone before someone drops a house on you." Works in so many situations.
I hope some (or all) of these wll be helpful to you and, as you learn how you control your experience, you'll get to that state that the other responder was describing. I think it's nice that there are many different ways to get to same place.
Have fun with this!

[Fullcrum]

The above advice won't take 20 years. You start living it as soon as you realize that it makes more sense than your previous way of being. That's when it clicks into your reality.

[sonicpunk32]

I've tried the daydreaming and having other thoughts in my head of things I like. But my mind isnt strong enough, I mean, the images arent powerful enough. After 2 minutes of flooding my head with the best thoughts I can think of, I suddenly find my mind unable to pay attention to them as the sensory input into my head is too strong. The sounds eventually catch my thoughts again. The only time I've been able to day dream is if I was extremely fatigued and yawning every 5 minutes. Otherwise, getting to that relaxed alpha state of mind with that kind of noise outside my head is impossible.

It's been suggested to me that perhaps my third eye isnt channeling enough energy as it should be getting and that I should work on clearing the negative energy around me. Therefore giving me a weak mind.

[The Cloud]

As long as you try to block out other people's words, you are reinforcing the state of mind that they can affect you. The more you try not to listen to them, the more time you'll find yourself thinking about them in the effort not to.

The point is not to avoid allowing the words to affect you, but evaluating the words for validity and accepting them when they are right, even if the source is one that you normally disagree with. You'll eventually find that it becomes rather funny what other people think when they start spouting what you know to be BS. The point is not to ignore them, but to have enough faith in yourself to know that you'll take from them what is good and let everything else slide past.

Otherwise you get so caught up in being right that you don't dare listen to others because you're so worried that they might influence you to believe something wrongly. This prevents you from learning from new perspectives and ideas which may have a grain of truth in an otherwise unsound argument. If you can stop being afraid of being wrong, then you can learn how to better be right.

[sonicpunk32]

I still want that option to be able to block at will. Wow, this thread is going in the complete opposite direction than I intended. My problem isnt related to people. Perhaps I shouldnt have used the words "people." It affects me even when I go out to places where there is too much information to process, I have to think about my walking, remember the current thought I had in my head, figure out what other people are saying, process what to do next, all while all these sounds, smells, and sensations are flooding my head and I cant concentrate anymore. Driving a car is a nightmare for me cause of this.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Sensory Integration Dysfunction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There are therapy options you could try. I've seen them work in kids with autism spectrum disorders (they often have sensory overload issues as one symptom of autism). Specifically I've seen Auditory Integration Therapy used with good results.

[Louise Gilbert]

Hello - a few brief thoughts..

Practice being in the present moment, where the mind is still, where the body cannot hold onto things coming from the physical environment, you are energy, allow this to flow through you, you are a channel, you are a vessel - in this state, seemingly meaningful (even when unwanted) thoughts or emotions have no where other than through, not to.

Five minutes a day sitting and experiencing (not thinking) the breath, in and out, will be highly beneficial for you. In times of senses overload, remember that you are a channel of energy, focus on your breath.

On a mental level, become an observer to everything around you. Learn to detatch yourself from events, seeing them for what they are but noting that they are not you, and cannot threaten you.

I recommend A Course In Miracles if you are interested in taking up a spiritual course that will free you from the limitations of this world, and to remind yourself that you are love, and love cannot be threatened.

[Louise Gilbert]

Hi Sonic, a quick thought that you might benefit from some grounding exercises in order to bring your sensitivity to a balance that will help you to function a bit better in the real world. Grounding meditations where you connect yourself with the earth would be great but on a more practical level, eating root foods, running your wrists under water, smelling a strong aroma, breathe slow and deep..

I wonder where this gift of sensitivity could take you...?

[vapourmile]

Cool post sonic. You're identifying a huge problem that affects most people. Including the people here dishing out advice like it doesn't apply to them. The tiresome "I know something you don't know" crowd. The boring "I'm in such a happy place" merchants who never say anything useful.

Basically, you're in a cool place, the place you're in is "I'm deluded, but I know I'm deluded", that sounds bad but it immediately puts you ahead of the pack, because there are a whole load of people, many of them congregate around tedious New Agey subjects and places of such things, who are actually so stupid they think they aren't deluded.

Meditate. "Learn to find the source of your happiness within you"? woah, I bet that helped! :P I've been meditating for about eighteen years. It's a gradual process, and I can't say I'm any less deluded than I was before I started in general, but then again, not in general, I can sit down and clear my head of most of the nonsense in about three minutes flat.

Search for something that smells like it comes from as close to the source as possible: A reputable member of a reputable discipline. Use your own judgement for what that means in practice. If it looks like it might be crappy New Age preaching, it is.

[elisabeth]

Hi Sonic and all,

I have used the daydreaming one with good effects, but there are limits to how far it will work, and sometimes it's not practical.

I have two other thoughts of somewhat more indirect things that might help.

