How do I rid myslf of anger and sarcasm?

[bigadam]

I find myself often reacting to minor circumstances in my life with extreme anger. Does anyone have recommendations on how I take the steps to diagnose myself to correct this behaviour?

I also use sarcasm with others and justify the behaviour as being part of my sense of humor but realise that's only an excuse and I'm hurting those I love.

Any recommendations of books or articles to read would be most welcome.

Adam

[m18pak]

Hi Adam, I can't be sure about your situation since I don't know you, but I would guess that you get so worked up about things because you have a lot of residual anger from your past all bottled-up inside you. Maybe you had critical parents who constantly humiliated you under the guise of helping you improve, or maybe you're an apparently placid guy who others provoke to try and get a rise out of, I don't know.

I would say that when you feel angry now you should try to release it in the healthiest possible way, like this:

Releasing Anger

This approach will defuse the situation for the present, but it will only get rid of the surface anger. If you want to really deal with the subconscious anger that I'm guessing you have buried inside you I would suggest that you see a therapist of some sort. It would probably be the most efficient route to take.

Yeah, EFT too.

[Bliss Sage]

Shrinks (a.k.a therapists) never helped me do anything except enable me to further psycho-analyze myself and pick myself apart. Therapy was useless and so was all of my decades of psycho-analyzing.

The only thing that ever worked for me was/is EFT. I recommend you try EFT. You don't have a to pay a penny for it. It's quick, it's cheap and you don't have to spend hours and hundreds of dollars or euros talking to some person once a week for X years, then leave and realize, although you understand all the reasons why you get angry, guess what--you are still angry.

EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else

[DayInTheLife]

Good on you for recognizing the issue Adam.

This book helped me a lot:

Amazon.com: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's all small stuff (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series): Books: Richard Carlson

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by bigadam

I find myself often reacting to minor circumstances in my life with extreme anger. Does anyone have recommendations on how I take the steps to diagnose myself to correct this behaviour?

Figure out what kinds of behaviors would get you sent to prison. Then start doing the exact opposite (ex. stealing->contributing, punching->hugging, insults->appreciation).

[bigadam]

Great feedback all. Thanks.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by bigadam

I find myself often reacting to minor circumstances in my life with extreme anger. Does anyone have recommendations on how I take the steps to diagnose myself to correct this behaviour?

I also use sarcasm with others and justify the behaviour as being part of my sense of humor but realise that's only an excuse and I'm hurting those I love.

Any recommendations of books or articles to read would be most welcome.

Adam

Whenever I can maintain my conscious awareness, everything's great. When I can't, however (which is most of the time), I can often be very reactive or automatic, usually to people I have a lot of history with (which makes things hard).

From my observations of my own life, you'll do best to work on a combo of reconditioning your current responses to things as well as improving your internal "set point" or habit relevant to whatever is bothering you.

This is something that will probably take conscious effort to some degree (mostly the inner work, I'd say). I have lots of things in this area I'd like to deal with, but I live with some very challenging people. When I'm living with less challenging people, I'll probably take a shot at some major changes in the area of stimulus/response. I've tried making changes before, but it's like climbing a mountain with a heavy pack on -- it's easier to just take off the back (ie. move away from the challenging people). As such, I direct my efforts to other areas. Don't justify a lack of action, but don't beat yourself up when it's not intelligent for you to be directly trying to fix the issue in non-ideal circumstances.

As for your sarcasm... I have a very cynical sense of humour. You can be cynical if you like, but understand that those actions have certain consequences. For example, when I'm very centered in the moment, I choose not to be cynical because of the effects it creates. I'd rather consciously behave in another way. But when I'm not centered in the moment and am trapped in thinking, I'll opt to my default cynical behaviour.

Oh, I'll also note that if you react to something with extreme anger, it's probably because you're seeing it through the lens of a past event, or some sort of feeling you've acclimated to in relation to a certain subject. And one feeling can influence a lot of different things, from what I've found.

I don't have time to go into more detail, but I'd recommend the stuff from Eckhart Tolle and Abraham-Hicks. I'm yet to come across material that covers subjects such as this better then they do.

[Bruce Achterberg]

One simple tip I'll add:

For you to be aware that you have this issue is a very good place to be in.

Whenever you have an issue, try to remember this awareness you have, and that you don't desire to act out any anger you have. You'll probably still have the anger, etc, but there will be awareness there, too (hopefully).

If that doesn't work and you go off on a tangent, reflect on your actions a while later. That will also help cultivate awareness.

Awareness, IMO, is the most powerful personal dev tool that exists. It's what Steve primarily uses to influence his blog audience. He does post some specific info, but it's all geared to raise awareness one way or another.

[Dusty]

To get over anger, quit entertaining the idea that you need external stuff to be just how you like it in order to be happy... nothing is ever "perfect". The funny thing is when you get this, you see everything as perfect.

Destructive sarcasm comes from having a closed heart. Open your heart to those who you trust. Be honest to yourself and others about how you really feel about things. Choose love instead of fear. You might feel very vulnerable at first, but the more you love that fear, the more you just love. Quit thinking in terms of separateness. I highly recommend Steve's "Soulful Relationships" article:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...relationships/

[eblight]

Focus on what you like about someone, always see that every human being is doing the best they can with the awareness they have in any moment. Develop compassion for yourself and others. When you get angry accept and allow that but refrain from taking it out on others. Use your anger energy in ways that are not self or other destructive. Exercise is a good outlet for all that energy. Keep on finding what you love to do in your life and being fulfilled in those things. Move away from taking life so personally. Have no expectations of others.

[Derik]

I agree with Bruce. The fact that you are aware of it is great. Don't beat yourself about. Rather congratulate yourself for the awareness.

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