No no no..... i can't take this!

[rogerrr]

I've been for the last 5 years very into personal development, because i used to be very shy. I did a lot of progress and i even considered myself almost not shy anymore, which was a big accomplishment considering i used to consider myself one of the shies persons there was.


So here's my problem. I'm 20 y.o. now and i'm in college. I never had much difficulty in talking in public; even if inside i was really nervous, in the exterior i'm sure no one would notice because i learned to control every nervousness signs i could possibly show (apart from sometimes blushing a little but no one would notice).


Now something happened when going back to classes. Even when the professor calls me for something trivial like just asking my name and if i'm working, the words don't seem to come out, and after i said my name (really quick, because if i can't speak slower, if i do, i won't be able to finish what i'm saying), i have an unimaginable hard time to say anything else, like if i'm currently working or not. It appears that my throat is suffocating and i can hardly speak further.


I NEVER had this problem before (except once in the past, but it was an exception that didn't happen again, until now), so i figured (after the 1st time it happened recently) that it was another exception and wouldn't happen again. So i didn't bother to get worried and in fact i wanted to speak in public again to "make things straight" with myself. But unfortunately, it happen again, and again, and now i have no more confidence in speaking in public because i'm afraid it will happen again and again.




So i ask you guys, WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON WITH ME? Does anyone have a theory? It's damn unfair, i always worked so hard to beat my shyness and now, out of nowhere and completely unexpectedly, it came with full power to get me. I'm lost, and really, really pissed with this.


Just for the record and so you will be able to give me better advices, i am already very familiar with NLP, LoA, body language stuff, visualization, and a whole lot of other stuff that i don't remember now.

[SunnKali]

Welcome to the board rogerrr!

I'm sorry I don't have any quick tips to offer you. Sounds like your body is providing a misguided attempt to protect you. You've overcome shyness, I'm sure you'll be able to overcome this as well.

The Paraliminal Talking To Win might help. I started a new job this winter and I used the paraliminal to help me discuss difficult project issues with my supervisor. I felt a pretty big difference in my speaking confidence after using the paraliminal to before. You could also check out the Self-Esteem Supercharger.

Overcome Your Fears of Speaking in Public

For visualization programs, Belleruth Naparstek is amazing. She's got a Self-Confidence/Peak Performance audio, and the Panic Attacks audio would be really helpful because it helps create a sense of expansion in the throat and chest (where it sounds like you tighten up)

Belleruth Naparstek's Guided Imagery Cds & Tapes - Therapy and Meditation - Health Journeys

[Fullcrum]

I used to have this.

You're attaching too much importance to how people think of you.

You want to micromanage every little gesticulation you make. This serves to make you STIFLED and INSIDE YOUR HEAD.

That was a very bad habit. Good thing we can stop this stuff now!

Become unstifled. The good gestures and powerful and projecting voice, the confidence and charisma, will all come when you are unstifled and OUTSIDE your head. This means to stop thinking. Think nothing. 0.

Stop theorizing. Stop trying to predict how things will turn out and let the chips fall where they may. Allow yourself to let go of that which is unimportant. Because your micromanaging obviously doesn't work, and it never will. You never want to COVER UP the problem - you simply move past it. Never have to worry about it again.

[rogerrr]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

I used to have this.

You're attaching too much importance to how people think of you.

You want to micromanage every little gesticulation you make. This serves to make you STIFLED and INSIDE YOUR HEAD.

That was a very bad habit. Good thing we can stop this stuff now!

Become unstifled. The good gestures and powerful and projecting voice, the confidence and charisma, will all come when you are unstifled and OUTSIDE your head. This means to stop thinking. Think nothing. 0.

Stop theorizing. Stop trying to predict how things will turn out and let the chips fall where they may. Allow yourself to let go of that which is unimportant. Because your micromanaging obviously doesn't work, and it never will. You never want to COVER UP the problem - you simply move past it. Never have to worry about it again.

I appreciate the comments.



I used to not even think of all this anymore. When i was meant to say something in a classroom i.e. it was all already automatic... i didn't get very nervous. For 3 years i didn't have any problem with this. Completely forgotten, "mastered", like i would do it all unconsciously. Worst thing that would happen is i would flush a little, but still wouldn't panic and wouldn't even think of it after it happened.


But now this voice problem... it's impossible to handle this and worse it came out of nowhere in a time when i had already forgotten it all. And i'm afraid its a snowball effect thing that once it starts it will only get bigger since every time i'm under pressure again i will think of it and fear having this problem again and, of course, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy cycle. And i'm inside this damned cicle and now do not know how to get out of it.



About your advice for me to "be myself". The self of before this problem was "myself". NOW i'm not "myself", and i don't know how to become "myself" anymore. I'm getting desperate, there's gotta be a way for me to get my VOICE BACK when under pressure.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by rogerrr

So i ask you guys, WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON WITH ME? Does anyone have a theory?

When you ask yourself negative questions with such negative emotions, then you tend to reinforce that. Perhaps you can start by asking a much better question. Instead of asking what's wrong with you - in which you can come up with 5 million reasons, some of which may be valid, but most won't be valid, perhaps instead ask yourself "How can I overcome this?", and ask it over and over. Another question is "How can I speak with no shyness or hesitation during class anytime I desire?"

