Weight Loss Surgery - Help with Life Changing Decision

[Meilyne]

Hi there. I am what is called morbidly obese and have struggled with weight all of my life. I have been trying very hard to deal with it myself but have not had much success.

A doctor at the local weight management clinic today told me that my only real option is weight loss surgery. The thought of surgery scares me but what is really bothering is that it feels like if I take the surgery I am admitting failure to losing weight. This is weighing heavily on me (pardon the pun).

How can I get past this negative thought and onto something positive so that I can really think this out and make my decision.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Originally Posted by Meilyne

if I take the surgery I am admitting failure to losing weight. This is weighing heavily on me (pardon the pun).

How can I get past this negative thought and onto something positive so that I can really think this out and make my decision.

Hi Meilyne,

Yes it would weigh heavily on you. Weight problems in my experience are often associated with negative thought patterns. EFT can help you change the thought patterns around and therefore help you lose weight. I know, I've done it (although I wasn't hugely overweight). Most EFT practitioners can help you, or go to emofree.com and search there for weight loss. One of the master EFT practitioners has developed a program you can use at home.

[Love]

Hi Meilyn.

It sounds like you have a hard issue to come to grips with. The way you described the issue makes it sound very pressing. Hmm.. Here's my question: If you could lose the weight naturally, would you prefer this over the surgery? And, if you don't mind my asking, how much would you like to lose? I'd like to think that it would be possible to lose that amount of weight. I don't want to say, however, go this way or that because I don't know your situation before. I do, know, however, that with support (and I mean REAL support) some rather astounding things are possible. So, I guess what I'm asking is this: What would your ideal solution be?

[Meilyne]

Thanks for the response. I've really been thinking hard about it all today and reading a website the doctor gave me about it all. I'm still not feeling good about it. Ideally I'd rather lose it the natural way but I struggle with emotional eating and food addiction. I know all about what to eat, what is healthy and what is not. My doctor said I do not have binge eating disorder and I agree with him there. I really don't eat much on a regular basis.

I am currently 425 lbs and my goal is 300 lbs. I know 300 is alot but the doctor said alot of my weight is genetic and that I will never be slim and I am fine with that. To be honest I don't even feel fat most of the time and until recently have been very healthy. But I was diagnosed with diabetes last year and am 43 years old and know that this weight is putting a strain on my heart. And I know that at 300 lbs I will be well enough to do the things I used to (travel, walk around museums, etc.).

I had a doctor once tell me that I was "too smart to be fat" which at the time pissed me off but I understand it now. I know about nutrition and logically know what I should and shouldn't be doing. Unfortunately, with addiction and emotions, logic goes out the window.

This doctor yesterday also told me that counselling will not help. This really bummed me out because that was what I was looking for. Someone to help through the addiction and emotional aspect, to figure out why I sabotage myself at times and why I must put that Tim Bit in my mouth even when I'm telling myself not to.

This is a long answer and I am sorry for rambling. I started a web site a few weeks ago with a journal (never really journaled before) that I'm hoping with help me get a grip on some of these emotions I am squashing with food.

Thanks to everyone for reading this and for any support/advice that you can offer.

Diary of a Fat White Woman - My Struggles with Food Addiction

[Trina]

If you aren't feeling good about it, don't do it. I have had weight problems myself, and I have noticed that when I attach a number to my goals it makes it harder for me to accomplish them. I just focus on being healthy, and while I am still overweight, I feel like the goals I set for myself when I am focusing on the health factor rather than the numbers on the scale are much easier to obtain. Then the weight comes off on it's own.

I can't tell you what to do (despite my don't do it comment, lol), but if I were you, I would keep up with the weightloss surgery research, but continue to try other alternatives. If one day surgery felt like a good fit, then I would consider it seriously. But surgery is such a serious thing, so you don't want to go into it when you don't feel good about it. I know two people that have had it done recently, and both of them struggled with getting the surgery and researched it for a VERY long time before they went through with it. It's okay to take your time. It's responsible to take your time, in fact. The surgery isn't the end all and be all of weightloss, there is so much more you have to do and so many more restrictions on you for the rest of your life after you get it.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just make sure it's something you feel good about!

[Love]

Hi Meilyne!
I think you would feel best going after your ideal solution. I asked you for numbers because I wanted to see if there was any precedent for losing that much. I found this story online of a man who lost that much, here's the site (sorry I don't know how to link) http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0104/300lbs.asp . I think a good way to do it would be to get a coach. Have you ever thought about this before? Every single being on this earth knows the difference between knowing what you should do and actually doing it yourself. Myself included! (I'm addicted to eating ice, which is bad for you to do). Anyways, if you could get a tough personal trainer, or even go on a show like "the biggest loser" or something, that may provide the structure you need to break the habit.
Here's wishing you luck!

