why is being young so bad?

[introspective1]

I have many friends quite older than I (I am 25...some of them are 35+). It seems to me that many people who are older than me feel the need to talk down to me and act as if they are better than me. Its funny how society says I should be an adult at my age, but most people older than me tell me I am just a kid and I feel as if they are doin it in a derogatory sense. I even had a friend who would call me "lil boy" when he would forget my name. I told him to stop doin it but he would still do it anyway . I got a lot of advice from him (he is 42) and he looks at me as sorta like being his son. I dont hate being young but I do hate that I am made fun of my age when it is not something I can control lol. I even date people older than me, which I have recently become uncomfortable with because every time I am around someone older, I feel inferior because of my age. I have tried to make myself believe that I am no less of a person because of my age, but I cant. I am not the typical 25 year old, but as soon as I tell someone my age, they immediately judge me and make jokes. Society makes me so sick. People place to much value in stereotype

[Sindre]

Totally agree and know what you're talking about. I'm 22 (soon 23) and is also not taken seriously sometimes. But in a way it's cool that people not think superhigh thoughts about me. Then I can take advantage of the element of surprise When they one day see how smart I am after all, making money from a simple little internet-business, doing what I love And we'll see who's got the last laugh...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by introspective1

...every time I am around someone older, I feel inferior because of my age. I have tried to make myself believe that I am no less of a person because of my age, but I cant.

Hey there, introspective1. No one can make you feel a particular way without your consent, as the old saying goes.

You say you "can't" make yourself believe you're no less of a person because of your age, but I think you really mean you "won't" -- but I'm not sure that's an empowering approach anyway. You might want to go at it from a direction that inspires you more: for instance, take on believing that you are whole, complete and perfect. It's easier to move "towards" what you want than to move "away" from what you don't.

When you're generating for yourself a quality that inspires you, the actions and thoughts of others have no lasting effect on you - you are free to respond to people rather than reacting.

[m18pak]

If your supposed "friends" really treat you that way, then maybe you should consider making some new friends.

[Spiritual]

If you want keep hanging out with these folks, try to find ways to use how they see you. If they see you as the "kid", and you folks go out. And it's time to pay the bill, slip the "hey I'm just a kid remember? And parents always pay for their kids!".
Doesn't mean you should abuse them, but you can make your point clear to them. If they treat you as a kid (having the downs of it), than you also want the ups of it (ie. being paid for, getting a lollypop/icecream).

You'll also have to figure out for yourself what kind of relationship you want with these folks. Be it father/son, big sister/little brother, etc etc. Age difference is almost always gonna matter in this society, and it has it's reasons aswell. But when they don't take you 100% seriously as a friend it's time to make your move, whatever it may be.

[Brutha]

How about feeling better than them for being young? Modern society envy the young and flexible.
Ask your 42 old friend if he would like to be 25 again.

You can't change whether you are 25 or 42 but you can change whether you feel good or bad about being 25.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Brutha

How about feeling better than them for being young? Modern society envy the young and flexible.
Ask your 42 old friend if he would like to be 25 again.

You can't change whether you are 25 or 42 but you can change whether you feel good or bad about being 25.

That's true. Whenever I hear of age reference, it's usually about how being old is so bad and how being young is so great.

[ken nubo]

Originally Posted by introspective1

I have many friends quite older than I (I am 25...some of them are 35+). It seems to me that many people who are older than me feel the need to talk down to me and act as if they are better than me.

Because they're jealous of your youth and they're insecure.

WHY?

Because they need to pop a viagara every time they have sex, plus they're probably balding and overweight.

You, on the other hand, is young and fit.

Get where I'm going at?

[The David]

I always thought it was getting older that was considered 'bad'. Maybe these people are just jealous.

[Pegasus]

Originally Posted by introspective1

I have many friends quite older than I (I am 25...some of them are 35+). It seems to me that many people who are older than me feel the need to talk down to me and act as if they are better than me. Its funny how society says I should be an adult at my age, but most people older than me tell me I am just a kid and I feel as if they are doin it in a derogatory sense. I even had a friend who would call me "lil boy" when he would forget my name. I told him to stop doin it but he would still do it anyway . I got a lot of advice from him (he is 42) and he looks at me as sorta like being his son. I dont hate being young but I do hate that I am made fun of my age when it is not something I can control lol.

