Positivity

[blueflame]

Recently I've decided to turn my life around. Within the last few years I've been struggling with family issues and after a particularly rough break up I've been revamping the way I approach the world. I kept hearing people over and over tell me that if I have a positive attitude, good things would happen.
Overall, this is working very well and I'm having more success than I've ever had. However, it is hard to remain positive and find a balance. For example, I've lost two relatives (I wasn't all that close to either of them) and I have found myself pondering the line between allowing yourself to experience emotions without resistance or "trying to stomp them out" and having a positive attitude in life. Also difficult is encountering people who have a very negative attitude, and learning how to avoid reacting/being influenced by them. How do you all deal with these situations?

[Fullcrum]

Hey,

Glad you came to such a wonderful decision!

In your situation I would just experience your negative emotions without resistance. The key is "without resistance." Don't make an identity out of it - eg. "Oh no I'm a sad person!" "Oh no, now I can never be happy again because XYZ happened to me and I just can't let go!".

When dealing with people who are negative, it can be your positivity infecting them and making them question their own rut, or it can be you trying to "resist" negativity and not react. Which one would you rather focus on? If you truly feel your positive "core" shining through, and KNOW that that can never be covered up, then it won't. Make an effort to feel it in your everyday life. Then when negative people might show up, it's natural for you to simply remain positive. Use momentum to your advantage.

[Zoey Jordan]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Don't make an identity out of it - eg. "Oh no I'm a sad person!" "Oh no, now I can never be happy again because XYZ happened to me and I just can't let go!".

Wow, I think that's stated just wonderfully! I agree that you should keep perspective by reminding yourself that situations are ALWAYS temporary. One particular experience or situation does not need to be your reality.

[Power]

There are plenty of things in life that are contagious... flu, fungus, chickenpox. Laughing is contagious... No doubt, Negative attitude is contagious.... Optimism and Positivity is also contagious.

It will be kinda like a battle between good and evil; here you have Darth Vader telling you, "Come to the dark side Luke".

I have been told to surround myself with positive people and successful people because they will influence my life and thinking. Well, I have a diverse group of friends... I do have a few friends, who's the most of those negative people you could ever find on this planet . I still chose to be their friend and stay, even though I was taught that their attitude will have an affect on me. I was not comfortable leaving them because they themselves lack a group of friends. I chose to stay because their not bad people who stab me behind my back, they only criticize my positivism and be negative at every moment they can find.

I took it as a learning experience and a challenge. I remember a saying, "Your greatness is defined by how you handle difficult people." I knew what I was getting myself into and prepared myself at every moment of negative attacks, negative criticisms and negative attitudes. You see, we all have a choice... we have a choice of what we focus our attention on.

Remember when you were a kid and you were arguing with your siblings? You decided that you weren't going to pay attention to all the crap your siblings were telling you... remember what you did?... you covered your ears and chanted "la la la la la... la la la la la la...." if that didn't annoyed them, I wouldn't know what else is the most annoying thing in this planet lol . On a side note, I am not suggesting that you go and approach the situation in that manner.

We have the power to filter what we listen to, we have the power to filter what we pay attention to,… we have the power to filter our choices in life.

If a negative person can influence and affect another individual,... don’t you think that a positive person can also influence and affect another individual?.... You see there are countless of examples here on this planet. The leaders, the masters, the great people in this planet chose to hold unto their beliefs. They held and firmly decided that no matter how the world ridiculed them,.. that they are going to continue to strive, hold and follow their dreams. Would you let negativity get a hold of you and let it control and influence you? or.... would you cultivate, nurture positivism and let it flow, influence and affect others? There is no middle-earth, you either do or you don’t. It is also about how you handle yourself handling the screwed up and difficult situation.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by blueflame

I have found myself pondering the line between allowing yourself to experience emotions without resistance or "trying to stomp them out" and having a positive attitude in life.

To me, trying to stomp out/ignore/squash your emotions does more to make them come at you in force. My tactic is to allow and accept what I am feeling. Basically in this case you would acknowledge how you are feeling and focus on where in your body you feel the feeling. Then you don't try to resist it or "make it go away." You acknowledge, feel, see if there is anything the feeling is trying to tell you that may be important and then release it. If you try to fight it you end up suffering, in my experience.

Originally Posted by blueflame

Also difficult is encountering people who have a very negative attitude, and learning how to avoid reacting/being influenced by them. How do you all deal with these situations?

When I am feeling particularly vulnerable I might avoid contact with extremely negative people. In normal situations though I just let the negativity pass through me without getting stuck. To do this I realize that, regardless of it being directed at me or not, their negativity is not about me. I think people who are always really negative have a lot of pain in themselves. So it's easier to have compassion (careful not to turn it into condescension) than anything. Sometimes if you just stay very present and joyful it can make a difference. That takes practice too.

As you continue making good choices for yourself and learning and growing it will get much easier. I have times when negative people affect me, but those are getting less and less. I have times when I am overwhelmed with emotion, but I am able to come back to reality a lot sooner now. Keep up the good work.