I FAILED my Final exam.Feel like a Dumb ass

[Zoomorphic]

Its my final year of college. I just received my results from my last semester exam, I failed 1 exam. I feel so ASHAMED, SCARED that i wont be graduating this year 2008 November. I ll have to resit the exam in September. I ve been feeling upset, unmotivated, shameful, sad, angry, jealous for a week now. If i continue on i will fail the next 6 exams in the summer. I know i have to study and move on.
But i have the tendency of not letting go of things. I hate FAILING. A friend of mine, grinned as i told her i failed an exam. Today another friend asked me " so are u calmed down now?"
The worst thing is, i cant imagine myself getting a PASS degree. If i dont get at least 2.2 honours. I WONT BE EMPLOYED! NO ONE WOULD WANT TO EMPLOY A PASS DEGREE DUMBASS

Correct me if I am wrong. I cant help but noticed that when i told people i failed an exam; their perception of me changed and they lost respect for me, they just dont pay as much attention to me as before.

I need know conciously what i should do, but EMOTIONALLY is taking over my confidence, I m doubting myself. I m hating myself. I m sick jealous of my classmates, those who scores high and did well.
The truth is, i did work hard for that exam , i was shock that i failed it and i dont understand why. It could be coz my english, the grammatical errors or it could be I m just plain stupid.

? Would love to hear some encouraging suggestions

[Angela]

You failed an exam. That doesn't mean anything about you. It just something that happened, that's all. Everyone has something happen in their lives that they make mean catatrophic things like: I'm stupid, I'm unloveable, I'm nothing. And most people never examine that belief... they just go on with their lives carrying around I'm stupid or I'm nothing until they day they die.

Failing at some effort does not mean you are a failure. Failing is a great thing to do! If the meaning you make out of is: there's something great in this, there is something for me to learn to further a life I love. What is that in this case? What inspired action or way of being arises for you that feels good?

On the other hand, if you generate meaning that makes you feel bad, like "I'm a dumbass that no one will ever want to hire", the longer you hold onto it, the more deeply you believe it is really who you are. You don't have to do that, Zoo. You can make a powerful choice right now that will be a cornerstone in your life -- a choice about who you are willing to be.

[Statikkk]

Zoomorphic, everything in life happens for a reason. The deepest "you" is acting in accordance with what you ultimately desire.

When I was in university, I did a double major in comp sci and philosophy. I breezed happily through the philosophy courses but failed the main comp sci course miserably. In second year, same thing - I continued to do poorly in the comp sci classes while falling madly in love with philosophy. The problem was, my goals were all related to the comp sci degree. In second year, I even considered dropping out completely and doing a business degree instead, but I ended up sticking it out.

As university continued to unfold, I noticed that things started to align. My success in philosophy and writing began to trickle over as I started focusing on the idea of success rather than the divide between what I wanted and what I was getting.

Today, I'm a director of IT for a fleet risk management company, but my philosophy degree represents the side of me that allows me to seek out who I am.

Failing exams has nothing to do with failing life. It's just an event like any other, good or bad, that makes you who you are and guides you along. Don't stress it.

[smartile]

Hey Zoomorphic,

You didn't fail - you just got a result. A result you didn't want but nonetheless you still got a result. Currently, you're focusing on the result that you don't want <to fail> and you're attracting in more thoughts of the same type. Like attracts like.

If you want to change your results then you have to change your thoughts,

Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results

Stop thinking about.... What if, what if, what if....etc.

and start thinking,

How can I ....
..... pass my next exam.
..... ace my next exam.
..... ace my next exam quickly, easily and effortlessly.

Change your mind and U change your results.

Stephen Martile — Personal Development Made Simple

[The Cloud]

You can't change the failing grade. It's in the past, it has already happened. It has nothing to do with your future or what you're going to do with it. You have a choice, you can either look at yourself right now as if you are the same person you were in the past that failed the exam and learned absolutely nothing from experience, or you can look at yourself right now as a new person that has learned from their experiences and is now capable of making different decisions than in the past.

