Ringing in my ears and im so confused

[The Coronet]

I dont know what to do...if feel utterly confused and lost :-(
a little background.
Im a Dj and a musician. I love DJing more that words can say, not only that its my full time job. It took me along time to get here because i have a massive fear of performing in public but i knew if i got passed that i would love it... and i do.

More importantly I have always dreamed of singing and playing on the stage but once again i have been too frightened, so i had never really done it ( apart from once when i was 9 which was so traumatic i never did it again). Very recently I just missed out on something huge because of my fear, a chance to be in a band with loads of funding etc. I was so gutted I forced myself to do karaoke a few times and now very slowly im just starting to get over that fear.

The other problem is till now is that i have never finished a song..so ive never had anything to perform. Finishing things has been a HUGE problem for me..i always wondered if deep down it was just an excuse not be able to perform anything of my own because i didnt have anything i knew, (other possible causes might be that i have adhd...if that at all even really is an excuse.)

Anyway the problem is now that i have ringing in my ears. Its pretty bad, but worse in the morning and at night. At times its so loud its almost deafening. Now i find myself wondering weather I should give all music up and do something totally different. And yet i feel like i have manifested an excuse not to do the thing that scares me the most. Its so ridiculous..when it dawned on me that i should give up my dream i almost felt the huge relief. Like this dream causes me so much stress in my life. Its feels so far away from where i am now, its seems i have soooo much work to do to get there, it fills my heart with heaviness. I feel like i have failed for not having achieved it sooner im already in my 30s..it feels like my last chance. And yet i have this horrible niggle that singing, djing, performing is my calling in life and that i was born to do it. I get sooo frustrated with it, my singing needs lots of work, yet in little precious moments when i get it, its feels like its so right. Could it be that i am wrong? and now this ringing from hell...what do i do, do i let it stop me or do ignore it and keep going? Am i not trying hard enough? Why does it feel like such a struggle? IM going crazy in circles...is this dream just for my ego or if its my calling then im meant to do it right? i just went on vipassana mediation retreat...11 days of silence and that didnt help...they taught us, wanting something causes suffering...thats for sure :-(

any help would be appreciated beyond words..
thanks in advance.

[Joely]

Hi there Coronet and welcome,

I completely understand where you're coming from here. All my life, I've loved writing, but for ten years, I was too afraid to even think it might be remotely possible for me to do it. Early rejections and parental disapproval put me off, and I tried to fit in with what the rest of the world wanted. Deep down I was afraid - afraid of success, of being happy, living the dream.

A few years ago, I came back to it and I've written loads of books but always too terrified to do anything with them. Now I have an agent, we're about to start podcasting the first book. I've had positive responses from major publishers, and yet I'm still terrified!

The only advice I can give you is that if you love music, if deep down it's what you truly want to do, it doesn't matter how old you are or how scared you are, it'll find its way back to you and won't let you go. The reason you felt relief at giving it up is because it's difficult when you stand out, when you step up onto stage and do something different with your life. Happiness? Fulfilment? We're almost programmed into believing it's a bad thing to really go for the things we want most.

If I could advise you from where I am now, actually going for it and just dealing with the fear and the doubt as it comes up, I'd say go for it. You have one life, one go. This isn't a practice run, so you have to make the most of it. It isn't wanting something that causes suffering, it's wanting something you also believe you can't have, don't deserve to have, aren't worthy of. See a doctor about the ringing in your ears - it won't stop you unless you let it. After all, Beethoven was deaf, but that didn't stop him.

I hope this helps,

J x

[Bruce Achterberg]

I can't help you with your main "what should I do?" issue, but the ringing in your ears is probably tinnitus (don't quote me on that).

I seem to be experiencing the same thing due to an incident that happened last week (long story, but suffice to say I was exposed to excessive loud noise), and it seems to have put my hearing off a bit in my one ear. It kind of bothers me, since I tend to like my hearing and optimal functioning, but what's happened has happened, so I'm better off focusing on letting it recover and doing whatever I can to aid said recovery.

