need advice

[runner789]

Hi I'm new here and I could use some advice.

I'm in my first year of college and I have never been more unhappy. I have a terrible roommate who is content with playing video games and watching tv all day long- literally. He plays till 4 AM, never does hw, and doesn't leave the room. He doesn't have any friends and doesn't ever go out but it doesn't bother him (he's said so). I can't live like that, but sadly I kind of do. I only have a few friends from high school that I hang out with once in awhile, but I want to meet new people. I wanted to switch dorms so maybe I could get some more opportunities to meet people but it is too late to do that now. So I'm stuck here with my no-help-of-a-roommate for the rest of the year. I really want to be friends with some people on my hall but I don't know how. It sounds sad but I don't know what to say when I go in their rooms to talk to them. I end up leaving in less than a minute. Weekends are the worst. When everyone is out at parties having fun I'm inside the dorm room sitting on the computer. I'm really lonely and it sucks. I know I'm just complaining and I know we are in control of how we live our lives but I really don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be great.

[technologyslice]

Aren't there any social clubs, or activities at your college? Join up and network. You'll make plenty of friends and have an active social life.

[Dan.Linehan]

Or meetup groups. Bowling league? Sports? Festivals? Concerts? Rock Climbing?

[Michelle]

The first year of any new situation is the most difficult. Get through this, and you'll have grown up a lot.

Why are you giving away the responsibility for your social life to your roommate? If you want to meet people, go meet them. If you are too anxious to do so, enroll yourself in some free campus counseling or psychotherapy. If you want to go to class, study and do your homework seriously - what does that have to do with him sitting around all day?

Perhaps knocking on doors is simply too big a step for you at this time. It isn't the only way to talk to people. What about going to places where people have to talk to you, and there is no chance of rejection? For example, the library staff has to help you find books, etc. If you go into the library every day, soon you will have someone to "shoot the breeze" with. Your advisors have to give you advice. You might also try to get involved by first meeting your fellow students on the internet where you are less under pressure.

Also remember that friendship takes time to develop. It is unrealistic to expect a deep relationship and comradery to form after a few minutes of talking. Start slow.

But I most definitely would talk this out with a kind and compassionate therapist. Don't make yourself suffer any longer. Take control by slowly taking the baby steps you need to work through your fears. Good luck

[Liara Covert]

Hi runner789,

I like the ideas that have been offered by previous posts here. Choose the ones which feel right for you, or brainstorm other ones.

You might also take some time to realize that we invite each person into our life for a reason. You don't have to become like a person you meet. In fact, it sometimes seems easier to start to figure out who you are based on a process of trial and error and also realizing who you're not. If you do decide to go out and meet some new friends without feeling held back by your roommate's behavior, then you will actually be helping him and yourself. He may feel lost in his own way. You both could benefit from exploring how you could develop some self-confidence. For some reason, he invited a person like you into his life. You have opportunities to learn from him and its up to him to discern why you arrived and whether he will choose to grow.

[Benny2]

Loneliness hurts period!


1- People leave clues of what their interest are. When you go into their rooms just look around and see what is their rooms and strike up a conversion on it.

2- Try asking where they are from and what is it like in their hometown. When they start talking looked at them as you would one of your professor, like what they have to say is important. Listen more than you speak but speak. Do not be afraid to smile of laugh. Just let yourself shine.

3- See what you have in common with each other and just chat even if it is only about your school.

4- Above all stay positive. ...Always the glass is half full... always.



4- Invite them to go to lunch with you or grap a pizza.

5- Be authentic, really want to get to know people and care for people and things should come together.

6- Go to the library and take out a book on social skills and work it.

7- If you truely listen to what is important in people lives you will succeed.

8- Love people, truely have their best interest in your heart.

9- Invited some people over for a card game.



Warning: This does not mean be a apple polisher. Do not allow yourself to be used. Like people asking to always share your homework. Instead invited them to work together on the homework.

These are just some of the things you can do. You have to approach with it with a hands on attitude not a passive seek me out approach.

It is like that old Biblical sayings, knock and the door will be answered, seek and you shell find.

Start by thanking the individuals who took the time to repond to your inquiry.

[runner789]

Thanks for the advice, it is good stuff. Now just putting it into action will be the hard part.

[Benny2]

Take the risks! take the chance!

Rejection is not fun but part of life.

But when you experience victory it will motivate you go for more.

Success breeds Success!

Go for it! Do it! Say yes to determination! Stay focus in this goal and it will come. People are always looking for new friends, it is part of our nature.
(Isn't that way you are this site, looking for friends!)

Be yourself! If you are shy maybe you will have to state that and explain that you are trying to get over it.

[Dusty]

I suggest looking inward.

Learn about emotions.

Learn about ego.

I highly recommend getting an education on the 7 major chakras.

If you want total liberation, experience the highest level of your being. (god)

Or, if your looking to get laid and approval, perhaps The Mystery Method is for you.

[Dusty]

Bob Marley is always good too.