My advice is to set goals. But probably not the goals that you would normally think of. Don't set goals like "I will get an A on my next exam." You aren't grading your exams, you have no control over what score the exam is given, that is the teacher's decision. What you do have control over is what you do to prepare for the exam.

Perhaps you could set the goal of "I will study for 5 hours a week for this class." That is a concrete goal that you can objectively tell whether you are achieving or not. If at the end of every week you have studied 5 hours, then your goal has been accomplished. You accomplished it, not a lenient teacher or an unintelligent class (if your teacher grades on a curve). You performed the actions, you controlled the results, you had all the power.

[LifeCrisisGuy]

Hey man,

Don't feel bad if you have done your best! Learn where you failed. That's more important, instead of beating yourself up! Everybody failed before. I failed many times and am still failing. But, so what? It just pushes closer to what I want, a pass exam, a success in career, an accomplishment in life, ...etc. The point is learn the lesson and you will get a better result next time.

Hear what Havelock Ellis said about failure: "It is on our failures that we base a new and different and better success."

Good luck!

[Zoomorphic]

Thank you everyone,

I had been feelin' unmotivated and I did no study for 2 weeks since college began. I was heading in the direction of failing even more subjects. Thank you all for straightening my perspective. I will work harder, learn from my mistake and stay focus+positive. I wont let my negativity take over and resulted a poor outcome. I ll let you all know my progress in 8 months later.

[Tim Brownson]

Zoomporphic - ask better questions!

What can I learn from this experience?

What else can it mean?

What does failing give me? (There will be some upsides if you look hard enough - Maybe it's happened to test your resolve and now you'll come through with flying colors and be a better person!)

I'd also get OUT of the 'how can I' mindset from time to time. Of course we need that and I'm not saying abandon it altogether, but sometimes when people concentrate on the 'how can I' they get overwhelemd, especially if there is no obvious answer. Re-think it as "who can help me pass my exam?" and then look for success stories you can model or people that may help mentor you.

Working hard is fine but you also need play time so allocate your time sensibly and most importantly, go easy on yourself.

"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiam".
Winston Churchill

[Zoomorphic]

Just to keep you all updated about my progress in college.

Today, I just received my final year THESIS results. I got 60% I m very disappointed. I had been through so much abuse by my chemistry italian supervisor. I wish i didnt choose Chemistry for my thesis, Now i m feeling depressed and regret. Most of my classmates have around 70%. I m one of the lowest in the class. If I scored high in my THESIS the marks could have compensate for the exam I failed earlier

This morning, I went to a job interview. I ve never felt so incompetent for the first time I feel like crying. The job is actually for when I graduate but now I dont know if I'd be able to graduate. I couldnt tell the interviewer I failed my exam.
I cant stop picturing not graduating and I cant bear to get a PASS degree.
I m not meeting my goals and expectation; at the moment i m so frustrated, angry and hating myself. Its been 2 weeks and i havent study at all.
I just couldnt seemed to pull myself together and move on.
I m stuck in a perpetuating state of failure. Intelligently I know i should ignore all circumstances and move on but emotionally I couldnt do it. I wish I m a ROBOT I hate feelings and emotions coz its really draining me.

[smartile]

Hi Zoomorphic,

Like all states there is a pattern. There is a sequence that prevents you from pulling yourself together and getting unstuck. See the sequence below, you may recognize it:

Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results

You said you feel stuck (Feelings). In order to get unstuck you need to work with your thoughts first. When you change your thoughts (Thoughts) you will automatically change your feelings. Does that make sense?

You may want to pay more attention and become aware of the pictures you're creating in your minds-eye. You said,

I cant stop picturing not graduating

When you see this picture, ask yourself these specific questions:
<you may want to close your eyes; I find this helps>

Is the picture large or small?
Is the picture close or far?
Is the picture bright or dark?
Is the picture moving fast or slow?

Now take each aspect of the picture and change it.

If the picture is large then make it small.
If the picture is close then make it far.
If the picture is dark then make it bright.
If the picture is moving fast, slow it down.