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Meilyne

I am currently 425 lbs and my goal is 300 lbs. I know 300 is alot but the doctor said alot of my weight is genetic and that I will never be slim and I am fine with that.

I had a doctor once tell me that I was "too smart to be fat" which at the time pissed me off but I understand it now.

This doctor yesterday also told me that counselling will not help.

Hi Meilyne,

You have a serious decision to make. You are of course the only one who can decide what is best for you. If I may I will talk about my experience with eating disorders and you may take what you wish from that narrative.

I have some experience with eating disorders both personally and professionally. On the personal level I have been grossly, morbidly obese at over 500 pounds. Professionally I have worked at eating disorder treatment programs both in hospitals and out patient environments.

I struggled for many years to find a solution to my eating disorder. It was only when I resolved the things which were at the root of my need to self medicate with food and other behaviors that I was able to give up those behaviors and to have an appropriate body size.

I resolved those issues through counseling and an intense desire to find recovery. I could go on about the steps I took on that journey but every persons journey is uniquely their own. If my own personal story has any value to you or others it is in the fact that it can happen and for this moment in time I am living my recovery journey.

I am at my goal weight which is under 300 pounds. Like many people who were more than 200 pounds overweight, I have some lingering consequences in my life today.

When I worked at the treatment facilities we would often get clients who had one of the various weight loss surgeries. One of the common problems was that it was possible for the morbidly obese person to continue the compulsive eating behavior and eat in an unhealthy way and even to gain weight after the initial weight loss provided by surgery.

A psychic change is required, as well as dieting or an intervention such as surgery to achieve the kind of recovery that is what I would want for myself or others.

I see people achieve this change through counseling, religion, self help groups, reading, and coaching.

May your journey bring you success and happiness.

Gene

[Meilyne]

Gene,

I thank you for your post. It certainly does give me some hope. One of the main reasons I am struggling with the decision to go the surgery route is because I know it will only resolve the physical aspect of my obesity and not the emotional. Needless to say I was a bit upset when the doctor said that counselling would not help as that is what I was hoping for when I went to the weight management clinic.

I went to see a therapist last year. I waited six months to get the appointment and had built my hopes up that he would help me but after talking to him for an hour he said "sorry I can't help you".

To be totally honest, I am really at a loss as to what to do. I am hoping my online journal will help me sort out the reasons why I eat as I do but to date I am not having much success. Right now I am at a loss as to where to turn for help.

Your post however has given me some motivation and I will just have to persevere and continue on this journey.

[DQueens]

why do you think that your therapist told you they couldnt help you? And, also, it seems to me that your doctor is sending you messages that are subliminally discouraging. Unless you have recently gained weight, I am guessing that for a while you were trying to lose the weight naturally, and though I do not know enough about your problem, it seems that the fact that your doctor seems to be pushing surgery right now is encouraging you to give up on the natural weight loss methods. Also, the fact that he/she is telling you that counselling will not help you and that you are "too smart to be fat" also states to me that this person is not going to be a great help to you if you decide to forgo surgery and continue with your goal to lose weight naturally. Of course, i dont know you or your relationship with your doctor, but either way it cant hurt you to seek out a second opinion.

I know that for some, surgery is the best option, and many people have have weight loss surgery, and their lives have changed for the better. However, I believe that you think you can still lose weight naturally and that you shouldnt give up on that goal, even if the professionals you are speaking with are telling you to do so.

Now, these suggestions are going to sound superficial and maybe redundant but i have two things that you might consider trying (i am sorry if you havent already tried them). i know that you mentioned online journalling. there is a free website fitday.com that allows you to enter calories, of the foods you eat, and also write in a journal each day, documetning your weight loss. You can also keep goals for yourself, activity and nutrition-wise. Also, weight watcher, for a postivie and motivating group atmosphere, which is different from the one you have been recieveing, may also be somethign that can help you. I hope that maybe you will look into these possible solutions before deciding to go with surgery.

Most of all, however, remember that a positive mind-set that is programmed for success is essential to completing any goal. If you believe that you will fail, you will fail. If you set yourself up for success and think positively, you will most likely succeed. I suggest that you do some online research both for details about people who have undergone your surgery and for people who have lost a simialr amount of weight to the kind you are hoping to lose naturally. There are many success stories on the web, blogs, forums etc. I wish you the best of luck and hope you keep posting here, if you need support.

[mister_mojorisin]

The rest of you probably do not know, but I am am a friend of Sue's (Meilyne) and I recommended that she she post on this site because I did not know any other way for her to get advice.

