Depression, Unhappiness, Suicidal thoughts.

[Brad102102]

This is my first post, I'm Glad I came here, I need help majorly If this is the place to get help I'm not sure but here is my story.

When I was kid, I had mental problems, Inability to learn, slow and not getting friends. these problems since I was kid got worse as I grew up. I have been made of what I did, thought, talked and even how I dressed. They laughed at me of the way I looked, how I smelled of a hygene problem.

My parents helped a bit but not to much, I was the second child being ignored from advice on what I did or should do with my life. When I tried to learn my mind was blank, I daydreamed visions in school, slept and didn't pay attention. I was in grade 8 still what I said above, wasen't learning anything. I tried so hard but I couldn't change my life. I had war inside my mind. Eventually Prayed even tho I don't belive in god. In gr 9 I went though a year of it, I had friends, I fixed some problems that made me those friends.
Then the next semester My parents got a devorce, I was deeply sadden , I didn't know what to think or who I should stay with. I was into drugs to gain the attention away from things. I dropped out of school, I Couldn't think of a reason why I did it, I just did. after couple years I found my ability to learn but not as much. I started reading for my speech problem, helped but not as good. I have a journal now and writing down my goals, and trying to fix everything. But now since I should be in gr 12 I fell behind. I'm doing homeschool but the lack of money to pay for it. The lack of motivation and lazyness of getting a job. I still have Mild problems what I explained before.
I got more into drugs, thinking why I should exist if I can't change my life, People my friends saying I can, you can do it. I tell myself that I can change.
But I don't something inside me I guess stopping it. Life right now sucks for me I feel as if Suicidal is the right answer. Or maybe that I'm not a human and have some kind of psychic power, light being is what I sometimes say to myself I had some events of my psyhic ability but I don't think this is the right thread..

[Mauveaulos]

Brad, let me start by saying this: things will get better. I'm in a similar situation to yourself, in that I have had periods of severe depression that have messed me up a lot in school even though I'm a straight-A student and am currently in Grade 12, my marks have sunk a lot this year and my parents are extremely upset; it just goes to show that not all of us are "invincible"...

See if you can start putting your words into actions. You definitely can change, and you'll need all the support you can get. Have you gone to a doctor for diagnosis? If you can talk over your situation with your parents, that helps; if not, there should be some free resources all over your town/city, and you should be able to find them with from the Internet or phone book.

I also think, if you can get yourself rolling on that, try and get back into your old school. You're most likely dead in the water for the future if you don't get an education – you'd most likely end up working at McDonald's or some other dingy and undignified place. You'd have an opportunity to make friends again, just sort of start fresh. Drugs was not the way to go. If you can talk to a guidance counsellor, that will help you a lot. I never used to like them so much, but when one of my teachers ended up getting me stuck in there, lots have gone for the better since then. For example, because of my performance being so different from how it used to be, they wrote letters to all the universities I applied to.

You also bring up an interesting point in "not being human". One of my teachers, who I rely heavily upon for guidance and comfort, said that I'm the second student he's ever met in all his years of teaching that is "not totally human". Maybe you're like that too, who knows?

Suicide is not the answer, and it's funny for me to tell you that because lately I've felt very much like dying myself...but remember, you would leave huge pain behind. I know you have your skills and abilities... you just need to awaken them again. Find your purpose in life. Only a month ago did I figure I wanted to be an astrophysicist – I had to go through all the heck of changing details on my university applications, lol.

Don't give up. It will eventually get better. We're teenagers remember? We've got so many goddamn chemical changes going on right now that we need to wait until our twenties to sort things out. You have to hang on a little longer. You can do it.

[Brad102102]

Yea thx for reply, I try my best to fix everything. I got my intrest in world affairs/politcs. Who knows maybe i'm one of those indigo childeren that went down a wrong path. Maybe one day I could be PM of canada and have to Try to change this world to peace instead of War. Its kind of funny I find myself helping others then my own self.