Petrified

[hallwayofalways]

I'm not sure which area to post this so I'm going to post it here since the overall idea is fear.

Right now I'm working in a web related field doing freelance design work. I started this a couple years ago after a long bout of unemployment (or less than ideal employment) that I experienced right out of college.

A friend of mine and a colleague of theirs took me on to do work for clients they had. I wasn't really prepared for all the responsibility. It felt like going from 0mph to 100mph.

Needless to say, I messed up A LOT, which subsequently left me getting less and less work from them.

So my income source is drying up.

I have tried to obtain new projects in the field but...it seems that every time I try, I either get no response or if I happen to get my foot in the door, I end up choking.

The very idea of contacting people makes me anxious...

For awhile now, I've considered going in a new direction, but the problem there is I don't really feel that ANY choice I make will end well.

Has anyone experienced this or anything like it? Any insights?

Thanks.

[Tayrak]

This is perfectly normal, you're fine. Feel better? I know a bit snippish. Take a puppy as an example, if he sniffs your boot and you smack him with a newspaper it isn't going to take too long and the little guy isn't going to go near boots. If you realize you've traumatized the poor little bugger you'll feel bad and hug the little guy. He'll feel better but he'll still never go near boots.
Basically that's what's happened to you. You messed up, twack, you messed up again, twack, and I bet no one gave you a hug.

"but the problem there is I don't really feel that ANY choice I make will end well."

See, you're shying away, who wants to get twacked? The real problem is no one is going to give you a hug and show you how to start out right. You said you felt like you went from 0 to 100 mph, they started you off too quick and when you stumbled they just pushed you to the side.

What happened is you've been conditioned to fail. You fail and get punished for it, you instinctively move away. What should have happened is they kept a watch on you while you were new. Instead of waiting for projects to come in wrong, they would have caught it sooner, helped you see what changes were necessary, and in the end, success. Positive reinforcement. You would have known what wasn't acceptable and how to replace it with something that was acceptable. Too late for that now. These are not people you associate help with.

Design a website. Sit back and look at it. Happy? Pat yourself on the back. You can do this, there is the proof.
You're still scared until you get a client that is happy with what you have done, (that newspaper stings for a long time). So you have to force yourself to approach someone. If you get a client, keep in mind there are different ways of dealing with people. Ask them specifically what they want, get periodic updates on what you have done to that point, are they happy with it? If not what changes are they looking for? Take the attitude that you are working in partnership with them, they get a say, and they have to input that say. Most people don't have a clue but if you show them a few samples they will like something and point that out. There isn't that big surprise when it's all done, they've been along for the ride. If they don't like it it's their fault too, they should have spoken up at some point.

Instead of the "I'm going to fail" attitude you have to switch to "I can do this" this entails a few changes until you build up your confidence. Make this a new start, it isn't the same situation.
(and if someone comes at you with a newspaper tell them to hold up with that, a simple explanation will suffice nicely.)

Tayrak

[hallwayofalways]

Thanks for the response. It really got me to thinking.

The puppy analogy is very apt in more ways than one.

People have alluded to what you said but no one ever actually said it.

Thanks again

[ken nubo]

Hi hallwayofalways,

I KNOW how you feel. My advice is, be scared but do it anyways.

[hallwayofalways]

Thanks Ken, it's good to know others have experienced this sort of thing and came out alright.

I think all that I need now is focus.

[jonarmis]

This feeling is but natural. Don't be afraid, in every field of career or endeavor professionals at some point do burn out. I think you need some motivation to keep you going. Seek some mentoring or coaching, it will do your online career good.

Best of luck,
JA