I'm trying so hard to be positive but my external world is so mean and negative??

[loveliketheflowers]

How is it possible to be and stay positive ALL the time? I try to wake up, sometimes pray and thank God for a peaceful good nights rest and waking me up this morning or I try to meditate for a lil while. But when I go downstairs to greet my grandparents, sometimes they are nice sometimes it seems like they have an attitude like I did something wrong. I know i'm not the best person, I've been really isolating myself, staying in my room. I don't know what to talk to them about most of the time. I really try, but its a process, I feel like im disappointing them so much and am not showing them something new im doing or positive, they think im in school but im not. but anyway, i wake up go downstairs, they have a attitude or the good morning is very low or not energetic or mumbled. I have a strong intuition about people and can just look at a person's body language or hear their tone in their voices and tell. I'm just tired of it. Why when I try to stay positive and get on that ladder of happiness and inner peace, my external world and the people around me want me to be sad or feel bad or depressed. or maybe there are hurting cause of something i done.


How can I be able to be positive and live the life I want to live when most of the people around my life are negative and its a coin toss on their moods day by day. and usually someone else's stale 'good morning' or a person at the convience store or gas station does not speak to say 'good morning' or they look at me weird or with an attitude or they are rushing you or whatever. just how is it possible or can you control the outside negative world when you just want to be positive?

im so tired, i try to stay positive, i try to change my life, but still nothing i feel like its the same thing, over and over and over. i wish i could just disappear, why do good people die but people like me have to suffer staying on this land when i contribute nothing and do nothing and am nothing. people ask or say ' Well, you don't love yourself cause you don't know who you are'. Well if that is the case, maybe I should be able to disappear then, since i still do not know who i am, what i am, or what my PASSION is.....i'm so tired of it, and im getting older and older and my grandparents get older and older as well. i have had many people die around me of all ages, and i know that my grandparents life could end any second and i didn't do anything to show them my appreciation of adopting me and taking care of me when they did not have to at all. Grandparents are just suppose to have you over sometimes or just holidays and give you a couple of toys. But they took me in, kept me in catholic schools and gave me the best. Now i'm not doing my best, i'm doing nothing, and i sit here crying in confusion and disgust at how pitiful and worthless i am. Im trying so hard to read these books about living in the Now, positive thinking....but i don't even know now, my mind has me captive and it won't let me just live. its hard for me to just smile sometimes cause im thinking so hard about how im walking, looking, dressed, or say in my external world so no one will look at me and laugh. oh well.

[Ree]

Originally Posted by RioroseIsAStar8507

they think im in school but im not.

Therein is your problem. You are pretending to do something you are not doing, you are pretending (at least to some) to be someone you are not. You are not being true to them and you are not being true to yourself. Peace comes when you fully acknowledge who you are and you love who you are

[dalang]

I wanted to post a longer and more structured answer, but I'm a little tired now..so just a few pointers:

1) You are being too hard on yourself: stop forcing yourself to be "positive all the time". This is insane!

2) Try to find a way to relax. Do something different (I know this sounds generic).

3) Instead of focussing on positivity, try to become aware (first and important step) of the following and work with it (but please don't put pressure on yourself in the process):

- you are beating yourself up ("I'm not appreciative", "doing nothing", "worthless"): you need to stop this. There are many things that can help you there. Tolle's work is certainly good, but maybe it's not the right thing for you right now. You can get back to that later - instead you could try EFT, try "Radical Self-Acceptance by Tara Brach, try "Awaken Your Strongest Self" by Neil Fiore...please note that none of those are immediate cures - in fact you should give up that requirement (in case you have it) to change your life for the better in an instant.

- your mind is racing furiously, so much it's even apparent in your writing. meditation should help with that, but maybe you are not able to relax enough currently: instead you could try going for walks/running, exercising in general.

- relax about "finding out who you are" and "finding your true passion" and all that - you are using good things to put more pressure on yourself.
try to accept the point you're at now - don't make it wrong.

[Fullcrum]

Also, stop giving a **** what anyone thinks of you.

Seriously. Do this, just stop caring.

I do not give a f*ck what anyone thinks of me - and it works. I'm so light now.

[Ak47]

I used to be a lot like this myself... pessimist and such, simply because the human-environment is so disgusting in so many ways.

The best thing you can do is make an effort to make the world a better place than it already is. When you do this (in some ways) people will realize and aknowledge your actions and sincerely appreciate them, which will make you feel good and realize there are good people out there. As well you'll get a feeling of fullfilment.

The ugly in life sits on your welcome mat and waits for you to leave your home, but the beauty is down the street, around the corner, and getting further away by the minute unless you go to catch it.