It’s all relative. As my dad explains, most people think of “old” as about 15 years older than they are. When I recently worked in a restaurant, one of the managers, who looked not more than ten years older than I, would call me “kiddo” (I'm 33!). Go figure.

One of the times in my life I’ve felt the most at ease was while working on a project with a multi-generational group.

I even date people older than me, which I have recently become uncomfortable with because every time I am around someone older, I feel inferior because of my age.

Careful with the dating. If every encounter turns into a history lesson, it’s time to move on!


...

[introspective1]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hey there, introspective1. No one can make you feel a particular way without your consent, as the old saying goes.

You say you "can't" make yourself believe you're no less of a person because of your age, but I think you really mean you "won't" -- but I'm not sure that's an empowering approach anyway. You might want to go at it from a direction that inspires you more: for instance, take on believing that you are whole, complete and perfect. It's easier to move "towards" what you want than to move "away" from what you don't.

When you're generating for yourself a quality that inspires you, the actions and thoughts of others have no lasting effect on you - you are free to respond to people rather than reacting.

when you say "you are free to respond to people rather than reacting", what do you mean? how is responding different than reacting?

I DO, however, know what you mean about how people can't make me feel a certain way without my consent..I need to figure out how not to give them consent

Originally Posted by Brutha

How about feeling better than them for being young? Modern society envy the young and flexible.
Ask your 42 old friend if he would like to be 25 again.

You can't change whether you are 25 or 42 but you can change whether you feel good or bad about being 25.

Brutha, I am the type of person that does not feel that I am better than anyone. As a matter of fact, I treat alot of folks like they are better than me cause I feel inferior to most people for some reason.

[Ree]

Originally Posted by introspective1

Brutha, I am the type of person that does not feel that I am better than anyone. As a matter of fact, I treat alot of folks like they are better than me cause I feel inferior to most people for some reason.

When you read the above, does it make sense now? If you feel inferior to most people, it makes sense that people are mirroring back to you what you think of yourself. You're getting those vibes back through your own filter of being young and inexperienced and unsure of yourself.

[C33]

I am the kind of person who has , 20 years older and 20 years younger and it offers me a wonderful experience.

None of my older friends has ever questioned the validity of my thoughts and feelings based on being younger than them, and none of my younger friends has ever made fun of me being the "old", uncool one.

There are many young people who are really accomplished and many older people who have really nothing to show for except an X amount of years on this planet! It's really not about age but about achievement and personal evolution.

Some people enjoy having a "baby" around, not because they want to patronize, but because they want to nurture.

Ultimately, your friends should be supportive and open minded, whether they are younger or older, and appreciate you for who you are.

Surely you will find a good crowd of like minded people to hang out with, where everybody will have the humility to learn from others, regardless of age and culture.

[Brutha]

Originally Posted by introspective1

Brutha, I am the type of person that does not feel that I am better than anyone. As a matter of fact, I treat alot of folks like they are better than me cause I feel inferior to most people for some reason.

So you see, it has nothing to do with the age difference but with your own self esteem.
If you feel inferior to someone that person will pick it up and treat you that way.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by Ree

When you read the above, does it make sense now? If you feel inferior to most people, it makes sense that people are mirroring back to you what you think of yourself. You're getting those vibes back through your own filter of being young and inexperienced and unsure of yourself.

Originally Posted by Brutha

So you see, it has nothing to do with the age difference but with your own self esteem.
If you feel inferior to someone that person will pick it up and treat you that way.

QFT.

Perhaps these people treat you in a way you don't like because they see your self-consciousness. If people think your sense of inferiority is because you're young, in a way they're complimenting you; they're saying that your sense of inferiority has nothing to do with truly being inferior, but it's just your self-consciousness. They might sometimes say it's because you're young because they don't see any other reason for it. If you really were inferior in some real way, someone would point it out, eventually.

Originally Posted by introspective1

I DO, however, know what you mean about how people can't make me feel a certain way without my consent..I need to figure out how not to give them consent

One way is to do what I just did above. Rather than continuing to interpret people's attitudes as derogatory, look for ways to interpret it positively, particularly when it's not intended to be negative.

