Are we addicted to our emotions?

[rosewalbrugh]

Hi All,

Hope you're all doing great!

I've written an article exploring the link between the emotions we experience regularly and the circumstances around which our emotions surface...

Read more here:
Are you addicted to your emotions?

I'm very eager to hear your thoughts! Please post it back on this forum.

thanks!

Rose

[Greki]

I think that what you're saying is very true, even though I don't agree enterily on it. I do believe that people are, indeed, addicted to their emotions, however I don't think that they're not controlled.

Just like you said with the nicotine. The fact that we have such receptors doesn't mean that we will become addicted to it. We can become or we can't become addicted to our emotions. Such as do the military men. They don't let themselves be ruled by emotion, so it is only natural to assume that you can prevent such a thing.

Now, to your question:

Does this imply that in reality we create the circumstances around which our addictive emotions can rationally surface?

I believe that it depends. Your emotions can be manipulated by other people or by yourself. For example, you think your girlfriend is cheating on you, you make yourself angry because of it, because you think she is cheating on you. That would be an internal struggle.

But what if your girlfriend tried to make you jealous on purpose? Then the must common reaction would be that you get angry, because she was the one to provoke that feeling on purpose. But just like that, you could not get angry.

So I'd say that according to you how much you let yourself be affect by them is how addicted, or not addicted you are to them. Having emotions is truly natural, is a mechanism that let us survive on many occasions, but we are supposedly rational beings, so we can most likely control to a certain degree that capacity.

[eblight]

Thanks for the link to your article. This is how I see it. In my daily life I may react or respond to someone or something. Emotion arises. There are physiological changes in my body. In the past I labelled the sensations in my body as good or bad. I developed both craving and aversion. Even the emotions I didn't like I would repeat scenarios in which I would have those feelings again and again. Why? I believe that I was addicted to the sensations in my body. Did I have control over them? No, not once these chemical changes were happening. Now through many years of meditation I am observing sensations more and more in my body. I may still have an emotional charge around something or someone but now instead of what I would call past sabotaging behaviour I stay present with these sensations as they flood my body. They are chemical reactions after all and rather than contracting against them I accept and allow them to be there as they are. Sooner or later these sensations change without my adding to them to create more emotional charge through my thoughts, stories and dramas.

[Marco Polo]

I'm completely with eblight on this one. Let the emotions flow, but at the same time don't get attached to them. Don't equate yourself with a temporary impulse. This is especially useful to me when I'm feeling anxious and can't sleep. Instead of suppressing my feelings, I just let them be and even let them intesify. The effect is a sort of catharsis -- the emotions will eventually subside or be reduced to an insignificant physiological reaction (if that makes any sense).

[rosewalbrugh]

Hi Marco Polo,
can we really be sure when we experience our emotions that they are nothing more than "insignificant physiological reaction"? Are you saying we should distance ourselves from the feeling and at the same time just let it surface? Can you explain a little more?

thanks!
Rose

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by rosewalbrugh

Hi Marco Polo,
can we really be sure when we experience our emotions that they are nothing more than "insignificant physiological reaction"? Are you saying we should distance ourselves from the feeling and at the same time just let it surface? Can you explain a little more?

thanks!
Rose

hi, sorry I couldn't reply earlier.

Well, I'm a bit of a reductionist. I believe that emotions are largely rooted in our biochemistry. That does not make them "insignificant" per se, but it gives us some insight on how we should relate to them.

This is how I figure. If emotions are rooted in physiology, then they are
a)temporary
b)largely out of our control

To attempt a conscious selection of emotions is therefore a waste of time. After all, emotions are basically just responses to our actions and circumstances. They're indicators of how intelligently we're behaving -- if we're making smart choices in life and choosing our thoughts correctly, emotions will be good (and vice versa).

So we should focus our attention on making smart choices instead of on our physiological response to those choices. Trying to combat a biochemical reaction is basically pointless, so why not let them surface instead and see them for what they really are (a tingly sensation in the stomach, increased haert rate, release of hormones etc) By experiencing an emotion intensely, we can experience catharsis and make them subside, so we can focus on making smart choices instead.