I'm not sure if a doc could help you, but I'm pretty sure they can't do much other then radical stuff that you probably don't want done. I could be wrong. My advice would be to avoid crazy sound exposure (which, I understand, may be a problem for you) since the alternative could very likely be permanently damaged hearing. Do keep in mind, though, I'm greatly unqualified to make these claims -- I'm just drawing on my intelligence and common sense.

I'm open to the possibility your body can heal stuff like this, but it's probably not the kind of thing you want to reply on and go out and damage your body just because you think it will heal. Your physical senses probably aren't something you want to gamble on, and unless you're very experienced with the LoA or very committed, I wouldn't rely on what others say is possible. If it doesn't work for whatever reason, you'll probably feel a bit silly and annoyed.

[smartile]

Hi The Coronet,

Have you ever heard of Lise Bourbeau's book, 'Your Body’s Telling You: Love Yourself!' This book is phenomenal. I think everyone should have a copy.

I refer to it regularly. My wife has had ringing in her ears. The doctors called it Tinnitus (sp?). Anyways, she had a look through Lise Bourbeau's book and realized the ringing is a result of her ego tricking her. She (like you) was scared to follow her dream. Her dream is to create a mouth rinse product to prevent plaque build up in people’s mouths. She's a dental hygienist and runs into this problem with her patients all the time.

She has been so scared to follow through because her ego was tricking her with fear. She was scared to death to tell people about her idea. More recently she has made some huge steps towards her goal and is following her dream. The ringing in her ears has greatly reduced.

I would strongly suggest you check out this book. I have a brief summary of the book here.

[Real Subliminal]

Certainly sounds like tinnitus to me too, it doesn't have to rule your life, and there are things you can do to relieve it. Read up on the condition on wiki, they have some good info!
Tinnitus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I have had some experience and contact of people with tinnitus who have had success with using white noise to relieve the ringing, you can read about that on wiki too
White noise - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hope some of that is of help!
Dan

[The Coronet]

thanks so much for all your replies. Im going on a bit of a rollercoster with it. Sometimes i think this just cant be real and its just a trick from the universe to get me motivated. To make me try harder... the universe wants me to be outstanding maybe, it wants me to find my love for whatever, so i will push myself above obstacles, it throws challenges in my way so i will raise to the occasion. Other times i want to kill myself. I think its just cause and effect, the universe neither loves me or hates me or wants anything for me..i have merely exposed my ears to far to much noise and now they are damaged for ever. The ringing seems to be getting louder, sometimes i just want to go crazy and kick everything in but then i realize nothing changes so whats the point. if i let myself i really could freak out...i have to take each moment as it comes, because who knows what tomorrow brings..thinking i have this forever and my soul will die without me doing anything stupid. I will look at that book Smartile..thanks for the recommendation. Joely well done on forfilling your dream, i admire your courage. I know this doesnt have to stop me...but sometimes i just dont feel i have the strength to fight it. Ultimately its a kind of laziness..somehow i must overcome this or life will be very boring even with or without the ringing. Real Subliminal thanks for the links, Bruce Achterberg..i pray that LOA does work, if it can work for someone it can work for me. God knows..we are just vibrating electrons surely they dont have be vibrating in my ears in this set way for rest of my time.
Thanks again for your words, its really appreciated.

[groove88]

might be also worth investing in some custom made ear plugs if it hasn't already been mentioned. you can quite easyily take off 25db plus it cuts off the harmful frequencies your ears are more sensitive too thus bringing on Tin at an early development.
I also read somewhere on mercola that lacking a tip top diet can also make Tinnitus sound worse, might be worth checkin out..

Im a DJ too, and jus about to get into writing tracks. Do you produce, if so hit me up, i could do with some advice etc

[DEEJ]

Im a DJ and have played in loud as **** booths for years, first couple without plugs but now I would be lost (or probably deaf!) without them. They cost me £160, worth every penny. Takes time to get used 2 but now much prefer mixing with them in....

BUY A PAIR. DONT WAIT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE