mind jumping all over the place

[European38]

Hi there I have been on a very bumpy journey the last few years and the sh!t has really hit the fan this year. I feel i have developed some coping skills through therapy, constant reading and studying and through having no other alternative if I wanted to "survive". The thing is I am in a lot of pain at the moment dealing with a very challenging situation, I find that my brain is flickering all over the place when this situation comes to mind. It's like a switch one minute knowing what I should be doing and the next forgetting and going back to habitual thought patterns and the next Im onto an entirely different idea all together!!! it's like a flame flickering all over the place in the wind. I don't know what I should be doing coz I have so many thoughts racing through my mind. I am anxious and nervous and even though Im on 20mg lexapro I still feel sick with distress

[Joely]

Hi there,

Is it possible that the meds are causing this? They can have some funny side-effects sometimes. The flickering thoughts sounds like stress - whenever I've been very stressed in the past I've found it almost impossible to concentrate or get stuck in habitual thinking. You might find that something like EFT or the Sedona Method might help you release some of that stress and anxiety.

I hope that helps,

J x

[European38]

hm I have to look up what that is but thanks for the advice, I know it's not the meds though coz Ive had it before when I wasn't on meds, it's like there are loads of different opinions inside of me that are battling to be heard or something, it's weird

[Joely]

Ah, then maybe not the meds. I know this will sound like weird advice, but it's based on the methods I've learned: allowing things to be just as they are. When you find yourself going into a phase where you've got all of these "opinions" coming up, don't fight them down, don't try to change anything, just allow them all to be as they are. You may find that that helps all by itself. Some simple deep breathing exercises, just relaxing into what you're experiencing may make it easier. Anxiety tends to make your mind "jump around" a lot, but just the act of acceptance of what is going on with you right now can make a tremendous difference.

I hope that helps,

J x

[European38]

ye it does, like I should practice the power of now. I find it hard though to find the balance between working at trying to make the necessary changes I need to in my habitual thinking and living the power of now, do you know what i mean. Like when should I just be and when do I need to actively work on changing my thinking. It's like I feel a bit baboozled with everything at the moment or something

[Joely]

Originally Posted by European38

ye it does, like I should practice the power of now. I find it hard though to find the balance between working at trying to make the necessary changes I need to in my habitual thinking and living the power of now, do you know what i mean. Like when should I just be and when do I need to actively work on changing my thinking. It's like I feel a bit baboozled with everything at the moment or something

That's okay - a lot of people go through that, it's not unusual. This will sound quite odd but the most effective way to change is to notice, but to accept the way things are. There's a Carl Rogers quote that goes along the lines of "The bizarre thing is, the more I accept the way I am, the more I change."

The simple act of stepping back from your habitual thinking and observing it, which is part of the Power of Now, can be transformative. I've been struggling myself with the problem over the weekend but I found that just being and accepting, without attachment or needing to change, actually causes the change itself.

J x

[European38]

God I hope thats true, Im at my wits end. im totally being a victim now but why is life so hard for some people. I haven't been really happy for near on 8 years and Ive been actively trying to sort my head out for at least 5 of them!! I just want to be happy and Im really tired of it. I feel like Ive things to do, places to go, a life to live but this is holding me back. Sucks. Ok so now Ive said that I have to stop myself from feeling like a victim. so hard though.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by European38

God I hope thats true, Im at my wits end. im totally being a victim now but why is life so hard for some people. I haven't been really happy for near on 8 years and Ive been actively trying to sort my head out for at least 5 of them!! I just want to be happy and Im really tired of it. I feel like Ive things to do, places to go, a life to live but this is holding me back. Sucks. Ok so now Ive said that I have to stop myself from feeling like a victim. so hard though.

It's okay! First of all, don't beat yourself up for feeling like a victim or thinking the way you do because that's a sure-fire way to keep yourself there. You want change, that's clear.

