Unconditional Love?

[oakspringer]

I have been interested in unconditional love as of late; I've written about it, meditated on it, and have been generally musing upon the subject.

I am curious:

Does anyone else have any ideas about what unconditional love is? Or what it feels like to experience this state for a long period of time? Or have any experience with it?

During my exploration of it, I've noticed a few things:

I feel more emotionally independent. I don't look to others to fulfill my needs or wants, I look inside myself to meet the majority of my needs.

Everyone seem just fine. I notice I don't really feel the desire to correct or amend others, I just tend to focus on bringing myself pleasure. And in the course I feel I bring more pleasure to others.

I seem more honest. I speak my mind a lot more now, and more completely. The opinions of others don't really affect me as much as they used to.

I have a stronger desire to be myself. I just focus on bringing more pleasurable experiences into my life, and just focus on connecting with the loving source as much as possible.

Maybe this is me becoming more unconditionally loving of myself, but I feel surprised.


I thought I would become more like Mother Teresa and open a convent or something. But I notice that I feel more sensual, desiring pleasure, and just seem to be enjoying myself a lot more.

I suppose I thought I would become totally devoted to service, but at least yet, I feel I experience greater personal freedom as a result.

Anyone else have experience with it? Or any feedback?

Thanks for much!

Ben

[Bliss Sage]

How do you know that what you are experiencing is unconditional love?

[oakspringer]

I'm not sure I am.

I put out the intention to explore unconditional love, and experience it.

I am curious about it, and this is what I have been experiencing as a result.

So I was intrigued if anyone else has experienced it or if they have any insight into the experience.

[wolfgang]

I don't know unconditional love from myself. However I have been posting about figuring out love without attachement, which may be similar. Reponses to that thread say things like it's possible to love but not put out expectations that are owed back and forth. And that this kind of love is looking for letting the other have freedom and acceptance - to not put obligations on them.

I just wonder that there is always a bit of attachement or conditions or expectations when you love someone, but they come in levels. So that unconditional love is going to have the least of these attachements/conditions/expectations. I would say trust is the matter for approaching being unconditional in love. That you trust the other to be taking care of their desires and letting you know what's going on and then you can release them but still love them in either case, if they stick with you or not doesn't play into you loving them.

[Bliss Sage]

Ok. Well, I believe I have experienced it for a fairly long period, about 2 months, but it was in relation to a particular person. To be honest, there aren't even words to describe the feeling, but all I can come up with is "divine". And of course, no one really knows what that feels like, because it is something from heaven, where no one here has been.

And again, to be honest, after a certain amount of time, that love began to expand to other people who were more present with me than the person I was feeling the love for. By that I mean I wanted to express love to people who were closer to me and not just the individual I was focusing on.

It ended when I got distracted by a guy and a situation... - a guy who was "present with" me.

This morning, however, I decided I am going to get the feeling back, because it would be magnificent to be able to pass my whole life in that state. It absolutely requires that you forget yourself (in relation to the person you love) and you love that person, or many people, and, in relation to them, you desire only what is good for them and a help to them and you act accordingly. It requires you relinquish all self-oriented expectations and desires in relation to that person. Selfless love.

Wolfgang, I have been skimming those posts too. I am not so sure that this unconditional love I experienced is suitable for a relationship between equals.

[oakspringer]

I would agree with the both of you.

It certain doesn't really fit any models of relationships I've usually encountered.

What does one actually 'do' in a situation where unconditional love is present?

I figured it just about enjoying the expression, the experiences and the interaction between the two. I suppose you also support the person's growth to become whatever it is they wish or desire to come.

But I believe it maybe the desire to see the person as they really are. For instance we are all divine being made of love, so a state of unconditional love would be merely recognizing how things are.

I wouldn't say I'm at that state, but I can intellectualize that we are all creations from the Source, and therefore, at least in a universal perspective, are perfect expressions of love.

I find it interesting to say the least to continue down this path of exploration, as the so called 'benefits' are amazing! You just feel wonderful

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

A while back I started this thread in case you want to check it out. I'm not sure it answers your questions directly, but it has a lot of different perspectives.

[oakspringer]

I checked it out, thanks for the link.

I think that myself, like others are seeing unconditional love through a bias or a lens. I imagine that the experience itself must be truly wonderful and liberating.

I'm going to keep exploring it because I just find it interesting.

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by oakspringer

What does one actually 'do' in a situation where unconditional love is present?

I don't think there is anything specific to "do". If you are living in a state of love, for one or many people, you may not necessarily "do" anything unless the opportunity arises, and in any case, since you are living in the state of love, you don't think about what to do, but it will flow into you.

