Taking myself too seriously

[breakthestatic00]

I take myself and life in general way too seriously. It affects everything from my small thoughts to my existential core. I just can't lighten up

How can I stop? Any tips?

[Vee]

Hi,

Just try and think nothing really matters! You give events their meaning - you can choose how u feel about them.

Also, time passes - when i am going through a bad patch i comfort myself with the belief that soon i'll be going through a happy phase in my life.

[unwastedyouth]

You could try making a list of all the things in life that are REALLY important to you, then a list of all the things that worry you or you take too seriously, then compare them. For example if wearing fashionable clothes wasn't on the first list but you get stressed over it, why bother? I personally just look at how little I care about lots of things other people do, and it helps me realise that the world won't end, people won't hate me if I do little things wrong or aren't perfect. Hope that helps a little

[norbert]

You may want to learn to quiet your mind.

Understand the difference between your true self (the "empty" baby you came to the world as) and your ego (the person you've learned to be since then).

Understand that all reasoning comes from the mind, and is based solely on the things you've learned and the experiences you've had in your life until now.

Imagine a life where you have no fears but have the curiosity, peace and happiness of a baby.

You can have that as soon as you learn to quiet your mind and instead listen to your intuition / 6th sense / heart / whatever you prefer to call it.

Remember this: If you have a reason for something, it came from your mind vs your heart and that's only something you made up based on the experiences you had since you were born (your "story").

There's nothing wrong with coming from your story, except that it usually doesn't really serve you. I'd seriously suggest everybody to live from your true self (who you really are) vs from your conditioned mind (social conditioning, things you've learned, bad experiences etc) to have a more peaceful and happier life and to be truly content and at peace with yourself.

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by breakthestatic00

I take myself and life in general way too seriously. It affects everything from my small thoughts to my existential core. I just can't lighten up

How can I stop? Any tips?

quit trying to grab onto laughter. I feel like you've got a scarcity mentality going on.

like norbert said, your authentic self is eternal laughter. You just gotta remove the walls around your heart. (ego)

You won't take **** so seriously when you have an open heart.

So, how do we get there? How do we come to a point of feeling safe enough to be vulnerable?

Love more.

Most people try to resist fear and then cultivate love. This leads to forcing down emotions with food... lol and artificial forced "love" that triggers most people's phony alarm.

Learn about how to create that open, beautiful, spontaneous, yin state.

As always, I recommend meditation. Start questioning why you are so serious. Where did you learn it? What am I afraid of?

Keep going deeper and deeper.

My mentors that I recommend for this:

Tony Robbins, Eckhart Tolle, Ideagasms Forum (ideagasms.net)

Once you learn how to see the illusions your ego constructs, you're in heaven

Namaste

[Angela]

What do you mean, you take your yourself and your life way too seriously?

What does that feel like? How does that look to you and to other people? Why would you like not to take yourself and your life way too seriously; who would you be if you were not taking yourself and your life way too seriously?

[blossom]

Hi, I know that it is more than a year since the last post on this thread, but I just found this site and wanted to ask if anyone could help shed some light on something for me.

I am an introverted woman who has been told by mainly extroverted males in my life, that I take myself and life too seriously and to "lighten up"! The people that tell me this are generally arrogant, egotistical, negative and highly critical of others and themselves, and so I wonder whether the problem is actually me, or if it's them?

I have always looked slightly pensive, even as a child, and have a pretty "depressive" streak in me...I am quite melancholic and I kinda like it!
It makes me feel bad when these people tell me to "cheer up", "lighten up" and generally "smile" more, as it doesn't come naturally to me. I do practise smiling, and watch comedies to make me laugh more.
I place a high value on learning to accept myself the way I am, but it makes it difficult when everyone else wants me to be what THEY want! I'm an attractive woman, so I get men telling me to smile all the time...which drives me NUTS, and makes me do the exact opposite. People think I am grumpy and angry, and I have become this way BECAUSE noone will let me be just the way I am!

I had this realisation many years ago, that a smile does not necessarily indicate a person is happy. Infact, people who look happy by smiling constantly are generally wearing a mask to hide their sadness or anger! So why is it that culturally people expect everyone to smile all the time, when it doesn't actually mean the person is happy?