Is it the way your mind's been working that's holding you back, or something deeper? What is it d'you think that's making life such a struggle right now?

[European38]

well its a fear of being hurt by people I suppose. Im so afraid of being rejected and in turn of being in pain that I no longer know how to be myself around people and I keep people at a distance which stops me from making friends and keeps me alone and isolated. The thoughts of not being accepted is scary for me. I had a very happy life with lots of friends and was a very popular and happy person but then I had a breakdown of sorts and have found it difficult to get out of the hole I find myself in. I am super super sensitive to every little thing and I get hurt so easy my confidence is very low at the moment and there is so much more I feel but I amn't going to say because I know I shouldn't be cultivating negative beliefs. I know I need to love myself and accept myself but I really don't know how to.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by European38

It's like a switch one minute knowing what I should be doing and the next forgetting and going back to habitual thought patterns and the next Im onto an entirely different idea all together!!!

Get a little notebook - the kind that is small enough to put in your pocket. Carry a pen with you constantly. Whenever you think of something you need to do, write it down immediately.

Sounds simplistic, but it's one of the basic principles of David Allen's time management system and it really works, in freeing up your mental RAM. Eventually you will build up a long list of everything you think you need to do, and you feel happier and more confident, knowing that it's all down on paper and you don't have to keep it in your head.

[MgC]

And in that little notebook that Acting Like Godot suggests, keep a picture of yourself as a child....one that you think is just adorable and makes you feel really good to look at. A friend of mine suggested that to me once, when I was feeling really negative. It helped me be kinder to myself.
I also went through a time when I carried little talismans, things that made me feel safe and/or loved....stones, coins, bits and pieces. I felt really vulnerable, and those bits and pieces kept me grounded.
I learned methods of surrounding myself with light, white, gold, or pink, when I felt afraid or really out of sorts. It also grounded me and reminded me that I am always protected. I still do this....and now I expand it to include my husband and my daughter.
I found people that nurtured me, and let go of people that didn't.
Now, I am strong. I found that I am like a deep-rooted tree....bending but not breaking.
This path you are on will you make you stronger than you realize....and more yourself than you can imagine. It is an oppurtunity for immense growth! And those of us with tough trials in our lives have so much to offer others. We have intense amounts of compassion, because we know how it feels to suffer. This is an important quality in this life, and it is much needed. You are being honed to become something you never even dreamed!
Until you feel stronger....give yourself as much love as you can muster! You are doing all the rights things...posting here and reading. Keep it up!
All will be well....just relax and be grateful for the ride!
Mg

[mncz]

Originally Posted by European38

I find it hard though to find the balance between working at trying to make the necessary changes I need to in my habitual thinking and living the power of now, do you know what i mean. Like when should I just be and when do I need to actively work on changing my thinking. It's like I feel a bit baboozled with everything at the moment or something

Heya, European38, I was reading this and thought that I can relate to the way you feel. I too am in quite a difficult place in my life at this moment and I too have recently started to practice the ideas of LoA and Power of Now.

I tried to be "active" in changing my thoughts a while back, but I have come to a conclusion that hurrying these things does me no good. It is a growth process and if you try to hasten it, it can lead to unwanted consequences: you can start lying to yourself about how you feel, you can "fake" your feelings according to the way you think you "should" feel instead of allowing them to pass through you the way they are etc.

Just very recently I have come to a point where I basically sit back and allow me to be the way I am and watch myself being the way I am. If I don't want to put on makeup today, I don't. If I feel like taking a walk instead of working, I do (thank God I can afford this). I don't label the things I do, I just do them, without pondering what anyone else might think. I have this theory that when I am absolutely accepting the way I am now, only then I can start to grow, because otherwise I will be just changing some superficial things, but the deeply underlying fear and resistance in me will remain untouched and thus the change will be only superficial and not permanent.

