I told my grandparents about my lying and school and its really bad they r u MAD

[dancer]

Loveliketheflowers, please reconsider staying here with us. We all get our buttons pressed and are confronted, but running away does not prevent the same thing from happening again. Don't throw away the hard work you have done these past few months. You had the courage to tell the truth and I know this was a major step for you.

On some level, you might have needed someone like ALG to give you a push along your journey. His buttons were pushed by your actions, but YOU are not your actions. YOU are as worthy and perfect as your grandparents and everyone else on the planet, you just happened to go up a dead end path. You realised this on your own and took huge steps to get back on track and make your life into something you could be passionate about and a life that you and your grandparents would be proud of. Take something positive from ALG's push and continue, he was afterall attacking your actions, not YOU.

Lots of love

[ellie]

I don't know when your young and haven't had much great role models in your life ie, parents then it's probably a lot harder to just pick yourself up. Yes she has her grandparents, but someone how it's not the same thing and if her grandparents are reminding her that she might be heading in the same direction as her mother, well that kind of psychology usually has the opposite effect.

I don't know how young this girl is, but I think she sound rather young and if that's the case well it will take her time to grow and learn from her mistakes. I know when I was young, it was all about me, me, me. Weren't we all a bit self absorbed when we are young? It takes time to become an actual adult

She might regret telling them at the moment, but later down the track it wont be such a big deal.

[Lola]

Here's the deal, Loveliketheflowers, when you violate someone's trust, you have to earn it back. And the earning back of trust comes a bit harder and at a bigger price than the implicit trust you may have been freely given at the beginning. Confession and apology (DID you apologize? I don't recall) don't automatically wipe the slate clean. It's a start, especially if it's heartfelt, but you still have much work ahead of you to regain a position of trustworthiness with your grandparents.

Good luck. It's a hard lesson but if applied will benefit you greatly in life.

[gettingskinny]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Don't be mistaken, she only thinks that I am tearing her down - and she's hopping mad at me. You should read the PM she sent me; well, let's just say I am very glad I am not her grand-dad.

I have told her quite bluntly that she needs to pick herself up and learn to look after herself properly. Her grandparents, by virtue of being grandparents, are already senior citizens and won't be around on Planet Earth to look after her indefinitely.

At their age, their greatest concern is probably that they will die or become bedridden or senile, BEFORE loveliketheflowers straightens her thinking and learns to look after herself properly.

She thinks she's having a crisis? It's her grandparents who are having a crisis.

Okay, I am a little harsh. Let me rephrase that - she may be having a crisis too, but then her grandparents are DEFINITELY having a HUGE crisis too - over her.

Let me put it this way:

A teenager lies to her primary caregivers ...... for two entire YEARS .... (while living under the same roof) ...... about what's she doing. She says that she has been, and still is, attending college, but for two entire YEARS ....... she's spinning around or hiding God knows where ..... Doing absolutely nothing. It's not even as if she pretended to be in college, while secretly pursuing a plan or some dream or passion or calling that her grandparents wouldn't have approved of (like, you know, studying art or becoming a dancer or preparing to become a nun, or saving the whales, or something ...) ...

...... Now, if this young lady doesn't straighten up her thinking in a big way, where do you see her life going, in a year's time? 5 years' time? 10 years? Treat that as a serious question. WHERE do you see her life headed? I'm sorry to say that my own answer is - in an utterly dismal direction.

Now, I do not think that her situation is hopeless. I am a highly optimistic person. I used to work in the criminal legal system - I've known numerous criminals and convicts - and I've known a few hardcore criminals, who faced circumstances far more disastrous than loveliketheflowers'; and who nevertheless eventually managed to turn their lives around, in a big, BIG way.

But it's not easy and the first vital step is self-awareness and personal responsibility. You have GOT to see that this is YOUR own life, and YOU have to make the right choices for yourself, and you have GOT to STOP blaming your grandparents, or your parents, or anonymous strangers on the Internet, for your lousy life. And you have to STAND UP and take charge of your life, because .....

...... it's your own life. No one else can live it for you.

