Happiness: Enough Already -- Why Sadness is Good

[Calculusaurus]

Newsweek - Happiness: Enough Already

"If you're totally satisfied with your life and with how things are going in the world," says Diener, "you don't feel very motivated to work for change. Be wary when people tell you you should be happier."

While careful not to extol depression—which is marked not only by chronic sadness but also by apathy, lethargy and an increased risk of suicide—he praises melancholia for generating "a turbulence of heart that results in an active questioning of the status quo, a perpetual longing to create new ways of being and seeing." This is not romantic claptrap. Studies show that when you are in a negative mood, says Diener, "you become more analytical, more critical and more innovative. You need negative emotions, including sadness, to direct your thinking."

I'm sure a lot of discussion about pursuing happiness goes on in this forum -- but what about praising those occasional bouts of sadness? In a weird way, I love the feeling of sadness. The turbulence feels good after too many weeks of a pleasent status-quo.

I also love Steve's article on this topic:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...oy-of-sadness/

[SonoranBob]

Virtually every story about personal growth, is a story that was prompted by pain and discomfort of some kind. That includes sadness.

Sadness can not only signal a need for change, but it can accompany change, because to change you have to give something up, and that involves loss, which for most anything non-trivial will involve some normal grieving. Letting go gets easier with practice, but it's always death to the ego.

The implication for someone who is constantly growing is that an undercurrent of melancholy is not going to be a rare thing. It may not generally be dominant, but it'll be there.

Sadness it is nothing to fear and in fact is a good sign that you are making progress -- particularly at major turning / change points in life.

The objective of personal growth is NOT to feel great 100% of the time. In fact, while anyone who has gone far enough down that path will tell you that it's worth it overall, if you're not feeling any pain at all then I question whether you're seeing any real gain. I've never liked the flip "no pain, no gain" mantra but nevertheless it is basically true.

The fine line you don't want to cross is where you think pain is ennobling and you start to take pride in it. It's not some kind of masochistic thing, it's not the pain itself but the letting go of attachments (as the Buddhists would have it) that causes the pain.

The other line you don't want to cross is where you become apathetic and/or suicidal, both of which are refusals to let go. Pain should always motivate you to find out what you are hanging on to that you should be letting go of. Then, figure out what to replace it with, embrace that, and move on.

--Bob

[Chado2423]

Normal sadness is good, mild depression is okay... prolonged depression depletes the soul, trust me, I'm there.

[DayInTheLife]

"If you're totally satisfied with your life and with how things are going in the world," says Diener, "you don't feel very motivated to work for change. Be wary when people tell you you should be happier."

Sounds like he is mistaking complacency for happiness.

I am most motivated to act towards change when I am happy. That said, periodic sadness is normal and healthy IMHO.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by DayInTheLife

Sounds like he is mistaking complacency for happiness.

I am most motivated to act towards change when I am happy. That said, periodic sadness is normal and healthy IMHO.

I'm with you on that. When it comes to motivation, Pleasure: good. Pain: bad. If pain didn't work against change we would all be fully actualized, balanced, and mature by now. It's because of pain that people work overtime to avoid change.

However, people should embrace and lean into their legitimate pain so they can get to the other side of it and have a more pleasurable life. It's all about delayed gratification. Pain isn't good, ennobling, or virtutous; it just is. It's part of growth and change, and nothing to live in terror of. People in our society are so used to "constant comfort" that they think a little pain will kill them. 'Tain't so. It's astounding what you can actually endure or do without or whatever, when it's necessary and appropriate to do so.

--Bob

[Calculusaurus]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

Pain isn't good, ennobling, or virtutous; it just is. It's part of growth and change, and nothing to live in terror of. People in our society are so used to "constant comfort" that they think a little pain will kill them.

I agree. I think the main issue is that when people identify with their emotions, they strive for the 10 out of 10 on the happiness scale; when you are your emotions, the happiness scale is essentially your gauge for life, which in itself undermines the complexity of existence.

When you don't identify with your emotions, sadness can become an intensely positive thing. I hesitate to use the word "positive," but I can't get any better hold on the semantics here.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by Calculusaurus

I agree. I think the main issue is that when people identify with their emotions, they strive for the 10 out of 10 on the happiness scale; when you are your emotions, the happiness scale is essentially your gauge for life, which in itself undermines the complexity of existence.