1) Honor the fact that being in situations that exhaust you or expose you to sensory overload are in fact draining you of energy and make sure that you give yourself enough space and alone-time (or whatever else replenishes your energy) to compensate. If you're an introvert (and I get the feeling that you are from your posts), you will need quite a bit of alone time to feel your best, and that's something that this culture doesn't exactly encourage, which can make getting it hard sometimes. So it'll take some effort to stand up for yourself and make it happen for you anyway. But it will be worth it.

2) Try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). In the situation, when you think about situations, etc. About doing it in the situation -- it helps to practice in privacy, but there are more subtle ways to do it that can be done almost anywhere. PM me if you'd like a copy of a report I wrote on how to do it if you like.

Hope this is useful.

[Acting Like Godot]

SonicPunk:

I can understand that when you're 12 years old, your parents may haul you off to church and you have to be there, whether you like it or not.

Presumably you're a lot older than 12 years old now. So I would like to ask - what kind of situations / places do you actually find yourself in nowadays, which you find impossible to "escape" from, and in which you must remain, so that you can suffer sensory overload?

[Acting Like Godot]

In my opinion ....

Originally Posted by vapourmile

Basically, you're in a cool place, the place you're in is "I'm deluded, but I know I'm deluded", that sounds bad but it immediately puts you ahead of the pack

... that was a rather misconceived comment. It suggests that SonicPunk is in some kind of competitive situation, where it is necessary for him to assess whether he is behind, with or ahead, of some kind of "pack".

Actually, SonicPunk, you only have your problem to solve, and you already know what your problem is. The problems of other people in the "pack", (whatever those problems are and however far or not far they've gone in tackling those problems)

are irrelevant.

[vapourmile]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

In my opinion ....



... that was a rather misconceived comment. It suggests that SonicPunk is in some kind of competitive situation, where it is necessary for him to assess whether he is behind, with or ahead, of some kind of "pack".

Actually, SonicPunk, you only have your problem to solve, and you already know what your problem is. The problems of other people in the "pack", (whatever those problems are and however far or not far they've gone in tackling those problems)

are irrelevant.

No it doesn't. It suggests I have made a value judgement on his awareness of his situation. What it suggests is that it's likely to help to start a meditation practice. i.e, exactly what I said.

It is a matter of fact that there are people who are deluded and people who are not. Obviously the latter are in the landslide minority. Whether you think that makes a life a race, or you don't care, is entirely your own issue. Sonic obviously cares.

[Parthon]

You have a lot of issues with other people vapourmile, perhaps you know something that you don't know?

For Sonic: The only way you can fully prevent yourself from being directly influenced by other people is in three ways.

1) Grounding. This involves soul searching and self discovery so you know what's true to you so when life gets turbulent you have some core inside that stops you from being blown about by circumstances. Only those people that know who they are can withstand all of the influences life sends.

2) Awareness. This involves matching up your view of reality with reality itself. You become more aware by testing your views of the world against the world itself. You not only need to test the view that come up, you need to find more view of your own to test, ones hidden from your everyday life. When you are aware you can see behind what people are saying, and know whether it is true for you or not. When what someone says isn't true, it's easy to discard when needed.

3) Filtering. Everyone has some kind of filtering, whether they know it or not. The key is that you search for and rip down your own filters, and then create ones that strengthen and support your life. The ones hidden from your view that you created in the past aren't consciously created, so they aren't the best filters you could be using. When you find out what you really believe and create filters to support that, it changes everything. It also stops you from being influenced in a negative way as you filter everything through what is important to you.

The first two I would work on are "I can't do anything about this." and "Other things in the world are always affecting me." I would ground myself in "I am the creator of my life." then use awareness to see where I am the driving force behind events and Filtering to discard those messages of worthlessness.

All in all, it's your core that determines how you really act in circumstances. Changing yourself and your actions permanently is a deep and thorough process that is not easy. No quick fix solution will work, but I know for sure that with effort you can break free of any constraints you feel in your life. Then question isn't "Can I?" but "Am I willing to?"

[The Cloud]

Haha, I'm sorry I didn't thoroughly read all your posts before posting myself. Bringing up the preacher and the feelings his words invoke was perhaps the wrong way to go about getting help for a case that seems to be more physical in origin. I don't know much about sensory overload, but apparently it is one of the primary attributes of autistic people. They are unable to filter incoming sensory input, so they become overloaded. This causes them to withdraw into a fantasy world, or to become extremely focused on a single repetitive movement or a single sense in order to limit how much incoming data they have to deal with. I believe that it is treatable with drugs, but you'd have to consult an expert on that.

[thoughtfull]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

It would just generate thoughts and feelings inside me that I just DID NOT ASK FOR and I'd just lose my sense of self in that process. Uncomfortable feelings, like guilt, shame, insecurities, and other stuff that just pisses me off, all at the mercy of someone's mouth over my ears.

It's very inconvenient, so I'm looking for a way that I could detach myself from this information/emotional overload at will, so that I can retain my dignity and control my perceptions without having other people's words ruin my state of mind by just opening their mouths. Is that possible?

I was wondering if you might be an empath , what you experienced might belong to someone near by . You might search "book of storms" by Jad Alexander , it might give you some insight .