Letting go of the past

[Guy665]

Hi,

This may have been discussed before but I'd like to bring it up again.

Bascially it is clear to me that in order to move forward and grow I have to accept that right now in my life is where I am (does that make sense?).

The problem is though is that I still feel very stuck in the past. I have done things that I regret and am not proud of and I still have problems letting these things go.

The stupid thing is that I know that thinking about the past won't change it.

I want to grow and move forward but am finding it difficult because I keep looking backwards, thinking I wish I hadn't done that or if only I didn't do that...Its almost like I want a clean break, I accept responsiblity for my behaviour in the past but I feel that its difficult to move forward when it is still hanging over me..

Has anyone else experienced this, if so any advise...

[Herbalist]

I am in the similar situation. I still have awful dreams about my distant past (last one just last night). I still experience self-pity, shame and other low vibrations sometimes.

I try not to feed those negative thoughts. I switch my attention to positive thoughts and events. I work hard in order to live in a present moment (search Steve's blog for "The power of Now"), to fully experience "today", not thinking about the past and the future without need. I get myself busy. I practise a good sense of humor.

If I would be limited to just one simple piece of advice, it would be:
Get yourself busy!

Please take my sympathy. You're not alone!

[dancer]

You said you accept responsibility for the things you have done, and that you are aware of accepting where you are right now. So what's keeping you in the past? Do you believe you should be punished? Have you forgiven yourself?

[evelynlim]

I can totally understand how you feel. It's easy for anyone to say "let go out of the past" or "forgive yourself" but it is hard when it comes to really doing it. Your logical mind tells you that you should not hold on to the past but yet subconsciously, you know that you are hanging on.

EFT is the tool that I use to help me negate the negative emotions that I feel regarding my past. The past is a fact, a reality that happened. I cannot change what I did but what I can change is the emotions that I feel towards my memories. Without applying EFT or doing other emotional healing work, telling me to "let go of the past" is pretty useless to me.

A good place to start is to go to Gary Craig's website at EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else . He has a free ebook that you can download.

I also share my experiences with dealing with negative blocks, such as past traumas, on my blog (see signature below). I invite you to read my experiences with my own healing.

Take care,
Evelyn

[ken nubo]

Hey Guy665,

My simple advice is just don't live in the past, have something fun to do so you look forward to the present moment.

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by ken nubo

Hey Guy665,

My simple advice is just don't live in the past, have something fun to do so you look forward to the present moment.

What if you don't have anything fun to do at the moment, or you are so depressed that nothing looks fun?

Something I've observed about you, ken, is your lack of empathy and your promotion of pat, simple solutions for complex ills. It makes me wonder how old you are or perhaps what is lacking in your life experience. It is bothersome to me, as you seem to think you are actually helping people. Maybe you're great at getting people into the dating scene -- I don't know. All I know is that I haven't been helped by your comments one bit, and I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way.

[Vee]

Originally Posted by Guy665

Hi,

This may have been discussed before but I'd like to bring it up again.

Bascially it is clear to me that in order to move forward and grow I have to accept that right now in my life is where I am (does that make sense?).

The problem is though is that I still feel very stuck in the past. I have done things that I regret and am not proud of and I still have problems letting these things go.

The stupid thing is that I know that thinking about the past won't change it.

I want to grow and move forward but am finding it difficult because I keep looking backwards, thinking I wish I hadn't done that or if only I didn't do that...Its almost like I want a clean break, I accept responsiblity for my behaviour in the past but I feel that its difficult to move forward when it is still hanging over me..

Has anyone else experienced this, if so any advise...

Someone told me it's good to replay the past how you would have liked it to go. This does sound strange to me as it didn't go that way so why imagine something else. But apparently this works for some people.

What i do is allow myself to have emotions about the past and think about it. Then i always look forward afterwards and try and feel excited about improving or learning from the past.

Also, do u believe everything happens for a reason? If u do this could give you comfort - try and find meaning and learning in the past and use those lessons to create a better future xxx

[Sanity Panda]

Simple fixes may lack empathy but sometimes... that's the solution. People have a tendancy to over complicate things.

What I don't understand, is why we have to let go of the past unless it's of course holding us back emotionally (which seems to be the case here)

Personally I don't want to let go of my past, I'm attached to it and I'll keep on focusing on it so that I don't forget it. Perhaps one day I'll learn to detach from my actions, not now though >.>'

[colonel]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

What if you don't have anything fun to do at the moment, or you are so depressed that nothing looks fun?

Something I've observed about you, ken, is your lack of empathy and your promotion of pat, simple solutions for complex ills. It makes me wonder how old you are or perhaps what is lacking in your life experience. It is bothersome to me, as you seem to think you are actually helping people. Maybe you're great at getting people into the dating scene -- I don't know. All I know is that I haven't been helped by your comments one bit, and I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way.

Just a quick note:

I think simple solutions are quite fine. BUT: The advice "don't live in the past" is like saying "go bake a cake" to someone who hasn't baken any cakes before and doesn't even have a recipe.

If you, ken, would answer the "how", this would be perfectly good advice.

I'll have a go at the "how to (not) live in the past":

When you "live in the past", you...

* remember (and relive and your head) the bad things you've done (corollary: write stuff down once and don't return to it daily -- get it out of your head!)
* think about what you've done and regret it or feel bad about it or hate yourself about it (corollary: don't think about it and if you do, just tell yourself: "I accept myself fully as I am. I forgive myself and truly love myself." Repeat a few times, do it throughout the day whenever you feel like you need reassurance.)
* talk to others about the past over and over again, without having a specific reason for doing so (corollary: find other topics for discussion with other people and stay aware so you notice when you're sliding back into the old habit of retelling the stories again and again)

If this is helpful and you ask me to provide more concrete samples of what (not) to do, I will

[colonel]

Originally Posted by Sanity Panda

What I don't understand, is why we have to let go of the past unless it's of course holding us back emotionally (which seems to be the case here)

The current human understanding of "self" involves remembering and telling and identifying with his or her own history, so we naturally tend to hold on to the past.
It can hold you back not only emotionally but also in your other beliefs about yourself, other people, the world... And personally most people I know *do* have *lots* of issues that could be resolved by just taking a step back from their own past (and ego :P)... including myself, of course.

Even letting go of the good things in your past might be a positive thing to do. Thoughts of what one used to have which now is gone can be negative, too. And there is the fear of losing something you used to have and still have.

But, of course, you are free to hold on to your past

[m18pak]

Hi Guy, I know this might seem a little...obvious, but the only thing that you really can do in a situation like this is to make a choice. You have to choose what you want (note that you should definitely not make a reactive choice e.g. "I choose to not let my past hold me back") and repeatedly affirm your choice to yourself.

If you choose, and often, your mind will make it come true.