I went through a similar circumstance in 2000, I was suffering from sever back trauma, herniated disc (which eventually became ruptured). I went to see a surgeon and he told me that the only way to alleviate the problem was through surgery. Many people told me that surgery was a risky way to go because of all the complications that may occur. They were right, I did suffer complications but the complications were little compared to the pain I was experiencing before the surgery. It took me almost three years to overcome the side effects of the surgery but the pain was gone thus eliminating the day-in-day-out mental anguish I was experiencing. Back surgery is something that no one should take lightly but the fact that the pain was gone was enough for me to get on with my life. Surgical procedures are always a risky proposition no matter how insignificant, anyone can incur an infection or death as a result.

I truly believe that Meilyne should consider the surgery because she will spend more time and energy trying to fight a battle that a doctor and therapist have told her she cannot win on her own instead of visiting the museums and seashores that she truly loves.

I have been trying to to tell her to believe in herself and she thinks that it is hokey.

I would like for the people who frequent this forum to express some of the hardships they have overcome and relay the mental power of ones brain. She is very skeptical of the whole mind over matter thing, so any story you can tell of how you overcame a troubled time in your life would certainly help me not sound like a kook.....lol.

Meilyne is someone I have known for a short time but is one that I will truly cherish and have for the rest of my life, so any advice and comments would surely be appreciated for her sake.

[DQueens]

M,
i hope this does not sound like it is coming from anything resembling a high horse, because it is truely not. But, if you think for a moment how can "mind over matter" be rubbish? Every action you make is a result of directions from your mind and, while your emotions may have a large part in controlling these directions and, thus your actions, you are the one ultimately in charge for every action you make. I am not quite sure i buy into the whole "you are in control of everything in this world" mindset that people on this forum (intention manifestation) seem to be preaching like gospel, but i fully believe in the fact that you are in control of your physical body. However, if you believe that you are not in control, and that your emotions have more power over you than your mind, then you are essentially sacrificing all will over to your emotions and are setting yourself up for failure. I know it's a frusterating dilemma when you dont beleive that you are in control, because the only way to succeed is to believe. Perhaps you should consider meditation, or even just simple visualizing, of yourself engaging in healthy lifestyle behaviours and losing weight. image what it would feel like to achieve your goal, and visualize yourself doing so. Visualize yourself approaching the fridge for something to eat and then turning away and visualize yourself going for a walk, even when it is the least thing you feel like doing. I know that this sounds far too simple to solve a life changing problem and, in a sense, it is. However, remember that the largest goals ever achieved always start with small simple steps.

The bottom line is, that you are in control of yourself. It is not easy to accept and take over control after a long hiatus of letting your emotions take over the reigns, but it is something that i believe you can do. And, whether you decide to go with the surgery or not, it is still a task that can help you with other areas of your life and well-being.

Wish you the best.

[Tim Brownson]

M I would seriously think of changing my doctor if I were you. To tell you that you will have to be overweight and that counseling wont help is rash to say the least imho. Medical history is littered with people that were given no hope by their doctors only to confound them.

Find an NLP Matser Practitioner close to you and maybe even one that teach's NLP and has significant experience with hypnotherapy and talk to them. Surgery should be a last resort and I agree with the poster that said you will still have the same issues after surgery as before it. You need to get to the cause and not just try and cure the symtoms.

There are several NLP techniques that MAY be able to help you including compulsion blowout, submodalities, swish pattern, 6 step reframing etc and I have no doubt that you can get to your goal. Believe in yourself and you are halfway there.

I'd also like to say that although I have no personal experience, EFT is supposed to be excellent and I'd encourage you to give it a go.

[stellabeam]

Surgery is drastic.

I had a doctor tell me if I did not have a knee operation, the little bits of matter in my knee would grind it apart. I spent a few months in the gym strengthening the leg and have never had a problem since. He was a knee surgeon. Go to a surgeon and they want to cut you.

I am transforming my body by focusing on changing daily habits, rather than focusing on results or what I look like. I am using the 30 Day challenge to replace unhealthy habits with healthy habits.

Perhaps you could try eating 5 small meals a day at set times for 30 days.
Then replace soft drinks with water for 30 days.
Then replace junk food with vegetables for 30 days.
Then walk for 10 or 20 or 30 minutes for 30 days.
Whatever feels right for you.

Your belief in what you can do will increase and so will your self esteem. It's the small daily actions that matter. It's the small daily actions that matter.

You can do it You are worth it.
Sack your doctor, then send him/her before and after photos and say "Ï told you so"

[MrsCogan]

Meilyne posted originally about a year ago and I'm curious how she's doing.

I am interested in this thread because I had weightloss surgery 2 years ago.

If you are 40 lbs overweight positive thinking and a change in eating and exercise habits will help you slim down. If you are 300 lbs overweight (as Meilyne is) switching from coke to water and thinking positive might work in less than 1% of people. Surgery is a rational option. At the current state of understanding of the psychology and physiology of superobesity (which is virtually nil), it is really the only option.

