Resisting feeling intimidated.

[martin]

I have a real problem with feeling intimidated by other people. Usually when I don't know them too well. It can be anyone. Usually more so people my own age, but I feel intimidated by everyone.

I realize I have to face this fear, but can someone put things into a better perspective for me? How can I stop being so intimidated!? I want to be more social, but I automatically feel inadequate when I meet someone and it's just a horrible feeling.

Thanks!

[Fullcrum]

Try this.

Go out and put yourself in a super-positive state. Do this by amusing yourself. Not other people - yourself. Do this continuously until you hit state - then you won't have to "do" it anymore; you'll BE it.

Self-amusement. intimidation will never enter your reality.

Also, simply intend to view everyone in a positive light and see how reality conforms to that view IE you'll look at everyone positively.

[colonel]

Originally Posted by martin

I have a real problem with feeling intimidated by other people. Usually when I don't know them too well. It can be anyone. Usually more so people my own age, but I feel intimidated by everyone.

I realize I have to face this fear, but can someone put things into a better perspective for me? How can I stop being so intimidated!? I want to be more social, but I automatically feel inadequate when I meet someone and it's just a horrible feeling.

Thanks!

What do you look like? Small? Skinny? Always slouching?
Asking this because working on your body and bodily appearance might help you get confident. Steve actually mentioned this in one of his podcasts (Building Confidence), check it out if you think it could help.

If you need more advice, maybe describe a bit more about how you feel overall at the moment (how do you think about yourself? what are you doing day in day out? ...) and give a specific sample of a situation in which you feel intimidated.



PS: And what do you want to say by "resisting feeling..."? I'm sure you don't want to resist that feeling but rather make it disappear. Resistance would just create suffering for you...

[laur_454]

I went through something similar. I used to listen to self hypnosis CDs for confidence, such as Super Strength Confidence or Super Strength Self Esteem -- these are 30 minute series by Bob Griswold and I found them effective. I used to have major social anxiety around pretty much ANYONE my age (I'm 23, and this was when I was a bit younger and at away for college and in high school), but I certainly have improved since then. I still get bouts of inferiority, but I think as I continue to build my confidence, they continue to be less frequent. You might want to check it out on Amazon.com or at Borders.

[ellie]

I wrote something similar a while back and I got some great responses, maybe it will help you too Can you beat your fears and become a master?

[DayInTheLife]

Great advice so far.

A few things helped for me:

-Speak up! Talk with the same volume and audacity as everyone else. Don't taper off, don't mumble.

-Initiate conversations with strangers at every opportunity, with store clerks, people in elevators, etc.. If you don't know how to do this, emulate others who do.

-Act and speak from a standpoint of compassion and love for others, rather than fear or contempt. We're all the same, don't forget that.

[martin]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Try this.

Go out and put yourself in a super-positive state. Do this by amusing yourself. Not other people - yourself. Do this continuously until you hit state - then you won't have to "do" it anymore; you'll BE it.

Self-amusement. intimidation will never enter your reality.

Also, simply intend to view everyone in a positive light and see how reality conforms to that view IE you'll look at everyone positively.

Interesting suggestion! I am going to try this. What I realized today what that I see things through other people's eyes, if that makes sense. For example, if I say something to someone I'm intimidated by, in my mind's eye I can see them looking at me and judging me and I can imagine their thoughts. It's stupid, I know... but it was habit I wasn't consciously aware of. I have to work on keeping my mind on my perspective I guess, and not see through other people's eyes as much.

What is a good way to keep myself amused?

Originally Posted by ellie

I wrote something similar a while back and I got some great responses, maybe it will help you too Can you beat your fears and become a master?

Thanks so much for this, I'll give it a read.

Originally Posted by DayInTheLife

Great advice so far.

A few things helped for me:

-Speak up! Talk with the same volume and audacity as everyone else. Don't taper off, don't mumble.

-Initiate conversations with strangers at every opportunity, with store clerks, people in elevators, etc.. If you don't know how to do this, emulate others who do.

-Act and speak from a standpoint of compassion and love for others, rather than fear or contempt. We're all the same, don't forget that.

Thanks for this. It's kind of sad, but sometimes it's even a struggle to talk to a sales clerk or a stranger. I avoid asking for help in stores sometimes because of this. I know that taking these small steps and facing these fears anyways will help tremendously though, so I'll start.

In fact, I took a couple steps in the right direction today! I called a couple people that intimidate me a lot. The main reasons these people intimidate me is because they're very sarcastic and sometimes rude. To the point where some of the things they've said have kinda hurt me.

When I called them I was really nervous, but I got through it well and even though I did feel really intimidated and awkward during those whole conversations, by the end I felt a little better and my confidence went up a bit.

So I'm happy with that. Thanks everyone.

I'll keep ya guys posted on this whole 'journey'.

[Angela]

Take a look at the Landmark Forum and the Advanced Course. They were a little pricey, but well worth it to me in my life. I went in with a morbid fear of public speaking, and a very well-hidden shyness of parties and such, and I came out of there with absolutely no - zero - fear of public speaking and now I can't even remember what it used to feel like to be shy or intimidated. I highly recommend it. Landmark Education: Seminars, Courses & Landmark Forum

[Fullcrum]

You amuse yourself by asking the following:

How can I make this more fun?

And then do the first thing that pops into your head. Practice being loud, confident, dominant, expressive, and much more. It's simple. Feel really great in your body and self-amuse.

Oh and, don't give a ♥♥♥♥♥ what anyone thinks of you ever. The number 1 rule of all champs.

[Dusty]

I had a big break in this department myself recently.

The inferior/superior feelings (two sides of the same imbalance) are generated when you compare yourself to others.

"Oh ****... he has a better body than I"

"Why can't I be as witty as that guy?"

"If only I was as confident as him, then I could get her."

or superior:

"heh... I'm smarter than that dumbass"

"pfffff... he has no idea what he's talking about"

etc etc... All of this inferior stuff is generated when your ego is insecure. Then it starts comparing itself to others and feeling superior/inferior in SOME way. It's a living hell generated by your own mind. Your mind is using you instead of you using your mind.

The solution? Meditation. This leads to a feeling of such fullness that you can help but share the joy. You won't even have thoughts of better than/less than.

About the nervousness... your giving your power away to others. You are letting them dictate your sense of self or self esteem.

Why? Why are you looking outside of yourself for happiness? Don't you know who you are?!?! Dodo-head!

The solution... meditation once again. Your awareness increases so much that you begin to see how you are addicted to approval/don't stand up for yourself etc etc...

Reminders for when you feel inadequate: Just remind yourself that you are enough. You have nothing to prove. Someone with a wide open heart doesn't seek to be impressed + entertained.

When you feel intimidated, take your power back.

Step 1: Gain awareness of exactly when you get these feelings. What conditions create these feelings. Not just external situations, but in your head. Are you looking for approval? Are you looking to be lead?

Step 2: Realize that all this crap is not YOU. Understand this stuff. What are these feelings telling you about what you are doing?

Step 3: Thank your body for generating these feelings. Thank yourself for doing all this stuff so you could learn about yourself. Unless you come to a true point of understanding what's going on in the noggin, the heart won't flood your body with feelings of gratitude + love. Love is needed here.

bye bye

[Dusty]

...by amusing yourself to distract yourself, you're only repressing these feelings. It's just like choosing to watch TV when the little voice of courage inside keeps saying you can be so much more.

I speak from experience. haha

I just noticed your title says "resisting feeling intimidated".

That paradigm is only going to make you more neurotic. These feelings will be a thing of the past when you understand how you were creating them.