Easier said than done, but that's how I see it anyway.

[rosewalbrugh]

Hi,
So do you feel there is no truth to the possibility that we could become addicted to the physiological reactions (on a neural path and peptide/receptor level)?
Even though as you say emotions are rooted in physiology, I also feel that despite that, we ARE capable of controlling our emotions... In my experience I'm having to do so every now and then. I've found that the conscious/unconscious judgment on how appropriate a certain emotional reaction would be, would be a large contributor to how I actually respond physiologically. And this goes beyond choosing my reaction after I experience the emotion and I'm not talking about stifling my emotions at all.

An example of this would be when I'm in a situation where I'm according to my own judgment allowed to show anger (e.g. when I'm having an argument with my boyfriend or close family member), in these cases, as my judgment is that it's ok to become angry (if the subject requires this) I may 'allow' myself to experience this emotion to it's full extent. On the other hand, if the very same topic of discussion happen and the surroundings are such (e.g. public place or others in the company) that anger would be inappropriate I would not feel it or stifle it either. I do believe that I can control my emotions. And recently I think I've realised that I may be consciously creating the circumstances around which I can satisfy my emotional cravings. Keeping in mind that new perspective and noticing patterns in my behaviour that reinforces this suspicion, I'm on a quest now to avoid all kinds of negative emotions. And guess what, so far it's working for me... The way I see it is that most of the time, situations that are potentially upsetting to us are very complex, and there's always many possible ways to look at it. So now, the next time a potentially upsetting situation arises, I notice the opportunity for negative emotion and I recognise that interpreting the situation in my habitual way would allow me the opportunity to feel sad or angry, etc. Now, if I take that situation and I play around with it in my head until I get to the point where I normally get to where I forgive the person for upsetting me or I am the one apologising for overreacting, I completely bypass the whole cycle of upset - reconsider - forgive/apologize. And ultimately if that is not the cycle - e.g. it's just upset - upset - upset, then maybe I need to decide to eliminate that situation from my experience.

What do you think? Is this not a possible rational way of controlling our emotions?

Let me know what you think!

Rose
My Blog - Free My Mind | Your corner on the web for self expression and personal development.

[Marco Polo]

Don't get me wrong, I do think that emotions are important and powerful enough to elicit a form of addiction (albeit a psychological one).

But I'm certainly not on a 'quest' to avoid negative emotions, or even to maximize the positive ones. Emotions are just temporary, they come and they pass. At best my emotions are indicators, prompting me to change specific circumstances in my life. They're not a goal in and of themselves. They're just a byproduct.

So I don't spend much time consciously trying to manipulate my emotional state -- I believe good feelings will come per automatic once I learn to maximize my discipline and make more intelligent choices (again, easier said than done).

That being said, I also believe that women are more emotionally complex, and therefore need slightly different ways of relating to their feelings. But of course I can't say this with any certainty. As far as I know, I've never actually been a woman.

[rosewalbrugh]

Yes, I think whether someone's emotions are addictive only really comes into question where a person may be stuck in a somewhat negative cycle - Like people who suffer from long term depression or controlling their anger or moods.
In my case, what could seem to be 'emotional complexity', is really more of an internal struggle (somewhat similar to the way Greki put it earlier in the thread.) between current beliefs, moving towards more healthy beliefs and seeing other people's perspectives, etc..

[Lauxa]

I think one part of it is that we begin to identify with our emotions. For instance, I usually take on a melancholy persona when I'm with a group of people. Recently I have been catching myself doing this and then remember that I am not this persona and am free to react differently. Although I'll admit I haven't done anything dramatically different -- maybe I reduced the intensity of my frown by a few degrees, LOL.

Another piece is that we get angry at things "out there" that reflect back the internal issues that we have not resolved. For instance, I recently got angry that my church wants to charge for mp3 downloads of the sermons instead of providing them for free. I think this is a reflection that I am not happy with my own level of generosity.

