banned from chatroom (rejection)

[sonicpunk32]

How do you deal when you've been banned by your ex-friends from a chatroom (an IRC channel to be exact) but your girlfriend still goes there but you dont want her to go there anymore cause you hate those people?

I stopped talking to them a few months ago, but I recently found out that my girlfriend still talks to them. So I joined the chatroom and they banned me on the spot. I had moved on too, till I found out that she still goes there and hangs out with them.

I'm confused as to what I'm feeling. Jealousy, possesiveness, rejection, betrayal, anger, insecure. How am I supposed to deal with this?

[Power]

LOL sorry forgive me...

You are making a big deal out of nothing. Let it go and move on, it's not worth your time getting angry and frustrated. Up until now, what has your anger, frustration and hatred have achieved for you?

Nothing....

So why waste and expend your time and energy into something not useful? Hey, she's your girlfriend and not your slave... she can do whatever she want. Would you want your girlfriend telling you what you can and cannot do?

It doesn't matter whatever happened and how you got yourself banned and humiliated. What matters is what you are now going to do about the situation. To wage war to that community would be unwise. Sit back and rethink of what just happened and learn to let it go. I'm not advocating that you back down everything in life and let things go. There are times when you should fight for your rights,... but trust me, this is not one of them.

Even be careful,... your girlfriend can use your excuses to dump you, and that's the last thing you want to ever happen. A man who sulks is not an attractive site. Be a man and put it behind you.

[sonicpunk32]

I forgot to mention that I have feelings. I need something to help me "be a man and put it behind" me.

[Power]

Originally Posted by Power

Sit back and rethink of what just happened and learn to let it go.

Everyone has feelings. Controlling your emotions is very important, others would call it EQ (emotional quotient)

Sit back and rethink... was it their fault?... was it your fault?... is there something that you learned from the situation?... is there something you need to avoid in the future?... can you forgive the wrong doers?... can you understand the misunderstandings?... should you make peace?... should you apologize?... do you require an apology from them? should you be saying those things to your GF?... how would you feel if you put yourself in your GF's shoes?... have you put yourself in your ex-friends position? etc...

Self reflection is a form of releasing and controling runaway emotions
I didn't mean it literally "be a man"
Sit back and rethink/ self reflection and hopefully you will find the path of letting go or controlling the emotions

[carenkh]

The Work by Byron Katie can be SO helpful in situations like yours! She's got a lot of youtube videos, and a site that can help you work through your feelings, and accept the situation. I use the work and the questionnaire often, and it never fails to bring peace - and usually, laughter at my own thoughts of "how things should be"!

[Old Soul]

I understand how you feel

I was banned from a christian chatroom for defending a Catholic lady... seems this christian chatroom had all kinds of prejudice against others who are not of their own think

they were not worth the effort to get upset

[Plato]

Errr... are these real life friends or internet friends? If real, tell your gf that you don't like her hanging out with them. If internet, then get a freakin sense of perspective man!

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Plato

Errr... are these real life friends or internet friends? If real, tell your gf that you don't like her hanging out with them. If internet, then get a freakin sense of perspective man!

They're internet. What perspective? Man.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I am guessing he means if they are just people she talks to online, what's the big deal?

What are you afraid will happen if she continues to talk to them?

Do you think telling your girlfriend who to talk to and who not to talk to is optimal?

Those are the main questions I would ask myself here for starters.

[Fullcrum]

How old are you man? Just curious.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I am guessing he means if they are just people she talks to online, what's the big deal?

They're not just people, they're low-lifes. They are jerks. And I cant understand why she is still talking to them. In fact their reason for hating me is inexpicably immature, as i've never done anything to them. Except use a certain Operating System and be optimistic and spiritual when they're pessimistic and believe we are nothing but sacks of meat walking around in a pointless grub of dirt called "earth."

[Buddy]

There's an old saying. "Lie down with dogs and wake up with fleas." All things pass, remember YOU have the issue with these people, not your girlfriend. Don't make a bigger issue with her than you already have. She will resent you for it. Set it down and let it go.

[Fullcrum]

"In fact their reason for hating me is inexpicably immature, as i've never done anything to them."

Dude, you're being immature right now by caring about what these people think of you, and being jealous of your girlfriend for it. C'mon, look at what you're doing! At least read what we're saying and stop justifying yourself and trying to defend your position.

[elliot]

I can relate to your posting. I've been on IRC since 1997. There have been both ups and downs. I personally found it to be sort of an escape, from some of the harsh realities of everyday life.

Also, like you I have experienced being banned from one or more channels on multiple occasions. Overall it was like I was trying too hard to fit into a crowd of people who do not accept me for who I was. That and the whole idea of sitting in front of the computer communicating with people are essentially strangers really didn't do a whole lot for my own personal motivation. My conversations with others was reflective of this and in many ways let to my repeated bannings. After a while, people get tired of the same stuff you know?

The idea of rejection may be difficult to stomach at first, but in the long run it may be beneficial to get away from it all. Instead of constantly focusing on what you can't have, you can focus on things that truly bringing joy, or at least have a much greater level of personal productivity than before.

I'll admit I'm still working through this one myself. Dealing with rejection of any type really strikes down who you are as a person. Don't give up control of your emotions, be as objective as possible in this situation. At the very worst, find a new set of people to chat with.

[sonicpunk32]

You're right, rejection can set you apart and show you where you trully belong. I'm finding a new set of people right now as we speak. Though it's confusing finding where you belong after being rejected by a place you thought you belonged. But I'm trying.

[votoshka]

Well, I understand where you are coming from Sonic!

Regardless of whether or not you should care about what these people think of you, it does feel like a betrayal when someone you love goes and keeps talking to people who hate you. I totally understand that!!

Whether this feeling is right or wrong is irrelevant...

I'm not sure I can give you any advice about this situation, though. But I do understand why you feel hurt!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Though it's confusing finding where you belong after being rejected by a place you thought you belonged. But I'm trying.

You belong to me!

[sonicpunk32]

votoshka: Yay! Some sympathy. For now I've decided to bite my lip and try my best to ignore who her friends are, even when she talks about them. Is that a good idea?

Angela: All I can say is

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

You could ask her not to talk to you about them. I think that's reasonable.

[Louise Gilbert]

Hi Sonic, you probably know everything that anyone has ever said about why you should or shouldn't be feeling this way or that way, and to just get over yourself. If it were that easy, this forum wouldn't even exist, and probably neither would we! But..that's the beauty of putting it out there and enjoying the connection with others, regardless of what we all have to say..just know that you are not alone, that the feelings you are going through are part of the human condition and to be able to talk about it, and to ask 'why' of any kind is to take the first step of self-discovery and healing. As the Course of Miracles says - Once the Journey has begun, the ending is certain.

In order to get some relief from the anxieties you are going through you might want to check out the emotional freedom technique which is basically tapping on the energy meridians on your body in order to release the negative emotion. The website EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else has a free booklet to download and you can be tapping away in minutes!

Much love,

[evelynlim]

Hi Sonic,

I agree with the use of EFT as a practical tool to helping yourself deal with your negative emotions. Although consciously you may understand that there is no need to feel jealous, etc, subconsciously there is a chance that you may still feel negative. Do not deny what you feel. Simply release your emotions with EFT or any other technique.

Sometimes, when adversity happens, other opportunities for growth opens up. So take it in with a positive attitude and I'm sure you'll do fine :-)

Evelyn