Allowing people to injure me

[Zephoral]

This is the first thread I am posting here-- I've been lurking for a few days and I've come to the conclusion that I really don't have the answer as to why I allow this type of behavior in my life.

I've tried for a long time to surround myself with people who make me a better person, or people I love and admire. I've tried to surround myself with good people.

A little background, however, is that I have taken a dozen or so IQ tests in various forms and averaged them out to get what I consider to be my IQ. I never told a single person about this, but instead used it for myself in my own quest for personal development and challenges for my own means.

I know someone who is probably not a good person, but unfortunately, I forgive too often and too easily. I trust him, although I know I shouldn't and I know for a fact that he has not earned my trust. Each time he screws up, I allow him back in. I understand that from an outsider's view, this is an abusive relationship (friendship, nothing more) and I understand that I need to get rid of it because it is poisoning me and my happiness. I don't know why I chose to confide in him my insecurities about my IQ and what I've been thinking about and haven't told other people. He's used this to belittle me and take jabs at me, even if no one else knows what he's talking about.

I don't know how to break this and I don't know why I keep forgiving him and trusting him. I wish I knew how to quit it and just break away from this abusive relationship forever because I can feel that it is no more than a poison to my personal self.

I would love any and all input you can give me. Thanks so much.

[Michelle]

If you are allowing someone to mistreat you, it means you feel you deserve to be mistreated. This fact has little to do with your IQ.

The fact is though, you don't deserve to be mistreated. That includes mistreatment from yourself and others. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be loved, just because you exist.

The good new is that there are many ways you can work through this, all of which take some time. Therapy with a good therapist, for example. You might also consider the Paraliminals by Learning Strategies. They have a new one called "You Deserve It". Surround yourself with positive people. Ask the angels to help you in any way they can (they can only help if you ask).

All the best to you.

[Zephoral]

Oh, I'm well-aware that this has nothing to do with my IQ-- it was just the trust issue that was breached. The number behind that has nothing to do with anything, just to give context into what was being used as a weapon instead of treated as a personal confession that shouldn't have ever been used to jab at me with.

Sorry-- just wanted to clarify that. I could just as easily replace the IQ with any other secret, and it would substitute just fine.

[C33]

Being alone is better than being emotionally abused.

People actually "smell" insecurity, just like predators smell fear. The more you let people walk all over you, the more you damage your self-esteem.

Just STOP seeing these people. It is difficult, but only by cutting all interactions that make you feel bad about yourself will you find self-respect.

You are not attracting "bad" people, you are attracting "bad" attitudes.
Many times, this so called friend will tell you that you are "exagerating", that they are just joking and you have no sense of humor.

However, trust your perception. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, there is no amount of demonstration of friendship past or future from them,that can undo the damage.

Not long ago, I confided my insecurities about my weight to a new friend.

I had noticed that she had a habit of undermining my experience every time I talked about my life.
One day, when I was at my lowest: she made a comment about my flabby arms.
I fumed all evening about it, but said nothing.

Then, once at home I erased her number and her person from my life.
I realized that it was one time too many that I said nothing when someone acted in a callous way towards me. It was an act of self preservation that I do not regret.

I realized that she would always treat me in a way that was disempowering, because I had let her do it on that specific evening.No amount of explanation or heart to heart discussion would change that.

There was a time in my life when I would have tried to explain myself, but I decided that the only explanation I owed was to myself:" I cannot see this person again because she doesn't act in a way that is congruent with the high self esteem I deserve to feel towards myself."

[Zephoral]

I just can't stop it. I've blocked him out and I can't get away from him. He makes me crazy and I can't handle the crap he pulls anymore.

[Jcs]

Could you avoid contact with this person if you really wanted to? Or do you regularly see him at work/school? Also, what help me from listing to audio tapes are these two questions;

* What would you lose, never experience if you... keep allowing him back in your life?
* What would you gain if... you breakup all contact?

You can do it. You can do it.

Good luck