Each time you change the image, notice how you feel.

When you work with your thoughts you can change your feelings - this is applied NLP.

Let me know what you learn. I'd luv to hear back from you.

[Edd]

Originally Posted by Zoomorphic

Just to keep you all updated about my progress in college.

Today, I just received my final year THESIS results. I got 60% I m very disappointed. I had been through so much abuse by my chemistry italian supervisor. I wish i didnt choose Chemistry for my thesis, Now i m feeling depressed and regret. Most of my classmates have around 70%. I m one of the lowest in the class. If I scored high in my THESIS the marks could have compensate for the exam I failed earlier

This morning, I went to a job interview. I ve never felt so incompetent for the first time I feel like crying. The job is actually for when I graduate but now I dont know if I'd be able to graduate. I couldnt tell the interviewer I failed my exam.
I cant stop picturing not graduating and I cant bear to get a PASS degree.
I m not meeting my goals and expectation; at the moment i m so frustrated, angry and hating myself. Its been 2 weeks and i havent study at all.
I just couldnt seemed to pull myself together and move on.
I m stuck in a perpetuating state of failure. Intelligently I know i should ignore all circumstances and move on but emotionally I couldnt do it. I wish I m a ROBOT I hate feelings and emotions coz its really draining me.

This is the kind of reason that I think university nowadays is a highly unhealthy and unnatural ordeal of 3 or more years. My own story is:
I was very successful at college, (or high school as you call it in the USA), and was under no pressure from anybody but surpassed my own expectation and studied just for the love of it, finally getting top notch marks. However I then naturally had ambitions about university, but I didn't know what I was getting myself into.
I applied to some good universities, (albeit not the very best like Oxford or Cambridge, but the next ones down), and got offers from all of them, and I was able to take my pic from any of them since I easily satisfied the entry requirements. Once I'd taken my pic, (which I regretted for a while since I chose a local university which had a good reputation, but wasn't as interesting as another university offer I had which was in a nice rural area), I started at university. First I was in halls of residence which was quite nice and I felt quite relaxed, although I felt a bit of a loner at the university and never really got in with any cliques, as inevitably most people get in with. I didn't feel under much pressure and loved studying, and was excited about everything and did very well in my first semester exams, getting a first class average.
I hoped it would continue like this but things went rapidly worse from here on. I found the second semester units were generally not as well structured as the first semester ones and some of them I didn't feel the slightest bit like studying, although I did so out of necessity rather than love of studying it. I still did quite well in the second semester, averaging about a low 2-1, (maybe 62% or so), which is quite respectable at UK universities.

Next was when some real stress came in; I didn't have any friends at uni who I had arranged to find a share house with so i had the ordeal of finding a house to live in for the second year. This took a long time and depressed me a lot during the summer, and in the end I found a nice house with a great bedroom, but I didn't know any of the people. Throughout the year I found most of the people in my share house nice, although I never felt much included in any of their socialising and felt lonely, and also there was one person in the house who I felt bullied me and made a point of excluding me from any social stuff everyone did. So my living environment was lonely during the second year, and I felt less and less motivated with work as I became less happy and more stressed. I was fairly successful in the first semester and did reasonably, but in the second semester at the end of the academic year I had spent in a house where I felt discluded from social events etc, I felt miserable and was very stressed about some of the units, finding some of the very difficult and not feeling at all motivated properly or happy enough to succeed. I managed to pass some of them but failed two.

So now is the second summer between academic years. I had failed two exams and had to do retakes for those; both of which I found very difficult subjects and I managed to pass these retakes but at the time I could hardly believe I had pulled it off as it was so tough.

Next, after my bad experience at the student house I decided to live at my parents house and travel by train. This was very tiring due to the time taken to travel and the amount of walking involved etc, and I found this tiring enough just to attend all the lectures and get to and from uni, let along do any studying, which I found very difficult. I managed to get through a coursework unit which was partly self study and partly group study, but I was too lonely, depressed, and exhausted to cope with the studying and I failed about three units, while passing about two. At this point I realised how much my living circumstances etc effected my performance and also how the relentless pressure to pass effected me, whereas at college (high school) I felt under no pressure and there was no real difficulty in getting to the college/school.

