How do I stop desiring to be God?

[Joely]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

I seriously doubt a lot of people would say having ADHD, bipolar disorder, and PTSD, plus making a salary below the poverty level is somehow a good thing. Please explain how this can be good, or how can I throw away the duality when I see others living more prosperous, emotionally healthier lives every day.

Hi there,

I'm aware that I'm new, and so I haven't read many of your posts. Forgive me if I tread on your toes. I understand a lot of what you're saying and I think I have the same problem - you're beating yourself up for being in the situation you're in. I spent years living with depression and anorexia so bad I almost lost my life to it. I know it's very tough, when you look at other people and see them "doing much better than you are" and you want to criticise yourself and punish yourself for it. Up until recently, I did the same to myself.

You've already mentioned that the majority of people with the issues you've got (bipolar, ADHD), aren't able to work at all. So first of all, congratulate yourself for having been able to work. That's a first step. OK, so you're not a CEO or rolling around in masses of money and abundance all the time, but you've already progressed to a point where you're able to hold down a job despite the problems you've experienced in your life.

Right now, I guess you're doing what I've done in the past - looking at where you are now and thinking that's all you can be and do. All I can do is offer my story. I grew up with similar experiences to you, I'd guess, and for a long time, they destroyed my life. I was put on medication and told I could never live without it. For a long time, I completely bought into that idea. Then, one day, I made a different choice. I was sick of the side-effects, the limitation, the misery of it all. So I decided to get better. It's taken me five years. During that time I've done below the poverty-line jobs while completing a PhD, struggled with the emotional effects of rape and all kinds of things. I'm not saying here that I'm a great person, because I'm not much different to you. I have a friend with bipolar who's taking lithium, and she's now working on her PhD in philosophy at a major American grad school. I think it's about relaxing with yourself, accepting yourself as you are now rather than seeing all the things around you as fundamental flaws with which you have to battle to get the most out of life.

This weekend I was going through some really negative thinking about my life. Beating myself up because I don't have the deal yet, because I'm not in a relationship. Then I realised what I did have in my life, how far I'd come, how much I'd done. I used the Sedona Method, which I think somebody has already recommended. It takes a little while to get used to releasing, but it can be so effective. Rather than seeing everything going wrong, or being on the verge of disaster, I started to acknowledge what I had done. I know it must be very frustrating at times, but be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge and reward yourself for every positive step you make, no matter how small. It helps you see things in a different light. I hope this helps. J x

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by Amandaaa

But the point is that you shouldn't use those labels to determine your fate and your future. You can choose to heal that pain, and use your experiences to help other people transform. Maybe you should look into a career where you can give back, and help people who've been through similar struggles... ?

I don't know how to do that without going back to school and getting some sort of degree in counseling, which I can't afford to do at the moment, as I am in a tough financial situation, have lots of problems with remembering things, and am not sure I would stick to such a huge commitment anyway. I can't afford to waste more money.

^I think that one of the most effective techniques is solution-focused therapy. ...I think it creates quicker results.

Finally, an answer to my question on therapy!

Stop thinking of yourself as the victim, and choose to become the master of your own life.

I'm not a master of anything.

[Terumoto]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

False dichotomy. I'm not the first person who has complained about why my life sucks and why things out of my control have happened to me. Ever read the book of Job?



I seriously doubt a lot of people would say having ADHD, bipolar disorder, and PTSD, plus making a salary below the poverty level is somehow a good thing. Please explain how this can be good, or how can I throw away the duality when I see others living more prosperous, emotionally healthier lives every day.

I saw you say you're a philosophical Taoist. Why do you need a God? The concept of a God has now become a burden to you, and no longer makes sense in your life, so why hold onto it?

It's all up to you. Your values, your views, they are what determine the way you see your life. I guarantee you would be a whole lot healthier emotionally if you stopped worrying about other people being more emotionally healthy than you are. Not to mention you can't read minds, and you don't know how emotionally healthy anybody is in the first place.

