How to act, love without being told

[fourthdan]

Lately I've been finding that people in my life tend to get disappointed, even angry when I do not do things as they want or expect. From doing chores at home to staying in touch at a higher frequency - I keep getting flak for not taking enough initiative. I have always tried and still maintain the attitude of trying to be the best son / friend / professional that I can be - and I am of the belief that if someone needs something from me, they should just tell me calmly what they expect or want. And in those instances I do whatever is asked.
But that doesn't seem to be enough for them. They want me to do things without being told. It isn't like i do nothing. Maybe I do 80% of whatever can be done, but I get complaints that I am not doing the other 20%.

Thoughts?

[TheFlyingMan]

Hmm..I think you're coming from a place where you need their approval? Of course there is nothing wrong with having approval, but this constant seeking of it will tire you out. As to what you can do, I'm not sure, because there isn't enough information. But in the long run, it would do you a world of good to slowly stop seeking approval outside yourself, and find it within.

Talk to yourself compassionately, nurture yourself a little bit more, and then you will find that you have more energy to give to others plus you won't feel upset if they get angry at you (which still happens despite best intentions).

[fourthdan]

I do have problems seeking approvals from others. But my point was who's right? are the people in my life right to say that I need to keep satisfy all of thier expectations without being told what they are? take initiative and guess what they are? Maybe I should have posted this in the social / Relationships section

[evelynlim]

If you feel that you have done enough from your part, then there is no need to feel guilty.

You can also try asking yourself if what you have done is what they want. Sometimes, we do things based on what we want to receive but they may not be what the other party appreciates.

It is also a good idea to sit down and talk about each other's expectations. That way, you can clarify what is really expected of each other. You can also take the chance to explain your difficulties and challenges.

Take care,
Eve

[fourthdan]

Thanks eve. I am doing that now. But not only do our expectations on what we want from each other in a relationship different, even if I accept that I have to still compromise and do X,Y and Z... it doesn't come naturally to me. I guess working to incorporate those things is my next challenge.

[evelynlim]

Originally Posted by fourthdan

Thanks eve. I am doing that now. But not only do our expectations on what we want from each other in a relationship different, even if I accept that I have to still compromise and do X,Y and Z... it doesn't come naturally to me. I guess working to incorporate those things is my next challenge.

Hmm...it sure sounds like you are in a difficult situation, forthdan.

I am wondering if some form of positive visualization can help in this instance. Picture yourself and your loved ones enjoying a wonderful relationship, with no anger, no complaints and plenty of love and appreciation for each other.

Evelyn

[fourthdan]

That's a good idea, trying to manifest. I'm a big fan of IM, but I've not managed to focus on my intentions for more than a few months. Maybe lately other feelings of negativity have been occupying my senses too much.
But when it comes to relationships with existing people such as my mom or my friends I should attract only good things, because I never think of those relationships going sour.