I am definitely the type of person who loves learning and is capable of performing very well academically, but who cannot cope with the pressure factor of having to pass and the worry of having many exams which all have to be passed. To anyone like me - and there are many - university is an ordeal and takes all the passion out of learning, and make a lot of talented people ill from stress and can seriously jeapardise their health. It took me a year or so to recover from the stress of university fully, but I still didn't want to go back to finish it at that point, and I actually returned to study the final year - but at a different university - three years later. This was the academic year just gone, and I found this just as stressful as before, although I knew what to expect and managed to see it through almost.. although I passed 11 out of 12 units, (10 exams and a 2 unit project), I failed one and have a retake to do this week for the exam I failed. I'm not sure what the university policies are - if I pass I will get a 2-2 degree - but if I fail, I'm not even sure if I'll be awarded a degree, even though it is just one measily unit out of 36 over three years. It is this disgraceful system that put people like myself or other students under unnatural pressure. It is the situation that even after nearly 6 years from when I first started, (I worked for about 2 years in the years out that I took), I STILL don't know if I will have anything to show for all my efforts, all due to a single exam.. and I don't think I could even cope with the stress of appealing mitigating circumstances, especially since there is a very tight deadline for this.

My advice to anyone is - in general - if you love studying, that doesn't mean you will enjoy a degree. The stresses of university may kill your love of studying early on and make it an ordeal that will drag on for years. There are plenty of ways of making your way in the world without full time university study, such as working and doing professional qualifications or part time degrees while working.

[Edd]

By the way, what year of the degree are you in? The others seem to have assumed you were in the first year, but by the sound of it your are in the final year.

If you are only in the first year then I'd recommend you to seriously consider whether it is worth putting yourself through another two years of the same, with probably increasing stress. There are plenty of ways to get started in life without needing a degree, and plenty of chances of getting a degree or professional qualifications alongside working. However if it is your final year, all I can say is I know how you feel and I hope you find a way of getting through it with a result you are happy with.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Zoomorphic

Its my final year of college. I just received my results from my last semester exam, I failed 1 exam. I feel so ASHAMED, SCARED that i wont be graduating this year 2008 November. I ll have to resit the exam in September. I ve been feeling upset, unmotivated, shameful, sad, angry, jealous for a week now. If i continue on i will fail the next 6 exams in the summer. I know i have to study and move on.
But i have the tendency of not letting go of things. I hate FAILING. A friend of mine, grinned as i told her i failed an exam. Today another friend asked me " so are u calmed down now?"
The worst thing is, i cant imagine myself getting a PASS degree. If i dont get at least 2.2 honours. I WONT BE EMPLOYED! NO ONE WOULD WANT TO EMPLOY A PASS DEGREE DUMBASS

Correct me if I am wrong. I cant help but noticed that when i told people i failed an exam; their perception of me changed and they lost respect for me, they just dont pay as much attention to me as before.

I need know conciously what i should do, but EMOTIONALLY is taking over my confidence, I m doubting myself. I m hating myself. I m sick jealous of my classmates, those who scores high and did well.
The truth is, i did work hard for that exam , i was shock that i failed it and i dont understand why. It could be coz my english, the grammatical errors or it could be I m just plain stupid.

? Would love to hear some encouraging suggestions

Try giving the problem some perspective.

A test= a piece of paper=questions

In the world tens of thousands of people die everyday...natural disasters may kill millions in a few hours...a test attends to your knowledge which hardly equates to anything in the real world.

Hope that helps.

[sarahme]

Try talking to your professor and negotiating some kind of deal. Maybe you can do extra assignments to make up for it. Reason I am suggesting it is because I personally failed a final exam as well and did just this. I also thought that my world was over and I would never get employed. Well, I am happy to say that this couldn't be further away from the truth. Professors don't like to see their students, especially Seniors, failing. Talk to them and see what you can do. And I just want to add that Chemistry is SO HARD!!

