Untidy home

[cupacafe]

Hi all

I want my home to be clutter-free, neat and sparkling clean. The way my house looks is directly related to my mood. I feel good when things around me look clean, tidy and inviting and it infuriates me when things aren't in place.

I keep doing the same cleaning, scrubbing, ironing, de-cluttering over and over again while my husband keeps piling up mails, throwing wet towels on the bed, leaving the bathroom floor wet after the shower, leaving coffee cups on the couch etcccccccc....

I tried Steve's idea of minding my own business without asking him to do anything for about 4 months and now I am really getting frustrated and I am unable to function normally.

I have tried talking to him several times but he just doesn't get the seriousness. I work from home and may be he thinks that I have all the time in the world to do my cleaning stuff. I need help...

HELP!

[tstesen]

Originally Posted by cupacafe

Hi all

I want my home to be clutter-free, neat and sparkling clean. The way my house looks is directly related to my mood. I feel good when things around me look clean, tidy and inviting and it infuriates me when things aren't in place.

I keep doing the same cleaning, scrubbing, ironing, de-cluttering over and over again while my husband keeps piling up mails, throwing wet towels on the bed, leaving the bathroom floor wet after the shower, leaving coffee cups on the couch etcccccccc....

I tried Steve's idea of minding my own business without asking him to do anything for about 4 months and now I am really getting frustrated and I am unable to function normally.

I have tried talking to him several times but he just doesn't get the seriousness. I work from home and may be he thinks that I have all the time in the world to do my cleaning stuff. I need help...

HELP!

I can relate cupacafe. I to work from home and my boyfriend is quite messy. I feel resentful sometimes towards his lack of effort in keeping our home neat and orderly. Honestly this was a huge factor in my relationship with my ex-husband. The resentment grew and grew until one day I said I can't take it anymore and left.

One of my friends suggested the FlyLady system to me over six years ago. At first I thought the whole thing was kind of hokey, how is *this* going to help me get my home organized and keep it that way. Surprisingly the results are amazing. I'm less stressed overall and I feel much more on top of the housework. It's worth checking out if you haven't done so already.

Good Luck

Tanya

[Ree]

A maid service works wonders for the house and for family relationships! We started this several years ago. It's expensive but worth it. Knowing that the maid services comes every Tuesday allows me to be more laid back about how the house looks over the weekend.

If your budget doesn't allow for maid service, try this system a friend of mine uses: Buy several large air-tight containers and/or some attractive baskets. As you move about the house and see things out of place, dirty dishes, clothes on the floor, etcetera, just pick them up and place them in assigned containers/baskets. (Yes, even the dirty dishes!) If you can place the containers in an out-of-the-way spot, like a mud room, that's even better. My friend puts the container with the dirty dishes in her walk-in pantry. When her people start looking for their "stuff" (dirty clothes, shoes, toys, etc.) she sends them to the proper container. Every evening she loads the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. Other than the dirty dishes, she doesn't concern herself with what's in the other containers. When a container is so stuffed full that she can't squeeze in one more thing, (once a month or so) she sorts the things by who they belong to and piles them on the beds of the respective owners, forcing them to have to deal with their stuff. This at least removes the messiness and the clutter from her vision.

[Liveformx64]

To me, Keeping an organized, tidy living space directly affects my well being, and overall sense of peace and balance.

For instance if I have a stressful day and I come home to order and tidiness, it has a certain soothing/centering affect.


Maybe, being the household leader that you seem to be, you should try setting up a foolproof form of organization. Basically said, Everything in your house has its exact place and purpose. If it doesn't, simply throw it out. Allow yourself some wall space for keepsakes, and a box in the attic for your sentimental artifacts.

I like to think I am the military commander silently asking the various inanimate objects "Sir! State your purpose." and in a smaller voice, I will answer the question of that objects useful purpose in my life. If I can't find a good answer, its either EBAYed, Goodwilled, or trashed.

In a material obsessed society, it is so very easy to attract clutter, but remember. "The more you own. The more it owns you!"

As always, The best solution to a problem always lies within. Opposed to the fault of your spouse or others in your household etc..

Ladies, Your organization and tidiness is very indicative of how one manages ones personal life. If the guys you attract are mental or organizational slobs, odds are the rest of their life isn't exactly congruent with yours either. In my opinion the slovenly lifestyle is symptom to ones larger issues.

[JOHNSHED]

Thats lovely.

[JOHNSHED]

sorry haven't quiet got the hang of this.(was trying to add a quote)

[JOHNSHED]

I like to think I am the military commander silently asking the various inanimate objects "Sir! State your purpose." and in a smaller voice, I will answer the question of that objects useful purpose in my life. If I can't find a good answer, its either EBAYed, Goodwilled, or trashed.

There we go. x

[eblight]

Hiring someone to do even just an hour's housework a week for you could make a big difference to your peace of mind. Certainly working from home gives the impression that you are on the spot to take care of everything else. When someone is inconsiderate of keeping a space neat, clean and orderly it builds resentment and feelings of separation from your partner. You will feel less inclined to do things for him and in time not even want to be close to him. Nagging to get things done just leads to resistance. Have you talked it over with your spouse and told him how this behaviour upsets you? Is your husband willing to change his behaviour and share in the household tasks? Until you know that you will keep on feeling irritable and frustrated. When you do know what he is willing or unwilling to do to help then you can make plans to make your life more comfortable for you.

[dendennz]

Ok... 'coz I'm kinda naughty about this stuff myself, here's what I thought:

1. Any wet towels are to be thrown at hubby. Even if they're not his.
2. Any empty/dirty cups should be handed to him and/or put somewhere that is inconvenient to him. Where is his spot? Does he have his own desk?
3. Hide the remote control for the tv/vcr/dvd player/WII/PS2/PS3 whatever...
4. Misplace things of his. e.g. keys, wallet, favourite clothes... don't iron them... "forget" to wash them... Oops...
5. Make only YOUR side of the bed
6. Whenever you see anything of his out of order, give it to him. Just hand it to him and walk off. If he questions you say, "I figured it wasn't any of my business so I thought I should give it to you".
7. Make sure you're unavailable for any favours (of ANY kind) for him given that he's not doing you any favours AT ALL
8. Make a schedule for yourself - like a diary - of what you do all day. I'd get a book-style diary and write in every 30 mins what you've spent the time doing. Make sure he sees it e.g. don't hide it, leave it somewhere public/open. Put something enticing on it e.g. a chocolate bar or something that he might like e.g. a beer? See if he can avoid it... maybe if he sees what you do all day he'll realise you don't have time to be his slave. Include phone calls, anything you do for anyone else, running errands, housework, WORK WORK, getting your hair done, nails done etc. He needs to see how your life runs. Clearly he doesn't have a clue.

Just some thoughts. I'm twice-married and had a few partners and these are a few tri... uh... skills I picked up lol...

Cheers,

Jenny.

[Michelle]

I don't think Steve said "mind your own business and do nothing" if you want change. He said create the change you want in yourself first. Where are you still disorganized, dirty, unmotivated, etc? How are you still acting the way your husband acts?

That is where to start working - on yourself.

[Joely]

Generally, if you keep doing things for somebody else, eventually, they expect you to do it. And I notice that it's very common in relationships for two people to have very different ideas about how important it is to tidy up.

Oh, and try out some of dendennz's ideas. You could always collect all the things he leaves lying around and put them in his favourite TV chair.