I think I am serious because I see too much of reality and how things really are, and it's just not funny, so it seems more appropriate to be sad about the way of the world...but that's not something society will let me get away with!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by blossom

Hi, I know that it is more than a year since the last post on this thread, but I just found this site and wanted to ask if anyone could help shed some light on something for me.

I am an introverted woman who has been told by mainly extroverted males in my life, that I take myself and life too seriously and to "lighten up"! The people that tell me this are generally arrogant, egotistical, negative and highly critical of others and themselves, and so I wonder whether the problem is actually me, or if it's them?

I have always looked slightly pensive, even as a child, and have a pretty "depressive" streak in me...I am quite melancholic and I kinda like it!
It makes me feel bad when these people tell me to "cheer up", "lighten up" and generally "smile" more, as it doesn't come naturally to me. I do practise smiling, and watch comedies to make me laugh more.
I place a high value on learning to accept myself the way I am, but it makes it difficult when everyone else wants me to be what THEY want! I'm an attractive woman, so I get men telling me to smile all the time...which drives me NUTS, and makes me do the exact opposite. People think I am grumpy and angry, and I have become this way BECAUSE noone will let me be just the way I am!

I had this realisation many years ago, that a smile does not necessarily indicate a person is happy. Infact, people who look happy by smiling constantly are generally wearing a mask to hide their sadness or anger! So why is it that culturally people expect everyone to smile all the time, when it doesn't actually mean the person is happy?

I think I am serious because I see too much of reality and how things really are, and it's just not funny, so it seems more appropriate to be sad about the way of the world...but that's not something society will let me get away with!

Some good points, maybe only you can answer if you need to lighten up or be less serious.. and none of other peoples business..

[brendannz]

I think everybody thinks about things too much, and much more than they should.. We worry about things, and 90% of what we worry about never happens.

Why not grab a pen and paper, and write a list for 5 ways you can have fun.. and then go out and do at least 3 of them this week.. or so.

If you feel you're taking life too seriously, then maybe you just need to have more fun..

[blossom]

Thanks for the reply.

The thing is that I already do lots of things that I find fun...but it doesn't seem to be what other people consider to be fun, and so they put this whammy on me,which makes me feel like I'm not ok, when really , I think I am! I just wish people were a little bit more understanding and that very human thing in us that wants everyone else to be the way we are would just back off and let everyone be the way they are, without expectations of how they "should"be...life would be so much smoother if they did!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by blossom

Thanks for the reply.

The thing is that I already do lots of things that I find fun...but it doesn't seem to be what other people consider to be fun, and so they put this whammy on me,which makes me feel like I'm not ok, when really , I think I am! I just wish people were a little bit more understanding and that very human thing in us that wants everyone else to be the way we are would just back off and let everyone be the way they are, without expectations of how they "should"be...life would be so much smoother if they did!

yeah... I understand this problem..
everyones different, and I don't think anyone fits in perfectly, and also I think people can behave in really strange ways in order to fit in..

Are you just worried about other peoples opinions of you? or do you want to be able to have more fun with others?

[shaggles]

breakthestatic I'm similar to you in this regard. For me meditation helps me a lot to get out of this and "rewire" myself. My girlfriend and soon to be wife is Asian and grew up with buddhism (which is really just a good philosophy) and she handles things absolutely well in this matter.

[Lisa McGregor]

I am an introverted woman who has been told by mainly extroverted males in my life, that I take myself and life too seriously and to "lighten up"! The people that tell me this are generally arrogant, egotistical, negative and highly critical of others and themselves, and so I wonder whether the problem is actually me, or if it's them?

The problem is definitely them. You sound perfectly happy with who you are and how you are and I commend you for that. People are always trying to get others to behave the way they think they should.Why? Don't ask me. Maybe it makes them feel more comfortable. Only you can change yourself and only if you really want to.

L

[blossom]

To Brendannz: I guess it is more of an issue where I need to just learn to let these comments slide off my back rather than think about it too much, and letting it get to me, and then reacting! Being introverted though, my brain seems to operate in a way where I have to analyse everything said to me until I come to a satisfactory conclusion , which can take days...sometimes weeks, literally, whereas , with the people who say these things to me, they are able to pretty much dismiss any comment straight away without even considering whether there is truth in it or not, which pisses me off I guess.

