Eliminating perfectionist traits

[gnome01]

I noticed while doing some journaling and talking to my family (ect.) that some of my anger comes from the desire to always want to be perfect. I always expect an almost impossible outcome when it comes to relationships, school, and a few other things.

What are some ways to either eliminate this trait or to bring it down to a comfortable level? I'm always stressing myself out about one thing or another....this is really imperative if I do something about it.

Thanks.

[Christian223]

You may want to try EFT, its a great tool for self improvement, actually it has helped me on that same perfectionism problem, i used to be very hard on myself when i did something and it didnt come out as i espected, i used EFT and im not so hard on myself anymore, try this site Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique, and the oficial site EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else and try this article Peak Performance Part I -♥ Treating Perfectionism i hope you take his advice, because in my experience, EFT has the power to change your life for the better, and in a very short period of time, good luck!.

[Adrian]

I have the tendency to be a perfectionist to! :P

When I'm faced with a project or task to accomplish, I'll end up following the task to completion. Afterwards, I'll go back and choose very specific, certain areas to let my perfectionism run wild with, while leaving everything else alone. I strangely find this to be helpful, as it's almost as if I need to let my perfectionism run loose to curb it.

Hope that helps a little bit!

[Alison Jenkins]

I used to be a huge perfectionist but today I now know that all you end up doing is raising the goals posts until it is impossible to achieve. Then I used to beat myself up for not achieving the impossible goals. Today I have learned that nobody in the world is perfect and neither will I be. I do my best in everything and I just have to be good enough. I wrote an article a while ago about the masks of perfectionism Perfectionism

I started by doing things and letting them go if they were not quite perfect. Teh first thing I did was send a label on an address that wasn't perfect - before I would have reprinted it and reprinted until it was 100% perfect. But I decided to just send the letter and you know no-one ever wrote to complain - they probably never even noticed. I gradually extended it into bigger and bigger things.

Alison

[nick pagan]

Several people have found this article useful

Antidote to Perfectionism

I hope that you also find it useful,
Nick

[gnome01]

Thanks for everyone's help.

I have a few more questions to ask:

First, is it possible to totally eliminate perfectionism?

Next, is it okay to express some perfectionism in some situations? For example, playing football or something like that?

Lastly, is it absolutely necessary to eliminate all traces of perfectionism in your life? (even if it's not necessarly harmful... ex. placing in the top 10 in a competition ect.)

[z1freeride]

Originally Posted by nick pagan

Several people have found this article useful

Antidote to Perfectionism

I hope that you also find it useful,
Nick

I am one of those people. I highly recommend it gnome!

[Adrian]

Originally Posted by gnome01

First, is it possible to totally eliminate perfectionism?

Personally, I don't think so. I think everybody has some 'perfectionistic 'tendencies, some more than others, so it's impossible to eliminate a personality trait completely. Maybe about 90/95%.

Next, is it okay to express some perfectionism in some situations? For example, playing football or something like that?

I think so! Perfectionism can force you to create an edge in your projects and endeavors that most other people will bypass. (For example, if you could use your perfectionism to edit a book report, it might come out better than somebody who just writes one and does no editing.)

Lastly, is it absolutely necessary to eliminate all traces of perfectionism in your life?

Nah, using perfectionism constructively can seriously be a motivator... especially if you get very focused (like you said - maybe if you're trying to place in the Top 10 for a competition.)

[gnome01]

Thanks everyone for the advice. Especially Nick, your advice helped me out alot. Upon reading your article, I've realised alot of things and also have learned alot about myself. Thanks .

Even with that all being said I still seem to have one more question. What about holding others to higher standards or high expectations? I seem to do this alot. When I expect someone to do such and such and they don't it's very frustating. I hold other people other people to what I believe are decent standards and yet they never are reached. I realise intellectually this is very unrealistic, and yet I keep doing it anyway. Also I've realised the standards I'm projecting on others may also be the same ones I'm projecting on myself. So with that being said how do I discontinue creating this pain?

Once again thanks for everyones help. I greatly appreciate it.

EDIT: hmm I think that was two questions lol =)

[The David]

My perfectionism broke when I started noticing patterns. No matter how old I am, or what I'm doing with my life, I am always wanting something. This last year or so, it was academic perfection. Before that, it was 'fitting in'. Every time it changes, I look back at it and laugh at how I thought it was so important. I (literally) woke up one morning and thought, why don't I just laugh at it now and save myself a lot of pain?

I don't know if that helps or not, it's just a thought.

[ScottJMurray]

You can't get rid of perfectionism without understanding why you do it.

Perfectionists are people who have very intense feelings of inferiority deep inside them, and they are constantly seeking to prove themselves to the world and the people around them. They beat themselves up inside if they don't do something that's up to the standards they have. They are driven, motivated, and put enormous amounts of pressure on themselves to get things accomplished. They are in a constant battle against their own low self-worth.

If you want to get over your perfectionist personality traits, you need to go directly to the root of the issue and start addressing why you feel like you aren't good enough. All of your attempts to feel better about yourself up to this point have just been distractions from what's actually transpiring in your subconscious mind. Once you figure out the motivation behind all this pressure you put upon yourself, you'll start to become free of it. Once you release the burden of constantly having to fight against those feelings of low self-worth, you will start to be able to relax and figure out what you actually want to do with your time.

I've been in your shoes, and I know what it's like. I've been doing this emotional work for around half a year now, and I cannot tell you what a difference it has made in my life. This might sound overly proud, but do this before you try anything else anyone has said in this thread (I haven't even read the other replies). I know how this stuff works. I know how I've recovered from it, and it will work for you too.