I do like the idea though that we create our life situations to draw out the emotions we are "addicted to". I know I can do that with food or drugs, telling myself "Oh, I am so sick and tired, I need this for medicinal purposes." So maybe it's true with emotions, too, it will take some time for observation before I can form an opinion.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by rosewalbrugh

Hi,
So do you feel there is no truth to the possibility that we could become addicted to the physiological reactions (on a neural path and peptide/receptor level)?

Emotions are definitely addictions. It's what addiction is. Even for substances - it's not the substance that one is addicted to - it's what the body does in reaction to the substance. The addiction is to the feeling of the reaction to the substance.

Even though as you say emotions are rooted in physiology, I also feel that despite that, we ARE capable of controlling our emotions... In my experience I'm having to do so every now and then. I've found that the conscious/unconscious judgment on how appropriate a certain emotional reaction would be, would be a large contributor to how I actually respond physiologically. And this goes beyond choosing my reaction after I experience the emotion and I'm not talking about stifling my emotions at all.

This sounds like unhooking from the stimulus and being conscious enough to not feed the feeling that makes the flood of chemicals happen. Deciding to not go into the drama. I don't think you are controlling the feelings - it's still occurring - you are getting into choice of reactions to feelings and not letting your default behavior run because you are choosing something else with being aware. Although I wouldn't want to think too much about a feeling since that can lead to going into the head and not feeling anything at all.

An example of this would be when I'm in a situation where I'm according to my own judgment allowed to show anger (e.g. when I'm having an argument with my boyfriend or close family member), in these cases, as my judgment is that it's ok to become angry (if the subject requires this) I may 'allow' myself to experience this emotion to it's full extent. On the other hand, if the very same topic of discussion happen and the surroundings are such (e.g. public place or others in the company) that anger would be inappropriate I would not feel it or stifle it either. I do believe that I can control my emotions. And recently I think I've realised that I may be consciously creating the circumstances around which I can satisfy my emotional cravings. Keeping in mind that new perspective and noticing patterns in my behaviour that reinforces this suspicion, I'm on a quest now to avoid all kinds of negative emotions. And guess what, so far it's working for me... The way I see it is that most of the time, situations that are potentially upsetting to us are very complex, and there's always many possible ways to look at it. So now, the next time a potentially upsetting situation arises, I notice the opportunity for negative emotion and I recognise that interpreting the situation in my habitual way would allow me the opportunity to feel sad or angry, etc. Now, if I take that situation and I play around with it in my head until I get to the point where I normally get to where I forgive the person for upsetting me or I am the one apologising for overreacting, I completely bypass the whole cycle of upset - reconsider - forgive/apologize. And ultimately if that is not the cycle - e.g. it's just upset - upset - upset, then maybe I need to decide to eliminate that situation from my experience.

What do you think? Is this not a possible rational way of controlling our emotions?

Let me know what you think!

Rose
My Blog - Free My Mind | Your corner on the web for self expression and personal development.

I think people regularly set themselves up to experience a set of feelings. That's what a habitual mind does for us. It will even bend a situation, that is only remotely similar to another time the body got a rush, into the same reaction patterns. Sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn't. Most of our emotional reactions aren't helpful, especially at a high drama level - our awareness goes out the window and we sort of are possessed by a habit. It's learned behavior and what you are talking about is unlearning, in a way. To not have those learned behaviors keep running without your permission.


I also think we first get a feeling in our body and if we don't let the feeling exist, either by suppressing, ignoring or thinking too much about it to frame it a certain way - it gets bigger, the feeling turns into an emotion that starts running chemicals and hooks us into an addiction for that feeling of chemicals rushing around. The whole thing is to not be ruled by these feelings and feed them into dramas/addictions (unless you choose to). I think, the sooner one can recognize a feeling starting up, the easier it is to be at choice - otherwise the feeling turns into emotions and starts to take up neurons firing in a pattern and less of one's awareness can come into play. Also that awareness can't go into labeling and framing the feeling because that is suppressing it, or thinking it away.