I'm a person that likes to be as self-honest as possible. I know this dilemma I've posed makes me sound like I am insecure, and it's possible? It's more that I'm confused, as it is a part of my belief system that being self-honest is a good way to be, so if a number of people keep giving me the same feedback over a period of time, it seems possible to me that there is truth in what they are telling me.
Also, if it is told to me in a way which makes me feel like there is something inherently wrong with me being that way, then it is hard to just dismiss it...it's like they mess with my brain and don't even realise it...they THINK they are doing me a favour by giving me 'çonstructive criticism' which they believe is true...but, being extroverted types, they generally misunderstand me alltogether and so it is hard to distinguish how much to listen to and how much is just them coming from their own limited and ignorant perspectives?
You can see how this can be confusing for me...and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this happen!

Also, I am usually pretty good at recognising when a person is projecting their own stuff on me, however, in recent years I have been through ALOT of really hard times, and it has seriously affected my ability to TRUST my own perception of things and , I guess it has made me look outwards for validation, when I previously was quite good at validating myself...and at times like this I think it is easy to fall prey to other peoples crap when you are feeling sensitive and vulnerable, so it's a pretty precarious place to be! I don't want to spend too much time overthinking on stuff like this, but I don't seem to be able to stop my brain from thinking about it, when it may not even be the reality of things! I guess I'm confused, and it is a battle to retain my trust in my own perceptions and fight off other peoples possibly wrong ones, whilst also maintaining self- honesty. It's a question of who do I listen to and who do I ignore?!

Thankyou Lisa,
I do have things about me that I recognise need changing and I work on that...I just wish everyone else would back off and stop giving their advice and feedback, that I didn't even ask for, about what's supposedly 'wrong' with me, and what they think I need to change! It's so arrogant and annoying and frustrating! Grrrrr...

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by blossom

To Brendannz: I guess it is more of an issue where I need to just learn to let these comments slide off my back rather than think about it too much, and letting it get to me, and then reacting! Being introverted though, my brain seems to operate in a way where I have to analyse everything said to me until I come to a satisfactory conclusion , which can take days...sometimes weeks, literally, whereas , with the people who say these things to me, they are able to pretty much dismiss any comment straight away without even considering whether there is truth in it or not, which pisses me off I guess.

I'm a person that likes to be as self-honest as possible. I know this dilemma I've posed makes me sound like I am insecure, and it's possible? It's more that I'm confused, as it is a part of my belief system that being self-honest is a good way to be, so if a number of people keep giving me the same feedback over a period of time, it seems possible to me that there is truth in what they are telling me.
Also, if it is told to me in a way which makes me feel like there is something inherently wrong with me being that way, then it is hard to just dismiss it...it's like they mess with my brain and don't even realise it...they THINK they are doing me a favour by giving me 'çonstructive criticism' which they believe is true...but, being extroverted types, they generally misunderstand me alltogether and so it is hard to distinguish how much to listen to and how much is just them coming from their own limited and ignorant perspectives?
You can see how this can be confusing for me...and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this happen!

Also, I am usually pretty good at recognising when a person is projecting their own stuff on me, however, in recent years I have been through ALOT of really hard times, and it has seriously affected my ability to TRUST my own perception of things and , I guess it has made me look outwards for validation, when I previously was quite good at validating myself...and at times like this I think it is easy to fall prey to other peoples crap when you are feeling sensitive and vulnerable, so it's a pretty precarious place to be! I don't want to spend too much time overthinking on stuff like this, but I don't seem to be able to stop my brain from thinking about it, when it may not even be the reality of things! I guess I'm confused, and it is a battle to retain my trust in my own perceptions and fight off other peoples possibly wrong ones, whilst also maintaining self- honesty. It's a question of who do I listen to and who do I ignore?!

Thankyou Lisa,
I do have things about me that I recognise need changing and I work on that...I just wish everyone else would back off and stop giving their advice and feedback, that I didn't even ask for, about what's supposedly 'wrong' with me, and what they think I need to change! It's so arrogant and annoying and frustrating! Grrrrr...