For example, people making jokes about your age could be truly trying to make you laugh. Or they might just be trying to make other people laugh while thinking you won't mind because you can laugh at yourself.

I often joke about being old with my younger friends, and they joke about me being old too, even though I'm only 28 and they're about 23. I also joke about them being young. I went back to uni last year for an undergraduate course. Naturally I made jokes about being old (most of the other students were 21, some even younger high school students). None of it is meant to be derogatory, and all of it is said with the understanding that it's not true.

[introspective1]

Brutha, Mark, and Ree...

The commonality of your answers seems to say that it is not the fault of the other person, its that I need to find ways to raise my self-esteem and CHOOSE to look at the situation differently. Its so hard to not take things to heart that people say, but I will work at it. Thats one of my goals this year.

[A.K.Light]

Originally Posted by introspective1

Brutha, Mark, and Ree...

The commonality of your answers seems to say that it is not the fault of the other person, its that I need to find ways to raise my self-esteem and CHOOSE to look at the situation differently. Its so hard to not take things to heart that people say, but I will work at it. Thats one of my goals this year.

First off, conratulations on the decision! And now a few words from me.

I know how you feel. I am 22, look 17 or 18, and feel like I could be 30 or 40 sometimes. A person of any age is allowed to feel insecure about something, and most of them are, even if they hide it very well.

I think there's only three things that can go down.

1. Join me as an equal and have a good time with me.
2. Challenge me and enjoy the rivalry.
3. Or I can act like a medical kit for your ego if I don't have the time, interest, or the energy to compete.

Regardless of what happens, I will not compromise the way that I feel about myself.

[Ree]

Originally Posted by introspective1

Brutha, Mark, and Ree...

The commonality of your answers seems to say that it is not the fault of the other person, its that I need to find ways to raise my self-esteem and CHOOSE to look at the situation differently. Its so hard to not take things to heart that people say, but I will work at it. Thats one of my goals this year.

A journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step!

It's like this: If you had a filter on your TV that made the entire picture blue, would you leave it there or remove it?

You have a filter through which you are looking at your life. That filter is made up of past experiences, words others have spoken to you, etcetera. It's in the past, but you are lugging it all around with you into your present.

My advice is forget about all that. Don't carry it with you for another step. Stop being the victim of what others think. You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here (Desiderata).

Good luck to you in 2008 and always

[Jennihul]

I have a weird friend situation. My husband and I are in our early 40's and bunch of our friends are 50 and over and another bunch are 19 and up to 34. We are smack in the middle. But all these people are extremely tight friends despite the age differences and get alone just fine.

One thing I can say is that they all are phenomenal, successful, well-adjusted people and whether young or old....they walk the talk.

So what I am saying is, do you walk the talk of a mature person or a kid?

Another observation is that with the younger ones, if a joke is made about their relative age, they don't get all bent out of shape or feel the need to change their mood or lives about it. Or post on a forum in frustration.

Are you getting this because you are focusing on it?

Jennifer

[introspective1]

Originally Posted by A.K.Light

Regardless of what happens, I will not compromise the way that I feel about myself.

awesome. I need to remember this quote when dealing with people. the more I tell myself that I am ok, the more I believe it , but that takes time.

Originally Posted by Ree

A journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step!

It's like this: If you had a filter on your TV that made the entire picture blue, would you leave it there or remove it?

You have a filter through which you are looking at your life. That filter is made up of past experiences, words others have spoken to you, etcetera. It's in the past, but you are lugging it all around with you into your present.

My advice is forget about all that. Don't carry it with you for another step. Stop being the victim of what others think. You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here (Desiderata).

Good luck to you in 2008 and always

Thanks, Ree. Good luck to you too this year! I want to so badly leave the past in the past, something I have struggled with for a few years now. I know I can work through that, though

Originally Posted by Jennihul

I have a weird friend situation. My husband and I are in our early 40's and bunch of our friends are 50 and over and another bunch are 19 and up to 34. We are smack in the middle. But all these people are extremely tight friends despite the age differences and get alone just fine.