I actually totally agree with you. I'm a pretty sympathetic and understanding person, but I was thinking this too as I read the original post. I think as she grows up and if she gets her act together, she could come back and re-read this and get it.

It's hard to see ourselves and take responsibility while in the situation. I think she does need love and support and hopefully she will start acting like that's what she wants, instead of acting like she doesn't care.

Her grandparents have reason to think and fell the way they do. No, they can't put what her mom did on her, but her past and current actions haven't proven that she's any different. Her own actions have them disbelieving.

Maybe now, by telling the truth, everyone can start to heal and learn to trust and support again.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Lola

(DID you apologize? I don't recall)

I didn't hear an apology. I didn't hear any intention to clean up the mess the OP made with her grandparents, who had been being very generous -- and they didn't have to be. I didn't hear any intention to make reparations to them, to return the money that was essentially stolen, or at minimum, taken under extremely deceitful terms. What I hear the OP saying is "Why don't they just get over it and give ME the love and support I need?!"

Maintaining a mind set of "why are you so mean to me, you devil?" (which doesn't seem to be only aimed at you, ALG) is nowhere near as empowering or effective in living a life you love as some other questions she might be asking, like, "who am I being that I'm having such a negative impact and results? Who could I be that would inspire me to effective action?"

I imagine the OP will take on questions that work better if and when she's ready.

[gettingskinny]

Originally Posted by Angela

I didn't hear an apology. I didn't hear any intention to clean up the mess the OP made with her grandparents, who had been being very generous -- and they didn't have to be. I didn't hear any intention to make reparations to them, to return the money that was essentially stolen, or at minimum, taken under extremely deceitful terms. What I hear the OP saying is "Why don't they just get over it and give ME the love and support I need?!"

Maintaining a mind set of "why are you so mean to me, you devil?" (which doesn't seem to be only aimed at you, ALG) is nowhere near as empowering or effective in living a life you love as some other questions she might be asking, like, "who am I being that I'm having such a negative impact and results? Who could I be that would inspire me to effective action?"

I imagine the OP will take on questions that work better if and when she's ready.

ITA

[Angela]

Originally Posted by gettingskinny

ITA

what does that mean, gettingskinny?

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by Lola

Here's the deal, Loveliketheflowers, when you violate someone's trust, you have to earn it back. And the earning back of trust comes a bit harder and at a bigger price than the implicit trust you may have been freely given at the beginning. Confession and apology (DID you apologize? I don't recall) don't automatically wipe the slate clean. It's a start, especially if it's heartfelt, but you still have much work ahead of you to regain a position of trustworthiness with your grandparents.

Good luck. It's a hard lesson but if applied will benefit you greatly in life.

sorry i didn't write blow by blow my whole life and the situation. OF COURSE I APOLOGIZED. LMAO. im so done though, i got what i needed here. u do not know me as a person or what i have been through or going through. but im tired of this forum and trying to explain. I take full responsiblity for my life and all my past actions (stripping, lying, pot, X). no i was not living under my grandparents roof the whole time, i moved out when i started college at 18 and started going downhill from there. but yes i apologized, when i told them the truth, during, and after this whole weekend. if you cared to read more than the first and maybe fifth post i wrote i have been asking for advice............nevermind. thank u for all your advice. when i wrote the FIRST INTIAL POST I just told my grandparents the truth after 20min before, so it just happened and i was typing from the heart. immature, sure. say what you please. the car statement was very stupid to say cause it didn't matter anyway. but i have nothing to prove to u. i have something to prove to myself. i will and have started to recognize that this is my life and "I" have to start living it......but i shall exit from here as a lil immature LIL whatever you wanna fill in the blank.

Originally Posted by gettingskinny

I actually totally agree with you. I'm a pretty sympathetic and understanding person, but I was thinking this too as I read the original post. I think as she grows up and if she gets her act together, she could come back and re-read this and get it.

It's hard to see ourselves and take responsibility while in the situation. I think she does need love and support and hopefully she will start acting like that's what she wants, instead of acting like she doesn't care.

