Social Phobia

[syllie]

Hi there,

I am a girl in my mid-twenties & have generally been social my whole life. I am quite confident in some ways, but there is another side to me that I find to be emotionally crippling. I consider myself to be a highly aware individual & sometimes that awareness seems to work against me in social situations. I have an easy time talking to easy going folks, but when it comes to authority figures (like a new boss) or someone otherwise intimidating, I freeze & the real me involuntarily hides. I try to surface but my mind surrenders to the negative. My emotions control me.

I recently started a great job & the office is very large (100+). For the most part, I have had an easy time communicating with everyone, but we had an office meeting the other day where all the new employees were being introduced. During this meeting I started feeling very short of breath, hot & light headed. I felt like anxiety was taking over & I started to panic. When I knew that my name was going to be called & I would be asked some personal question, I felt like I needed to leave & so I did. I took a breather in the bathroom & went for a walk. Eventually my emotions stabilized & I was able to return back to work. This upset me as even though I have been nervous many times before, I never felt the need to run. How do I deal with these types of situations? I told myself "mind over matter, mind over matter", but my mind was filled with thoughts of worry. Any suggestions, experiences or techniques would be greatly appreciated.

[Erin Pavlina]

That used to be me. Whenever I knew I was going to have to speak in front of people (even sitting down) where attention was going to be drawn to me and all eyes upon me I would have a panic attack and flee the scene.

My recovery is a really long story, but the gist of it is that I had to learn to let go of what other people thought of me. I had to let go of the fear of being judged or looked at.

And honest to god, Toastmasters helped me learn to speak in front of people comfortably. Recently I started taking a class at our local college and we had to introduce ourselves to the class and say why we were taking the class and in the past that would have made me panic. But this time I was actually looking forward to it and had not one moment of panic whatsoever.

I tell you this so you know it's possible to overcome this.

(Spiritually speaking, work on your power chakra [3rd] and it will help).

[syllie]

thanks, erin

[Josephus Magnus]

If you are having difficulty accessing your 3rd chakra there are prescription medications for social anxiety such as Lexapro or Citalopram.

[syllie]

Originally Posted by Josephus Magnus

If you are having difficulty accessing your 3rd chakra there are prescription medications for social anxiety such as Lexapro or Citalopram.

i am not interested in chemical "solutions" that will only add to the list of issues in terms of side effects. i have read many horror stories about trying to find *the* medication & it all seems like a roller coaster to me. i understand that some do need them after having tried everything to no avail, but i believe in my heart that this is something i can grow from.

[Erin Pavlina]

I did not take any medication for my anxiety either and I was able to overcome it in time. I went to a therapist for 2 sessions and then he told me to go to like a group therapy situation but I didn't want to reinforce my condition by being around so many others who had the same condition. Nothing against them or anything, but I set a course for wellness and worked on making myself a vibrational match for the person I saw myself becoming.

[Jules17]

Hi Erin,

This is me as well, I have run away from situations that have involved me speaking in public. I'm intrigued - how do you set yourself to be a vibrational match to be the person you want. And how do you work on the 3rd chakra (power) - what do you do?

Thanks

Julie

[Erin Pavlina]

I got clear about how I wanted to be, admitting I wasn't that person yet. Then I started noticing what it was about her that was different than my current self. I slowly became more and more like her while sloughing off the old behaviors that weren't going to be part of the new me.

Working on chakras... long explanation involved here, but the short of it is that you can boost your power in any chakra. Read my blog entry on chakras for more info.

[Spartan]

I find that if I am tired then I often feel more anxious or have a harder time controlling anxiety. Also, once I get into a pattern of acting anxiously around certain people, groups of people, or even places, then I get into a habit of doing so which is hard to break.

Sometimes I feel completely confident and can discuss ideas freely to a seminar class of 20 people. Other times I feel like a nervous wreck when speaking one on one. It's weird!

edit: I noticed that you said you felt short of breath. I have been told that many of the anxious symptoms can be alleviated if you change your breathing. When someone feels anxious they start to breath faster and only through the chest - this actually causes the symptoms of anxiety. When you next notice you feel anxious try to become conscious of your breathing, then control it by breathing slower and through the stomach instead of the chest. This should help alleviate your anxiety.

[Lost In Everything]

I hear ya sista! And congrats to you with the job!

[hkalchemy]

I used to be terrified - and I mean terrified - of public speaking. Whatever kind of panic you felt, I felt it worse, believe me. Even speaking to a small group of friends was difficult for me, and I went out of my way to avoid speaking to groups. But then I got a job that required me to do some public speaking, so I just had to get on with it.

Over the years, it got easier and easier. It wasn't all plain sailing - sometimes I would take a step back after getting to a very comfortable and relaxed stage, and have a panic attack. But I just got back up there are kept going.

Even now, I sometimes have a bit of anxiety, but I've almost put all that behind me and now I usually enjoy public speaking, somthing I could ever have imnagined a few years ago.

So keep going, remember you're just a persona and so is everyone in the audience. No one's perfect and we're trying our best. Relax. And you'll be fine.

