I need help with bitterness/anger

[The Truth Seeker]

To anyone out there,

I have problems studying. I'm in college. I never can discipline myself to study. Usually I play computer games and watch Yu-Gi-Oh on youtube. I think part of the reason is because of the bitterness I feel when I study. You see, in my middle school years I moved from my mom's house to my aunt's house. Little did I know at that time the negative impact she would have on me.

A couple of weeks after I moved in, my cousin bought homeschooling books from the local bookstore. I read them, and after that I showed them to her (my aunt). However, she did not read them. I left them in her room, but she still didn't read them. So, I then I thought that if she didn't read them, then that means she doesn't do her own reseach into issues. And if that is the case, she must be a very stupid woman. So, from then on I avoided her. Even to this day I still continue to avoid her.

Even more importantly, that was the beginning of the bitterness that engulfed me for the rest of my middle and high school career. When I started avoiding her, she started going ballistic on me and saying if she were my mother she would have beaten me with a stick. Also, because of the homeschooling thing I decided not to listen to anything she said. This added to my aunt's anger. So I think we both felt bitter towards each other. These events led to the estranged relationship we have today. As an example of what other things she said, when we were packing for college she told me that I was a bad boy. As I reflect on these events it was either the main cause or a main cause of the depression and sadness that engulfed me over my middle and high school years.

In the fall of last year, I had my first semester in college and moved into the dorms. Unfortunately, I didn't do too well. I slacked off and failed 2/3 classed and got a C in the third. I told my aunt, and she totally blasted mean things at me. Specifically, she told me that if she were my mother, she would have beaten me with a stick. In spite of her anger, she gave me another chance and let me enroll in college under academic probation. In January, I dissused the situation with my friends and the bitterness that I still inherited. They told me to talk to the pastor of the local church that we all went to. I did, and he told me to talk to my aunt about the homeschooling thing. Also, he said to appoligize for anything I've done to hurt her over the years. I called my aunt and discussed all these things with her. She said that all this, including the homeschooling thing, was OK. She was implying that we move on.

However, it seems I can't. From last week I kept track of how I spent my time. At the end of the week, (yesterday, which means I started one Wednesday ago) I figured out that part of the time management problem is this bitterness problem. I used to think that the homeschooling event was the cause of all the bitterness. I've dealt with the homeschooling event. I think the next bitterness root that I have to face is all the verbally abusive comments from my aunt that have piled up over the years. Unless I take this bitterness root out, I will never be able to study and I might as well drop out of college. I think on these comments all the time when I study. It seems I can't get them out of my head. Remembering these comments makes me sad and irritable. These two emotions are certainly not a good combination for studying. I want to emphasize one point. It is not that I have no motivation or ability to study. I want to succeed. It is just that I have to deal with core personal problems such as this before I can succeed. So please give me feedback on this blog.


Sincerely,
The Truth Seeker

[xyz]

The Truth Seeker,
It seems you are a very sensitive person and actions of people around you affect you severely. It also seems your aunt's yes, no, very good mattered/matters a lot. But what is a very positive thing about you is you are aware of the problems and don't need to identify it. You can do some very basic things. Why not study with someone what we call combined study. I too used to have concentration problem. Then I started studying with one of my friends. We used to decide time frame and then discuss whatever we studied. In between we took midnight snacks too. :-) when we felt tired and bored. This improved our grades. :-) Sometimes I used soothing instrumental music also while studying. But I NEVER PLAYED VOCAL MUSIC BECAUSE THAT WILL BE DISTRACTING. Sometimes I promise myself if I studied uninterrupted for self assigned hours i will reward myself with a small treat. Soon you will not feel the need to distract yourself and you will start enjoying studies. You can make a small group of 3-4 students also and assign topics to each one. And fix a time to discuss your assigned topics. This way all of you will benefit. And cover a wide range of syllabus. Hope you won't find me too preachy. :-) Why not create a blog of your own and keep posting your progress there? I will be a faithful reader. I promise. :-)

[Joely]

Hi there Truth Seeker,

I can understand where you're coming from, as I've carried a lot of bitterness and anger around with me for a long time. I might sound like an advert here, but I found the Sedona Method really helpful. Similar techniques include EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and The Release Technique. It's all about letting go of those difficult and distracting emotions. I've only used the Sedona Method but I've found it excellent for healing.

I hope that helps and I wish you well with your studies,

J x

[nick pagan]

Our emotions come forth from the desires that we have and how well we meet them in reality. You have desires that were never fulfilled by your aunt and that made you feel disappointed, angry and bitter. The events of your past are now ancient history. You can't go back and change a single thing but you will continue to hold onto those debilitating and immobilizing emotions for as long as you hold onto those old desires.

You can do that through acceptance. Accept that you couldn't get what you wanted - never could and never will do. Release that desire (it should be fairly easy cos it's just plain and simple that you can't have that homeschooling desire ever fulfilled).

If you don't do this then you will forever carry out those ancient hurts. Life isn't fair and we don't always get what we want. As soon as you accept that and readjust your desires in accordance with what reality has dished up for you, the sooner you can get through this.

Focus on new desires, such as doing well at school entirely by your own means. Find better things to move onto and let go of those old desires.

Fundamental Insights

Nick Pagan

[The Truth Seeker]

Everyone,

I've utilized EFT. I haven't uses the others. But, thanks for your input. Lets see if EFT works.

[makessense]

Nick has some good advice.

to get over the real problem, you need to choose a time to talk to your aunt and tell her how all the verbal abuse has affected you. Whatever she says, at least you know she knows how you feel and you can get over it. It is your reality and you perceive things the way you want to. If you think this is an impossible problem you can't fix, then it won't be fixed. Believe in yourself! You're of age now to realize these things happen and to fix it, you have to go straight to the source. Meditating, and all these techniques won't solve the problem, only mask them.

[The Truth Seeker]

Hello everyone,

I did talk to my aunt about the problem. I didn't respond to her calls for a week. So, she came on Saturday to see what's going on. I avoided her. But, she eventually found me. So, I told her about the verbal abuse (I didn't use the exact word "verbal abuse" however), and she said she was sorry for what she did to me. Also, she said she had to shout at me to discipline me. Now I feel like I have more peace now. Also, I can use EFT to help me get the courage to talk with my aunt whenever I have problems with her. Thank you all for your suggestions.

The Truth Seeker