For me, it's always a question of people who are suffering, so...they need help, but it doesn't mean they will accept any or ask for any. Unless there is an opportunity, sort of an invitation to do something more tangible for them, the "doing" is only in your thoughts and feelings and in keeping them loving, meanwhile, going about your own life. If you have the occasion to interact with the person in question, I don't know for sure from experience, but I believe just interacting with someone who has a selfless love for them will have a positive effect, even if it goes away once the interaction is over. In your interaction, you listen to him, you "feel" him and you intuitively speak good words to him that will encourage him on a path out of his misery, and you always only speak selflessly and thoughtfully, meaning with knowledge about him personally and his situation and never with the intent to try to get him to do something and never from your ego or intellect, i.e. giving him "logical" advice or advice that is not right for him, just so that you have a response.

When there is nothing tangible to do, the doing is in how you feel about and think about them and regard them. It's about understanding and feeling compassion for them, no matter what awful or painful deeds they have done, in the present or in the past (or will do). It is just about them and you can see, whatever awful thing they have done, you feel love in your heart for them and compassion, and forgiveness, because you can see this person stuck in their misery and often self-loathing and you wish them out of it so their suffering will end and they will discover how it feels to be loved, forgive themselves, etc. At the same time, you don't fall prey to the negativity surrounding the dark stuff the person may have gotten himself into. You maintain this love and compassion for the person and then there is always a light and warmth in you for him, even if he may be sinking into the deepest, darkest pits of despair.

It is also important to note that, inherent in this sort of love is the maintaining of the freedom of the other person, even if the person chooses to do things that always perpetuate his misery. Part of your love for him exists in a tenderness that releases him and lets him be free, even if he is not free, but still trapped in his life situation. If you are experiencing this love, that freedom is inherent in what you feel, and to the extent that you love the person selflessly, you will not want to cause him to do one thing or another.

But I believe it maybe the desire to see the person as they really are. For instance we are all divine being made of love, so a state of unconditional love would be merely recognizing how things are.

I wouldn't say I'm at that state, but I can intellectualize that we are all creations from the Source, and therefore, at least in a universal perspective, are perfect expressions of love.

I don't understand actually what this means, being a perfect expression of love. The love I am describing involves knowing on a more intimate level and loving someone who is human, who has done things like committed adultery, murdered, lied, cheated, manipulated people etc, nevermind forgotten his girlfriend's birthday or their anniversary, which I hear a lot of girls get angry about--what a crime .

[oakspringer]

The perfect expression of love, i.e being created from the Source therefore being like the Source. I attribute the Source being total love. I think that we can express ourselves as Divine love, since that's the stuff we're made of.

[estrella]

About experiencing (less intellectualizing):
No one so far spoke about feeling *being* loved unconditionally.
This is what really connects you to the Source, and turn on the source inside you. When this comes through a person, you feel somehow that it is not *this* one person who loves you, but that this person is very much connected to the Source, so that you feel the Love of the Source through the action of that person towards you!
Then, you may have some feeling of "dangerous" attachment to that person; you know it is not that person's ego (or better, you guess so, because you do not know; perhaps it does, anyway) that loves you.
People who have that ability to love unconditionally use to tell you that you have to *not* listen to *them* but to your inner source. Because those people *know* that the tendency towards ("harmful", harmful for you, of course) attachment exists.

Btw this tendency occurs in any religion, or towards any gurus!

Just the other day I read that spiritual teachers often do see their students once or twice in lifetime of the latter, perhaps several hours then, that's all.

Another thought. Unconditional love also feels and expresses an important thing, that's equality. Equality with anyone. There is much been written about connectedness etc, but equality is the first step to this, I think. So, when we feel unconditionally loved by a person, we tend to feel "inferior" to that person. This is also harmful for us, for our ego, for our Self: this is violence towards ourselves as well as violence towards that person we unnecessarily lift up, someone said. And it's true.

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Now experience of "feeling" (or better, having, or even better: being a conductor of) unconditional love towards people. I feel it time and again, but in certain situations I do *not feel* it, yet I see sometimes later on that it must have flown through me. (and this seeing is very, very humbling!!!)
Examples of my experiences (of that flowing through me): people who were outwardly downright "bad", for instance a mother who treated her little child in an unacceptable manner. Just before that experience, I did not know what to do (as I had some public relationship in my work-situation with that woman), and I looked for guidance. Someone gave me some words that were sufficient to "see" that person's Self.
You know, a person that treats you badly, and to whom you have (not feel, necessarily) unconditional love, will perhaps treat you even more badly! Why? Because love is stronger than defensiveness, and Love shows that person that s/he is hiding her/himself constantly, and that the way back is perhaps long. So, to defend him/herself, that person might become even more aggressive (for the moment). But Love is always stronger. So, it supports you in your actions, and it protects you, too.

My experiences have become more widespread. Not that I see big results in my surroundings, but time and again I get some feedback from some persons. So it must be there.
Someone wrote once: "..we do not feel it flow through us. We are too perfectly suited for the task to feel it. Yet others feel it (and we may not be aware of this, either.)"