One thing I did when I went back to school a year ago and was facing all these intimidating people in classes, is I'd just sit in class visualizing how wonderful if I could just be answering the questions. I was initially too shy and nervous to raise my hand and answer at first, so I just sat there in class imagining how wonderful it'd be to speak comfortably and really good in the middle of the class. Later during that week, I eventually just found myself naturally raising my hand and talking eloquently. I got so comfortable that several months later eventually one professor told me in front of everyone to stop answering questions because I was speaking too often. Oops! This was a big change considering that when I went to college for 4 years to get my bachelor degree several years earlier, I almost never spoke up in class.

Now, I've had practice as a Toastmaster for several years so I've gotten used to speaking in front of strangers. However, even in Toastmasters, visualization has been a huge key for me to overcome my shyness and nervousness and brain-freeze to be able to speak where it just naturally flows out of me without any conscious straining. The key I found is not to visualize what you are saying - but to visualize yourself talking with confident, with ease, and that the words are just flowing easily out of your subconcious without much conscious effort. When I started visualizing in that manner, it made a huge quantum leap in my ability to be comfortable and speak in front of people.

You might want to check into Toastmasters as well and see if there's a local club in your area so that you can get daily practice in that regard.

[dave marshall]

Hi,

if I have anything like this I always check out the ecology, i.e what are the 'effects' that I am scared of. Public speaking fears are usually driven by a fear of making yourself look silly, or fear of being heard and as you are aware these fears are there owing to past experience.

For me, it realy helps to take 20 minutes out, sit quitely and take my mind and emotions back to the cause, recognise the feelings and the evnts that caused the problem intially and allow myself to feel all the feelings within those experiences. That releases the emotion from thos past events to some degree. Once that is done I use my imagination to visualise myself speaking properly in the new situation and once again allow myself to feel any emotion within that new one and release it.

Once the emotion is released you an go about allowing yourself to focus on success and bring in the emotions that you feel about speaking properly and let those more useful emotions start to replace the old ones you have released. with a little efort and willingness you can resolve this.

hope that helps a bit,

Dave

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by rogerrr

Just for the record and so you will be able to give me better advices, i am already very familiar with NLP, LoA, body language stuff, visualization, and a whole lot of other stuff that i don't remember now.

Excellent. So you are off to a good start.

Now you will lie down in a quiet place; close your eyes; take 20 slow, deep breaths; and each exhalation shall be longer than each inhalation; and you will pause for two seconds at the end of each exhalation, before you inhale again; and as you do this, you will pay constant attention to the sensation of breath in your nostrils; if your attention wavers, you shall clamly and immediately return it to the sensation of breath in your nostrils.

And all this while, you shall keep your body still, very still, perfectly still, but for the movement of your breath - it is as if you have transformed into heavy stone.

Then you shall mentally affirm to yourself: "Now I am at the basic plane, and I may construct reality as I please."

Next you shall visualise. You shall be sitting in your classroom, and you will visualise this in quite considerable detail. You will construct the walls, and the colour of the walls, and the furniture, and you will construct your classmates - in your mind's eye you shall picture all of them, and they shall even move, talk, and you will construct clothes for all of them; and right in front of you, you shall construct the things you typically bring to class, such as your textbooks, your notes and your writing materials.

And then you shall construct your professor, and in your visualisation you shall see his hair, his nose, his eyes, the way his mouth moves, and the shirt he wears, and the shape of his figure, and the shape of his hands, and how he sits, and how he moves, and the way he looks around the class.

Next you shall have a conversation with him, in front of the entire class, and because you are in control of your own visualisation, you shall feel calm, interested and at ease, even happy, and you may have a short conversation or a long conversation, and the two of you may exchange pleasantries, or perhaps have a discussion about the subject, he may ask a question and you answer it confidently; or you may pose a question, which he thinks is a good one, and he says so, and he discusses it with you - and throughout this conversation you shall hear your own voice - it sounds normal, calm, pleasant and steady; and you shall smile, and so shall your professor, and so do your classmates.

And when you are ready, you shall say to yourself, 'This shall be so, I make it so." And then you will end the visualisation by saying: "When I count down to zero, I shall return to full everyday consciousness, feeling better than before." Then you shall count "5 ... 4 ... 3 .... 2 .... 1". And then you wil open your eyes.

Do three sessions before your next class, and you shall be fine.

[n_vizion]

You just have to realize that it is not as much as a big deal as you think it is. You have a hard time saying things in public because you think that it is a huge effort to do so.
Let go of the feelings attached with speaking in public. Do not hold on to the thoughts and emotions that you feel when you say something in public.

Just say it, and move on. Do not even think about it. It is your thought about it that makes you freak out.

[z1freeride]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

You're attaching too much importance to how people think of you.

I completely agree with this. I believe that emotion (and thus the physiological effects of emotion) occur from either fulfillment or non-fulfillment of desires, needs, beliefs or expectations.

The core of the problem is not your physiological symptoms - trembling, throat constricting, quivering, blushing, etc. The core of the problem is an imaginary desire is not being fulfilled. This desire could be something like:

- Wanting to impress others
- Not wanting to look dumb in front of others (avoid humiliation)
- something along those lines.

These are very difficult desires to fulfill (nearly impossible) because they rely on an external factor (other people). You can't control the opinion of other people. I have found that if I do not care what others think, I have absolutely no problem expressing myself. The second that I feel I need to impress or not look dumb then that's when I start to experience a negative reaction.

[rogerrr]

Thanks all you guys, you are great!


I will try many things you guys advised me and i will post my results. I'm sure i'll handle this situation!

[Fullcrum]

Did I not say to reduce your thoughts to 0? Do it! Your voice will come back. No thoughts.