In the meantime, don't judge your worth by a stupid test. And don't let this one test make you lose motivation for all other tests. Stop the domino effect before it happens. I promise you that a couple years down the line, you'll look back at this moment and chuckle. You will be fine, trust me. Go talk to your professors and let us know what happens.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Zoomorphic

Correct me if I am wrong. I cant help but noticed that when i told people i failed an exam; their perception of me changed and they lost respect for me, they just dont pay as much attention to me as before.

Don't take this the wrong way, but the reason you see people as respecting yourself less is because you are respecting yourself less. I've had friends that fail exams at school, but I still respect them because I know they are intelligent and respectable. I may be surprised, but never dismissive. Heck, I myself have failed classes, and I don't think people dismiss me because of it However, people that fail and then freak out about it get tiring to listen to. So don't worry, people likely aren't ignoring you because they think you're unintelligent. They may be doing so because you are repetitive, however.

Think on this for a bit; you CAN'T fail. Think about it. What exactly is failing, as an action? If you were going to go out and fail right now, what would you do? Failure is a judgment, not something you can actually do.

Now, I'm going to ask something of you. Imagine for a moment, if you will, that you are the things you do. You are whatever action that you are doing right now, whether it's eating or thinking or breathing. That is who you are. Because honestly, that's the only part of you that exists, is the part that is existing right now. So if you are action, then how can you fail if failure is not an action that can be performed?

Hope this helps.

[aggie]

maybe it is because many of us older posters have felt this way and somehow come thru it (maybe not all as we planned) but i just want to put my arms around you both and say please, please don't be so harsh with yourselves.

also give yourselves some credit...you are taking full resposibility for what you call your "failures"....some would just be content to blame...i see this all the time as my husband is a science professor (usa) and students can actually appeal that a professor did not teach them well enough to learn.

there are many factors involved...some people can be brilliant and not test well. there could be other things such as how you physically feel at the time of an exam or paper or project or some other part of life that has understandably distract you. having "friends" or peers that delight in your misery doesn't help either.

i agree you should talk to your professors...if they really enjoy imparting knowledge they will want to help you.

maybe it is something to consider if what you are having a problem with is what you really want or need to learn for success or happiness in your future life. i agree there is terrible pressure of many types today for degrees plus all the other stresses of everyday life. sometimes it can seem impossible to do.
but whether you should be doing it or not is the question...no matter how many times you think you have failed or how long it takes, i believe if you want it bad enough and you are meant to do it you will.

one thing my husband is honest about with his students is that many of them are chosing to go into some field of medicine...and if you are really not cut out for it or there are things you need to learn, that you cannot grasp, does not mean that one is stupid...but perhaps should consider another career aside from perhaps an md or even a nurse. it will never get easier and there will never be less pressure. after a while it should be obvious to some people that they were not meant to do certain things in life.

it can be heartbreaking, but it happens and is part of life.

sometimes things we originally love, we can almost learnt to fear and hate. i used to be very interested in art when i was a child and had i would consider some moderate talent. in high school (usa) back then the guidance counselors practically demanded at 17 that you decide what you wanted to do with your life. i applied to art school...because i couldn't come up with anything else at the time.

little by little i stopped doing any artwork, that i used to take private pleasure in, for myself.

don't let anything like that happen to you. good luck. i believe you both will be fine.

[Chap]

Originally Posted by Zoomorphic

Its my final year of college. I just received my results from my last semester exam, I failed 1 exam. I feel so ASHAMED, SCARED that i wont be graduating this year 2008 November. I ll have to resit the exam in September. I ve been feeling upset, unmotivated, shameful, sad, angry, jealous for a week now. If i continue on i will fail the next 6 exams in the summer. I know i have to study and move on.
But i have the tendency of not letting go of things. I hate FAILING. A friend of mine, grinned as i told her i failed an exam. Today another friend asked me " so are u calmed down now?"
The worst thing is, i cant imagine myself getting a PASS degree. If i dont get at least 2.2 honours. I WONT BE EMPLOYED! NO ONE WOULD WANT TO EMPLOY A PASS DEGREE DUMBASS

Correct me if I am wrong. I cant help but noticed that when i told people i failed an exam; their perception of me changed and they lost respect for me, they just dont pay as much attention to me as before.

