feeling guilty with standing up for myself

[Enlightenment]

i'm starting to become aware of just how guilty, and frankly, embarrassed i feel with standing up for myself. excuse the lack of caps here but i'm having trouble with my keyboard. anyway, i hinted to someone the other day that i wanted something confirmed and verified. you know, 'trust but verify' sort of philosophy. but now i feel guilty and a bit pushy. if i were a man, this would be accepted easily, but i think many people, including women, consider a woman setting down on the table, even vaguely, what she wants as 'bitc-y'. i don't want to be rude or contrary, but sometimes i feel that in order to get things progressing, i must state my demands, politely. how would you deal with this guilt and embarrassment.

[uberinquisitive]

I'm the same. It's a bit better now, but I always feel that standing up for myself is "hard work." What if people challenge me? What if I turn out to be wrong? In these situations, I find myself in total "flight" mode. Instead of breathing, relaxing, and taking my time to think things through...I just run away from the situation.

I don't have any advice to offer...just empathy!

[ladybug]

Originally Posted by Enlightenment

i'm starting to become aware of just how guilty, and frankly, embarrassed i feel with standing up for myself. excuse the lack of caps here but i'm having trouble with my keyboard. anyway, i hinted to someone the other day that i wanted something confirmed and verified. you know, 'trust but verify' sort of philosophy. but now i feel guilty and a bit pushy. if i were a man, this would be accepted easily, but i think many people, including women, consider a woman setting down on the table, even vaguely, what she wants as 'bitc-y'. i don't want to be rude or contrary, but sometimes i feel that in order to get things progressing, i must state my demands, politely. how would you deal with this guilt and embarrassment.

I understand where you are coming from and I am not sure of the context in which you are standing up for yourself, but it is important that you do stand up for yourself if you feel you need to do so. You can do it in such a way where you are still calm but firm in your reaction to your situation. I also understand how others, women surprisingly as well as men, see women stating what they want as "bitc-y", because of their preconcieved notions of how women "should" act. It's pretty rediculous. Can you give a little more detail about what's happening?

[Alison Jenkins]

I used to be the same but mine came from people pleasing behaviours. I've learnt that I don't have to be a people pleaser and I am entitled to look after my own needs to. Today I am able to stand up for myself but I do it very nicely. I put my boundaries down and stick to it. Initially when I was changing I used to feel incredibly guilty but it doesn't take long before that goes and it becomes normal. My people pleasing took me to ridiculous places and nobody has ever challenged me on my changing behaviours in this context - after all it is what most people do anyway.

Alison

[sumatran tiger]

hi
hello this is my first post. I work as an IT tutor in south wales, i have been there for a year now i feel the people there are taking advantage of me by asking me or telling me to do some jobs that are not in my job description, and also interfering with my work and butting in when i am teaching a class, i find this embarrasing in front of people, and i try to keep a proffesional attitude while teaching. but when the sessions end i feel i cannot confront this person/s and stand up for myself please help me someone as they think i am stupid but i am not really, i just dont want to upset any one.