Having said that, though, I must warn it is not brain surgery. The newly small stomach size will bring you down to a healthy weight. Staying there will require a support group either on line or in person and a huge amount of personal development of all kinds.

Almost all of the people who have responded in this thread have given good advice and the advice will actually work in combination with the surgery.

A word about the idea that "surgery ain't natural." Anything a human being does is "natural" because it's an outgrowth of our human nature. We can't become another species. We are homo sapiens and we are stuck with that. Brushing your teeth "ain't natural" because no other mammal does it. A bower bird's elaborate nest "ain't natural" compared to the nests of other birds. Except that it's silly to compare a bower bird to a sparrow and it's silly to compare a homo sapiens to any other species. Knee surgery, back surgery and roux-en-y surgery are all natural for humans because they are an outgrowth of who we are.

[stellabeam]

MrsCogan,

[QUOTE=MrsCogan;140716]
If you are 40 lbs overweight positive thinking and a change in eating and exercise habits will help you slim down. If you are 300 lbs overweight (as Meilyne is) switching from coke to water and thinking positive might work in less than 1% of people. Surgery is a rational option. At the current state of understanding of the psychology and physiology of superobesity (which is virtually nil), it is really the only option. [QUOTE]



I did not say she would lose 300 by switching from coke to water. That is why precisely why many people do not take small steps. because they seem so insignificant. What I meant is, small steps, (like changing daily habits), have a huge impact over time.

It is empowering and healthy to take those steps.

300lbs is very overwhelming but as soon as you lose 5lbs through changing a habit it is much less overwhelming.

I have not been overweight but I have had overwhelming financial issues. As soon as I took a small action towards getting on track, I felt so much better and my self esteem shot up, because I had hope I could do it. Now I am so proud of myself every day, because I enjoy the benefits of those actions. Perhaps someone could have rescued me, but it is so much better I did it myself.

Self esteem is everything. If not the underlying cause, low self esteem would be a contributing factor and if she does it herself she will be truly healed.

[Catlover]

I would love to know how M is doing as well. She said that she had recently been diagnosed with diabetes. For unknown reasons, it appears that people no longer suffer from diabetes after the weight-loss surgery. This is not a function of the weight loss itself because it occurs within several days before much weight loss has occurred. It will be interesting to know what science and medicine finds out about this. However, I would be willing to undergo the surgery if I were ever diagnosed with diabetes because the treatment for diabetes never really seems to be fully successful and the consequences of the disease are devastating. I am not currently a candidate for the weight loss surgery in terms of number of pounds to lose.

I think it is hard for people to understand that the small and even large changes in habits, behavior and thinking may not work for obese people. I believe that as the body takes on more weight, the body becomes even more efficient at storing fat. I also believe that sugars and other simple carbohydrates can change the body's metabolism in such a way that makes the body hungry and/or craving food, especially carbs, all of the time. For those experiencing these effects, a larger step is often necessary.

[mej023]

You know why that surgery results in weight loss?

They make you walk everyday. They make you eat "small" portions of wet food.

If you followed those two things without the surgery you would still lose the same amount of weight.

Try a 30 day experiment. For 30 days give up eating any processed, bleached wheat products, give up sugar (especially high fructose corn syrup), and give up most dairy.

Eat vegetables, meat and fruit and start drinking a lot of water. I bet you don't drink enough water and a lot of your symptoms are dehydration.

If you try this experiment for 30 days you will notice that your pants are a little looser and you will be 20 pounds lighter (or more).

[MrsCogan]

Originally Posted by mej023

You know why that surgery results in weight loss?

They make you walk everyday. They make you eat "small" portions of wet food.

with the surgery a half a chicken breast makes you feel comfortably full. Without the surgery, 3 oz of chicken and nothing else but water will make you feel like something out of a Charles Dickens novel. With the surgery an hour later you still feel full and comfortable. Without the surgery an hour later you are so intensely hungry you are about ready to chew off your own arm.

If you followed those two things without the surgery you would still lose the same amount of weight.

you are correct

Try a 30 day experiment. For 30 days give up eating any processed, bleached wheat products, give up sugar (especially high fructose corn syrup), and give up most dairy.

Eat vegetables, meat and fruit and start drinking a lot of water. I bet you don't drink enough water and a lot of your symptoms are dehydration.

bet you it's not dehydration but compulsive overeating

If you try this experiment for 30 days you will notice that your pants are a little looser and you will be 20 pounds lighter (or more).

you are correct. And with the surgery you will be able to continue to do it for the rest of your life without feeling starved and miserable.

The surgery "ain't natural" but for some people it's the only way to get your life back.

[Catlover]

To MEJ023:

How many pounds overweight have you been and how much weight have you lost?

Just asking because your advice is good but as MRSCoogan says, for some people the surgery is needed to get their life back. For others, smaller steps can work.