fear of straying from social norms

[coLLege kid07]

Hi! How is everyone?

It's been awhile since I've been on here, and I'm happy to say I've been undergoing a great transformation. I've been learning how to be more centered in the now, and slowly remove all traces of sadness and grief from my past.... So far it's been a great journey.


While I was spending some time alone today, my attention was taken to event that happened a couple months ago. This event isn't of great significance, but nevertheless while examining myself I realised that in many things I do subconsciously I always mess myself up. For example, when playing basketball sometimes I'll let the person catch up or even beat me even when its not warranted. (not the greatest example but hopefully you see my point )

So anyways I came to the conclusing that I have a fear of straying from social norms, or in other words I try and be like everyone else. As you probably can guess this has greatly restricted me in my journey to enlightenment, and has caused me alot of pain. Thanks for any suggestions and help.

I greatly appreciate it.

....Oh and Happy Holidays

[TheStrongerSelf]

I can totally relate to that, because i behave very much the same. Well maybe not totally similar but similar enough.

As for suggestions, i am afraid i am not much further than your are, it's good that you are aware of it though which means you can consciously start working on it. I think the best advice i can give without sounding like a hypocrite (because i dont really do as i say in this area, yet) is to just be aware if such a situation arises - like the basketball game - and force yourself to behave differently, even though it may make you feel awkward and nervous or even down right scared.

Sorry i couldn't be of more help, good luck to you though =) I am sure both of us will overcome this eventually.

[Wit and Itch]

People that are confident like to stand out. People that are not sure of them selves tend to bland with a group. It is as simple as that.
You review your self, find out all your “good” and “bad” attributes and accept them all as yours. Stop labeling your attributes ad good and bad, and accept them as yours.
Stop thinking that you need to be best in the world in order to play the game. If only the best player plays and the rest of us watch, there wouldn’t be a game. We all play the best we can and we contribute to the rise of the best one.
If you give your best effort in everything you do, your confidence will grow.

[sunj]

This is pretty simple... SHOW NO MERCY! TAKE EVERYONE DOWN!!! Just kidding.

Try doing small things every day. Wear something that you think someone might say is ugly or stupid. I used to be very conscious of what I wore when going out, but then I made the choice to wear something that I thought other people would notice and criticize me about it.

Do small things like that. Another thing for me was music, I like different type of music, not what the majority of people listen to. So I would play the music with my windows down in my car when I'm going somewhere.

The main thing to learn from it is that you should be comfortable in your own skin. You have preferences and that is what makes you unique.

Recently I saw one guy wearing the same jeans I was wearing. Immediately I said to myself "That bastard stole my jeans". .

You're trying to fit in by letting people win. People want you to be your best, and not back down because you think you will loose their respect if you are better than them. If they feel that they suck compared to you then they have self-esteem issues.

[Jennihul]

It's just part of a maturing process. Some people get it sooner than others.

You get older and seriously begin to not give a shiit what other people think of you. For me, I was seriously afflicted with your "disease" almost to a point of paralysis, socially. I slowly got better during college, and in my 20's and made a huge leap after 30. It required some culling of friends, I'll be honest. People who perpetuated that behavior, owing to their own insecurities, had to go.

There are still some aspects of my personality I keep secret for fear of total rejection but they are my private things and I can live with not being a total freakoid compared to others.

Jennifer

[NotesMaeve]

As the song quoted in my sig goes, and as I tell people, "Take me as I am, or leave me."

You deserve to be you, and when you ARE you, and you grow into being comfortable with that, you'll find the people who love you for who you are will find you.

[Amatrine]

Lol, I always have my windows down singing to what others may consider strange music, like cotton eye joe In fact I sang on the school bus as a kid and kids would laugh, and it made me sing louder

Here is one to try. Leave the house wearing two different colored socks.
If you want to be funnier, pull them up to your knees , and wear shorts.
Just to see the reaction you get . You can have some fun and overcome the fear at the same time. We are only here in the here and now, so enjoy it
Instead of having no particlur memory of an ordinary day, you will have the memory of the day you went out and had some fun wearing two different colored socks

[coLLege kid07]

hmm I think I'm starting to get it. Around two years ago, I'm not sure why, I started going down a slippery slope. I started taking things out on my that weren't really my fault. My football team was doing really crappy and I had all the aspirations to go to college football and what not, and hopefully get a scholarship. Well of course it didn't happen, and there went all my hopes and dreams. Thus I concluded something was wrong with me.

Well today while I was helping my church's youth group this belief came up. When I heard this I definitely knew it was not true, but even so I noticed that belief has been playing out in mostly everything I do. For example a thought pattern will play out like "oh I don't want to get in a relationship now because I don't accept myself." .....as if theres something "wrong" with me because I don't accept myself or I'm not enlightened ect.


Well I must say figuring this out has brought me alot of relief and alot of peace into my life. However I'm still stuck in that I'm not sure how to detach myself from this whole "right and wrong" and "good and bad" concept. If anyone could share any ideas it would be greatly appreciated.

Oh and thanks to anyone who previously posted. God Bless!!!

[The David]

That's been one of my greatest obstacles, and still is to this day. Being gay, religiously unaffiliated in the American South, and not focused on the same things my peers are, I don't really have the pleasure of being 'normal', but that doesn't mean the idea is never appealing. You would benefit most from listening to those who have overcome this sort of thing, but I'll leave you with a parable I scribbled out last night. I know that's a strange way to give advice, but hey, Jesus did it.

The Savage Vineyard

Hint: The 'vine' could be that group of people you idealize to the point of submitting yourself to.

[sunj]

The_David,

You should goto San Francisco to the gay parts. I've heard it's a big community. A quick change of environment could do a great deal of help. Just visit for like 2-3 days or so. My friend's cousin was gay. He kept it in for 40 years. Until he finally broke apart. My friend told him to just let go and live the way you want. My friend is pretty conservative, but he knows that you can't life your life the others want you to. His cousin let go and didn't worry about being gay, and he's happy with the people he's around with and is enjoying the life to the fullest.