A toxic person

[Enlightenment]

Ok. I confronted someone about something that they were doing and they laid in on me by calling me a joke at my profession. The thing is, this person is someone that I rather looked up to, therefore I felt emotionally crushed when this person said this to me. True, sometimes you can judge the effectiveness of your work by your results and how much money you make. Right now I don't have much in the way of material things that would serve as a token of my success in the industry. Come to think of it, neither does she...it seems anyway.
The point is, I can't get over it and I am frustrated because what she said mirrors what I truly feel about myself. That I am an imposter with shoddy workmanship just waiting for someone, like her, to kick me out.
This happened the day before yesterday and I have meditated on it and read many of the threads here and taken some advice.
Also, my situation forces me to have some contact with this person. How can one handle such a toxic situation until one can make preparations to move on? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[RedFoxBot]

Hello enlightenment

I will give it a shot....I've been in work situations where colleges where intimidating verbally/in action.....one such event occurred many times...in that my work was snatched off my desk (in anger) by my college to do herself.
This made me feel even more incapable than I was already feeling....
It got to what felt like breaking point, I must have read something that helped as I tried it....basically...I stopped feeling like the victim...and realised I was at least 50% responsible for how she was treating me
As soon as I did that, she stopped treating my like a victim (intimidating me).

So....the clue is in your post

The point is, I can't get over it and I am frustrated because what she said mirrors what I truly feel about myself. That I am an imposter with shoddy workmanship just waiting for someone, like her, to kick me out.

Stop beating yourself up, and she'll stop beating you up as well!!
Or if she continues it won't bother you.....

It seems to me that any seemingly negative interaction with someone is actually positive if you know how to look at it....anything that hurts...or hooks you (That you can't let go no matter how hard you try) is something buried that you need to deal with.....it 'hooks' into the hidden thing and drags it to the surface
If you don't deal with it (or are aware you need to deal with it), you stay hooked.....just think of people you've met that have pushed peoples buttons for years.....they hook into the persons 'wound'...
The wound needs to be healed...and the people you meet will point your wounds out for you! (Even if you don't know you have any/want them too! lol)

So how to deal with that feeling?

True, sometimes you can judge the effectiveness of your work by your results and how much money you make. Right now I don't have much in the way of material things that would serve as a token of my success in the industry. Come to think of it, neither does she...it seems anyway.

Well to start with your equating money with success and probably by the rest of your post self esteem.....so I'd suggest looking inside for the balance you need..not out
Otherwise your going to be equating self esteem with something someone can take away from you....and be forever stuck having people take it away!

I think you can probably figure the rest out from here...

Hope that helps

[C33]

I am insecure about my English ( I have an accent). Also, I have to get used to the British accent after years in the States.

On my first temp assignment and first job in the U.K :I was eager to please. I spent 3 days with co workers treating me as if I were an idiot ( I was feeling like one because I could not understand half of what people were saying when answering phones.)

I kept telling myself I was not good enough, my English was not good enough etc etc...

One of the girls(British) was extremely hostile, I would sit with her for hours and she wouldn t speak to me. I thought that maybe she was prejudiced against French people. In one word :I felt like a victim.

I did try to send love her way and to look at the situation with her eyes, but I could find no reasons or excuses for her behavior and the nicer I was with her the more abusive she was.


In a moment of calm, I thought to myself: "this is not a personal issue, this girl is nasty, that's all. She is nasty to you, not because you suck at your job or you have poor English, or are incompetent( which was implied by her and the other girls rolling their eyes everytime I did something wrong). She is the problem, you are not the problem."


Today the agency told me I wasn t asked back at that job... which was really bad since I had missed my train back to spend Christmas in France instead of all alone in the U.K.
I also sublet a place for 3 weeks so was stuck with rent.

Luckily,I was sent to a new assignment : and guess what? The other temp in this new job, a British guy with perfect English, had been sent months ago to that horrible place! He lasted 3 days there, just as long as I did!

He said he was given instructions so fast, he couldn t remember what he was supposed to do.( I thought I couldn t figure it out because my understanding of the language wasn t good enough!)

I learned a very valuable lesson, which is to trust myself and have faith in my value and abilities.In the future, I will not let a toxic person make me doubt my abilities, I will not go into " it s my fault " mode or victim mode.

Most likely the person who has issues with your performance is just using your low self esteem in that department as a boost up for hers. You give her opinion power and she knows it.

What the other poster said is very interesting: toxic people do hook onto our insecurities and use our own disbelief in ourselves as a weapon against us.

Soon she will stop her critical abusive behavior, once you make it difficult for her to put you down.