On the other hand, beauty in nature surrounds you. I enjoy looking at the sky, for instance. It's simply so beautiful that i believe no artist could ever render or replicate it well enough to do it justice. Many people take things such as this for granted.

Most importantly though.. DO NOT JUST STOP CARING. If people fail to realize or notice the wrong in our world, how can we ever hope to change it? That sort of attitute is counter-productive, if i may say so myself. Instead, perhaps you should focus on how to fix those problems.

[simplystephen]

I have "taught myself" to complain a lot and after 40 years of it noticed that I was the one causing it and being negative. It is a hard habit to break so don't be so hard on yourself.

The world seems harsh and certainly has moments but....look around, people enjoy things - nature, music, food, dance, sports, community, work, creating etc. Find something you like and focus on it - this will help.

Take that one step further and find something you are passionate about. This will change your life and give you purpose and meaning. You can then divert your attention to that.

Another area that may help is to consider a meditation retreat or yoga center. There are free centers globally and you will find many peacefull and positive people there. Sometimes we need to break away from who we hang out with all the time to change our outlook on life.

If you want to see good stuff in the world, stop reading the papers and start looking for the good stuff. Maybe try something like Gimundo (for good news served daily) or Happyplace.net happiness so natural and easy promotes health and a happy helpful community support group for a breath of fresh air.

Find your way. Keep trying. It is the only journey you have. Enjoy it. Hang in there...being positive starts with you.

p.s. I struggle to be positive...I always want to fix things but I can do that in a positive way, the choice is mine...sometimes we let down our guards.

[Fullcrum]

Just to clarify, when I said stop caring, I meant stop caring what other people think of you, not stop caring about the world, our planet, or everything else. Don't stop caring about that .

[The David]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

I do not give a f*ck what anyone thinks of me - and it works. I'm so light now.

Well, you rock.

[matildabegley]

Im a strong believer in energy - positve and negative. Its not something that we can see, but certainly, if you pay attention, you can feel it. Maybe you are trying so hard to maintain a positive outlook on life, but your surroundings are clouding your view, because of their negativity.

I go into more detail in my article which you can find here :
Communicating with negative people and the effect it has on your happiness - Dealing with Problem People - Helium - by Matilda Begley

It sounds like you are looking for other people to give you their approval, like if they say its okay to be you, you will feel that it is finally okay to just be you. And this is why people are probably telling you that you need to find yourself. A person who is very sure of who they are, usually won't give a damn what others think of them.

Perhaps you should try giving yourself more praise. If the people in your life aren't able to give it to you, this is probably not a reflection on you but on themselves only, because we can hardly love another if we don't love ourselves, do you see?

In my case, if someone tries to put me down, I acknowledge that the problem is theirs, not mine. I don't let their negativity enter my world. If you're world is a lonely one, like you said that you feel isolated, well then make your world a lovely one by loving yourself and eveything that you do.

[dancer]

Why not tell your Grandparents how much you appreciate them adopting you? Tell them how much they inspire you to make the most of your life.

My family never said 'I love you' to each other. There wasn't much hugging, but we did do goodbye kisses. When I grew up, I thought this was odd and at the end of a phone conversation, I said, I love you, Mum. Since, she is always telling me she loves me. So, go figure...

If the outside world is negative, why take it personally? We all wake up grumpy sometimes and sneer at the world, grumble hellos or are short with people, but its not about them, its about us. Continue doing what you are doing and you will start noticing changes. Today, it seemed like everyone smiled at me... it was kind of weird cause most times when you ride the train during peak hour, everyone is in their own worlds. But, even in its weirdness it was nice and I smiled back.

Love

[astra]

Hello there. I really feel for you, making such an effort and feeling it's not reciprocated. It sounds like you are really down on yourself at the moment, which never helps the situation. Saying things like maybe you shouldn't exist are a sign of depression, so my suggestion would be to see a doctor or counsellor and discuss these feelings. I suffer from seasonal depression, and some of the things you've said later in your post really reminded me of myself before I was diagnosed and understood where these feelings were actually coming from. When I got the diagnosis, it was kind of uplifting in a way. It took a bit of weight off my shoulders, knowing that things weren't always as bad as they seemed, that I had a chemical imbalance that made things worse than they are.

Have a look at beyondblue: the national depression initiative and try their symptoms list to see if it's a possibility. There's plenty of natural ways you can help this if you don't want to go down the drugs angle. But please, please get some help. Once you know what your really facing, it's easier to tackle it and improve your life.

Best wishes.

[eblight]

Yes, I agree with you Astra that it could be depression. Depression can sneak up at anytime in life and a person may not always be aware that there is some chemical imbalance.
Definitely seek help. Do you have a school counsellor you trust that you could talk to?