I can kind of relate to the introversion, and overthinking of things. I think that everybody thinks about things too much though.. maybe it would be a good idea, to try taking on feedback just for a week, and see if you're better off trying what they suggest, or if they're rubbish..

I also think, that if you think less about your issues, they dissolve a bit. If that makes sense.. Like instead of saying "That's just the way I am, I think too much about things" maybe just try and be less conscious of the issue.. and not see it as something that matters..

[RiqLee]

You just have to believe in yourself. You listen to people but you filter their words.

Everybody certainly got their own opinions about other people. They see us base on their own comfort zone and circumstances. Their life's experiences (on family, friends, etc) has formed their perspective of their environment. But it comes to the question ," is all people's perspective right?"
Well, I think there is no right or wrong for this question.
Then, what you have to do? You have to filter all their words by looking at their environment and their accomplishment.

Nobody can tell you what you do is right or wrong. As their friends, you do your best to be their friend. You care about them, you make them feel important, you encourage them when they feel fearful, you give them confidence when they feel down, etc. I think that is the essence of friendship. but still to the main point, you still have to filter their words. Listen to them who really want it the best for you and look at whether they have an accomplishment for the field of the comments that they give you. If they love bluffing or saying big words then I suggest you not listen to them, but if there is people who really have their successful experience in the field of the feedback that they give to you, then I think you could consider to take their feedback and ask to yourself whether this is the thing that could make you feel good and be better person because I believe that everyone wants to be better person.

Don't take their words personally. Just do your job, do your responsibility, be a good friend or good person which is you are, start to have a goal in your life and start to take the action to achieve your goal. So, just stop worrying things, give yourself a day and start to plan what the next thing to do in your life ....take the action and just get it done...

[blossom]

First I want to say thanks to everyone here...your comments have helped alot.

Riglee: I realised that what you were saying about believing in myself is true, and I think I am getting better at filtering what people say to me...I came to some conclusions about one of these people last night and realised that he isn't really qualified to have an oppinion about certain things that he does state his oppinion to me about, and he isn't very happy in his own life, neither was the other person who mentioned it...infact I think they were being critical of me because they were being highly critical of themselves for the way their lives are at the moment.
I must be improving at believing in myself. Usually I just need a mirror to put it out there so I can reflect on the issue and come to a conclusion myself...I think we are all capable of working our issues out for ourselves, but sometimes we just need a reminder from ourselves...reflected in others!
I do have my own goals and intentions which I work towards...I didn't really mention that I did in my previous post as it wasn't really relevant to the issue! But thanks for the reminder.

Brendannz: I think what you said was spot on about me giving these issues less importance in my own mind. I am finding a balance between activity and non-activity again so I can distract myself more now when I do start thinking too much about it!
I had somesort of regressive experience in the last few years which sort of shook my foundations and "the castle came tumbling down" so to speak. I spent alot of time on my own...maybe too much. Depression, anger, pain...all that! It has been a journey of reassimilating back into society for me and re-building myself.
Getting used to being around people again, as a sensitive person, is a real challenge.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by blossom

Brendannz: I think what you said was spot on about me giving these issues less importance in my own mind. I am finding a balance between activity and non-activity again so I can distract myself more now when I do start thinking too much about it!
I had somesort of regressive experience in the last few years which sort of shook my foundations and "the castle came tumbling down" so to speak. I spent alot of time on my own...maybe too much. Depression, anger, pain...all that! It has been a journey of reassimilating back into society for me and re-building myself.
Getting used to being around people again, as a sensitive person, is a real challenge.

I've been through similar phases, and it might just be a matter of finding the right people.. There's all sorts of people in this world, and sometimes they can be really difficult, but often the difficult ones are just projecting their own insecurities onto you I think..

I think with people, you've got to realise that you can't get along 100% with everyone.. So be prepared for the worst to find the best in people maybe.

The other thing about people, is often they seem really bad, but they're usually fairly well meaning deep down.. I think

[RiqLee]

I think you got the answer. They speak, you observe, then decide which one to take or not at all.You own your mind..

