Depression As A Circular Chain

[kalyan]

hi friends,
i have a typical problem which i am facing from few ( 6 ) years.My problem started like this ,since from my childhood my maturity level was such that even my age was 17,i behaved like a 10 years boy.i don't know what made me like this,eventually i started facing problems from people around me especially from my friends this is due to my behavior ,because i still behaved like a kid.
but i sorted out few reasons for that child behavior

1 ) lack of maturity in deciding things ,whether it is good to do or not

2 ) when ever i face a problem from others, i tried to ignore it what ever the problem might be,i just avoided it ,since i feared that accepting the problem might create pain,so i didn't learn anything from the experiences which are kept before me

3 ) even if i analyze the problem which i face, i don't have any solutions for overcoming them,if they repeat in the future.I think, this may be due to low maturity level.so i failed to judge the things happening around me.


Everything stood fine until the day i was with my parents,but for doing graduation course i went to another place,where my residence was with my friends in a hostel and there is no choice except staying in the hostel since the expenses in staying some where is beyond my pocket money.With in few days things around me got changed ,i don't know what to talk before my friends since i can't judge ,if i talk something ,whether that words hurt others or it makes them happy or it makes them to ignore my words , i really don't know .Slowly problems started because of my behavior towards my friends ,i started taking steps for correcting my behavior ,but i don't know how to correct it ,because if i analyze the problem which i face ,i don't have a solution for avoiding it to happen for next time and i don't have any experiences that can guide me in avoiding any problem ,because i didn't create anything like that before.so after 2 years ,due to this prolonged problematic behavior, i lost confidence upon myself ,i really stopped making conversation with my friends because if i talk something with my friends it raised a new problem to me,so i stopped making conversation with my friends

This continued for 5 months after which i developed some kind of depression ,which forced me to worry ,cry even for small things and i started escaping from facing the challenges.Here the chain had started

DEPRESSION---lead me to --->improper observation of things around me--------lead to ------>few more problems from my friends -----------lead to---->DEPRESSION


This chain ruled my life,it created lot of disturbance in my career even though i have capabilities,interest in learning my favorite subjects ,but DEPRESSION made me to think about my past mistakes and with time i started fighting with me i.e with my brain ,its started hitting me everyday with the mistakes i had done in my past and i started fighting with me giving reply to it always that "please stop because i have nothing to do as it is my past " but it never listened to my words .Every day and night struggled continued and at last i decided to die ,which made my brain satisfied with my decision when ever it troubles me by making me remember my past i reply it with an answer that soon or later i will die,with this answer it used to become calm.

This kind of answer given to my brain eventually drawn my attention towards killing myself ,i lost interest towards my studies ,i stopped taking new challenges in my career ,i stopped enjoying with the things around me,even though i have money i have all kind of things which really satisfies a student in doing his regular work but they appeared to me as nothing ,i lost even interest of taking food , i started taking only once a day that too with complete compulsion from my friends ,even i was hungry i can't eat because,i lost interest in eating .

But my body got adjusted and brought me back to its normal state of taking food, with help of my friends it just happened.but they too don't know ,how to make this problem completely removed from me.

This kind of things went for 3 more years,but because of my strong opposition towards liquor and cigarette's i didn't get addicted to those habits.but the depression always ruled my life.

So within this 6 years ,i developed few maturity .so that's making me to sort out ,where i really stuck up at and i developed few experiences from the hard blows given by the people around me.These are the experiences which got crystallized from my little analysis towards the bunch of problems i faced.

Everyday i am trying to break up the DEPRESSION chain but ,it never stopped ,so staying alone had become miserable to me.so i started making my self happy my doing all kind of things seeing cinemas ,listening to good music and to make my brain restless so that it will not make me think about my past,i started criticizing others that filled me happiness ,for getting rid of this DEPRESSION.I asked for my parents help ,but they never cared about this.

My criticism went out of bounds and people started shouting at me,but i have no choice ,even if i try to study something which is useful in getting a job, for making my brain busy so that it will not make me think about my past ,it didn't allow me to do that ,it always disturbed me.if i stay silent my brain makes me worry about my past ,except during sleep it only stops making me feel sad,Friends please advice me so that i can break this DEPRESSION chain,i really don't think that i need a medical assistance because my stability got increased to a bit high level in the past few years ,but still my system gets collapsed if somethings goes wrong in an unexpected way,still i fail to judge what is correct what is wrong.i had become too Sensitive towards things around me.

Does this have an end ,if so ,is there any painless path for me to be followed,so that i can avoid problems with people around me.i am a good natured boy and i don't have intentions in harming or making others sad,but my conversation made others angry even though i don't have such intention.This may be due to lack of judging ,what to talk and what not to talk


Friends i will be waiting for your valuable advices ,please help me ,pleasee

[Acting Like Godot]

I think you should seek counselling or go see a doctor.

[bf1983]

I agree. What do we know? We're just a bunch of people floating around on a forum trying to find our own answers.

Seek out a professional for the right way for you.

Brian

[SunnKali]

I'm sorry your parents aren't more helpful. If they came from a culture where depression doesn't exist, it can be hard for them to know how to help. I agree you need to find some counselling or see a doctor.

Yes, things can be better. Believe it's possible even if it doesn't feel that way in your reality at the moment.

I'm a huge fan of Belleruth Naparstek. She's a clinical psychologist who has done a fantastic job putting together guided imagery audios.

The following link has some great tips to help ease depression and includes some suggestions for self-help strategies at the end.

Depression Help - Therapy, Tips and Guided Imagery to Fight Depression - Health Journeys

[The Cloud]

It sounds to me as if it is your friends' and parents' opinion of you that is what is driving your depression. Why is this? Why is it so important to you that your friends and parents accept you? And why is your reason for needing their acceptance important? And why is the reason for that important?

Continue going down this chain, and you will eventually answer your own question without any of us ever having to do it for you. That is what you want, isn't it? A reason why this is happening to you? The answers you already have aren't good enough, or you wouldn't be depressed. All you really have to do is ask without assuming that you already know the answer.