Her grandparents have reason to think and fell the way they do. No, they can't put what her mom did on her, but her past and current actions haven't proven that she's any different. Her own actions have them disbelieving.

Maybe now, by telling the truth, everyone can start to heal and learn to trust and support again.

LMAO.....they have already calmed down that same day. they saw how the lying was making me look depressed and they knew something was going on. SURE ILL PAY THEM BACK THANKS FOR THE ADVICE ANGELA AND ACTINGLIKEGOD (sad name). what an upsetting forum. i wrote that first post like i said 20MINUTES AFTER I JUST TOLD THEM! so of course they were upset and mad, and i was very scared and fearful i just revealed the truth. came on here for support but look what i got. i guess strength. this a evil world, i gotta make it happy. YEAH IM IMMATURE I GUESS!....LMAO. im not nothing i will defintely be something, and i will be doing something before my grandparents perish for sure i'll make sure of that. I take absolute full responsibility for lying to my grandparents, school, stripping, raves, yeah. sorry i didnt write minute by minute my life and the situation. but you should of thought of course while telling them SORRY and i KNOW U WILL BE UPSET U HAVE EVERY RIGHT. SORRY I DID NOT WRITE THAT.

thank you all. you give me more strength and anger to be the BEST. and i will trust me. F U ALL. and p.s. im not like your brother period. i have been hustling and stripping and other things for years so i wasn't just STEALING money from my grandparents. i was hustling and stripping doing what i had to do to pay my bills, rent, and shyt like that. sorry i didn't explain that but if u checked out my other posts u can see all i been through since coming back home living with my grandparents this JAnuary. Dancer knows though and I love you for having my back. ALL u other can suck my...yeah. POSITIVITY YA'LL. YEAH I AM IMMATURE. TWENTY F'IN TWO AND HELLA STUPID, IMMATURE, DUMB. BUT I HAVE COLLEGE YEARS UNDER MY BELT AND LOTS OF BAD LIFE EXPERIENCE AND THE LYING ABOUT SCHOOL.

how can you compare me to your brother? how old is he? lmao. i didn't ship some oriental to america to marry and still chilling under my grandparents roof. thats stupid. I was trying to fix myself. Last year I had three jobs, coffee bean, being a receptionist at a commercial real estate company, STRIPPIN, hustlin, and some college courses online and community college. so i wasnt doing NOTHING. i was always trying, but since i was lying about school, everything never worked out cause i was so down and depressed about school and pretending i was really fully in school when i wasn't.

BUT LIKE I SAID, U DONT KNOW ME, WHAT I BEEN THRU. THX FOR ALL.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Some people might not have known the background since you have posted under 2 different names.

[Jamie]

I get the impression that you're in a lot of pain, inside of you, and it's coming out uncontrolled as anger towards people. Am sure most people here, would be happy for you to discover (or to make) something of value in yourself. The find peace, calmness, clarity and power within you, a safe and stable place, where you can plan your future life from.

I'd say, best of luck to you, but I really do believe people make their own luck in life. Where you go, what you do, what you learn. It's all down to you.

I'd defo recommend, if you have an mp3 player, to check out As a Man Thinketh, by James Allen. You can download it here.

[gettingskinny]

Wow, this makes me sad for you. Yes, you sound immature. I think that with time and growth you will see the reasons for the posts on this thread. This is a public forum and you are going to get all types of responses. Also, just b/c a response is one you don't want to hear, doesn't mean it's not advice and someone caring.

I understand completely what it's like to have a drug addict mother and to have been around, seen and done bad/stupid crap. But I had a choice to be like my mother, or to grow and become better for myself and for my future (and now) family.

You are blessed to have that choice as well. It sounds like you were moving in the right direction by becoming honest with your grandparents. You were just living this lifestyle in December, right? It's been 2 months and yes that is awesome you are making changes, give it a little more time!

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by gettingskinny

you sound immature.

I'm confused. How does "You need to grow up", and "you sound immature" help someone who is in deep pain at all?