Just believe in yourself and I know that you are getting better at it now, so keep it on and good luck

[blossom]

Yes, it is about finding what you appreciate about each person and not focussing so much on their unsavory aspects...it is hard to remember though when they keep displaying their insecurities to you and invading your world.
It's a challenge to stay on the ball in this world, with so much going on on global and local levels...to recognise what's going on right next to you on the couch!

Thanks guys!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by blossom

Infact, people who look happy by smiling constantly are generally wearing a mask to hide their sadness or anger!

he isn't really qualified to have an oppinion about certain things

People think I am grumpy and angry, and I have become this way BECAUSE noone will let me be just the way I am!

let everyone be the way they are, without expectations of how they "should"be...life would be so much smoother if they did!

I am usually pretty good at recognising when a person is projecting their own stuff on me,

Hi, Blossom!

Some of your statements just leaped right out at me. One thing I've noticed is that people will often create for others exactly what they're trying to avoid for themselves, and it's easier to notice when someone else is doing it than when you're doing it yourself, so please take my remarks in the spirit in which they're offered: to help you be more powerful and effective in this matter. Someday I hope you will do the same for me!

What I'm noticing is that it rankles to have other people projecting their gunk all over you, and hard to weed out the useful from the damaging. I'd just like to suggest to you that nothing anyone ever criticizes you about means anything about who you are! Nothing -- zero -- zip -- nada. If someone is bugged by something you do or do not think, say, or feel, it's 100% about them -- if there is a problem, it's THEIR problem.

And. If you are bugged by their being bugged, then you have just created a problem for yourself. As one of our beloved posters, Rose of Cairo, might say, you have just accepted their stinky sneaker.

And that's really good news! Because if we're bugged by something, there is an opportunity for learning something about yourself about creating the freedom to feel good -- it is a wonderful gift you give yourself!

And I would like to invite you to look at how at the same time you are objecting to being projected onto, you are doing lots of projecting yourself. You're not wrong to do that; it's not a bad thing. But it is exactly what you don't want for yourself, isn't it? It's very common, because you get more of what you focus on, and generating it is one way to unconsciously get more of it.

You've heard the phrase, "Be the change you want to see in the world," haven't you? You might want to give a try in being what you would like to receive from others -- in this case, maybe that is forgiveness and creating a huge space of freedom to be exactly what they are and exactly what they are not. Take a look at the statements I've quoted you as saying and examine them for truth (I strongly recommend The Work of Byron Katie -- it's fast, free, and extremely helpful in gaining empowering new perspective).

People aren't going to change just because you wish they would, but you have the power to totally transform how they occur for you, and how you occur for yourself. Isn't that wonderful?

[ethereal]

Originally Posted by breakthestatic00

I take myself and life in general way too seriously. It affects everything from my small thoughts to my existential core. I just can't lighten up

How can I stop? Any tips?

Try not to resist it, and instead, try harder to be as serious as possible. Contemplate every action, word, and thought and do it with 100% deliberate intent. Try so hard that you can't and won't do it anymore...and then you can laugh at yourself and release it

[blossom]

Angela: I am aware that projection is a natural phenomena, and I am aware that when I react to someone with annoyance, that it is an opportunity to take back something disowned. It's not so much that it bothers me that they are projecting onto me, as there isn't much I can do about it, it's more that when they do, and I point it out to them, they deny it and turn around and make me out to be bad! That's when it changes from projection to emotional abuse...and I'm over it! This has been going on for 10 very intense years, and frankly, I'm pretty worn down by all the projecting I do cop.

I do work at taking back my own projections, consciously, and it's an ongoing, never ending process, so it is frustrating when others around me aren't doing it as well. I know I can't 'make' them...but I'm still allowed to feel frustrated! It doesn't mean I'm saying they 'should' be a different way...just that when they give me this feedback, I am not sure whether there is truth to it, or if it is their stuff, and this is what causes me to become confused!

I think the original post I sent stated clearly, that I wanted to work out whether or not I do actually take myself too seriously...and I have come to a conclusion there, with the helpful reminders of some people on this thread.

It seems as though you have picked out quotes that I wrote, but taken them out of the context they were in and made them to be some sort of hypocrisy of mine.
I'm wondering why you decided that I don't allow other people to be themselves totally? Where was it written in anything I wrote that I don't let other people be everything they are and aren't?
I have known for quite some time now that I can't change anyone else, and I usually won't waste my time even trying to either...I'm the only one who can change myself, IF I think I need to change some part of me.