I need know conciously what i should do, but EMOTIONALLY is taking over my confidence, I m doubting myself. I m hating myself. I m sick jealous of my classmates, those who scores high and did well.
The truth is, i did work hard for that exam , i was shock that i failed it and i dont understand why. It could be coz my english, the grammatical errors or it could be I m just plain stupid.

? Would love to hear some encouraging suggestions

The main thing to remember is that you are in control of this situation. Don't mind your friends, everyone is after a quick fix and other peoples misfortune is often the easiest, especially when it can be contorted into a stepping stone for ones ego. Therefore, if you show these competitors regret and disappointment, they will enjoy the show even more, and may even decide to praise theirselves for their compassion by superficially trying to cheer you up, or take control of your life.

What is important is that you do not let this get to you, learn lessons from the situation and make sure to eliminate and overcome such challenges in the future. Nobody else can do this for you, and you have but one life.

All the best.

[CroMagna]

If you stay an extra semester, looking back in 2 years you won't even remember which semester you took off or how much longer you stayed. I often have dreams about going back to college. I think it's because I enjoy being in school. I wish I could have stayed in college for 10 years so that I could have all the perks like free trips to other countries or a meal plan.

[ChrisN]

In high school I worked my butt off and barely scraped a C in maths yet people who did 5 minutes of study got A's. I didnt get it and it was majorly unfair but thats life, in computer studies I would beat them hands down without a second thought. You have to pick yourself up and move on, dont let that fail get the better of you. Get the better of the fail and turn it into a pass

[ChaosKiwi]

The problem here is attitude and perception. Job interviewers are far more likely to not hire you because they get the impression that you have low energy (because your feeling bad about your fail) than your actual marks.

Your putting far too much emphasis on your marks! When I was studying I failed my favorite subject while passing everything else. I have a friend who had to repeat some classes and stayed at university for a year extra and he now has a respectable well paid job in his field (engineering).

On the other hand there is a guy who recently stabbed his girlfriend 200 times here in NZ. This guy has gone to great lengths to let all the news papers and media know that he got perfect marks (98% or higher) throughout university. He seems to relate some huge significance to this that the world just doesn't recognize or care about in relation to his crimes.

You need to step back from your situation to gain perspective. I would highly recommend taking some time off if at all possible, even if it is just one afternoon, to focus on something completely unrelated to your everyday life.

[Kaybee]

You failed your exam. Its behind you now. From here you have two choices - wallow in what's happened or pick yourself up and move on.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it - EVERYONE experiences setbacks in life. View this for what it is - a test.

If you've made it to the point where you are almost finished with college, that already says so many positive things about you.

Keep going. Don't give up. Dig in and get your degree.

Kim
Failure Quotes - failure is nothing but a stepping stone on the path to success.
Positive Quotes - Inspiration for You

[darkw0rker]

Your mind is making a linguistic error here.

You did not actually fail. What failed was your strategy for studying and probably your work.

It is very important to take YOU separate from your WORK.

I can fail everything in life but not feel a bit of skepticism and low self esteem about myself, because I know that I can never fail as a person, but my work may usually fail.

[seeker5]

This was a thread started for the purpose of helping the thread starter deal with an issue in his life. However, this thread was started about a year and a half ago, and has been dead for over a year. Since the issue may be irrelevant due to the fact this thread has been dead for so long, and to prevent the resurrection of a thread that may be completely irrelevant, I've closed the thread.

If the thread starter would like to re-open this thread to continue talking about it, please message me or any other moderators. We'll be glad to re-open the thread.

BTW, moved Viraja's post (the one that re-resurrected this thread although everyone posting after this guy seem to be addressing the OP and not him) here: pls help me - continue or quit school?