When you don't identify with your emotions, sadness can become an intensely positive thing. I hesitate to use the word "positive," but I can't get any better hold on the semantics here.

This is very true. I've begun to see my sadness as a kind of grieving process, a recognition that something is coming to an end. When I get really knocked off my feet by depressive fits, I'm still conscious that it's just a phase, and that it has a purpose. It's usually pointing me at some limiting belief I need to release.

I also like the comments made above about leaning into pain and the way that suffering and pain can be transformative, or a sign of transformation. Whenever change takes place, even when you're expecting change, there's a need to let go of whatever is now, and that can be sad.

There's an interesting comment from Hale Dwoskin that "positive thinking" and the whole emphasis on constant "positivity" and happiness assumes that negative thoughts have power. In essence, that's like saying you can either attach to positivity or negativity. These states only have as much power as you choose to give them, and you can always withdraw that power. I've begun to learn that whenever I'm outside my comfort zone, doubt and negative thinking is a natural response, but that if I don't get attached to those thoughts, they have no power or meaning over me.

[The Truth Seeker]

Thanks for this blog,

It reminded me just how much progress I have made towards my journey. I now know what I ultimately want out of this life. You're right. Pain/sadness accompanies growth. I've changed in many ways over the month! Heck, even identifing what the problem actually is or closing in on it is progress, right! Also, every time you get up from a defeat, that actually marks progress. It helps enforce the qualtiy of perseverance. Overall, thanks for the blog. It has reminded me not to give up and how much progress I have made as a person even though others may not see it that way.

[Trezker]

When you're mostly happy, you have lots of energy to use for working on the few things that don't make you happy. I bet that's how the dishwasher was invented.

I truly believe nothing negative is needed to make a good life. I'd like to experience a life driven by inspiration instead of obstacles.

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by Trezker

When you're mostly happy, you have lots of energy to use for working on the few things that don't make you happy. I bet that's how the dishwasher was invented.

I truly believe nothing negative is needed to make a good life. I'd like to experience a life driven by inspiration instead of obstacles.

I think that any major goal worth pursuing in life will be riddled with obstacles. If you're able to experience pain and overcome it, the sense of happiness and insipiration on the other side will be much more meaningful. There a quote in one of Steve's blogs about this -- "the deeper that sorrow carves in to your being, the more joy it can contain" (I can't remember the original author of that).

How can we even know what pleasure is if we have not endured pain? There needs be some sort of juxtaposition - we can't recognize the good without fully understanding the bad. If happiness is the status quo it will inevitably start to lose meaning.

[PsuedoSyllogism]

...reading this thread I can't seem to shake from my mind the part in the Matrix where Agent Smith is talking to Neo about how humans define themselves by their misery and the machines couldn't make the Matrix perfect because humans just didn't know what to do with themselves when they were totally happy. Am I the only one?

No value judgements as to whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I really don't know. I certainly feel like there's a tendency in people when they're depressed or sad, if it goes beyond a certain point, to seek out more misery to justify and affirm their misery to others. Maybe that's just because that's what I did for a long time. haha. Sort of a poor me dynamic for those of you familiar with the Celestine Prophecy. (I know, I know, two blatant pop culture references in the same post probably isn't winning me any friends here so I'll stop now).

[Joely]

Originally Posted by PsuedoSyllogism

...reading this thread I can't seem to shake from my mind the part in the Matrix where Agent Smith is talking to Neo about how humans define themselves by their misery and the machines couldn't make the Matrix perfect because humans just didn't know what to do with themselves when they were totally happy. Am I the only one?

No value judgements as to whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I really don't know. I certainly feel like there's a tendency in people when they're depressed or sad, if it goes beyond a certain point, to seek out more misery to justify and affirm their misery to others. Maybe that's just because that's what I did for a long time. haha. Sort of a poor me dynamic for those of you familiar with the Celestine Prophecy. (I know, I know, two blatant pop culture references in the same post probably isn't winning me any friends here so I'll stop now).

No I think you're right. Perhaps we don't define ourselves by our misery but it seems to provide some kind of spice for our existence - it motivates us to act. And I'm a fan of the Celestine Prophecy too.

Besides which, I use pop culture references all the time.