What annoys me is when other people give their oppinion about me, that I didn't ask for and which I make a habit of NOT doing to them, unless they ask me, and decide that I need to change something about myself that they don't approve of...when I do my best to allow them to be themselves, and work things out in their own time, as I'm aware everyone does, and everyone is at there own level of development...I find that pretty rude and not at all in harmony with the adage of "be the change you want to see in the world!"or " do unto others as you would have them do unto you" or any other relevant cliche you can think of! I have found that doing unto others as you would have them do unto you does not necessarily mean that is what you will end up recieving as you cannot make other people behave the way you want...I feel like you jumped to the wrong conclusion about how I behave.
I'm not really seeing where it is that you say I'm projecting? If you could give examples, that might help? I have re-read the quotes. It's more just me venting my own frustration at being misunderstood and misjudged by these people when I do have fun in my own way and can laugh at things that are funny...which isn't always my reaction to their "jokes", which aren't all that funny IMO!
I understand that they are extroverted and therefore do not understand me at all, but it is unnerving to be constantly told you are too serious, when really that's just the way my face happens to be...I have never had a naturally smiley face, and I won't really smile unless I feel like there is something to smile about, so it is something I have gotten alot in my life!

I get that you are being challenging to empower me...I will re-read the quotes some more and see if I get what you are trying to point out to me...

[MattPerelstein]

Originally Posted by breakthestatic00

I take myself and life in general way too seriously. It affects everything from my small thoughts to my existential core. I just can't lighten up.

How can I stop? Any tips?

I taught a class called "You're Taking this Life Thing WAY too Seriously!".

In it, we teach people that our feelings and emotions are basically Positive when we're born... but then yucky stuff happens to us as a kid, and we establish negative Beliefs about who we are and how we fit (or don't fit) into the world... carrying these, usually subconsciously, into adulthood.

Over 20 years of teaching, we've found that simply "dealing with" our past - re-visiting, re-placing and releasing our old pent-up emotions, as intensely as they were originally felt -- can SIGNIFICANLY improve our current and future life experience, returning us to the joy and wonder of childhood.

Twenceforth, I suggest you figure out what you're REALLY angry about, and who or what HURT you the most, deal with those feelings of you, get 'em out, and you will AUTOMATICALLY find that your spirits lift, and you will again be able to take life NOT SO SERIOUSLY! ("We gotta Feel it to Heal it")

Good luck with it all.
Enjoy the journey.
- Matt

[QuestForBalance]

Volunteer at a Children's Hospital.

This will change your perspective in two ways:

1. You will begin to see that your issues are not so big after all, and certainly not worth spending so much time and energy on. Those kids are dealing with MUCH bigger problems.

2. You will learn that life can suck and still be fun. That's the amazing thing about kids. They may have some major illness, or painful condition to deal with on a daily basis... but they still smile, play, and have fun.

Life is about acceptance and balance. Accept that some things do suck, but choose to focus on the good stuff while you deal with your challenges.

[idoinspire]

I think you are way overanalyzing this- you do take things too seriously
it doesnt matter what other people think- just what you think so stop worrying about it, over analyzing it makes it worse.

Originally Posted by blossom

Angela: I am aware that projection is a natural phenomena, and I am aware that when I react to someone with annoyance, that it is an opportunity to take back something disowned. It's not so much that it bothers me that they are projecting onto me, as there isn't much I can do about it, it's more that when they do, and I point it out to them, they deny it and turn around and make me out to be bad! That's when it changes from projection to emotional abuse...and I'm over it! This has been going on for 10 very intense years, and frankly, I'm pretty worn down by all the projecting I do cop.

I do work at taking back my own projections, consciously, and it's an ongoing, never ending process, so it is frustrating when others around me aren't doing it as well. I know I can't 'make' them...but I'm still allowed to feel frustrated! It doesn't mean I'm saying they 'should' be a different way...just that when they give me this feedback, I am not sure whether there is truth to it, or if it is their stuff, and this is what causes me to become confused!

