Law of Attraction/Intention & Custody Battle

[Vashti]

Hello everyone. I'm struggling with a situation I'm involved in. Recently I've discovered the Law of Attraction and the power of intention through this website, and watching "The Secret". It's filled me with such hope and joy, and I'm beginning a wonderful career. On a daily basis I have such hope and joy for my future that it's almost overwhelming.

The only barrier to my joy is that my ex-husband is suing me for custody of our two children - a daughter 12 yrs, and a son 15 yrs. It is an extremely painful and frightening process, and I'm continually terrified thinking of it. I have tried to use intention to see myself winning custody, and that has assisted somewhat. However, I also desperately would like the two of us to be friends and to share the raising of our children peacefully in a way that would be beneficial to them. My ex is very dominated by anger and hate, and he is a cruel abusive man. On a weekly basis he does things to hurt our children, and is constantly abusing our daughter emotionally. (He calls her fat, tells her that her clothing taste is bad, refuses to play games with her - making her watch while he plays on an x-box with our son, etc.) I suppose he does these things because she reminds him of me. Just yesterday, he picked her up from a school event, refused to let her call me to tell me that she was with him, and kept her for several hours, telling her that her 12 yo friends at school were all whores, and making her feel generally miserable. She is in therapy trying to understand him, and gain the confidence she needs to tell him that his words hurt her.

Both of the children would like the custody battle to be over, and for me to win.

Part of my dilemma is that I'm not sure that my winning the custody battle is right or fair. I wonder if he really would like to make a decent effort at being a father, and that he wants to try to be there for them. I hate the idea that he's suing me just to hurt me, even though that may be the case. With the court likely to see that he deserves to have his share of time with them, I'm fearful that I'll loose at least partial custody - he's asking for half.

My intentions regarding this battle are mixed, and I'm sure that is why I'm not being uplifted when I think of it, or try to imagine my future when it is over. I would very much like for his wife and him, and my husband and I to all get along and be good friends. I'd love to have us all play games with the kids and enjoy time with them together. However, I'm terrified of loosing custody, and want the children to always feel loved and appreciated and uplifted - something I'm not sure my ex is capable of providing.

How can I use the Law of attraction/Intention to rationalize my situation, to be loving and peaceful and to do the best for my children? How do I stand in the same room with a man who was physically and emotionally abusive to me, and continues to be emotionally abusive to my children without feeling pangs of fear, regret and doubt in my intention? Is my wanting full custody selfish or wrong, especially if there is a possibility that he really does want to try to be a good father? I know that he continually makes mistakes, and he has no clue how he's hurting our daughter...I had thought about settling for one week a month and requiring therapy for both him and our daughter and him and me - but it's doubtful that he would agree to therapy.

Perhaps I only need a bit of cheering up...but the LOA and Intention have done so much for me in the past couple of weeks in regards to my own personal life and circumstance, and I would be so very blessed to have it help in this one dark area of my life as well. Thank you kindly for reading, friends, and many blessings to all of you.
Vashti

[Erin Pavlina]

If I were in your situation, here is what I would be thinking:

1. I can't control how this custody battle is going to turn out, but I can control my reaction to the decision.
2. I will make sure that when my kids are with me they know they are loved unconditionally.
3. I will teach my children to have compassion for their father but I will teach my children how to retain their power when they are with them.
4. I will continue to try to gain sole custody as best I can.
5. I ask that this situation be resolved in its own perfect time, in its own perfect way, for the highest good of all.

Good luck!

[Dreamlife Hero]

Hi Vashti,

I just logged on and read your posting and my heart goes out to you.

I'm not an expert, at all, either on LOA or on fighting for custody, but I wanted to reply to you anyway.

I'd agree with what Erin has written.

I'm very new to the LOA and, like many people on this site, I have had very mixed results so far because, as someone once commented; it's a fledgling power at the moment.

There's sometimes a danger of focusing on the fear in a situation and it can be hard to put your attention only on the desired outcome; that's the tricky bit!

For my situation, although it's very different, I have a beautiful daughter who is nearly 3 and she lives with her mother in a different city over 200 miles away. Since my daughter's birth I have had a very hard time being allowed to see her and my ex has made things very difficult for me..so I do empathise with your anxieties.

My solution was to try to focus on all of my ex's good qualities; especially before a phone call or email with her, and I've persisted in being nice to her even when she seems to be deliberately goading me into an argument.

The result has taken over 2 years but our relationship is now really much better and everyone in my and her family benefits from it. I have regular and lovely visits with my little girl.

On a practical level of using the LOA in your siuation I would suggest focusing on how much you love your children, and...if possible.. on any good traits that you feel your ex-husband has. I really know how hard this is when a person can seem so unreasonable. I used to think that my ex's behaviour was inhumanly cruel but I persisted with focusing on other explanations and her behaviour eventually changed to match my positive expectations.

I think everything happens for a reason, and that serves us.

I also like a phrase that Anthony Robbins uses: "God's delays are not God's denials".

I wish you all the best and hope things work out in your favour.

DLH

[Wit and Itch]

Low of attraction require you to focus on things that you want.
Focus on your family and good time you have together.
Focus on good sides on your ex husband ( everybody has them), focus on your wish that he wants to be a good father.
Share custody!!! Your kids deserve to have mother and father with all your and his good and bad sides.
Talk to your ex husband about your concern for your daughter. Talk to him in a nice way, don’t accuse and blame. Tell him to please be careful what he says to her because she is at the age when her father opinion is very important to her. ( this is true. )
Be positive and in good mood in front of your kids and your ex.
Believe in good.

[Vasilisa]

Originally Posted by Wit and Itch

Low of attraction require you to focus on things that you want.
Focus on your family and good time you have together.
Focus on good sides on your ex husband ( everybody has them), focus on your wish that he wants to be a good father.
Share custody!!! Your kids deserve to have mother and father with all your and his good and bad sides.
Talk to your ex husband about your concern for your daughter. Talk to him in a nice way, don’t accuse and blame. Tell him to please be careful what he says to her because she is at the age when her father opinion is very important to her. ( this is true. )
Be positive and in good mood in front of your kids and your ex.
Believe in good.

I don't agree. If the man was abusive to his wife physically and emotionally and didn't understand his mistake and didn't try to become a better person, I don't think he is going to be a good father to his kids. He is probably going to abuse poor girl further. And will be a bad example for his son. I would advise to fight for sole custody with teeth and claws (or whatever this saying is).

[Gary]

Manage Expectations

Be wary to let your hopes and excitement drive your mind into false expectations. Because this idea of the Law of Attraction helps you to feel powerful, doesn't mean that you can control another person. Perhaps the way you act and express your self will influence the situation. Perhaps not. But even if you can influence the situation, I wouldn't put that expectation into days weeks, or even months in this case.

In the meantime do the practical things that will help you and your children.