What are you after? Do you want money? Even people with mind-blowing salaries are often very empty and depressed. Having a higher salary won't make you happy. It might temporarily, but it will go away. I said to throw away duality, not that living below the poverty level is a good thing. It's not a bad thing, it's not a good thing, it's you doing whatever you're doing. You're into Taoism right? Maybe you should look into the concept of Yin and Yang, it might help you get rid of your duality.

You seem like a kind of a bitter person. Life isn't so serious. You are what you are. Why don't you just enjoy yourself a bit instead of wallowing in self pity? Everything you think you need to be happy, you don't need. You could be the best tennis player in the world, and be depressed that you weren't the best pianist in the world. What's the point of putting yourself through that?

So you've got a bunch of acronyms as a mental diagnosis, and you aren't a millionaire... Still, you seem like a pretty awesome person to me. Also, I'm sure there's plenty of ways for you to make money. I'm not exactly sober right now, so my apologies if my tone is coming across a little rough or what I'm saying makes no sense.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

I think the root of my problems is my perfectionism, which is really my desire to be God.

Hey geekchic,

Your original point was how you could stop trying to be a perfectionist and that you could probably do a better job of things than God.

What you've been through is very unfortunate and I'm sure you wouldn't wish it for anyone else, but that was not God's doing. It was man's. Throughout history various peoples and cultures have been at the mercy of the cruelty of others. It's a consequence man's cruelty towards fellow man and ignorance of what is good and decent. All of us have been at the receiving end of some type of unfairness or abuse, some more extreme than others. Unfortunately, you aren't the first who has suffered horrors, nor will you be the last (until humanity makes a collective quantum leap towards enlightenment).

While you can't change what happened to you, you can decide not to let it affect your perspective and attitude. That's the one freedom we all have. The freedom to choose what to think and what we'll allow to affect our psyche.

Is this difficult feat? Yes. Is it impossible? No.

[Christian223]

Have you actually read Job? Job 1:6-12 clearly states that God did not do this to Job for personal growth purposes, but because he made bet with Satan

If you read the last chapter of Job, there is evidence that God did it for Jobs growth (he recieved more than he ever had). Now, i dont see why you said he made a bet, he would if he had something to win from satan, and he would if he didnt really know the outcome of the bet, but God knows all, so there was nothing at stake for God, maybe for Satan though, but not for God since he knows all. In the first chapters you dont see the purpose of why God allowed it, just the conversation, but in the last chapters you can understand why it all happened.

Maybe if that conversation was between two human beigns, assuming it was a bet would be at least posible, but since God isnt a human beign, and he possesess different traits than a human, assuming it was a bet is not an accurate assumption, strip away all of Gods trait and yes, maybe it was a bet, but if you have in mind all of Gods traits when reading the conversation, then assuming it was a bet is not a possibility.

God's response was basically "How dare you question me? You can't understand the ways of God" (Job 38-40). I'm sure if Job knew his suffering was a result of a bet with Satan, he wouldn't have held nearly the respect for God as he did, as God's behavior in this book is reprehensible.

Actually, what God did was reason with him to make him understand his position as a human beign and the difference between him and Gods position, he was actually teaching him and convincing him of his mistake, and Job understood him in the end.

Job 42:2 I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.
Job 42:5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.
Job 42:6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

Have in mind all that Job suffered, all that he lost, and that even his friends didnt support him, but at the end he recognized he was wrong and that he made a mistake in his response, and he did learn something from God thanks to that, and when he grown in that sense he even recieved the double he had before.

I just wanted to present you this different perspective than yours, its your decition tough, to take it at heart or not. Good luck.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

Hey geekchic,


While you can't change what happened to you, you can decide not to let it affect your perspective and attitude. That's the one freedom we all have. The freedom to choose what to think and what we'll allow to affect our psyche.

Is this difficult feat? Yes. Is it impossible? No.

What happens to us changes who we are. It isn't about deciding not to let it affect you. It already has. You will never be the same again. The only way to stop these things happening is to scream it from the rooftops and tell them this has to stop!

