forgiveness

[gnome01]

I've realised that for the past two years I haven't been able to forgive myself for being depressed in the past. I didn't know why it happened, couldn't understand how it happened, and was too afraid to tell anyone about it. I was ashamed of myself and couldn't believe I got myself into this mess. I know I'm supposed to talk full responsibility for whatever I create but to what extent do I do this for? What extent am I supposed to take responsibility for this incident and how do I move on?

Thanks once again for everyone's help. I greatly appreciate it.

[thecubemonkey]

gnome01,

I'm not a psychologist and I'm not well versed in depression except for what I've read and from people I know who've suffered from depression. I can, however, speak to the times I've messed up...and in a way, I think you feel that you messed up by being depressed.

My basic philosophy on mistakes is pretty simple. Learn from your mistakes and move on. As they say, "It is what it is". You can't go back in time to change anything. You may not have taken responsibility for your actions in the past but guess what? You can take responsibility now! You have a choice...

1. Feel guilty, don't forgive yourself and perhaps slip into another depession,

or

2. Forgive yourself, try to identify why you were depressed so you know the triggers to avoid it from happening again, and move on. Choose to live now and move on with your life.

You're at a fork in the road...follow choice #1 and you'll likely be posting a similar post 5 years from now. Choose #2 and you write a new story for yourself.

I know that this is easier said than done. But take some time tonight and meditate on both choices. I advocate you select #2 (obviously).

In my experience, what will help you is being actionable toward your life purpose. Read Steve's article for more info.

If your depression was serious (suicidal thoughts, etc.), you my want to get help in this effort to forgive yourself and move forward.

Good luck.

[Dusty]

Every one of us came into this world as a baby. We were naturally happy, joyful, cute little cooers with beautiful hearts.

We didn't know how to be depressed... we just didn't get it. We had to ask, "Mommy, why are you so sad?" and then we learned how to feel crappy.

You are not your depression. It's something you learned... just like learning how to go to the bathroom, go to school... etc.

Knowing that you are not your conditioning... that's it's just a thing... where is the problem?

You say you can't forgive yourself. I suggest finding out how you learned to not forgive yourself.

Where did you learn how to feel shameful? Do newborns have shame?

Just observe all of this. Then, choose whatever you wish to choose. A wild guess of mine is joy.

Originally Posted by gnome01

I know I'm supposed to talk full responsibility for whatever I create but to what extent do I do this for? What extent am I supposed to take responsibility for this incident and how do I move on?

I'm not going to say you should do anything, but I would suggest you take full response-ability for all of this. This doesn't mean beating yourself up. That makes it worse since you're putting your attention on the "problem" and not the opportunity.

I always recommend an education on the 7 major chakras. Also, basics of spirituality... stuff that aids you in seeing you are not your mind, feelings etc etc.

Blessings

[gnome01]

After thinking about the question you asked me I found out that the mind created this non-forgiveness not me. I also realised that I am not these feelings I am having and that they are all just previously conditioned from my past.

I think I'm starting to be able to get it. Today while walking to class I released that I feel I'm supposed to act a certain way, feel a certain way, and behave a certain way. I realized this is not true and I can act and behave anyway I want to. This realization brought me alot of peace. I feel that everythings starting to come back to me. I'm starting to remember what it feels like to be disidentified from your mind, and I must say it feels pretty good.

[Gary]

The thing you have to do is separate responsibility from being at fault. If the child touches a hot stove they burn their hand and they're in pain. No one made that child touch that stove but them. It's an accident. They didn't know what they were doing. The child is completely responsible. They are not at fault. Being at fault, being to blame is a separate thing. Being blamed has to do with self judgment and that part is completely unnecessary and yet it's a very common habit. Part of why we don't forgive ourselves is because we believe the self judgment. The thing about self judgment is that it's not your fault either. It was like you discovered is just a matter of the mind it's been conditioned to do that.

More about that judgmental part of the mind at this article about the Voice in Your Head