"Why am I doing this to me?"

[Joely]

Some people will know that I was doing a 30 day trial using the Sedona Method to become more positive in my outlook, and also that I'm six days from the release of my first podcast, which I'm finding very intimidating a prospect.

Last night was hard. I accept that I go through phases of negativity because I'm using Holosync as well and that tends to pull things up by the roots then wave them in your face, so to some extent it was manageable but this was the worst I've been in a while. I was wrapped up in my mental stories, and then fighting with myself because I was holding on to those stories. It got very unpleasant. The strange thing was, even though I was thinking these negative thoughts, there was a powerful sense of "It is all right. I am all right." I was basically fighting with that truth and trying not to accept it.

By the time morning came, I felt better, and went out to pick up some shopping. As I was walking into town I thought about what I'd put myself through that night. I thought, "Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I doing this to me?"

I think it's the first time in my life when I haven't thought "I should be gentler to myself" but in a bullying way, when I stepped back and just thought, "how is this helping me, seriously, do I deserve this kind of behaviour? What point does this really serve?"

I can feel, now, there is still some discomfort because of course my brain wants to hold on to my stories. They've been important to me all my life, and I thought they were real. I thought they really, really meant something. I thought it was really important that I suffered, I thought it somehow did good to others, I thought it was really important that I made a massive sacrifice of my personal dreams for the sake of my parents' fear that I'll screw it all up. Actually though, I can just accept all that and carry on anyway. I really am shedding all of this stuff amazingly quickly and easily, and it's only my desire to stay hooked into the stories that holds me back.

I just thought I'd share.

[bellemeadows]

Anything that can move you into your stories, and let you see how they are stories that powerfully, sounds marvelous.

I'd like to try it. What do you suggest?

Such an inspiration!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing, Belle

[Joely]

Thank you

Well, it's a work in progress to be honest. I have days when I'm totally in the story but I'm also aware that I want to be in the story, and that it is a story. I keep a journal, I'm using the Sedona Method, Holosync and now Byron Katie's The Work in combination. I got the Sedona Method book (by Hale Dwoskin) first, and read that, but then I found out you can get free downloads from the Sedona Method website, so I started using them. I borrowed a friend's copies of the CDs which really made a difference. It's deceptively simple, but once you get the hang of it, it's really useful.

[smartile]

Joely,

thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. I've been interested in Holosync but haven't experimented with it just yet.

Stephen Martile — Personal Development Made Simple

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Joely

Thank you

Well, it's a work in progress to be honest. I have days when I'm totally in the story but I'm also aware that I want to be in the story, and that it is a story. I keep a journal, I'm using the Sedona Method, Holosync and now Byron Katie's The Work in combination. I got the Sedona Method book (by Hale Dwoskin) first, and read that, but then I found out you can get free downloads from the Sedona Method website, so I started using them. I borrowed a friend's copies of the CDs which really made a difference. It's deceptively simple, but once you get the hang of it, it's really useful.

It's refreshing to hear how it goes. I mean, I read about how we tend to identify with our story and that holds us back and now you are living through dis-identification with your story. I have some of this going on with ideas from Tolle's books. I see some story stuck in me that I must love to suffer over that takes up brain cycles and to see that my identity is wrapped up in that makes me cringe but it's there. Same question like you pops in my head "why am I doing this to myself?". But then I get another question, "who is myself?" Like, why am I doing this identity thing (clinging to a story, good or bad) to myself (which is being defined by the story)? Then it short circuits, kind of - as long as I remember to breath and can feel something in my body get relaxed. I used holosync CDs some, but didn't stick with the program (if I'm remembering right, they had a progression of CDs that you go through). I know that they bring up mental stuff, that's sort of like detox for the mind. Makes stuff you've been unconscious about, more conscious, which is what starts to allow you to "see it" with awareness, which then does the undoing of identification. I supposed I could do more, but just like switching to a diet that detoxes can be uncomfortable, I set a pace instead. But that could just be my habitual ego holding my real self back again.

[Joely]

The basic idea behind all of these techniques (including Tolle) is that awareness is transformative. It's the same with habits, addictions, thought patterns, belief systems, internal maps of reality. Once you can see you're doing it consciously, you have to choose to carry on doing it, and that's what creates change. Once you look at something you do without attachment, you have the capacity to change that behaviour because it's no longer automatic.

Holosync has had a very powerful effect on me - to the extent that pretty much everybody who knows me has remarked on the changes over a very short space of time. I don't get wrapped up in issues of "who is myself?" because it's an ego question - and your ego can't answer it! That's the point where you just "be".

I'm fascinated by the way we're hooked into suffering. Osho and a variety of others blame the Christian mentality but I've seen examples of the veneration of suffering in just about every culture I've encountered. It's that question "Why am I doing this to myself?" that raises the issue suddenly, "Why do I need to suffer?" and it's an ego thing again.