Also I have found it very powerful to, whenever presented with real life situations where someone else is projecting their negative feelings (fear, anger, criticism) on me, take a step back inside my head and ask: what would a strong, empowered person do at this moment? How would she accept this criticism? What would she make of it? Such habit is giving me a new angle and space to consider my reactions instead of acting in ingrained subconscious habitual ways.

I also want to share with you that every experience that feels painful can be a great catalyst to grow, learn and cross borders in ways you have never imagined. This does not mean that you need to perpetuate the pain in your life. This means that you can learn to be a stronger, better, wiser person through it and when you do, the pain will not come to you again, since you will have learned its lesson.

Lots of love.

PS. I also find quite funny to relate to the scared voice in my head as "Chicken Diva". There is a thread "What to do when you know what to do but still feel bad" under "Social and Relationships" in this forum, you can find out there who Chicken Diva is. The name itself gives me funny mental images, so I always smile when I remember that.

[Travors]

Hi there,

If you want to try a system to defeat a hyperactive mind I'd recommend you pick up The monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin S. Sharma and read the chapter on "The heart of the Rose" - it details a fantastic system for training your mind to focus on one thing at a time.

Best of luck!
Dan

[kpugh]

Although I'm not the first to say it in this thread, I want to echo the value of giving yourself some permission. The more you beat yourself up, the more likely you are to feel like the victim...and you will be, because you've just been beaten up, by yourself. See the cycle?

So, how do you give yourself permission to feel the way you feel? Well, who says you need to change? Is that motivation coming from your self-evaluation that you aren't who you want to be? Or that you aren't who OTHERS want you to be? If you can identify a few pieces of your authentic core values, and then see which ones are being served and which ones aren't, it may help you figure out which "opinions and expectations" you can toss out the window and forget about.

To say it a totally different way, what are you learning about yourself through this struggle?

Hang in there, I can hear how difficult and frustrating this is for you. AND, I can also hear how motivated and committed you are to figuring something out. Breathe.

[European38]

Hi folks I just want to say thank you all so much for your posts it never ceases to amaze me how kind and generous people can be. I am in counseling at the moment but have gotten more support and insight online here! thanks so much xxx

[Curtis Booz]

Conversation With Self

How can I not think of pink elephants she said,
After you've put such a thought in my head.
It's the same thing each time that I'm feeling sad,
As hard as I try I keep feeling bad.
The feelings seem stuck and although I don't choose them,
I can't understand just how to lose them.
But I seem to remember I once heard you mention
All I need to do is direct my attention
To thoughts that feel good and to happier times,
Now I see What's coming as I read 'tween the lines,
It's what you think that creates how you feel
and your thoughts and your feelings make everything real.

Curt Booz

[kalyan]

With time people tend to become unstable because of there unhealthy life style .It might be due to the food habits u follow ,eating habits ,ways approached in managing things ,how much risk u take might also increase the unwanted stress in your mind,i just had the same feeling few years back,it took lot of time for making myself know that i am in depression ,the thing u have to change is your lifestyle,u had lost partially control over yourself and that's why that switching behavior ,first take a holiday weekend because in this world people always run towards money,work forgetting that health is the primary resource ,after all what all u gained money ,intelligence obtained through work all becomes useless when u become sick,so health is more important than anything in this world,just quit everything if possible and do what all things which makes u happy which are your primary hobbies don't bother about anyone around you ,than after few days everything becomes normal the switching behavior slowly stops its occurrence in your brain it takes time nothing gets changed in one day or one night,because i had the same thing happened ,hope the same works for u too,if possible do meditation ,because that is the only thing that can help any person from any kind of problem he/she has,read about practicing meditation in internet,stay away from addictions like sex,liquor,cigarettes also if possible read this book
" THE MONK WHO SOLD HIS FERRARI" BY ROBIN SHARMA ,
this book tells what happens if life runs towards unwanted passions and how to correct the lifestyle when everything gone wrong,u can get free copy of it just try all these