The idea I have (but no expert at exercising) is to be able to let the feeling go through you without hanging onto it such that it becomes bigger. A feeling gets bigger by resisting it (suppressing, which makes it bigger later) or adding to it (dramatizing, which makes it bigger at the moment).

Resisting can be thinking about it instead of feeling or by not expressing any of it, tightening up of one's body - denying the feeling.

Adding to it is a justifying of the feeling - that one is generating thoughts that make the feeling turn into an emotion, beefing up one's belief of having that reaction, that it's ok to go off and lose one's awareness by having completely habitual responses.


Feelings are indicators for how far off our egos are to spirit. If we were able to let a feeling run through us we have a better chance of listening to what spirit is saying to us. Instead, again, we suppress or make drama - basically get addicted to avoiding/resisting or going off/justifying/dramatizing.

[mncz]

nodnod to wolfgang.

Some people definitely get addicted to their emotions, partly because of the point stated in the article: they don't quite see how emotions can be manipulated. They accept their emotional states as given since they cant perceive the difference between their egos and their true selves.
I was in a relationship with a person who suffers from chronic depression. He would never leave the constant circle of thoughts that keeps him at his depressed state. When I tried to explain him how thoughts fuel emotion and how change of perception can change emotions and experiences, he would not understand me, and I got a feeling that he actually does not want to understand me since he likes it where he is. It is certainly a psychological addiction though, but I can clearly see the pattern of smokers/drug abusers: I want to quit but I can't get over it. And on it goes...

I am certain that emotions can be fully manipulated by means wolfgang describes. They are basically ego's unconscious and habitual reactions to past situations. I used to be (to a lesser degree than a depressed person, but still quite a lot) addicted to emotions, fueled by loads of negative past experiences. I would not see the difference between them and my true self and allowed them to fully control me. Needless to say, there were highly destructive episodes. But at a fairly recent point of my life, I put out a strong intention to improve myself (I did not even know what intentions were back then ) I found this site and got to the book Power of Now. Now I am practicing the ideas of this book every day and feel that my emotional states have changed a lot. Whenever I feel a sudden rush of anger, sadness, low self-esteem, fear, I detach from it and observe it from the standing point of Now. I even visualise myself standing in "Now" much like a tree . The harmful emotions always go away within seconds. I always allow myself to experience joy/love/passion fully. My life truly has changed a lot for the better from this practice.

Edit: PS, I am a woman.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by mncz

nodnod to wolfgang.

cool

I found this site and got to the book Power of Now. Now I am practicing the ideas of this book every day and feel that my emotional states have changed a lot. Whenever I feel a sudden rush of anger, sadness, low self-esteem, fear, I detach from it and observe it from the standing point of Now. I even visualise myself standing in "Now" much like a tree . The harmful emotions always go away within seconds. I always allow myself to experience joy/love/passion fully. My life truly has changed a lot for the better from this practice.

Edit: PS, I am a woman.

I suppose it's a practice to not get overwhelmed by emotions. Stress and not doing things to relax and having the mind trained on the past or future a lot, crowds out the ability to have the awareness you speak of - to be like a tree and let the feelings wash over you.

It occurs to me that a feeling may show up and a lot of the reactions are coming from having the mind trying to label it based on regretting the past or fearing the future. Then the feeling gets stuck because the mind is kind of interferring.

[janet8888]

Originally Posted by rosewalbrugh

Hi All,

Hope you're all doing great!

I've written an article exploring the link between the emotions we experience regularly and the circumstances around which our emotions surface...

Read more here:
Are you addicted to your emotions?

I'm very eager to hear your thoughts! Please post it back on this forum.

thanks!

Rose

[janet8888]

Rose, Please e-mail me asap. I am writting a book that includes this question: are we addicted to emotions and have a theory about how the biomolecular process is involved.
I could not pull up your article / post from this site. NEED your post.
Thanks, Janet