[Maguru]

Dear Geekchic, I've read through all the posts and this one is the most telling.
I can truly understand where you are and what life is like for oyu. I am on disability much for the same reasons. I was at uni when it all hit me. Been a flattened waste of space since. Very difficult to bear.
The emotional and physical pain have almost been unbearable. I don't know how I am still here. The mental anguish leaves you very alone, frightened and lost. My heart goes out to you.
I am recovering after many many years of turmoil and self analysis. Turned myself inside out so to speak. If I can help you in any way, please ask. I would only be too happy. regards

Originally Posted by geekchic9

False dichotomy. I'm not the first person who has complained about why my life sucks and why things out of my control have happened to me. Ever read the book of Job?



I seriously doubt a lot of people would say having ADHD, bipolar disorder, and PTSD, plus making a salary below the poverty level is somehow a good thing. Please explain how this can be good, or how can I throw away the duality when I see others living more prosperous, emotionally healthier lives every day.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Maguru

What happens to us changes who we are. It isn't about deciding not to let it affect you. It already has. You will never be the same again. The only way to stop these things happening is to scream it from the rooftops and tell them this has to stop!

You're right Maguru, everything that happens to you does change who you are. If you re-read my post, I indicated that ultimately it doesn't have to affect your perspective and attitude. At first it's difficult to control negative and destructive feelings, but at some point you have to let go or it will destroy you.

In the now famous "A Man's Search For Meaning", Viktor Frankl talks about how the defining quality that distinguished the concentration camp victims who survived, from those who lost hope and died was, "attitude". They all had the same horrifying experiences, but it was perspective and attitude that made the difference in the outcome.

[smartile]

Hi geekchic9,

I 100% agree with Angela, the moderator - participate in the Landmark Forum and it will change your life.

The main reason I was resistant to the Landmark Forum was because I didn't have money to register. Ironically, this was my biggest break through!

To your inspiration,

Stephen Martile — Personal Development Made Simple

[Keith]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

Heinlein and Wicca oversimplify things. If I'm responsible for everything in my life, why did I cause 9/11? I've never heard a good answer to that question.

Neither Heinlein or Wicca imply that you did cause 9/11.

Wicca isn't about subjective reality, and neither is Stranger in a Strange Land. I'm not sure how you read that into them.

Originally Posted by geekchic9

I was afraid someone was going to say something like this. You see, I don't really think that the molestation and bullying I faced in childhood, and the resulting PTSD, ADHD, and bipolar disorder I have now are my fault at all. It's my reaction to them that I need to work on right now. In fact, considering all of the money I owe from school and medical bills, the fact that I can hold a job at all for someone of my condition and stress level is rather an accomplishment. Most people I know with these conditions are considered permanently disabled and are dependent on SSDI and other government assistance to survive. By that standard, I'm rich.

I suppose my question is that why, when I played by all the rules, worked hard, and did the best I could, did God let this happen to me anyway. It's not like I deserved it based on what I can see. I recognize that a lot of people could ask this question, and that my life isn't as horrible as I make it out to be, but still, it makes me wonder if I did some horrible thing in this life or a past one (possibly) to deserve this suffering.

Horrible things happen to good people. Good things happen to horrible people. "Fault" is a harmful concept that doesn't really achieve anything and I'm surprised Terumoto used it. Fault is about saying "someone else caused X so now I can wash my hands of it".

You did not cause many of the things that have happened in your life but you are nonetheless living that life. Blaming someone else (such as God) for your life is giving away the power that you have over your own life. (Note: I'm not saying for a second that the molester shouldn't be brought to account - that's not blame, that's justice).

You have the power to act in your own life. You can't control the past, but you can choose focus on here and now and how to create the best life you can.

We often hear tales of people overcoming adversity. We also often hear tales of people born to privilege who self-destruct it because they never learnt to cope with adversity. You can see adversity as an unfair burden or you can see it as a challenge to test yourself against. Which do you think will be of most benefit in the long term?