Lost emotions...get em back

[simplystephen]

The only emotion I seem to have no problem expressing is anger, though I'm refined enough and am sort of a 40 year old free spirit and hippie (in many ways). My girlfriend pushes me past my limit and then I do get angry after asking her to stop. So....while I am working on this, it is just a communication problem. What really gets her and others is that I seem to be cold, numb, emotionless.

When I express excitement, it is usually by rambling on. Unfortunately many people don't get that. I seldom cry and had a hard time with the purpose in life exercise because of this. What do I do to become an expressive, happily emotional person again. I have the creativity, the skills but finding those emotions would bring a bit of me back...the bit I think I lost when I divorced and lost my daughter (metophorically...coz she lives in a different country so I only see her about once a year).

Okay, I'm all over the board so...guys straighten this out for me. Thanks.

[Angela]

Do you feel like you're repressing emotion, or that emotion is just not there?

[simplystephen]

Angela, you always seem to be there as your name suggests, a happy little angel, floating around waiting for someone to call and then "poof" you appear. Wow, and the perspicuity of your messages - out of this world.

I am repressing...I have gone through child abuse,adoption, divorce, separation from my daughter who is in England & I'm in Toronto, Canada (my ex cheated), multiple layoffs, massive debt, continued parental ignorance from my parents, plus all girlfriends (except my current one, she is a keeper & I love her) have cheated on me, the list goes on.

So....I put up a wall around myself and have a hard time letting myself out. I'm very introverted btw, so that doesn't help. But I do get social and open up to people. I know many valid reasons why I lock things in, and I open up my heart and all my vulnerabilities and get burned...but I still do it. So, the emotion is there, but when I get hurt, I hold on tight and protect myself, because pieces have already been damaged beyond repair.

On a good note, I do try to look at the bright side of things, I love my daughter, have some great things going on with my green ideas and websites and have had some wonderful life experiences and adventures, often because of the diversity that has hit me. Have you lived in your car and various odd places for 6 months - to promote affordable living (and coz ya couldn't)? Quite a game! Lots of good stuff.

So yeah I repress....but I try to open up.