Communicating emotions

[Spartan]

Hey, do you sometimes feel like face to face communication is a chore? And wish you didn’t have to worry about what emotions you are communicating to people? I wish I could just decide what emotion I want to communicate, e.g. positive, happy, relaxed and then put that emotion in cruise control. I sometimes dread face to face communication with certain people, because I feel incapable of communicating my intended emotions to them. That is the problem with face to face communication; emotions are a constant barrier. For example, I may be feeling really tired and introverted, and then appear really unfriendly to someone I like and want to be friendly to. It would be so much easier if you could choose an emotion like an emoticon.

[Angela]

Well, it doesn't work to communicate something you're not actually being. If you want someone to *get* friendliness from you, but you're being tired and introverted, your best bet is to change your way of being -- that is, to generate being a friend.

How do you do that? Glad you asked! First, you acknowledge what you're really being, right now, in this moment. Look at the thoughts you are thinking and believing that have you feeling tired and introspective. Next, see what thinking and believing those thoughts is costing you, and costing the other person. Then: what else would be possible if you were not believing those thoughts? What would be possible that inspires you?

Here's how it might go: You want Brunhilda to think you're friendly. What are you being? tired and introspective. What thoughts are you thinking and believing that have you feeling tired and introspective? Maybe things like: I've had a long day; I've already given my all to people today; there will be another chance with Brunhilda. They are only thoughts. What might be possible if I were not believing those things? Well, I could be alert. Maybe I would be being really interested and engaged in conversation with Brunhilda. I would be present and engaging. Yeah, those things inspire me! And in that moment of speculation and inspiration, being present and engaging is actually what you're being. You could even tell Brunhilda: You know, today was rough, but just being with you makes me feel really vital -- I'm so glad to connect with you! Tell me what's happening with you!

Just reading it may not mean much to you -- you have to work through it with your own inner truth in the moment. Good luck with Brunhilda!

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Angela

Good luck with Brunhilda!

Jesus, how did you know I was talking about Brunhilda!!!

Man, you make it sound oh so simple. I wish it was, or maybe it is? I don't know. I only know it's a struggle for me. What about you? Do you find it easy to 'change your way of being'?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Do you find it easy to 'change your way of being'?

I know you weren't asking me but...

I do find it hard sometimes, but it's usually because I believe it will be hard and I spend a lot of time thinking about the difficulty of changing. I allow myself to get into a cycle of doubt about my ability to shift to another way of being. When I accept where I am currently and do not resist so much it becomes immensely easier. There are days when I feel very overwhelmed and cannot imagine how I will do better. But when I do not let my thinking go further and further into the pit of despair ("don't even think about trying to escape, the chains are far too thick; and don't dream of being rescued either -- the only way in is secret -- only the prince, the count and I know how to get in and out") I am able to generate a new way of being more readily. And I often wonder at how easy it is when you don't sabotage yourself with "I can't" or "it's too hard."

[Angela]

It seems hard to change your way of being, because:
a) you've been believing your habitual thoughts for so long that they seem like a part of you, and it seems like if you stop believing them, you'll die; and
b) it's a little scary to confront the price you've been paying, and charging others, for believing them.

The good news about that is:
a) part of you will die! your habitual way of thinking dies as you practice making conscious choices in your life. What is born out of that is freedom! Freedom to make a difference in each moment of your life, and freedom to be in love with the moment.

b) yeah, it's pretty horrifying when you really get present to the cost of believing your habitual thoughts -- vitality, love, connection, joy, freedom. Ack! That's a high price to pay, don't you think! And by seeing clearly what you are habitually doing, it loses its power over you, and you become the cause of your own vitality, love, connection, joy, freedom, and whatever else inspires you.

Give it a try! What could it hurt? Next time you're feeling powerless (like maybe when you're thinking, "it's a struggle for me"), try recognizing the habitual thought going through your head. Experience what that costs you, and see if an inspiring new way of being occurs to you. The worst thing that could happen is that you'll be a little irritated with me. The best thing that could happen? hmmm, might have to ask Brunhilda!

[Spartan]

Wow, Angela, I am extremely jealous of your emotional mastery. Do you habitually feel powerful, positive, happy and ready for anything?

Aspiring to clarity thanks for your input, I can relate to your predicament. Once you allow yourself to get drawn into that 'pit of dispair' or 'cycle of doubt', it can be very hard to escape.

edit: I also think that lack of sleep has a lot to do with it. When I'm over tired I feel edgy and antisocial, and I just want the day to end as quickly as possible so I can go back to sleep. Conversely, when I've had just enough sleep, I feel much more ready to deal with things.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Do you habitually feel powerful, positive, happy and ready for anything?

No, habitually I feel stuck, worthless, and second-rate. The more I practice letting go of that and consciously generating being free, connected, joyful, and bold inspiration, the easier it gets, the more second-nature it becomes for me.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Angela

No, habitually I feel stuck, worthless, and second-rate. The more I practice letting go of that and consciously generating being free, connected, joyful, and bold inspiration, the easier it gets, the more second-nature it becomes for me.

Worthless and second-rate - I can relate to that. I usually only get those feelings when I compare myself to others. I think what's the point? There's too much competition for everything, too many people better than me in every way etc. However, I have realised that I am essentially worthless - the world isn't going to miss me. The only worth I have is the worth I give to myself.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I have realised that I am essentially worthless - the world isn't going to miss me.

Exactly! You had a thought, "I am essentially worthless" -- and you made it real -- you realized it. It is real for you. I love that word: "realized" -- it's so magical and descriptive!

Of course it's not real for me, or for the rest of the world. To me and to others, you are an essential component of the consciousness that is us. Without you, we would not be Who We Are. You are perfect, whole, and complete; you are a fountain of possibility. That's how I see you -- that's what I realize. And of course, I know you are hearing that through the veil of "I am essentially worthless!" It's too funny. And I am the same way. Everybody is!

The question for you is: Are you willing to feel good on purpose? And a step further: Are you extraordinarily willing to be in love with your life?