I think the original post I sent stated clearly, that I wanted to work out whether or not I do actually take myself too seriously...and I have come to a conclusion there, with the helpful reminders of some people on this thread.

It seems as though you have picked out quotes that I wrote, but taken them out of the context they were in and made them to be some sort of hypocrisy of mine.
I'm wondering why you decided that I don't allow other people to be themselves totally? Where was it written in anything I wrote that I don't let other people be everything they are and aren't?
I have known for quite some time now that I can't change anyone else, and I usually won't waste my time even trying to either...I'm the only one who can change myself, IF I think I need to change some part of me.

What annoys me is when other people give their oppinion about me, that I didn't ask for and which I make a habit of NOT doing to them, unless they ask me, and decide that I need to change something about myself that they don't approve of...when I do my best to allow them to be themselves, and work things out in their own time, as I'm aware everyone does, and everyone is at there own level of development...I find that pretty rude and not at all in harmony with the adage of "be the change you want to see in the world!"or " do unto others as you would have them do unto you" or any other relevant cliche you can think of! I have found that doing unto others as you would have them do unto you does not necessarily mean that is what you will end up recieving as you cannot make other people behave the way you want...I feel like you jumped to the wrong conclusion about how I behave.
I'm not really seeing where it is that you say I'm projecting? If you could give examples, that might help? I have re-read the quotes. It's more just me venting my own frustration at being misunderstood and misjudged by these people when I do have fun in my own way and can laugh at things that are funny...which isn't always my reaction to their "jokes", which aren't all that funny IMO!
I understand that they are extroverted and therefore do not understand me at all, but it is unnerving to be constantly told you are too serious, when really that's just the way my face happens to be...I have never had a naturally smiley face, and I won't really smile unless I feel like there is something to smile about, so it is something I have gotten alot in my life!

I get that you are being challenging to empower me...I will re-read the quotes some more and see if I get what you are trying to point out to me...

[blossom]

Well, that's all I was asking in the first place, idoinspire!

I am introverted so I do tend to over-analyze...which is why I ask for outside help with it...did you read the first post...or just the last one where another person invited me to look for my own projections when all I asked for was whether I was taking it all too seriously or not?

Quest for balance: That is a good suggestion and I have done plenty of volunteer work for children with disbilities and people with mental health issues, and am in the process of applying to be an advocate for people with disabilities at the moment, so I'm onto that. I don't think I was making too big a deal about it...I just asked for some clarification,which I got...so I don't really NEED anymore input about the question I asked thankyou! And yes, they handle things a whole lot better than I do, to my shame. If you had read my post you would have read that I do have fun and play and do things I enjoy...and I STILL get told that I take things too seriously by people who aren't like me and don't understand me...that was the original crux of my frustration which I was venting more than anything! No it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me, but I want to know if they are right or not so I can DO something about it! That was the point of me asking.

[QuestForBalance]

Hi, Blossom... I think you misunderstood my point, or maybe you took some part of it too seriously. It was merely a suggestion of something to try for a shift in perspective... though it sounds like you may have tried it already.

I did read your post about doing things for fun, and I think that's great. I was talking about getting a life view that is generally positive and light hearted.

But if your only question now is whether you should DO something about it... I guess you probably should. Not because anyone else thinks so, but because clearly it affects you deeply. You do, in fact, take things pretty seriously, and I can see how that could get tiring for you.

I wish you the best in finding your answers.

[blossom]

Thankyou. Sorry, I didn't get much sleep and I don't like feeling misunderstood. I appreciate your help in offering a perspective change...which is obviously something I need to do! I did take it the wrong way, as it can make me feel even worse when I see people who are struggling way harder than me AND seem to be able to cope with it and smile more. I have had a problem with that, I'm not a naturally smiley person...and I get people telling me to smile all the time, so it just is a constant reminder of how badly I cope with things compared to everyone else! I'm working on it though! I am a pretty positive person...I just don't smile all the time to keep everyone else happy, and that's why they tell me I take things too seriously. I smile when I have something to smile about, which isn't every second of the day...so you can understand why it's more than a little frustrating for me!

Just to clarify, my question was whether or not I do take myself seriously, not whether I should DO something about it. I asked so that I COULD do something about it if it was infact me and not the projections of my male friends, as I stated initially!