One thing I can say is that they all are phenomenal, successful, well-adjusted people and whether young or old....they walk the talk.

So what I am saying is, do you walk the talk of a mature person or a kid?

Another observation is that with the younger ones, if a joke is made about their relative age, they don't get all bent out of shape or feel the need to change their mood or lives about it. Or post on a forum in frustration.

Are you getting this because you are focusing on it?

Jennifer

LOL @ "post on a forum in frustration" ..thanks. j/k

I act like a mature person. I am not as wild as most people my age and I can be articulate and carry on a conversation without swaring 150 times LOL. I think that is why i am drawn to others who are older than I. I (usually) feel like I can be myself without being labeled "conservative" and things like that. I guess I am "socially conservative, politcally liberal", but I just dont like for someone to call me out on being conservative. that word has a bad connotation in this country, ya know?

As far as "getting it", I am not sure why I am getting it..I guess I just expect that people are putting me down b/c of my age, instead of joking with me about it. lol then again, I dont take jokes very well either....

[mej023]

Set your intentions differently.

Do you remember that scene in the movie, The Secret where the one guy got picked on all the time and he got the secret and suddenly everyone was treating him differently?

There's your answer.

In fact, my post is the answer you were looking for.

[ladybug]

Originally Posted by mej023

Set your intentions differently.

Do you remember that scene in the movie, The Secret where the one guy got picked on all the time and he got the secret and suddenly everyone was treating him differently?

There's your answer.

In fact, my post is the answer you were looking for.

Exactly! Do not think of young as being "bad". I'm 37 and a friend of mine who is 21 said to me "You are one of the coolest friends I have", meaning I act young too. That was one of the nicest compliments I have ever been given! Heck I feel like I'm still 22! Bonus!

[Julia.Ru]

It's all about one thing - J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y!!!
(Just felt the need to find this old thread and post here).

I've never felt inferiour because of my age, and when my older co-workers (age 28 and 30) started making fun of my age (I was 22), first I was surprised that they felt superior and much more wise and years ahead (though they were only 6-8 years older!), but I didn't feel resented. Now, after having been exposed to jokes of this kind for 2 years, I feel my self-esteem is a bit lower.

You see, it all looks like just having fun, and they are so friendly on the surface and we never quarrel. But when I decided to make a joke about them (it's all just fun, right?) and with a smile called them "you, old women!", they become soooooo offended. It was time for me to go for a lunch, but even after I came back in an hour, they were still offended and said a couple of jokes about my age one more time.

Again, later when one of these girls said to me her mother often called her too old, I said to that girl that she was so young. Honestly, I said it to make her feel bad and inferior (because being young is bad and foolish, according to their theories), but the effect was quite on the contrary: you should have seen her face glowing with pleasure! See, they are just jealous, because they know they'll never be at our age again - they'll never be young again.

But I don't care about their problems. What makes me upset is that our age (early 20s) seems most vulnerable to such jokes. Probably, it's because we are now not that aggressive. Go try make fun of a teenager - most of them will talk you back and next time you'll be more cautious. And most adults fear teenagers and won't even try to make fun of them. And though I wasn't a very aggressive teenager, I don't remember A CASE when older people laughed at my age. And what do we have now? I was 14-17 and I was ok and now I'm 24 and suddenly I appear to be a little kid, I 've grown younger?

They don't fear us now and feel free to make jokes about OUR age just for them to feel less bitter. I think the only way to put then in their place (and we should do it, because it's not fun, it's not jokes, it's jealousy and an honest desire to put us down) is to tell them how old they are in return. That's only fair. If we are sooo young, then they are sooo old. They should like such kind of joke

[monica11]

I could think of many who'd like a chance to go back in time again ...for one, older people who are derogatory towards you are simply IMMATURE . There is no reason why you should be shunned for being 25. If anything, they should be flattered that you'd want to engage and participate in their world. Don't ever feel slighted by your age, au contraire, carry it with pride. I do see where you come from as i wanted to fit in with 'older crowds' then and wasn't taken seriously but oh well....do not allow that to stop you from being who you want to be and fit into any category of people you want to hang out with. Much luck!