It's one thing to offer suggestions and advice, such as "Take responsibility" and I understand how that can help. I don't understand how the above phrases can help, except by putting the other person on the defensive.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I'm confused. How does "You need to grow up", and "you sound immature" help someone who is in deep pain at all?

It's one thing to offer suggestions and advice, such as "Take responsibility" and I understand how that can help. I don't understand how the above phrases can help, except by putting the other person on the defensive.

It's very hard, if not impossible, to make a call on this; how do you tell if a person is ready for, and can digest, take on board, a few 'home-truths'? You can get more of an idea if you know that person in real-life, but over the internet ...

I think it's hard to make a judgement on what's appropriate for that person.

[dancer]

Loveliketheflowers, I understand that you are feeling misunderstood and criticised, but screaming and shouting your frustration is not going to help you gain understanding. The world is not against you. You have had many who have responded to your posts with support and great advice without judgement.

You want people to understand you, but you are not trying to understand others. Your situation can push peoples buttons.

Your ego got the better of you. All that anger is your ego trying to get attention and it is fighting a losing battle. I hope when you calm down, you will see that people here really want you to succeed. I hope you also see that you need to find another way of communicating and getting a handle on your frustration and anger. I've had anger problems, but I realised when I lash out at people it just alienates them. When you communicate with respect, people listen to you and it is the only way to reach understanding.

I really believe in you and am happy to be your friend. Please stop thinking everyone is against you and that you have to fight everyone to get the love, peace, happiness and success you are seeking. Not everyone will agree with you and you are not always going to agree with everyone either.

Keep on your path and choose to see situations from different perspectives before you react. If you do choose to leave the forums, send me a PM and I will send you my email address. It's all up to you.

Lots of love

[mej023]

Strippers make pretty good money. I would check out ads for people looking for roommates and do that at first because it's cheap.

Lot's of young people do drugs. More than you know.

Stop being so hard on yourself. School sucks. You already did the hard thing (telling your grandparents).

Just do your own thing and decide to be happy.

Be glad your not living in Somalia.

[CoryLehan]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

sorry i didn't write blow by blow my whole life and the situation. OF COURSE I APOLOGIZED. LMAO. im so done though, i got what i needed here. u do not know me as a person or what i have been through or going through. but im tired of this forum and trying to explain.

What do you want from us? You asked for support and help, and we gave some. Now you're just throwing us away because we didn't give the answers you want.

What answers do you want? It's obvious everyone still wants to help, but you're not accepting the help we give, and you're not telling us the help you want.

[gettingskinny]

Originally Posted by dancer

Loveliketheflowers, I understand that you are feeling misunderstood and criticised, but screaming and shouting your frustration is not going to help you gain understanding. The world is not against you. You have had many who have responded to your posts with support and great advice without judgement.

You want people to understand you, but you are not trying to understand others. Your situation can push peoples buttons.

Your ego got the better of you. All that anger is your ego trying to get attention and it is fighting a losing battle. I hope when you calm down, you will see that people here really want you to succeed. I hope you also see that you need to find another way of communicating and getting a handle on your frustration and anger. I've had anger problems, but I realised when I lash out at people it just alienates them. When you communicate with respect, people listen to you and it is the only way to reach understanding.

I really believe in you and am happy to be your friend. Please stop thinking everyone is against you and that you have to fight everyone to get the love, peace, happiness and success you are seeking. Not everyone will agree with you and you are not always going to agree with everyone either.

Keep on your path and choose to see situations from different perspectives before you react. If you do choose to leave the forums, send me a PM and I will send you my email address. It's all up to you.

Lots of love

well written

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by loveliketheflowers

you give me more strength and anger to be the BEST. and i will, trust me..

Hey there. I'm glad to hear it. I believe you. Sent you some prayers last night. I wish you all the best.

[Fullcrum]

Hey, I can definitely imagine the opening poster coming back in a few months, maybe a few years time from a place of abundance and look at this thread (or at least remember it) as the TURNING POINT that pushed her to a life of much greater fulfillment.

I mean look how Tony Robbins started out, to give an example.