i Hate my birthday

[Angelwings]

Today is my b-day. I m 22 now. I never really like birthday, each year I hated the fact that I m getting older, less attractive, more worries and more responsiblities, more grown up, more career oriented.

I just wish i m not an adult. Being 21 is way so much cooler and sounds alot younger and alot fun than 22. I never enjoyed my Birthyday eversince i was a teen. I dont know what is wrong with me. I always feel like an old lady on birthday, i just cant seemed to lighten up and enjoy being older each year. I never have a huge birthday celebration like my other friends with money , they can invite friends and throw huge parties at home. My family just wont allow me to have a party at home. Also, i dont like to call my friends out to celebrate for me coz i m afraid they wont show up and that they wont enjoy it.I dont have many friends too. I feel lonely on my birthday. Each year i celebrate my birthday with my family but now this year, I spent my day with my sis and bro.
I have so much insecurities on my birthday, so many issues arises on birthday, I start to evaluate my life and think about my progress and meaning of my 22 years of existence. Also, I m still single, i feel extremely scared coz i m afraid i wont be able to find someone. In 5 more years, most people will be married at around 27 yrs old.

I dont like ageing, yet i know its inevitable. I remember when i was a child, i loved n enjoyed birthday. I think my biggest problem is now as an adult, i HATE TIME AND HATE AGEING. I wish i can go back to being a young teen with no worries and less responsiblity. Being an adult suck.

Hope, some of you could share your true feelings and good/bad experiences with birthday.
Need some advice to overcome these issues arises on my b-day
Like: the FEAR OF AGEING, The quater life crisis, LIFE IS short and I wont live forever. FEAR OF BEING ALONE and Regrets of not enjoying my teen. Fear of the future etc.

[freddy]

Happy birthday anglewings I know what you mean. I am two times your age, but even as a teen I never liked to have parties for my birthday, and as time went on most people other than close family forget it.
I lived my life without the fear of ageing because I always looked 5 to 8 years younger than I was. But because I was very shy It took me to the age of 37 to meet my wife. That lasted 10 years. I am more concerned about dying now only because of two kids that I have to raise by myself.
But I set up a plan that they would be well off when I kick the bucket and thats really all I can do. So I act as much as a kid as possible every day with my kids, so I don't look as foolish going down the park slide. Peace Freddy

[Angelwings]

freddy,

Thankx freddy for your reply. I guess my fear of TIME/Ageing and regrets got to me yesterday.
Today, I realised i should treasure my youth more and experience more in life. I was kicking myself coz my fear and shyness was an absolute waste of time. I should go out there and enjoy more. Yup, i m afraid of ageing coz i m afraid of dying, i m afraid of death coz I feel i havent lived. Now, at the age of 22. I have made a conscious decision not to look back when I m 30 and say that i wasted my precious twenties being miserable. In the end of the day, life is short.
Today, i m alot happy, i went out for a few drinks with my friends, i decided to text a few friends to go celebrate for my belated birthday eventhough, initially i thought they'll probably wont go.
It turns out, about 10 friends came; more than i expected. I was really happy. It wasnt as bad as i thought. In my life, i always feel very insignificant. Today, I realised, i shouldnt be afraid of rejection and I m glad i realised, i m not young forever and i should have a good time from now. onwards.

[eblight]

Hi Angelwings, your last posting was very positive and I liked that you have come to a resolution to enjoy your life. Deal with your issues while you are still young. Find what you love to do and what gives you fulfillment. You are still taking in life and the challenges that come your way and how you deal with them will create your life as you believe it to be. Core beliefs that we have taken on from an early age run our lives. If you believe you are not worthy enough that will impact on everything you do. Reprogramme your subconscious mind while you are still young to form beliefs that you know that you are truth, beauty and goodness. Go well.

[kpugh]

I'm also glad that your second post was more positive. Know that you are certainly not alone in feeling the blues on your birthday, and about getting older in general. In your first post, I really heard regret in there, and it was mixed with some big fears, valid & scary fears.

And yet, you found your way by them, and managed to put yourself out there, inviting people to bring their positive energy to you and celebrate your birthday. Birthdays are good for you - the more you have, the longer you live.

It's so easy to get "stuck" waiting for something. Waiting for circumstances to change, waiting for a better job, waiting for that "someday" that you want to do something. That "someday" won't come unless you make it come. I hear soooo many people saying they wish they had done something sooner in their lives. And yet, I'll be honest, I still hold on to some "someday" items too: someday I want to complete a Ph.D. degree, someday I want to run the Boston Marathon, someday I want to climb Mt. Ranier, someday I want to go dogsledding, someday I will complete an Ironman Triathlon...

The power of now is big. I guess that's why there's a book about it (which I haven't read yet...maybe "someday" I will).

[joecooool]

the trick is to die with a young biological age, but an old chronological age.

[missing]

one only needs to look at my screen name to get an idea about what I think of my "younger" years, and I'm only about to turn 25! I look at aging as kind of a game. As in you attach this number next to my identity, and that is supposed to mean I'm doing "such and such" and have "such and such" level of maturity. Except I haven't really changed in those terms since I turned 13. That seems about when I formed my core beliefs about society and they haven't changed. They probably won't either and I find that hilarious. Each year it gets more amusing. Just think, pretty soon I will be 30 and still have the mentality of a 13 year old. Then 35, then 40, then 70. I want to see how high I can get. It's a fun way to look at it.

Now some may say this point of view is out of place on a site dedicated to personal growth. But that just depends on how you define growth.