[mrsmith]

Originally Posted by introspective1

I have many friends quite older than I (I am 25...some of them are 35+). It seems to me that many people who are older than me feel the need to talk down to me and act as if they are better than me. Its funny how society says I should be an adult at my age, but most people older than me tell me I am just a kid and I feel as if they are doin it in a derogatory sense. I even had a friend who would call me "lil boy" when he would forget my name. I told him to stop doin it but he would still do it anyway . I got a lot of advice from him (he is 42) and he looks at me as sorta like being his son. I dont hate being young but I do hate that I am made fun of my age when it is not something I can control lol. I even date people older than me, which I have recently become uncomfortable with because every time I am around someone older, I feel inferior because of my age. I have tried to make myself believe that I am no less of a person because of my age, but I cant. I am not the typical 25 year old, but as soon as I tell someone my age, they immediately judge me and make jokes. Society makes me so sick. People place to much value in stereotype

I know exactly what you mean. I'm 24 and I've faced similar issues with older people. I always have been and always will be more mature than most people my age and therefore I attract a more mature crowd. You're probably the same way and that's fine.

If I were you here is what I'd do.

1. Take a joke for what it is

Most of the time a joke is just that...a joke. It takes a special kind of jerk to make jokes and genuinely want to hurt you. Most of the time people are just trying to have a little fun. People who find out how old I am make jokes about me being a baby all the time. I realize that it's just 2-3 minutes out of my life so I'll throw one out about myself for good measure. It creates a good vibe and makes for a friendly environment.

2. Develop a very strong sense of self

For years people have told me that I carry myself like I'm much older than I am. I never cared much about it or gave it much thought until I heard it for the 999,999,999th time. I decided to compare myself to other people in our age bracket to figure out why.

It turns out that being career-oriented, financially conscious, respectful, well spoken, and confident enough to look people in the eye wasn't something that 22-24 year olds do. Apparently, you aren't supposed to develop skills like that until you are well into your 30's.


3. Find like minded people
It's very important to hang around people who are like minded. That doesn't necessarily mean they are the same age, race, or even social class.

I'm a 24 year old black middle class engineer. If you looked at my social group you might think I'm a little crazy. I have a 65 year old CEO (white), 50 year old news paper columnist (black), 55 year old executive (black), 35 year old lawyer (black), 24 year old professional poker player (white), and plenty of young professionals (ages 24-29 of all races that I mix and mingle with just fine.

I'm not throwing anyone's title around to create an expanded sense of self. I'm just showing you that being diverse is a good thing.

I can have open ended discussions with them about any and all things. Race or age never come into the mix as a dividing factor. If and when they do the conversation's are over.

4. Think of where People are coming from

I'm sure you here a whole lot of "when I was your age" followed up with some confession of how they were an absolute knucklehead between the ages of 21 and 32. When that happens to me I generally tune out and imagine myself dancing in field of unicorns with the smurfs .

Seriously though, most people are looking at you based on the place they where mentally at 25. Unfortunately, a good number of people aren't about much when they are 25. They'd like to imagine that you are into banging your head on a table, stubbing your toe on doors, flushing your money down the toilet, and chasing skirts like them at your age.

It's entirely possible that they know absolutely nothing about you. When you say you're 25 they immediately flash back to when they were 25. For most people that wasn't a very responsible or respectable period in their life. That image gets projected onto us all the time.

5. Command Respect

Commanding respect means a lot of things. For me it means I carry myself like I deserve to be respected. I make jokes and have a good time but I also make it perfectly clear that I won't stand for being disrespected. Everyone knows it from my grandmother on down. If anyone infringes upon my rights as an adult I let them know in a respectable manner. If they continue to disrespect me then I create space no matter who it is.

There was a point in my life in which my mother and I didn't speak for about a year. I wasn't angry with her but I wasn't going to allow her to treat me like a child just because she was my mother. It stung but it got the message across in a non-violent MLK inspired fashion (LOL). Our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds since then.

Overall I'd say that you shouldn't let these people get you down. Life is too short and there are too many other things you could be doing.

[Julia.Ru]

Just yesterday my dentist with whom I thought we were on friendly terms asked how old I am and after I told her my age she said I'm little. Not even their usual 'so young', but 'little'! Funny enough, the next second she said I had to get married.