You're right - it isn't as if we take this action in order to force what we want to happen. We take the action because we know that it will happen anyway, so taking the steps to get there is inevitable. If I'm sure that I'll be going to work today, I get out of bed, get dressed, leave the house and drive to work. I don't just lie in bed dreaming about going to work. But there's no doubt I'm going!

[jonarmis]

Hi syllie,

The best way to get over the phobia is to expose yourself to what you fear about. Gradually you will learn ot overcome it all and that what you fear exactly is not worth worrying about.

I hope you get over everything soon!

Best,
JA

[robertanthony]

Hi Syllie

Social phobia is also called social anxiety. It can be triggered under certain circumstances. Think about the very first time that you had this feeling. What was going on in your life at that time.

I suspect also that there was an authority figure in your past who scared you and now when you come across new authority figures that anxiety gets triggered again.

A properly trained hypnotherapist with a qualification in NLP would be able to help you National Phobics' Society - NPS Home Page they treat these conditions every day.

[dave marshall]

Hi,

this can be resolved easily with a change in belief.

As an NLP practitioner I guaranteee it. Find a local practitioner, have a chat to them and a couple of sessions, mabye even one, will help.

Good luck

Dave

[robertanthony]

Hi Dave

I am from England also and an NLP'er. Good to see you here.

Rob

[littleboy]

Social phobia = fear of being rejected, fear of what other thinks about you.
Summary: Fear.

Fear of being rejected usually occurs in people who had though childhood (Its amazing, how our past(childhood) affects our personality in maturity).

You need to overcome fear, not to overcome the 'anxiety of speaking in the public, or socializing or similiar'.
Fear is 'incorporated' in us in the process of programming (thats how i like to call that period of growing up(im a computer programmer) age 4-20 or so).

Fear is induced by looking at the future. What will happen in a day, or in a hour ... after i finish a speech in front of 20 people, or 1... if you 'project' in you mind that he is more important then you, like most of people do when they confront a boss or someone who allegedly have more authority over you.
Ok, first of all... why is he more important ? He gave you the job ? Screw that. The most important person for you, is .. you. You be what you are.
The problem is we all act, or where acting .. in some degree, and we'r afraid of being discovered. Of our social status being 'downgraded'.
Almost every person on earth have multiple identities. One that they are projecting to other people, and the one when theyr are alone with themselfs.

Second thing.
Fear of other people who have equal social status like you.
Why you should fear them ? You think they are perfect ? No. They arent.
Humans are far from perfection. We all have strong points, and weak points. I suck at geography, so i don't give a f if someone think im stupid, since I know something that he doesn't. So we'r both stupid then, when you look at it - fine with me. If he judge me, then I don't want to be near that person, since he is a bad person. I would rather live alone in isolation, then with those kind of people.

Third thing.
Job is like a old fashioned trade.
I will give you the carrots, you give me 10 bucks. You need my carrots, so you gotta pay me. Of course, you can buy them from someone else, but you already hired me for the trade. If your not satisfied, I will sell them to someone else, but you will not pretend to be in charge of my life and my future, I will not fear you, since this is a mutual benefit.

Conclusion.
To get rid of fear, you need to get rid of your 'ego'... which is almost impossible in short time, but you can contain it a little.
Your ego, your thought, is crippling you. Preventing you to be functional.
We learned to fear. Im not talking about psychical fear, of being hurt, thats instinctive, rather.. im talking about psychological fear which we learned, like we learned to be ashamed of nudity and stuff like that.
You need to stop thinking. Thinking about the future. You need to have a disciplined mind, silent mind.
Be yourself. If you don't know who you are, work on that. Meditate, follow your thoughts, dont judge them... what ever they are.
Don't think. Meditation is not sitting in a room concentrating on sandy beech and sun, palms etc... those who do that, cant escape the restraints that the system/society forced in us, rather it is not thinking at all, just observing. If you start thinking your ego will come in game and censor part of your unique individual characteristics, that you may not like.
You can only overcome them if your just an observer, not a judge.
Our thinking is responsible for fear, for wars, for Gods for division between the people, for prejudice, for pride.

Key word is Love. Learn to Love yourself, to respect yourself, then you will not fear. Like I said, if someone don't accept you, you are better not to have that person in your life, you are not loosing anything.

P.S.
I started mentioning meditation, since I believe its the only effective way.
You can be in situations where you will not encounter fear, but a change or something new will induce it again. In a month, you will not fear your colleges, and similliar, but you will during your life encounter fear many more times, unless you eliminate the fear in the core. In your subconscious.

[joshziman]

I suffer from the same problem.

Here are some ideas and ways I'm trying to overcome these uncomfortable thoughts...

• Meditation
• Vigorous physical exercise (this is a good one)
• Journaling (remind yourself of progress, focusing on improvements)
• Talking to others openly about these issues (especially a psychologist)
• Simply saying "hello" to strangers I walk by
• Understanding and practicing the Law of Attraction

[dave marshall]

Hi joshziman,

if you could learn to change your beliefs you could avoid all of that hard work!

dave